Beginning to feel suicidal

[ardour]

Forget the apps: they're 80% male and another 10% being attention-seekers or cheaters.

You're not able to present yourself as a dynamic person online. Just continue with the attempts at socializing. Meetup.com. There should be plenty of socializing events or activities that allow you to talk to women. I'm going to them at the moment with varying success, but it's better than soul destroying Tinder nonsense.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Forget the apps: they're 80% male and another 10% being attention-seekers or cheaters.

You're not able to present yourself as a dynamic person online. Just continue with the attempts at socializing. Meetup.com. There should be plenty of socializing events or activities that allow you to talk to women. I'm going to them at the moment with varying success, but it's better than soul destroying Tinder nonsense.

Sure, like I said, I'm a member of several meetup groups, which is great because there's always something happening; nights out, rock climbing, gigs etc. That's all great, and I continue to stress that I do have an active social life and no issue talking to girls.

The "carry on doing what you're doing" bit is really what makes me think of killing myself to be honest. If all there is to life is going to work, and seeing friends & pursuing hobbies on evenings and weekends, the next 40 years is going to drag...

 

[ardour]

The "carry on doing what you're doing" bit is really what makes me think of killing myself to be honest. If all there is to life is going to work, and seeing friends & pursuing hobbies on evenings and weekends, the next 40 years is going to drag...

I hate to say it, but those friendships might drop off as people have their own families or just age out the active part of their lives. Enjoy them now.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

I hate to say it, but those friendships might drop off as people have their own families or just age out the active part of their lives. Enjoy them now.

I'm not worried, I make friends very easily. Some of my friends skew older (late 30s early 40s) and went for the whole "2.4 kids and a labrador" and I still see and speak to them regularly, other friends are in their 20s and still in their wild feral years. Between dancing, gym and meetup groups, there's no shortage of new faces and new friendships to be made. None of this really solves the problem that I'm having, only that I'm slightly hesistant to actually kill myself because I don't like upsetting people.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I guess if you dont want to keep calm and carry on… then you need to… travel and try something new?

Just try it? So many men have better luck abroad.

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

I guess if you dont want to keep calm and carry on… then you need to… travel and try something new?

Just try it? So many men have better luck abroad.

Again, I just see that as a distraction rather than a solution. There's no other situation in life where the solution is "just keep going on vacation", as though that's just a sustainable lifestyle. Let's go walk through it:

Option A) I save up money to go somewhere exotic for a few weeks, I spend my time not going out or pursuing my hobbies because I'm saving up a few grand.

Option B) I put it all on a credit card and spend the next year paying it off when I return.

Neither of those sound very appealing to me. I have taken myself abroad several times, it was fun, and expensive, and every time I still flew back to the life I live where I'm ugly & unwanted.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Again, I just see that as a distraction rather than a solution. There's no other situation in life where the solution is "just keep going on vacation", as though that's just a sustainable lifestyle. Let's go walk through it:

Option A) I save up money to go somewhere exotic for a few weeks, I spend my time not going out or pursuing my hobbies because I'm saving up a few grand.

Option B) I put it all on a credit card and spend the next year paying it off when I return.

Neither of those sound very appealing to me. I have taken myself abroad several times, it was fun, and expensive, and every time I still flew back to the life I live where I'm ugly & unwanted.

A distraction is better than suicide though… and why wont you import a bride btw?

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

and why wont you import a bride btw?

So many reasons, I'm just going to riff off the first few that come into my head:

1) I don't want to decide to marry a stranger.
2) I want to be found attractive by someone, not wanted only for a green card.
3) I think going from "never had anyone interested" straight to "married" is a terrible idea.
4) I don't want to be married right now.
5) It would make me feel like an abject failure that everyone else is able to have people attracted to them simply by being alive, but I must apparently purchase a bride because nobody else wants me.

Just pick whichever of those answers you like.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So many reasons, I'm just going to riff off the first few that come into my head:

1) I don't want to decide to marry a stranger.
2) I want to be found attractive by someone, not wanted only for a green card.
3) I think going from "never had anyone interested" straight to "married" is a terrible idea.
4) I don't want to be married right now.
5) It would make me feel like an abject failure that everyone else is able to have people attracted to them simply by being alive, but I must apparently purchase a bride because nobody else wants me.

Just pick whichever of those answers you like.

Well who said you have to marry her? Maybe just go and see if you can fall in love… UK has more flexible immigration laws than the states… dont have to literally marry someone to test the waters, are you afraid of success? Like if it works you’ll be sad as you have to accept that you arent “ugly” ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

If you found someone who was attracted to you elsewhere, would you be open to moving there? Maybe check out other areas on dating sites. That is one of the few good things about dating sites, it literally exposes you to people you might never have met before. How do you know the person you are a good match for isn't in the next country over?

 

[MysteriousTelephone]

Well who said you have to marry her? Maybe just go and see if you can fall in love… UK has more flexible immigration laws than the states… dont have to literally marry someone to test the waters, are you afraid of success? Like if it works you’ll be sad as you have to accept that you arent “ugly” ?

