20years2many
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- Joined
- Feb 14, 2008
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Has anyone else ever, while in the traffic, thought about just saying 'fresia it' and ramming the honeysuckle out of everyone on the road? Or maybe in another situation, but just completely losing your honeysuckle and doing something completely inappropriate? I don't know why I get these thoughts so much. I guess I am so lonely that I am just screaming for attention. I have never really gotten positive attention from anyone before, so I guess I just aim for any attention at all. Of course, I'm way too shy and have too low self-esteem to actually do it, but I live it out in my head every day. How great would it be to get the confidence to actually speak my mind. I could stand up to people who boss me around or use me. I really try to be assertive, but I always back down at the end and take a passive-agressive or completely internalized approach. Every single day there is at least one situation that I look back on with shame. Part of it is my self-esteem, and I think the other part is my education and social upbringing. I have always been taught to behave like a gentleman- I attended cotillion and manners classes, deb balls, etc. Then I get out in the real world and get honeysuckle on for being nice to people. Agh I am just screaming to do something reckless or talk back to someone, but I can't do it.