Well known loser
- Jul 26, 2011
- Reaction score
- New Zealand
Getting to this point REQUIRES experience imo. It isn't much comfort to an older virgin to hear how apparently empty the experiences are from those with first hand knowledge. That's like the wealthy individual who embraces Buddhism after realizing money and possessions aren't fulfilling. To somebody living in poverty, material comfort seems just as critical to happiness.As weird as this is gonna probably sound, sex is part of what makes breakups difficult for me to begin with. It has a very powerful mind-body connection to it. Despite having only been with 7 women since I was 16 (given that I'll be 35 in two months) in essence once I learned how to be stronger than that mind-body connection with another person by having a mind-body connection of my own, gradually I lost interest in it.
I was with the same woman from 16 to 24, which is oddly a very specific time period of life for people. Gradually we just grew into different adults that wanted different things out of life. Namely, I'm an oldschool advocate of The Hard Way in life, because I see value in the life skills it teaches along with the growth it brings, and she....mostly just lazily wanted to have everything handed to her and done for her.
So the result is: I'm nearly 35, and I mostly ditched cars because of expenses and to begin fighting for my health as I got older out of my 20s, and she's nearly 35 and still doesn't even know how to drive.
Mind you, I love the woman despite the fact that she proverbially ripped my heart out and ate it for dinner and totally destroyed my innocence, I'm just not IN LOVE with her, and haven't been for a very long time. I can't say that she never loved me, because she did help teach me things life skills wise, and we're still distant friends, as in haven't seen each other in over a decade nor do I plan on going back to that city anytime soon.
Effectively, I'm kind of, the dead thing that doesn't die. Which sort of figures, it's been that way most of my life.
The awkward thing that I learned about women over time (and this is also true of men, oddly) is that sexually speaking it doesn't matter how good or bad in bed you actually are, psychologically if they can't later use that as leverage over you, it's going to screw with their head quite a bit. You could be the absolute worst possible lay performance-wise, and if they can't use that as leverage against you to get under your skin later, it's going to ******* break them. The equivalent of when someone throws a punch, misses and hits a brick wall instead. Busted hand. Probably shouldn't have thrown the punch in the first place, just sayin'.
Part of that is because a great deal of people, both men and women, use sex and relationships as a form of validation and the hardest of hardcore dopamine hits, rather than of anything of authentic depth of value.
See, had I just been forwardly told that nearly 20 years ago, it would've just saved me a lot of heartache and suffering. Again, a lot of heartache and suffering in the world is the result of the fact that we inform our children wrong through fantasy to preserve their innocence, and then into adulthood they cruelly and crushingly discover that fantasy is not the same as reality without a very serious and dangerous divorce from rational practicality.
When you factor out the validation, the mental high of the dopamine, the fact that it just feels really good, and procreation itself, what then is the value of sex itself? Not the value of your partner, because your partner is a person, but the value of sex itself?
And so to answer your question directly:
I would never virginshame anyone of any age or gender, because sex when you are younger ends up being a lot like alcohol and drugs when you're younger: it's a great and fun experience when you're younger, but as you get older it eventually brings you to a pivot of life where either you control it or it controls you, and if you don't learn to control it, like with drugs and alcohol, it can and will fresia your life up. So in most instances actually, alike with drinking, I kind of wished I'd never started. Because also alike with drinking, how it started and what I thought it was going to continue to be, eventually just wasn't.
I mean if I were more emotionally squishy like I was 15 years ago, I would still probably pedestalize love, sex, relationships and the elusive "American Dream." But in my age, time and experience, it all just became very: Meh, to me. If I'd had wanted a wife, a kid, a family and a mortgage than yeah, I probably would still be sold on that idea. But to someone like me, it doesn't matter how golden and glittery the prison bars are, a cage is still a cage to me.
Gradually, I wanted a life of freedom. Freedom from mental chains that bind, that allow me to temper myself and the world around me to that mental freedom. Which means in terms of rational practicality, that I cannot rightfully bring someone down this path that is not already on it themselves, and we are very few and very far in-between.
I'm more okay with being the crazy village hermit living in a hut away from the village, than I am being the head of the tribe. I'm more medicine man, less warrior king.
An experienced 35 year old can't comprehend what it's like to a virgin at that age (and vice versa)
Also, maybe it's easier to free oneself of attachment with age, when we aren't so jumped up on hormones and people look older (and let's be honest, less attractive).