I mean, it's literally in the word "bride", they're not called "mail order escorts" for a reason

I still refer to the reasons above, I am not interested in having to import a human being from a third world nation to be with me because nobody else wants me. It would not solve the problems that I'm facing. I'm not lonely or looking for companionship, so it really does not appeal.

If you found someone who was attracted to you elsewhere, would you be open to moving there? Maybe check out other areas on dating sites. That is one of the few good things about dating sites, it literally exposes you to people you might never have met before. How do you know the person you are a good match for isn't in the next country over?

I'm not 100% against it, but at the same time I feel insulted that I should have to cross four corners of the globe like goddamn Indiana Jones to find a woman who thinks "he'll do!", when literally everyone else I know has found people attracted to them within 50 miles of where they happen to live. I'm not looking to start a new life with "The One" right now.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm not looking to start a new life with "The One" right now.

So you only want to find women who want to screw you? You just want to sow your wild oats to prove you can? To be seen as more "manly" whether to yourself or to others? I'm not looking for "the one" right now either, but that doesn't mean I'd turn him away if I found him.

But seriously, with how easy it is to travel and the internet, I don't think you should be insulted at all just because some other people found women to date and/or marry. Divorce rates are through the roof for a reason. Relationships don't always work, a lot of people settle, a lot of people realize they made a mistake (some of whom are afraid to admit it). Just because people have partners doesn't mean they are happy. And even if these people are you friends/family, it doesn't mean that you will know. Relationships behind the scenes are not usually as good as they look in public.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

, I am not interested in having to import a human being from a third world nation to be with me because nobody else wants me.

sorry you’re right, this is what I was trying to ask… why not?

 

[Unsigned]

and why wont you import a bride btw?

As I have stated before more than once, if guys want to do this we CANNOT import them.
We would have to live in their country.
US regular Joe Schmoe guys are a big deal in their countries. But here we're just Joe Schmoes and a foreign girl will quickly figure that out.
If you bring them to the west, they will see what's going on around them and eventually become the same as western women.
And most likely file for divorce after they attain permanent residency (3 years in the US).

 

[CenotaphGirl]

As I have stated before more than once, if guys want to do this we CANNOT import them.
We would have to live in their country.
US regular Joe Schmoe guys are a big deal in their countries. But here we're just Joe Schmoes and a foreign girl will quickly figure that out.
If you bring them to the west, they will see what's going on around them and eventually become the same as western women.
And most likely file for divorce after they attain permanent residency (3 years in the US).

Oooh you really think so ? I think they probably get an attitude… especially in the US, women there tend to be more outspoken than im used to

 

[Unsigned]

5) It would make me feel like an abject failure that everyone else is able to have people attracted to them simply by being alive, but I must apparently purchase a bride because nobody else wants me.

I have to disagree with your #5.
Regardless of what anyone else may think about me, I most certainly DO NOT consider myself a failure because I use escorts --or if I decided to find a bride in a foreign country one day.

I WOULD consider myself a failure if I was a fat middle aged man with a pot belly, financially destroyed by divorce and child support, living on a budget, and suffering from ED due to poor diet & lack of exercise. Or that same guy but married to a woman my age who was even fatter than me and always nagging me and I was paying 6 figures for college for some ungrateful kid.

 

[Unsigned]

Oooh you really think so ? I think they probably get an attitude… especially in the US, women there tend to be more outspoken than im used to

They totally turn into American-ized women.

 

[ardour]

Well who said you have to marry her? Maybe just go and see if you can fall in love… UK has more flexible immigration laws than the states… dont have to literally marry someone to test the waters, are you afraid of success? Like if it works you’ll be sad as you have to accept that you arent “ugly” ?

Love has little to do with it - otherwise why the need to go overseas.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Love has little to do with it - otherwise why the need to go overseas.

Because beauty standards differ in different countries ?

 

[user 139760]

I have to disagree with your #5.
Regardless of what anyone else may think about me, I most certainly DO NOT consider myself a failure because I use escorts --or if I decided to find a bride in a foreign country one day.

I WOULD consider myself a failure if I was a fat middle aged man with a pot belly, financially destroyed by divorce and child support, living on a budget, and suffering from ED due to poor diet & lack of exercise. Or that same guy but married to a woman my age who was even fatter than me and always nagging me and I was paying 6 figures for college for some ungrateful kid.

...funny how half of that applies to me lol.
Pot belly can't be too far behind if I keep exercising little like I have in the last few weeks
Feeling like a failiure is mildly relative and different according to the definition we give it. We also tend to limit our own possibilities. I mean, personally, I wouldn't do escorts. BUT, it works for Unsigned, he's good with that, so who am I to judge?
I wouldn't be opposed to finding love from another country either. I leave myself open to possibilities. I doubt I'd "mail order" someone, don't have the means to either lol, but if I met someone from elsewhere and it geled enough for us both to want to invest in it, I'd try to make it happen.
As for the Joe Schmoe line of thinking well...I disagree with that. Then again, you have to chose someone carefully and not rush into things. If you see her two times and move in with her, I doubt it'll turn into much if a smooth relationship, though it's not impossible either, but rarer. Takes a looong time to get to know someone and decide if it's the right fit.