You can count me out on this relationship nonsense.

[Code S.O.L]

So, this morning my sleep was disturbed by my mother and her partner getting ready for work. She was in an irrational fit because he forgot to wash her work pants over the weekend. Without going into great detail on the context, tempers flared, insults were thrown, and cupboards were slammed. And it's not the first time they've, erupted in hysterics over menial honeysuckle. Although I doubt their relationship has any serious problems, the arguments bother me. I don't question them openly about it, but I think they're aware of how I feel about it anyways. For a while now, observing the arguments they have has gotten me thinking about my own relationship prospects(or lack there of).

If it's normal for people to argue in relationships, then I guess that makes me a freak. I feel that I'm too placid to intentionally initiate or escalate a potential conflict. Hell, I struggle dealing with being in the general vicinity of an argument. Not sure how well I'd hold up(if at all) when it's directed at me from someone I'm supposed to love and vice versa.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want no part in a relationship if this is what I can expect from one. Sure, I'm gonna have to deal with impending loneliness, but hey. I've lasted this long, and nobody else gets hurt out of this.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Arguments just kinda happen. In my experience, they don't get so escalated as I'm a fairly calm person and consider yelling beneath me, though I get cruel with snide remarks. I think you can have a relationship without hysterics, though there will always be conflict.

 

[Pheenix]

Arguments are only a response to how much the participants want the relationship to go well.

 

[Code S.O.L]

Arguments just kinda happen. In my experience, they don't get so escalated as I'm a fairly calm person and consider yelling beneath me, though I get cruel with snide remarks. I think you can have a relationship without hysterics, though there will always be conflict.

Oh, I know what you mean about snide remarks(I'm a man of the internetz after all). My mother's partner is kinda similar, although he can keep his cool most of the time. My mother gets stressed and agitated easily, and when she's in this state, it all gets focused on him. Eventually, he breaks and makes a comment under his breath, that she can just ever so slightly hear, and then all bets are off.

Arguments are only a response to how much the participants want the relationship to go well.

How so? As in the more intense the argument the more the participants are passionate about their relationship? If that's the case, then it's all the more reason to avoid pursuing affections of these sorts.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Arguments are only a response to how much the participants want the relationship to go well.

How so? As in the more intense the argument the more the participants are passionate about their relationship? If that's the case, then it's all the more reason to avoid pursuing affections of these sorts.

It means that they're actually communicating and trying to solve their differences, albiet loudly. There's a saying that lover's quarrels renews love and it does have a lot of substance.

 

[jjam]

Arguments are only a response to how much the participants want the relationship to go well.

I think it's healthy to a certain point. If it's happening frequently then that means there's a whole lot of talking and no action. Actions are more important than words as a testament to how much the participants want the relationship to succeed.

 

[allanh]

I believe in discussing things rationally without raising the voice, even if there is a disagreement.

At least that's how my parents do it and I think they love each other

I know if I ever get a girlfriend or get married, I would never shout/abuse her and I would expect vice versa.

 

[Pheenix]

^ jjam
Indeed. Some people do handle things wrong. But if you took a healthy individual and saw him act up, it's probably because he wants the relationship to remain that perfect thing he has viewed it as thus far.

 

[Ak5]

Arguments are good things to a certain degree. If they stop arguing, then I would get worried.

But anyway, you shouldn't think that you don't want a relationship because of the fear of argument. You don't know how any relationship will start out or progress.

 

[Badjedidude]

THAT'S OK. QUIT.

IT ONLY MEANS MORE WOMEN FOR ME.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Arguing tends to happen between people in general. People don't always agree with each other. It's rather normal, if you ask me. Now, the degree on which they argue varies. A small bicker can escalate to wanting to throw punches real quick. And if that's the case, I wouldn't want to be apart of it either.

 

[Code S.O.L]

Arguments are good things to a certain degree. If they stop arguing, then I would get worried.

But anyway, you shouldn't think that you don't want a relationship because of the fear of argument. You don't know how any relationship will start out or progress.

I beg to differ. NerdyGirl brought up a good point about relationships starting.

You spend time with this person. You realize you're attracted. This is your first sign it's time to get out. Say you told yourself, "attraction is no biggie". You keep spending time with the person. You realize the person is attracted to you, too. This is the second sign you have to get out. You still decide you can be just friends. You hang out. You realize your feelings are getting very warm for this person- you're not in love, but you know you've developed something more than attraction. This is your third chance to get out. If you do not get out, you cannot say, "It just happened." You have made a deliberate and conscious decision to continue down this path.

She's right.

Relationships ARE conscious decisions people make. Most of the time not knowing what awaits them. Having seen some of the insanity within relationships(in general, not just on the topic at hand), I'd be out of my mind to march on ahead.

 

[Trojan]

Arguments are good things to a certain degree. If they stop arguing, then I would get worried.

But anyway, you shouldn't think that you don't want a relationship because of the fear of argument. You don't know how any relationship will start out or progress.

I beg to differ. NerdyGirl brought up a good point about relationships starting.

You spend time with this person. You realize you're attracted. This is your first sign it's time to get out. Say you told yourself, "attraction is no biggie". You keep spending time with the person. You realize the person is attracted to you, too. This is the second sign you have to get out. You still decide you can be just friends. You hang out. You realize your feelings are getting very warm for this person- you're not in love, but you know you've developed something more than attraction. This is your third chance to get out. If you do not get out, you cannot say, "It just happened." You have made a deliberate and conscious decision to continue down this path.

She's right.

