First Dates

[sk66rc]

Not sure where you're going but if you happened to go to Starbucks...<snip>

Thanks for the Starbucks news. Unfortunately, we're meeting at Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf for a change of pace. The Starbucks closest to us is often riddled with teenagers, and I wanted a different approach. I figured she might appreciate that I chose something other than the "coffee place on every bloody corner." lol (Nothing against Starbucks, though. I go there all the time.)

I know what you mean... I mean, I guess teenagers gotta hang out somewhere & though I don't mind most of the times, there are times when I'm sitting in the corner in a room full of teenagers & I can't really get the "peace & quietness" I was going for... Sometimes I sortta feel bad for teenagers nowadays... There's not a lotta places for them to really "hang out" like I used to when I was a teenager...

Back to the topic on hand, I think it's a good idea... Nothing wrong with being different... Just remember, you're unique, just like everyone else ...

 

[Case]

I know what you mean... I mean, I guess teenagers gotta hang out somewhere & though I don't mind most of the times, there are times when I'm sitting in the corner in a room full of teenagers & I can't really get the "peace & quietness" I was going for... Sometimes I sortta feel bad for teenagers nowadays... There's not a lotta places for them to really "hang out" like I used to when I was a teenager...

Yeah. I wanted to get away from noise and commotion. It's not an indictment of all teenagers, of course. Only a commentary on that particular Starbucks location. However, yesterday I went to the place where my date will take place tonight and there weren't teenagers but elementary school aged kids playing like they'd been given bags filled with sugar to eat and allowed to bounce off the faux brick walls of the coffee shop's exterior like junior meth-heads. There was a lot of running and jumping and near misses with car bumpers. Kinda hoping this was a rare occurrence.

Back to the topic on hand, I think it's a good idea... Nothing wrong with being different... Just remember, you're unique, just like everyone else ...

Yes... err, I mean no! I am NOT a unique snowflake. What is this Fight Club you are referring to?

 

[sk66rc]

Back to the topic on hand, I think it's a good idea... Nothing wrong with being different... Just remember, you're unique, just like everyone else ...

Yes... err, I mean no! I am NOT a unique snowflake. What is this Fight Club you are referring to?

Ummm... What fight club?

 

[LadyDaria]

How did it go?

The first rule of fight club is that we don't talk about fight club... wait, how do I tell you the rules of fight club without talking about it... oh never mind!!

 

[Case]

Update on the coffee date:

There was no rapport. She seemed too closed off from the start. Conversation fizzled out and I felt like I was pulling teeth to get her to talk. It makes me wonder why people like her are on a dating site if they are too afraid to open up about themselves.

This was definitely good practice, though. I'm trying to see the positives.

 

[SofiasMami]

Well that's a bummer. Better luck next time!

-Teresa

 

[Case]

Well that's a bummer. Better luck next time!

-Teresa

Thanks, Teresa. It kinda makes the nervousness seem ridiculous, doesn't it? The next time I get nervous, I should just say, "Look, mate. You're being an idiot. She could turn out to be utter rubbish. Don't waste energy on anyone who isn't definitely interested in escalating the situation."

One more lesson in the bag.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Dang, sorry it didn't work out very well. Maybe she needs some time to open up?

 

[ShybutHi]

Yep Case, go into it with confidence in yourself and not be worried about the other person. Think to yourself that you are on this date because YOU want to find someone, if the person doesn't like who you are then they are not right for you.

It is pretty ridiculous to go on a date and just, well, not bother to create any rapport with the person you go on a date with... In a way, if not due to nervousness/anxiety, it is kind of rude. Anyway though, yeah does sound silly for someone like her who can't open up to be on a dating website. She is really limiting her chances with anyone if she is not going to open up at all.

Oh well ay, as Sofias said, better luck next time.

 

[Case]

Maybe she needs some time to open up?

Yes, LadyF. I agree. I also think she needs to reassess why she's on the dating site to begin with. In the past, I have developed rapport with people in a matter of minutes. Sometimes, seconds. If she couldn't muster enough interest in getting to know me in 60 minutes, then she's on a different path than me, and our paths do not converge.

It is pretty ridiculous to go on a date and just, well, not bother to create any rapport with the person you go on a date with... In a way, if not due to nervousness/anxiety, it is kind of rude. Anyway though, yeah does sound silly for someone like her who can't open up to be on a dating website. She is really limiting her chances with anyone if she is not going to open up at all.

