worst thing about loneliness..

[pard]

..is that you can't tell anyone, or they will avoid you.

I used not to give a fresia about telling my situation to others, but then I learned that if I want to have a chance of living a normal life, I have to hide everything. No one wants to share his time with a lonely person.

And now whenever I'm with someone, I feel like I'm hiding some terrible dark secret about myself. I'll have to hide it forever, the fact that I'm alone, and so, alone I will always be even in the company of others.

 

[tony30]

I can empathise with that particular mode of thinking pard. Whenever I consider telling someone about my state of mind, I can never go through with it because I'm always worried that I'll come across as overly needy and consequently be veiwed as an intolerable burden.

 

[kazman32]

I can empathise with that particular mode of thinking pard. Whenever I consider telling someone about my state of mind, I can never go through with it because I'm always worried that I'll come across as overly needy and consequently be veiwed as an intolerable burden.

I too have decided to keep it to myself, it's hard but like you said who wants to be with a lonely person? Not that I spend time with people that much anyway, I try not to care anymore.

 

[tony30]

Hmmm, I wonder? Maybe one of least attractive qualities in a loner ( speaking for myself too ) is that the develop a very hard and stoical edge. Let's face it, if you present an inaccessible front to others the chances are excellent that they probably won't want to waste their time trying to get blood out of a stone.
To polarise the situation-imagine that you have a choice between two women in a bar. The first is tantalizingly pretty and out of the corner of her eye you can see that she has been giving you an appraising glance or three but when you finally buck up the courage to approach her- she clams up. The second woman - though modestly attractive. needs no invitation she is already talking to you and furthermore isn't just talking about herself she genuinely seems to be interested in learning more about your humble self. You are having trouble maintaining your composure for the first fifteen minutes but she doesn't seem to mind, then from somewhere you find an extra edge of confidence, hitherto unknown and actually find that you do have something to talk about. By the end of the evening you actually realize that you have made a fine account of yourself even making her laugh from time to time.
(Only later do you discover to that she is in fact a he )

I jest but I hope you can see my overall point. Perhaps the barriers we use to sheild out selves from hurt are the actual cause of our misery? I don't really know the answer to that myself, but I am enjoying trying to be positive.

 

[lonelygirl]

I think it's particularly hard for lonely males. Being stoic and tough and keeping your emotions held in are 'normal' behaviors for males. You men have it a bit rougher in that sense. Try to avoid isolating yourselves with addiction to internet or computer games.

 

[tony30]

That's resonable advice but I think the net, games and Dvd's help fill obvious voids in the life of a lonely individual (esp men as you put it). I think I would go crazy without any form of distraction to pass the hours.

 

[The Red Queen]

I think the net also helps lonely people. Take these forums for example. People are pouring their hearts to strangers. Most of us here (I'm assuming based on previous posts) would dream of talking like this to people in real life. I think it helps to know that there are people out there experiencing the same thing and that we ourselves may be able to help someone else. I always believed that helping someone else when you're feeling bad about your own lot makes you feel a whole lot better.

 

[mimizu]

True.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Red Queen,

I agree. I think that helping others makes us feel better about ourselves. Which in turns attracts more friendships and positive vibes than wallowing in self-pity, as many of us are wont to do.

If I were a lonely male, I'd take a self-inventory, thinking about my interests, and my own unique talents, personality traits, etc. I would try to look online for a match, and I would join clubs and do service projects. Where I live, the people who go to feed the homeless, etc, are usually 90 percent single females looking for men! The men are usually outnumbered greatly and hence have their pick of the litter so to speak.

 

[The Red Queen]

I find the hardest thing though is actually getting out and doing it though. You procrastinate and make excuses not to go out and do it. But really, after you take that first step to do something, ANYTHING, it feels great and hopefully you keep on that track and keep doing stuff.

