Why is this a common theme?

[SophiaGrace]

I've been on this site for over a year and I keep hearing/seeing the same-old confusing tirade/lament from guys on here.

"women only like bad boys"

"women only like guys that treat them like honeysuckle"

"if i treated a woman like honeysuckle she'd stay but if i treated her nicely she'd leave"
(this one i actually heard from my brother during Thanksgiving o_o)

" Good guys alway come last."

And I am just....so confused here.

Why oh why oh why is this a recurring theme? If a guy ever treated me like honeysuckle i'd put him in his place immediately and kick his butt out on the sidewalk. Nothing makes me angrier than a guy who wont respect me. Literally, nothing. :l

Ok, I get it...some men who say this are bitter/hurt from what happened to them in previous relationships and what HASNT materialized in their lives. These guys obviously need to learn to forgive and heal themselves inside and then eventually move forward. I wish them the best of luck in this. They deserve happiness instead of pain from their past.

On another note, I, as a woman, could turn around and say this...

"men only like sluts"

"men only like women who show their boobs"

"men just want to have sex"

"men only see women as objects for their own ends rather than real people"

But I dont say that. I dont say that because I can think of a few wonderful men in my life (family members, friends, a past-boyfriend or two).

And I dont dare to put all men in that category. I know good men are out there and I find them when I least expect to. They're good people and they usually end up being my friend whether we go out or not.

I guess in the end, the creation of this thread will not matter. People will make generalizations either way about the opposite sex.

Guess I just wanted to put a few thoughts out there.

 

[Papabear]

I make generalizations because they are accurate. Very few women in my life have fallen in a category other than the "recurring themes" you see on here.

The simple truth in my life is that 99% of men and about 90% of women agree with me (that I know and interact with).

 

[It was Mine]

For me, I see guys who sell drugs get more women than they can handle. I see guys who have rich parents and never worked for anything in their lives, and were gifted with pretty looks get more girls than they can handle. I know people in gangs who have women throw themselves at them. I know guys in bands who have different women every weekend. I met a guy at a party once who said he steals cars "and it's a great pick up line too" then he went to a girl and picked her up just like that.

I don't see a guy who works hard in life, and refuses to give into the lure of drugs and alcohol have women throw themselves at him, I don't see men who dedicate themselves to be a politician or civil engineer so they can better the lives of everyone, have women throw themselves at him. I don't see a women idealize a man who would do anything to support a family if only he had one.

 

[Lawrens]

Because some people actually believes it, so you see people mentioning it, and they want to be proven wrong (which I think you can't really), probably simple as that, and people believes in statistics.

If you see me saying any of those you mentioned, I'm probably joking, I like to poke fun of stereotypes and generalization, there are some generalizing that's kind of true but it's not as simple as "women likes ********", probably has to do with more ******** out there willing to try than people that aren't, just a general trait from certain type of person, certain type of people are probably more extroverted, and so on, and I can't define ******** either, I don't even know a ********* good enough to make sure he's 100% *********. All of the people I know that're engaged are good, honest and straight forward people /shrug.

 

[h i]

...

true. well written.

 

[Porman]

I make generalizations because they are accurate. Very few women in my life have fallen in a category other than the "recurring themes" you see on here.

The simple truth in my life is that 99% of men and about 90% of women agree with me (that I know and interact with).

Maybe think about the type of people you associate yourself with...

 

[h i]

On another note, I, as a woman, could turn around and say this...

"men only like sluts"

"men only like women who show their boobs"

"men just want to have sex"

"men only see women as objects for their own ends rather than real people"

kind of true though.

i like women who like sex. i dont want a slut, but i dont want someone with negative sexual issues. someone ashamed of sex, or severe anxiety. unless i really like her, cause i do like someone now who is a virgin. but unless i really like her, i would prefer someone who had previously had sex and enjoyed it. makes a happier relationship.

sex is kind of a big deal. its like cuddling, but better. like a movie with explosions, and lots of action. i dont want pointless violence... but if it has a good theme, then those things make it better. just like i dont want meaningless sex... but it does make things better. id rather know early in the relationship, then later. because like above, i dont want someone with negative sexual issues.

women make me nervous. the less contact i have with them, the harder it is to be around them. i dont have any sisters. having friends helps. but i do fall into a habit, which continues my problems.

i can see how men fall into an abusive or neglectful life style. they express their actions from the experience that others have expressed to them. they fall into a habit, which rewards them, and are hesitant to change. women dont want issues, they accept them with other traits. then as the relationship progresses, some traits die while others grow. ending in an abusive relationship.

most men gain confidence from sex and women. hormonal thing, you cant really understand unless youre part of it. assertive men are normally men with a current relationship or have had sex, theyre normally the ones to approach women. while men who are single and arent having sex normally arent as assertive. this is why most women meet jerks and cheaters.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Something for the guys to think about in regards to women:

