xmas

[Doubt The Rabbit]

I like Rabbit's idea. I'm alone this year for Xmas. The most I have to look forward to is to be able to message my son via messenger. He lives too far away to visit and I"m flat broke. I spent Xmas with my brother last year and he did nothing at all. It was very lonely and boring.

But you have someone who cares, which means a lot for those of us without anyone. For example, I had no one wish me a happy birthday this year. That just drove home how alone I am. It will be the same way for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years.

I'd rather be alone and indulging myself (with respect to aribeth's son of course, who I'm sure they'd love to spend time with) than with people who refuse to see the good in anything. I choose to make a warm and cozy "me" day out of the holidays and embrace the solitude. That, to me, is a lot better than running around behind shitty condescending relatives or a false image of Christmas that I can't create for anyone.

You know, ATL, you complain...a lot. You should try being happy for what you have and what you have the ability to obtain. I have people around me and I still don't get happy birthdays from anyone I know in real life. But I get them from the people I know and care about online and that's good enough for me. Every time I make an accomplishment or start a project or new "chapter" in my life, some tragedy comes around to one-up the importance of what's going on in my world. This year, my brother died on the same day I made a huge accomplishment in my life. Instead of celebrating, I was planning his funeral and writing his eulogy. To this day, I have yet to receive any recognition. I'm not expecting any. I just want you to see that, y'know, you don't need people to pat you on the back all the time or wish you "happy birthday" or to be around for Christmas or Thanksgiving or New Year's. And even if you do have people around, it doesn't mean they're the people you really want to spend your time with. It doesn't mean they'll appreciate you or the things you do or accomplish. Sometimes your family aren't the best people to spend time or share things with, anyway.

People are too caught up in the cookie-cutter standard we've set that the holidays MUST be family or romance time and that those of us who are alone are the holidays are poor, unfortunate swine. That is not the case. There is plenty of fun to be had on the holidays as a single person without family or kids. And some of that fun to be had could be meet and mingle event for those of us who are alone for the holidays. There's just so much stuff out there that everyone could get involved in and be excited about with a proper attitude and Google. Not sitting around moping about how one is lonely and single and blah blah blah. So you're lonely and have no family or whatever. So you want one. Get one. That is really the only solution for you. There is no other. You could sit here and mope, but then we all have to be subjected to it.

Me? I prefer to blissfully roam the quiet, decorative, early-morning aisles of Wal-Mart with my little blue basket, the only wight on my mind being whether I should get peppermint hot chocolate or caramel hot chocolate...or both.

 

[soresoul]

Im not taking sides here between doubt or atl but you two have different opinions.

Doubt, maybe atl just needs a friend around the holidays or birthday, even a greeting is all that person is asking for. Only telling atl to find one or get over it only going to lower atl confidence more and giving atl fuel to rage more.

Atl, in that same sence maybe you should just try to make your own happiness? Even just watch tv with a nice drink and watch something you enjoy then bs holiday movies.

And Imo, a happy bday, season greeting or hell a hello how are you can really go a long way for someone even if they don't show it up front. I remember my grandma who took care of me when my parents would spend the night at pubs, once told me even you see someone having a bad day and sit with them to let them vent they will feel better just a little. Fast forward years later it was my grandma 70th bday, and not one person in her family or my parents even called her to wish her a happy bday. I decided to use my lunch hour and visit her and brong her ice cream. She littlerly cried the whole time because she was so happy someone came to visit. And believe it or not she died later that night in her sleep. I remember everyone so in tears and wishing she was there for her bday at her funeral and I was thinking how phony everyone was.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

I don't think ATL should get over it. What I do think he should do is either look to solve his problems or look to see the good in being alone; that we as humans are perfectly capable of operating on our own and that one can make an enjoyable experience in the time they are alone until they find themselves company. And yes, that spending this alone time moping about being alone is not productive at all. That is what I meant by my post.

 

[soresoul]

i agree about sitting around and mopping, it will get you nowhere. Maybe atl had bad xmas experience in the past and atl can only be comfortable at feeling miserable this time of year? I dunno. For me, I hate the holidays but I try to make the best of it and try not to ruin it for others since my parents always ruin mine. Esp for my son.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Even so, if one wishes to be happy only he, himself, can make himself happy. I'm not about to assume things about ATL's past. It really makes no difference to me, either. The end result is the same. Not just for ATL, but for anybody. You can't expect the world to hand you a happy life with everything you wrote for. You can only stop feeling sorry for yourself and start doing something about your misfortune. Start obtaining the things you want. It's not difficult or impossible to find company or someone to share a Christmas or a birthday with if you just step outside your house and reach out. Join a charity, perhaps, and make friends there. There's plenty of 'em this time of year.

Furthermore, to be sore at others for what they have or don't have (in this case the root of the conversation was aribeth's family) is pretty insulting to that person because they have problems of their own. Everybody's got a weight they have to carry around. These weights come in all sizes. And the only time we get to stop carrying them is when we decide to, in whatever way, put them down.

 

[harmony]

I'm on the fence with this. I believe in making ourselves happy and I do try to make the best of things. A lot of crap has happened to me in my life and sometimes it's hard to look on the bright side, but I know things could have been a lot worse. When people who in all honesty appear to me to have a 'lot' such as good health, loving family etc, complain, it really gets my goat.

But also, sometimes it's just where people are. I still struggle at birthdays and at Christmas. I enjoy getting cards and it hurts when I don't get any. I've spent one year alone and it felt thoroughly miserable in all honesty. All I could think about was everyone else and their loving families. I couldn't stop crying. It's not as easy as just deciding to be happy. Sometimes past emotions, events and other things come flooding up and it's difficult to completely change a mindset. Not that it can't be done, but it's not easy.

That said, Doubt I think you've got an excellent way of looking at life and I admire your attitude. I just think for a lot of people it isn't that easy.

 

[wedge]

i agree about sitting around and mopping, it will get you nowhere. Maybe atl had bad xmas experience in the past and atl can only be comfortable at feeling miserable this time of year? I dunno. For me, I hate the holidays but I try to make the best of it and try not to ruin it for others since my parents always ruin mine. Esp for my son.

years ago when I was really lonely I would look forward to xmas. I would think my lonely life would somehow change, I would meet people, get invited to parties, find a girl, enjoy myself - it never happened and I would get depressed. I would then think the new year would bring me better luck. It never did.

Not like that now. I am so used to being at home on Xmas eve or News years eve that it doesn't bother me. I've got plenty of things to occupy myself with, books, tv, internet etc.

 

[Lone Apothecary]

I'm not particularly looking forward to xmas. I mean, gifts are great and all, but the only reason I "celebrate" it is because most of my family is catholic. I'm not invested in it at all. What I am looking forward to is eggnog and gingerbread men, which I eat/drink in excess over the holiday season.

Oh, and by the by, Doubt the Rabbit, I must say I like the way you think about the holidays and spending meaningful time alone.

 

[MisfitsAndLovers]

I personally, am looking forward to Christmas this year a lot. I've been away from my family for a few months, and I miss them terribly. It will be nice to see them again.

 

[A_T_Swordsman]

I'm just looking forward to the end of homework and schoolwork hanging over my head for a while. Having to be around my family is a little more of a curse than it is a blessing.

 

[Swamp Yankee]

I H8 Christmas. -SY

 

[JasonM]

I am not one for holidays. If you want to get together with family or whoever do it 'just because' and not because it is expected or socially required. I feel the same way about birthdays and gifts. The gift given 'just because I wanted to' means much more than any birthday present.