I seem to attract a certain type of guy

[coricopat]

I'm noticing a pattern here. The guys that come after me are all the same. At first I thought it was the guys, that there was a certain type that likes to go after the freshly divorced. Or maybe they just hit on every girl that crosses their path. But then I noticed that they had certain similarities to my ex and that the problem might be me.

The guys that seem to like me, the ex included, they're a little too low on individuality and a little too high on neediness. Originally they all seem pretty nice, funny and charming and sensitive, if wanting to move a bit fast, but I realize now that with all of them I might as well just be holding up a mirror....the reason they seem interesting is b/c they're just molding themselves around my own personality. My interests immediately become their interests, my views their views, etc.

I'd like to think I've learned from my past mistakes, and while having a guy that seems to worship you definitely has its perks, it's not real and requires a lot more maintenance than I'd like to put into a relationship.

So....can anybody tell me what I'm doing to attract the phony sensitives? How do I unattract them?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hard to say really... since I do not know you. Sounds to me like you enjoy the princess treatment. Maybe it is something in the way you dress or walk or talk that yells out WORSHIP me. Or maybe these guys are just desparate for anyone... I don't know it is hard to say. Have you tried changing your apperance? Maybe going out and finding some place new to meet guys?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

mmmm..it's more like you're attracted to certain types of guy.

There's a saying passed on to me a long time ago.
I'll only attract people that's as sick or as well is I am.
But the truth of the matter is I'm attracted to female that's about as sick or as well as i am.
As you stated it's like looking at yourself in the mirror.

Don't condem or judge yourself. Reconition and admission is the first step of you wanting to change.
Self acceptence, love yourself.

There's not wrong with wanting to love someone. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be showered with love.

Being a woman...maybe it's just simple motherly instinct you have.

I one of those guys. I attract a lot of nurses. All wanna take me home and love me back to life or fix me.
Healing my broken heart. But I take a closer look..I attract a lot more than nurses.

maybe you're sick and tire of being sick and tire of men thinking somehow you can fix them.
Is that what you mean by saying..it's too much work?
Newly divorced men have emotional bagages and kind of sucks the life force out of ya?

And bascailly all the women I've been with has similar traits. Even thier looks.
But if i honestly sit down and write out thier differences. All of the women I've been with are all different too.

Maybe it's just about finding a balance.
Maybe just stop feeling guitly about it...becuase you probably mold yourself around guys too, more than you're willing to admit.
I mean ...how else is a couple suppose to relate to one another? It's about compromising.
Isn't that what a woman want...at some level you're going to want me to be interested in you, if we were in a relationship.
But you don't want a man to lose himself in you all the time...if he did , you wanna know if he's well enough to retain himself and still love himself.
You just want him to lose himself on your schedule? There's plenty of men out there's flexiable enough to do that. Take the lead when you need him to.
Maybe it's just a matter of simple cummunications and telling guys to give you space without feeling guilty or wihout them freaking out.

Maybe it's just a simple matter of you learning how to say "no" without feeling guilty.

Maybe try asking a guy out...The guy that you really want to know and be with.


Maybe you're just a very attractive women...You simply attract a lot of people. Nothing wrong with that.
Might be annoying after a while or the newly divorced men you chose are cliggie.
Not all newly deviorced men are cliggie ya know. Maybe they're in heart breaking mode....Is that what you're afriad of?
Or you met newly diviorced men that were emotionally unavaliable to you after you get to know them better ( becuase they simply did take the time to heal).
Or you met some that were emotionally unavaliable and also emotions vampires both at the sametime.

Yeah...relationship maintenance get freaken old sometimes and takes work. It's not free that's for sure.
But if you were to work on yourself...love yourself and stuff like that...that takes work too....Pick your pioson I guess.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Perhaps the guys attracted to you see something in you that they can "worship" in a sense. Or maybe they just aren't real with themselves, or think that every female wants to be treated that way. Make it clear what you want and how you'd like to be treated, and that throwing themselves over your toes might quickly get them the boot.

 

[simpleman]

Truly no offense. But don't kid yourself. You actually think it's just you that guys will tell anything to get laid?

 

[nerdygirl]

Here's a thought. Any chance your personality is a little dominating? I'm not saying you should be like me and go make an ad on collarme or anything. There is a difference between having a dominant personality and gleefully bringing out the violet wand.

I ask because you describe over half of the men who have been attracted to me over the years. A lot of them don't even realize they're doing it. They just like you so much and they want to conform in some manner that will please you. Try talking with them about it in a way that will not be super obvious. "I like the way we get along, despite our differences. You help me see things from another point of view." That sort of thing.

 

[coricopat]

Hard to say really... since I do not know you. Sounds to me like you enjoy the princess treatment. Maybe it is something in the way you dress or walk or talk that yells out WORSHIP me. Or maybe these guys are just desparate for anyone... I don't know it is hard to say. Have you tried changing your apperance? Maybe going out and finding some place new to meet guys?