" we treat some people in our lives more leniently than others, always giving them the benefit of the doubt. We want to love one individual, so we attribute to him wonderful qualities-- often ones he doesnt possess. Sometimes on the othe rhand, we dislike someone, so on the basis of the flimsiest evidence we blame him incessently. Because emotions require beliefs, we have to convince ourselves that the object of our hatred is guilty as charged. When you despise someone, that's easy to do"
(everyday ethics, Joshua Halbertstam, Pg. 94-95)

 

[Coverage]

I think it may seem that women like the "bad boys" because they are interesting and confident. If you have the nice shy guy who never talks to the girl and then comes the good looking "bad guy" who is very interesting and has the confidence to sweet talk the woman, than more often then not the "bad guy" will get the girl.

I dont think women specifically "like" the druged up abusive ******* guys, its just they are the main ones who seem fun to be with and approach the women. It does sometimes confuse me as to why girls that have a bad experience with one type of guy sometimes continue to go out with other guys that are the exact same.

 

[viviana]

hey easy, this is all so confusing
i am not a slut....can i have a snuggle, a free hug still

I make generalizations because they are accurate. Very few women in my life have fallen in a category other than the "recurring themes" you see on here.

The simple truth in my life is that 99% of men and about 90% of women agree with me (that I know and interact with).

 

[Zackarydoo]

It is very true that it does SEEM that the huge majority of women are more interested in the 'bad boy' type of guy, and that type of guy is always with a woman whereas the nice decent type of man (like me) is always alone. It's something I hate, but I cannot help that it happens, and anyone with their eyes open will see it's true. Whether or not women really do think that way is debatable, but I'm sometimes at a loss to explain this other than to think that women must, in general, prefer the bad-boy image. I'm sure there are many women around that aren't this way, but the majority are.

I don't think this way because I'm bitter about the past - I'm just saying it as I see it. If I'm wrong, then great, I'll accept it and be very happy about it. Until that time, I can only go by my own experiences and by what other guys have said, and by what many women have also told me before. If I'm misunderstanding things somehow then great, I'll accept that too. It's not like I have this opinion because I want to be difficult or upset people. I simply know the way things always work with me, and know that my sort of soft, quiet, shy but nice and romantic and caring personality goes nowhere with the huge majority of women. It is nothing to do with who I hang out with either, as one poster suggested to someone else.

 

[Papabear]

I'll admit as a guy that MOST guys will go for the stupid, slutty, attractive girl, regardless of her qualities...

why is it a stretch for it to be the other way around (in this case the "bad boy")

I've seen plenty of women complain, even on here, about how there are no good guys.

It works both ways.

 

[Lawrens]

I'll admit as a guy that MOST guys will go for the stupid, slutty, attractive girl, regardless of her qualities...

why is it a stretch for it to be the other way around (in this case the "bad boy")

I've seen plenty of women complain, even on here, about how there are no good guys.

Because from that observation you just provided, nowhere does the woman say she likes to go for the bad guys, she said there are no good guys, but you make the conclusion that they do like to go for the bad ones, why couldn't it just be that there were more bad guys out there that actually tries, so she only have a limited option regarding "choosing" people who are outgoing. I don't actually see that she actually say they all like going for the bad guys because they're bad, you're making assumptions over her preferences, not to mention she might not have noticed the people being bad before she started the relationship. By logic, people don't just date a bad person if they know what's good for them.

The point is people are making assumptions over the matter and generalizing, saying most guys actually likes slutty girls and woman actually loves ******** that abuse them is a stretch. You could keep believing that, it doesn't really bother me, it could be true to some extent, and that some people are really just masochists or something, I wouldn't know, but I'm just stating why some people would be annoyed over stereotypes and generalizing, because, simply it's not true for them and it's not hard to understand they're annoyed by something they don't believe and doesn't make sense.

 

[Papabear]

I'll admit as a guy that MOST guys will go for the stupid, slutty, attractive girl, regardless of her qualities...

why is it a stretch for it to be the other way around (in this case the "bad boy")

I've seen plenty of women complain, even on here, about how there are no good guys.

Because from that observation you just provided, nowhere does the woman say she likes to go for the bad guys, she said there are no good guys, but you make the conclusion that they do like to go for the bad ones, why couldn't it just be that there were more bad guys out there that actually tries, so she only have a limited option regarding "choosing" people who are outgoing. I don't actually see that she actually say they all like going for the bad guys because they're bad, you're making assumptions over her preferences, not to mention she might not have noticed the people being bad before she started the relationship. By logic, people don't just date a bad person if they know what's good for them.