Thanks, Shy. There didn't seem to be any nervousness on her part, particularly when she was talking about herself. In those moments, she seemed like a fun person. But she did not express any interest in getting to know me at all, which seems pointless if you're on a dating site. I can't say this was the worst coffee date I've ever had, but it was a frustrating one. C'est la vie. Or, so I keep chanting to myself, "There are more fish in the sea."

I will say one thing, though. I wish these moments didn't bother me and that I could just let it go with a snap of my fingers. Not likely. Right now, part of me feels like it was a waste of time. I know that's not true, but I do need time to process it.

 

[LadyDaria]

Conversation fizzled out and I felt like I was pulling teeth to get her to talk. It makes me wonder why people like her are on a dating site if they are too afraid to open up about themselves.This was definitely good practice, though. I'm trying to see the positives.

I don't know... this is why I gave up the dating sites. I would say though I think it has to do with people not really being able to accurately evaluate themselves and or what they are actually looking for. Myself included. Of course don't give up based on one date but I found often when I went on these things I ended up with someone who wasn't right for me and made me feel like I was pulling teeth to sustain conversation. After 4 or 5 of them my ego was taking a beating and I figured I was on the wrong track.

Sorry it was a disappointment.

 

[sk66rc]

Uh, man... I'm sorry... I don't know if you had any expectations for this date but it's always a bummer when things don't go the way we thought it was gonna go... Better luck next time...

 

[ShybutHi]

I don't know... this is why I gave up the dating sites. I would say though I think it has to do with people not really being able to accurately evaluate themselves and or what they are actually looking for. Myself included. Of course don't give up based on one date but I found often when I went on these things I ended up with someone who wasn't right for me and made me feel like I was pulling teeth to sustain conversation. After 4 or 5 of them my ego was taking a beating and I figured I was on the wrong track.

Sorry it was a disappointment.

Meeting up with some random person who you don't really know... Real attraction is fairly rare really and I think you are right that most people don't really know what they are looking for.

What if you find someone who seems really nice but happens to be desperate for a relationship and acts really interested, but not because they are truly attracted to you? It could be for companionship, could be financial, could be just for sex, who knows.

They might not even know what they want well enough to judge if a relationship will truly work. I suppose in a way it is like that for everyone to a point though. There is just a bit more risk involved if you have not known each other for a long period of time. Experience helps somewhat in this area I guess and knowing oneself, what you admire in a person and what has the potential to work.

This is one reason why I think dating is a bit odd in some ways though... It has the potential for creating a lot of fleeting relationships, but I suppose that is not necessarily a bad thing, it depends. It might be good while it lasted, give you some relationship experience.

It does work for a lot of people out there too. I know someone who found a partner from online dating, they are getting married and actually suit each other really well.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Maybe she needs some time to open up?

Yes, LadyF. I agree. I also think she needs to reassess why she's on the dating site to begin with. In the past, I have developed rapport with people in a matter of minutes. Sometimes, seconds. If she couldn't muster enough interest in getting to know me in 60 minutes, then she's on a different path than me, and our paths do not converge.

It is pretty ridiculous to go on a date and just, well, not bother to create any rapport with the person you go on a date with... In a way, if not due to nervousness/anxiety, it is kind of rude. Anyway though, yeah does sound silly for someone like her who can't open up to be on a dating website. She is really limiting her chances with anyone if she is not going to open up at all.

Thanks, Shy. There didn't seem to be any nervousness on her part, particularly when she was talking about herself. In those moments, she seemed like a fun person. But she did not express any interest in getting to know me at all, which seems pointless if you're on a dating site. I can't say this was the worst coffee date I've ever had, but it was a frustrating one. C'est la vie. Or, so I keep chanting to myself, "There are more fish in the sea."

I will say one thing, though. I wish these moments didn't bother me and that I could just let it go with a snap of my fingers. Not likely. Right now, part of me feels like it was a waste of time. I know that's not true, but I do need time to process it.

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying Case. Pfft, I'm sorry it didn't go very well. If she's not at the very least showing interesting in knowing more about you... then yeah, I don't understand what the whole point was really. *hugs* I hope it will be much better and have a more positive outcome for you next time.

 

[ardour]

It probably wasn't anything you said. She might not have felt any attraction from the offset and didn't think there was any point in knowing you. IMO it's very rude not to make some effort if you're arranged to meet, but some people are just shallow and inconsiderate.