Having trouble finding people

[Sog1185]

So I'm just pretty much baffled at the whole dating thing altogether. Where am I supposed to actually meet people? I do some clubs and some recreational sports, but for the most part the people there don't really seem interested in me. Also the pool of people is generally small, and of those, the amount of people who are actually available is even smaller. If it takes this much effort just to find one person who will go on one date with you, then how does anyone ever find someone to get into a relationship?

I've thought about going around and trying talking to random strangers and seeing what happens, but is that really what people do? You're just supposed to walk up to someone and start talking? I'm pretty sure I've never had someone try to talk to me like that before. And I keep my eyes open but everyone seems to either be in a group or just so preoccupied that they aren't approachable anyway.

 

[jjam]

It's a tough business for the shy/introverted types. Let's not even get into all of the other handicaps that would hinder people from progressing in the dating game.

I pretty much suck at it too. Right now I follow an assumption that any woman I find attractive has already been taken, so usually I don't even bother. How can you ever have a chance if you don't take a chance? I guess I need someone to make it blatantly obvious that they're single and at least somewhat attracted to me before I make moves.

 

[samba101]

The alternative might be dating websites, I'm not looking forward to going on there myself only reason why is because I hear they can be pretty useless, plus I'm an introvert and for the life of me can not converse easily so I've got a big problem to start off with. I'm already cringing at the thought of dates, I saw a speed dating show on television and saw the anxiety on a persons face and their nervousness and you could have said that was me.

 

[Sog1185]

Well, I don't really have a problem holding a conversation once I start talking (or if I've been drinking). The problem is just getting there. Are random strangers really that receptive? If someone just walked up to me and tried to start a conversation when I least expected it (which has never, ever happened to me), I know that would make me feel uncomfortable. But is this really what "extroverted" people do?

After thinking about it, the one thing that I'm really afraid of is that they will "figure it out". Like the only reason that you're talking to them is because you want you want a date or sex. The idea of someone thinking that I'm trying to "game" them is horrifying to me for some reason.

So I've tried the online thing, the free ones anyway. What basically happens is you send out dozens of messages and get no replies. No one wants to talk to you, so you end up feeling more alone than when you started. I don't think I'm an unattractive person - I'm young, in shape, I have an interesting job and am involved in a lot of other things outside of work, so there's not much more I can do on my end. I did figure out if you send a really insulting message that tears apart their profile you were almost guaranteed a response, but that gets old fast and ultimately defeats the purpose for why you're there.

I have actually tried speed dating. Twice. The first time was about a year ago when I was 50 lbs heavier and much more socially awkward, so I pretty much blew it completely (I think, I don't remember it all that much). The second time I thought I fared very well, but there was really only one attractive person there and she wasn't a match. I don't like dating events really because they feel so artificial. Like putting some animals in a cage and expecting them to spontaneously pair up and start mating.