The point is people are making assumptions over the matter and generalizing, saying most guys actually likes slutty girls and woman actually loves ******** that abuse them is a stretch. You could keep believing that, it doesn't really bother me, it could be true to some extent, and that some people are really just masochists or something, I wouldn't know, but I'm just stating why some people would be annoyed over stereotypes and generalizing, because, simply it's not true for them and it's not hard to understand they're annoyed by something they don't believe and doesn't make sense.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but take a college level sociology course. Stereotypes generally hold a certain amount of truth to them or they never would've stuck in the first place. It's not something that people like to hear or admit, but it's the truth.

I don't know, maybe when I lived in Michigan, Illinois, Kentucky, South Carolina, New York, California, Washington, and Guam I found the only 8 pockets of women in the world that act like this, and all the other guys on here complaining also happen to live in those 8 places, OR it could be that there is more truth to our statements than you care to admit.

I'm find with the male stereotypes ringing true, it's not me and I wouldn't want to be with someone that assumes I'm that stereotype anyways, just the same as I'm not going to automatically assume that all women are of their stereotypes.

 

[Steel]

It's amazing how many people miss the blindingly obvious when it comes to relationships. There is a very simple reason why shy and sensitive guys get less dates.

They are too shy to ask many women out, and rely on dropping hints and hoping she gets the message. Not very effective.

 

[Zackarydoo]

It's amazing how many people miss the blindingly obvious when it comes to relationships. There is a very simple reason why shy and sensitive guys get less dates.

They are too shy to ask many women out, and rely on dropping hints and hoping she gets the message. Not very effective.

It's amazing how many people miss the blindingly obvious when they make smart-alec remarks in forums rather than just be nice and friendly instead.

No guys in this thread are complaining about the lack of female interest when they are too shy to ask them out. This has nothing to do with that. However, on that subject, there is actually nothing wrong with a guy being shy and dropping hints! Some women find that cute and are the same way themselves. You don't HAVE to be brave and confident and sure of yourself in order to be with someone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It's amazing how many people miss the blindingly obvious when it comes to relationships. There is a very simple reason why shy and sensitive guys get less dates.

They are too shy to ask many women out, and rely on dropping hints and hoping she gets the message. Not very effective.

It's amazing how many people miss the blindingly obvious when they make smart-alec remarks in forums rather than just be nice and friendly instead.

No guys in this thread are complaining about the lack of female interest when they are too shy to ask them out. This has nothing to do with that. However, on that subject, there is actually nothing wrong with a guy being shy and dropping hints! Some women find that cute and are the same way themselves. You don't HAVE to be brave and confident and sure of yourself in order to be with someone.

o_o but what if we miss your "hints" or become utterly confused by them?

=o i'm so going after shy guys now >_>

 

[Steel]

Oops, I posted in the wrong place. Perils of multiple windows

Don't let it distract you off the orginal topic.

 

[DrawingCircleCircles]

Sophia I totally agree with your first post.

This is a loneliness forum so I can't expect a change in this theme anytime soon, but just like your quoted ethics book says, its really easy to generalize and stereotype people in a negative way.

Since people who are in a lonely state tend to be threatened easily, a place to vent like this would be filled with misconceptions based on those easy-to-believe generalizations.

 

[Lawrens]

I'm not trying to sound mean, but take a college level sociology course. Stereotypes generally hold a certain amount of truth to them or they never would've stuck in the first place. It's not something that people like to hear or admit, but it's the truth.

I don't know, maybe when I lived in Michigan, Illinois, Kentucky, South Carolina, New York, California, Washington, and Guam I found the only 8 pockets of women in the world that act like this, and all the other guys on here complaining also happen to live in those 8 places, OR it could be that there is more truth to our statements than you care to admit.

I'm find with the male stereotypes ringing true, it's not me and I wouldn't want to be with someone that assumes I'm that stereotype anyways, just the same as I'm not going to automatically assume that all women are of their stereotypes.

huh, I never said there isn't a certain amount of truth to them in my post and my previous post, you were stereotyping women based on a "truth" you think was correct in that post of yours, when there were also other factors than just most women likes them. The women you said complained about there's no good guys, when they never said they loved those bad guys, as explained in my post, to me, by logic, she doesn't have a choice because that is what she said. I might not explained it correctly. The point I was making was, there is a difference in the statistic that women usually end up with bad boys than women actually enjoy them to be with them, the statistic is the only thing that holds true, you're talking about majority of women actually loving it, and omitting other information.

As I said it's not my problem that you would like to believe most women actually love jerks and they know exactly that they're jerks and it is their ideal image of a man, just as much as I believe women don't actually enjoy suffering, but that they had a limited choice as well, and that there are different traits coming out of those badboys than just them being ********, and some don't know any better.

I'm sorry I've never taken a college sociology course. I believe that extroverts have a higher chance with a women, and a lot 'badboys' were actually extroverts, and that there were also a lot of ******** out there, the "truth" being just that. Instead of believing in a statistic of "Women love badboys" and say it's true.