 

[forsakenfornow]

I don't tell anyone how alone I am, but I fear they can see it on my face and hear it in my voice. My pride dosn't want that information out there so I look at and speak to a few people as possible.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

I wonder how many of those around us never suspect that we're actually lonely at times inside? I doubt many of my coworkers would guess... I guess that's a good thing? I wouldn't want people trying to engage in convesation just out of pity's sake, you know? I'd rather wait for a genuine friendship to emerge rather than forcing myself into superficial relationships just for the sake of having something to do...

 

[lonelyloser]

People probably know how alone I am as soon as I open my mouth cause I speak so awkwardly. I've never told anyone in real life how alone I feel due to fear that I will be rejected and they won't even listen. People nowdays are so evil, they will take any weakness that you have and use it to their advantage. Coworkers are the worst - because everyone is trying to get ahead. Some coworkers are nice to me, but I always wonder what their agenda is. And work is in many ways still like high school cause everyone forms these cliques. It's pathetic.

 

[evanescencefan91]

think the net also helps lonely people. Take these forums for example. People are pouring their hearts to strangers. Most of us here (I'm assuming based on previous posts) would dream of talking like this to people in real life. I think it helps to know that there are people out there experiencing the same thing and that we ourselves may be able to help someone else. I always believed that helping someone else when you're feeling bad about your own lot makes you feel a whole lot better.

ya I agree, right now I'm thinking about how bored you can get when you don't have anyone to hang out with.

so bored.......

it's also hard to do much of anything when your down and trying not wallow in self pity but somehow you always end up wallowing because, you don't have anything to distract yourself from how alone you are

*feels like crying* **** viscios cirlce of life

 

[finalfantasi]

worst thing is not having anyone to talk to and feeling like no one cares or understands me. Yeah I'm scared of opening up to others too.. letting other people know that I have no friends and I'm such a depressing person etc. so I just end up avoiding everyone. People would run away if they knew what I was really like. So I just never talk to other people about myself, people only want to hear good things. In the past, even though I was surrounded by friends, I still felt alone because I don't think they even knew anything about me. There was only two people I ever talked to a lot about myself... and they are on the internet lol! so sad.. darnit, wish I could meet some understanding people like them irl >.> would be so much easier. well I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a big loner though lol, because of the way I act and never go out much anyways.

 

[Occipudding]

I don't tell anyone how alone I am, but I fear they can see it on my face and hear it in my voice. My pride dosn't want that information out there so I look at and speak to a few people as possible.

tell me if im taking this the wrong way but you dont need to let people know what's going on inside just by looking at them or talking to them. not looking at or talking to people will just keep you lonely. that's one of my biggest problems as far as being lonely goes. i can't look strangers in the eye for fear of who the fresia knows. and when i get into a conversation, i run out of things to say after like 20 seconds and just wanna run away. it sucks.

 

[helen]

the worst thing is when i sometimes think of something really interesting or witty to say (well in my opinion anyway...), and then realise that i don't have anyone to share it with.

another thing is that i like cooking, but i always feel very lonely after it because there's no-one there to eat it. i enjoy making things at the time but they always seem like such a waste afterwards.

 

[want2connect]

the worst thing is when i sometimes think of something really interesting or witty to say (well in my opinion anyway...), and then realise that i don't have anyone to share it with.

another thing is that i like cooking, but i always feel very lonely after it because there's no-one there to eat it. i enjoy making things at the time but they always seem like such a waste afterwards.

Yes - I too have the same problem. Cooking for just yourself: Preparing the ingredients, television on in the background, going back and forth from TV to kitchen and then nothing, no one. Yes there are times when it doesn't bother me and I do have to eat, but for the most part I am so sick of cooking just for myself and eating with the television. And also the same when you just want to turn to someone or call someone with a thought or just a funny observation. I don't know if this will change eventually but I so wonder about the future.

I really wish we were all geographically closer then at least we could try to meet each other to see if we would be of any help to each other.