I've been called a feminazi and a *****, but never a princess (unless you count my daddy). I like how I look, so I'm not really willing to change that, and these guys are just people I bump into along the way.....I don't really know how to go out and meet guys, and I'm not really looking for one anyway.

It does seem like these are the kind of guys just desperate to meet anyone, and I think it could be that simple, but like in one case, I had a mutual friend basically throw women in his direction and he would not take the bait! He'd go out of his way to explain to me why none of these girls were right for him. He's finally dating someone now, but not until after I'd gotten tired of polite disinterest and basically told him to fresia off.

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I like how I look, so I'm not really willing to change that...

Good for you - besides which, you're very pretty.

It does seem like these are the kind of guys just desperate to meet anyone, and I think it could be that simple

I'd go with that. Sometimes people (men and women alike) are so focused on meeting someone that they misguidedly believe that they have to kind of suck up to them in order to keep them. Plenty of women feign interest in football just to spend those 8 hours on Sundays with their boyfriends or husbands.

 

[coricopat]

mmmm..it's more like you're attracted to certain types of guy.

There's a saying passed on to me a long time ago.
I'll only attract people that's as sick or as well is I am.
But the truth of the matter is I'm attracted to female that's about as sick or as well as i am.
As you stated it's like looking at yourself in the mirror.

Don't condem or judge yourself. Reconition and admission is the first step of you wanting to change.
Self acceptence, love yourself.

There's not wrong with wanting to love someone. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be showered with love.

Being a woman...maybe it's just simple motherly instinct you have.

I one of those guys. I attract a lot of nurses. All wanna take me home and love me back to life or fix me.
Healing my broken heart. But I take a closer look..I attract a lot more than nurses.

maybe you're sick and tire of being sick and tire of men thinking somehow you can fix them.
Is that what you mean by saying..it's too much work?
Newly divorced men have emotional bagages and kind of sucks the life force out of ya?

And bascailly all the women I've been with has similar traits. Even thier looks.
But if i honestly sit down and write out thier differences. All of the women I've been with are all different too.

Maybe it's just about finding a balance.
Maybe just stop feeling guitly about it...becuase you probably mold yourself around guys too, more than you're willing to admit.
I mean ...how else is a couple suppose to relate to one another? It's about compromising.
Isn't that what a woman want...at some level you're going to want me to be interested in you, if we were in a relationship.
But you don't want a man to lose himself in you all the time...if he did , you wanna know if he's well enough to retain himself and still love himself.
You just want him to lose himself on your schedule? There's plenty of men out there's flexiable enough to do that. Take the lead when you need him to.
Maybe it's just a matter of simple cummunications and telling guys to give you space without feeling guilty or wihout them freaking out.

Maybe it's just a simple matter of you learning how to say "no" without feeling guilty.

Maybe try asking a guy out...The guy that you really want to know and be with.


Maybe you're just a very attractive women...You simply attract a lot of people. Nothing wrong with that.
Might be annoying after a while or the newly divorced men you chose are cliggie.
Not all newly deviorced men are cliggie ya know. Maybe they're in heart breaking mode....Is that what you're afriad of?
Or you met newly diviorced men that were emotionally unavaliable to you after you get to know them better ( becuase they simply did take the time to heal).
Or you met some that were emotionally unavaliable and also emotions vampires both at the sametime.

Yeah...relationship maintenance get freaken old sometimes and takes work. It's not free that's for sure.
But if you were to work on yourself...love yourself and stuff like that...that takes work too....Pick your pioson I guess.

You make some good points. One thing I should mention though is I'm not attracted to these guys. And the men aren't newly divorced, I am.

---

Perhaps the guys attracted to you see something in you that they can "worship" in a sense. Or maybe they just aren't real with themselves, or think that every female wants to be treated that way. Make it clear what you want and how you'd like to be treated, and that throwing themselves over your toes might quickly get them the boot.

They definitely aren't real with themselves. I don't think any of them have a clue who they are. That's mainly why I'm not attracted to them. How can you be attracted to someone that doesn't have a personality of their own?

---

Truly no offense. But don't kid yourself. You actually think it's just you that guys will tell anything to get laid?

No offense taken. These guys aren't looking to get laid, they're looking for a RELATIONSHIP (all caps for a reason). Besides, I'm not the kind of girl that has to have the pretense of a romance before she'll put out. Manual dexterity and stamina will get you in my bed a lot quicker than pretending you're an X-files fan or like cats better than dogs.

---

Here's a thought. Any chance your personality is a little dominating? I'm not saying you should be like me and go make an ad on collarme or anything. There is a difference between having a dominant personality and gleefully bringing out the violet wand.

I ask because you describe over half of the men who have been attracted to me over the years. A lot of them don't even realize they're doing it. They just like you so much and they want to conform in some manner that will please you. Try talking with them about it in a way that will not be super obvious. "I like the way we get along, despite our differences. You help me see things from another point of view." That sort of thing.

Well, while I definitely don't think so, my mother-in-law **** sure did so you may have a point. And I always felt like I was bending over backwards to protect my husband's fragile confidence and masculinity.

