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Vic Sage

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I found this forum through Wikipedia of all places. I'm also going to resist the urge to make any of these details specific lest someone come across this and recognize any of them.

I am a non-traditional student who has recently endured two break-ups, one as breaker and the other as breakee. I feel horrible about both of them.

I was in a long-term (more than one year less than five) live-in relationship with someone I met online. When we met I was in a bad place, feeling depressed and directionless. She was presumably lonely as well, though she went on dates she never had a relationship before. We eventually met and I moved to be with her. She helped me find a job, enroll in school. Things started out great, naturally, but as time went on cracks appeared, as they'll appear in at least half of marriages and who knows how many other relationships.

I suppose I felt things getting stagnant. I felt I, and we, weren't growing, spending too much time at home or online. Both being shy, we didn't meet too many new people and spent probably too much time together. I didn't feel the same spark as I once did, and she noticed, causing many serious talks and ending with promises.

I met someone in a class this year and began to correspond with her. As time went on she expressed an interest in me, and I felt one in her as well. Eventually my previous ex sensed my growing distance, and after a discussion we agreed on a "break", wherein I moved out and we would see what would happen. I began to date the younger, newer girl.

I didn't tell my previous ex about her as I wanted to spare her feelings and avoid any awkwardness. Little white lies and things unsaid are useful tools to help others feel better and everyone to sleep at night. She found out, however, and was livid, wishing me dead.

The new girl and I were doing just fine, until recently when she revealed she still had feelings for someone else, and broke things off. This left me in a new apartment, during the summer with no distracting classes or as many peers nearby, largely alone. While the new ex bears me no ill will and would perhaps agree to be friends, my pride cannot allow that.

Since this I have selfishly felt enormous guilt and regret about pretty much everything. Obviously if the new hadn't come along, I wouldn't have been as keen to leave the old. I know I'm fairly hypocritical in at least a few of these events. I do, objectively, feel absolutely horrible at how the previous relationship ended. I feel like I drowned a puppy. She didn't deserve that.

Attempting to step outside, I realize that people are people. I cannot help feeling a fading spark and loss of attraction/growth of familiarity as much as the new ex couldn't help feeling the same, perhaps, with me. What I did I certainly didn't do out of malice or ill intent.

I think my previous is dating someone, or at the very least meeting regularly with some new friends found online.

And I am left here, spending the summer indoor, remembering what could have been.
 
You seem to have learned some good, but hard lessons, dear. Things just do NOT work out how we think they will at times. Even the best of us falter sometimes. Learn what you can from your experiences and try to move on as best you can.
Welcome to the forum.
 
EveWasFramed said:
You seem to have learned some good, but hard lessons, dear. Things just do NOT work out how we think they will at times. Even the best of us falter sometimes. Learn what you can from your experiences and try to move on as best you can.
Welcome to the forum.

Well, I was going to wait to respond when I got more looks, but I won't because this topic is the closest to me because it's about me. I admit my self-interest.

I think what makes my situation unique, partially, is the guilt and remorse I feel. I felt it even when I was in the new relationship. It's weird, if you stick with something long enough, it becomes your new reality. It doesn't even occur to you that you used to go home to somewhere and someone else.

Sometimes I look back and marvel at what happened, and how it was probably the worst case scenario. I sort of don't believe it sometimes, and I even catch myself fantasizing about just acting like nothing happened and going back.
 
Vic Sage said:
Well, I was going to wait to respond when I got more looks, but I won't because this topic is the closest to me because it's about me. I admit my self-interest.

I think what makes my situation unique, partially, is the guilt and remorse I feel. I felt it even when I was in the new relationship. It's weird, if you stick with something long enough, it becomes your new reality. It doesn't even occur to you that you used to go home to somewhere and someone else.

Sometimes I look back and marvel at what happened, and how it was probably the worst case scenario. I sort of don't believe it sometimes, and I even catch myself fantasizing about just acting like nothing happened and going back.

Reality is whatever you're doing at any given moment, IMO.

That's the thing about the choices we make. We are human...we don't always make good choices, obviously. All we can really do is look back and wonder...what if?

Or im my case, "WTF was I thinking?!?" :p lol


EDIT: Just FYI...I don't think that this thread really got any responses because you made several others at about the same time. :p
 
Well, I thought I'd give an update versus trying to make a separate topic. I seem addicted to that.

I was doing fairly well last week. I seemed to be at peace with my summery solitude. Some of that could have been helped by texting a couple of females, one old one new, and the hopes of plans, which came to fruition unexpectedly on Saturday night with meeting a new one accompanied by an already established friend.

Hell, I even almost didn't go to that and didn't respond to a male friend because I was content to be alone. I felt busy. Some of that also might have been my busy work schedule that week.

Today, though, kind of broke my spirits a little. I had the day off and did nothing. One new female friend had to work today, the other seems interested in hanging out, but cannot return a text to save her life. I made plans with one of my harem of engaged beauties but never heard anything from her (she's notorious for that). I messaged the really new girl, but who knows if she got that, or wanted to get that.

It's even more frustrating when people pay lip service to hanging out, but never do. Why even go through the charade? Because it'll be less hurtful when the truth is gradually revealed over a long period of disappointment? Yeah, that makes sense.
 

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