Relationships ARE conscious decisions people make. Most of the time not knowing what awaits them. Having seen some of the insanity within relationships(in general, not just on the topic at hand), I'd be out of my mind to march on ahead.

I think it's a bit early for you to be writing off relationships altogether. If I had seen myself in a relationship like my parents I wouldn't have dated either ^^
It's not always easy, but you have a lot to gain from being someone's other half.
Good luck

 

[Lonesome Crow]

No...arguments such as shuting . Screamng. Verbals attack isnt a requirement or is necessary in a relationship.
Ive been in a LT relationship were we harrdly fought and when we did argue
it lasted 5 mins...mostly just venting.
That relationship broke down becuase of lack of communocations or we wanted to go separate ways.

Im with someone @ the moment.
Cant really say its a relationship
cus I havnt been with her that long.
We havnt argued. Just clam communictions..no attacks. No dramma.

Are you parents drinking?
Freaken alcohlic parents fight and argue about stupid honeysuckle...yah irrational over split milk...and it get wrost and worst....

So why are you washing her pants??
Isnt she the parent?
Do you have to do other personl stuff for her?
Do you feel like your the parent an theyre the kinds?.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So why are you washing her pants??
Isnt she the parent?
Do you have to do other personl stuff for her?
Do you feel like your the parent an theyre the kinds?.

They said the partner forgot to wash the pants. Not them. Pay attention. And kids can do laundry anyway. It's not a crime or abuse.

 

[hijodeganas]

So, this morning my sleep was disturbed by my mother and her partner getting ready for work. She was in an irrational fit because he forgot to wash her work pants over the weekend. Without going into great detail on the context, tempers flared, insults were thrown, and cupboards were slammed. And it's not the first time they've, erupted in hysterics over menial honeysuckle. Although I doubt their relationship has any serious problems, the arguments bother me. I don't question them openly about it, but I think they're aware of how I feel about it anyways. For a while now, observing the arguments they have has gotten me thinking about my own relationship prospects(or lack there of).

If it's normal for people to argue in relationships, then I guess that makes me a freak. I feel that I'm too placid to intentionally initiate or escalate a potential conflict. Hell, I struggle dealing with being in the general vicinity of an argument. Not sure how well I'd hold up(if at all) when it's directed at me from someone I'm supposed to love and vice versa.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want no part in a relationship if this is what I can expect from one. Sure, I'm gonna have to deal with impending loneliness, but hey. I've lasted this long, and nobody else gets hurt out of this.

If you ever deal with PEOPLE in general, which is inevitable, arguments will flare up. Unless, of course, you have no problem with people walking all over you.

 

[Code S.O.L]

If you ever deal with PEOPLE in general, which is inevitable, arguments will flare up. Unless, of course, you have no problem with people walking all over you.

I don't like being walked on, but at the same time, I don't like getting into a verbal headbutting contest just to get a point across. And I sure as hell don't wanna be the punching bag for 'that time of month'.

In my current lifestyle, it's only my mother and her partner that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. Anyone outside of that, I don't see often enough to warrant any sort of conflict.

Someday, I'll have enough of an income to have a small flat of my own. And with that, I'll have the luxury of keeping my social interactions on a casual level. I figure that's the best way of avoiding potential conflicts whilst maintaining a healthy social lifestyle.

 

[IgnoredOne]

That's fair. Before relationships, just being able to interact well with people socially is valuable.

 

[hijodeganas]

If you ever deal with PEOPLE in general, which is inevitable, arguments will flare up. Unless, of course, you have no problem with people walking all over you.

I don't like being walked on, but at the same time, I don't like getting into a verbal headbutting contest just to get a point across. And I sure as hell don't wanna be the punching bag for 'that time of month'.

In my current lifestyle, it's only my mother and her partner that I deal with on a day-to-day basis. Anyone outside of that, I don't see often enough to warrant any sort of conflict.

Someday, I'll have enough of an income to have a small flat of my own. And with that, I'll have the luxury of keeping my social interactions on a casual level. I figure that's the best way of avoiding potential conflicts whilst maintaining a healthy social lifestyle.

Then conflict is inevitable.

Incidentally, there's considerable evidence to show that "that time of the month" is a myth. Even if it isn't, dealing with the challenges of a romantic relationship can be one of the most rewarding adventures a person can ever embark on.

Once you leave the comfort of your nest you'll slowly start to realize that, whether you like it or not, dealing with other people is unavoidable. There's your landlord, your boss, coworkers, customers, neighbors... This is all assuming you don't have a social network, which is highly unlikely. Everyone has a similar mindset: to get what they want. Sometimes that desire will conflict with yours.

Ironically, the more you accept the fact that you're going to have to deal with conflict at some point and prepare for it the less likely it is to actually happen.

 

[Code S.O.L]

Ironically, the more you accept the fact that you're going to have to deal with conflict at some point and prepare for it the less likely it is to actually happen.

I know this is a late bump, but I refuse to accept this train of thought. It's like saying I should keep myself intimidating so that nobody would dare try it. My mum and her partner's fights are increasing in both frequency and intensity. I've sat in for some downright insane arguments over miniscule things.

And its not just their relationship I'm drawing example from either. I'm talking about things like how that wonderful guy/girl suddenly does a Mr. Hyde change the very moment the relationship is secure. leaving you wondering if you did anything to change them, or if they were lying about who they were the whole time. Or those couples that you think are absolutely perfect for each other suddenly having the hugest fallouts, sometimes in public. The list is endless.

I have an option to not put myself through any of this. With my fragile carcass of what one could call mental fortitude, I'd be mad to pass on that option.