As for the BDSM bit, you speak like a woman with a lot of personal experience in that area. Can I ask what a violet wand is? Sounds like some kind of e-stim thingy.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If you're newly divorced . Then it's just a matter of communications.
Makes sense why a relationship seems like a lot of work to you.
After every long term relationship break up..after the roller coaters stage, after the rebound stage...I get a bit more
picky about who my next partner will be....nothing wrong with that.

There's just certain thing I won't go for in a woman or women...I don't care how good looking she is or if she think she's a goddess.
And i don't feel guilty about it...I'm looking for a lot more than just sex and romance. I might even come across as stuck up to
some women that are attracted to me...Oh well, i can do better, I deserve better or I lived through too much bullshit to settle
for less. Been there and done that.

I had women by the dozens throw themselves at me after my divorce. So I know how that gose too.
An don't kid yourself...plenty of women wants to get laid...i don't even have to say a word or even hit up on them....they come to me, striaght up.

Yes, i made alot of mistakes in my relationships with women...and yes i don't want to repeat the same mistakes again..
but I'm not going to beat up on myself

 

[nerdygirl]

Well, while I definitely don't think so, my mother-in-law **** sure did so you may have a point. And I always felt like I was bending over backwards to protect my husband's fragile confidence and masculinity.

As for the BDSM bit, you speak like a woman with a lot of personal experience in that area. Can I ask what a violet wand is? Sounds like some kind of e-stim thingy.

You can protect confidence and masculinity and maintain a dominant personality. In fact, dominant people are often the ones left with such tasks. Your description of him requiring your strength and protection says a lot.

Yes. A violet wand is for electrostimulation.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I had women by the dozens throw themselves at me after my divorce. So I know how that gose too.

There is something about being just out of a long-term relationship that makes you noticeable. Maybe it's a pheromone change, maybe it's something etched into your face, but yeah.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Pheromones?...I smell smexy?
etches on my face? Smexy stampped on my forehead?.lol
I probably taste smexy too? After all...they kissed and licked from head to toe.

Maybe some women saw me with my ex's around and about.
Maybe they're thinking..there's have to be something decent or passionate about me for the types of women i choose to be with.

Maybe i just had money to burned and drove a fancy sports car.
Maybe i was a bit wild and free spirited had needed to be taimed. it's a territory thing?
Maybe I was just out and about more, so i run into women more often.
Maybe it's the spikes on my belt, messy spikes hair, and the way I strut myself with an egotistic, i don't give a fresia attitiude
that comes across as having a lot of self-confidence. Maybe it's becuase i have a hard smexy body?
Maybe guitar player simply gose through more G strings....
Maybe I'm bad boy and I attract bad nughty girls?

Probably none of the above....
it's becuase I got caught stairing at the thier tities and trying to figure out how thier nipples look like.
That also comes across to those women as..." i know you're smexy..shower me with your love, babe."?lol

 

[VanillaCreme]

Perhaps the guys attracted to you see something in you that they can "worship" in a sense. Or maybe they just aren't real with themselves, or think that every female wants to be treated that way. Make it clear what you want and how you'd like to be treated, and that throwing themselves over your toes might quickly get them the boot.

They definitely aren't real with themselves. I don't think any of them have a clue who they are. That's mainly why I'm not attracted to them. How can you be attracted to someone that doesn't have a personality of their own?

---

---

I agree. That's why I liked my ex. I was attracted to him because he has such a strong personality. He might be a total asshat, but he is his own person. And I love that in people.

 

[Remedy]

I agree. That's why I liked my ex. I was attracted to him because he has such a strong personality. He might be a total asshat, but he is his own person. And I love that in people.

This is where I need to be stronger and establish my own personality so that girls will actually like me. Maybe I can actually achieve a strong personality with being a nice guy at the same time. Don't know how it is possible though. Jerks seem to have girls revolving them like sun has planets because of this.

I still don't get why girls date a guy when they know hes a total jerk even if he has established his own unique identity, though. He's still going to be a total jerk to them and most of the time you can't "magically" change them. Jerks don't deserve girls but the trend will never end. My sister has friends who constantly date jerks, its kind of hard to understand.

I just wanted to ask is that the only thing that is appealing about them. Is that they have a strong dominant personality? It still gives them no right to be a jerk to women though . I guess if some girls just dont learn and these guys keep getting girls, they won't feel the need to change. This world is quite confusing, I don't know. Although, I do know there are guys who don't show their mean side until later. It does sound really hard sometimes :/.

 

[yesm]

You must grow a respectable beard, find a sacred spot in the Himilayas, and recover the sacred shrubbery of fancy lala fairy tails. You must then bring the shrubbery to a man in upstate new york by the name of Joey. He runs a little pizza joint. You must order from him a small cheese pizza with anchovies and give him a stray cat. Don't ask about the cat and he will give you the secret location where you must plant the shrubbery. When it is planted, you must wait 3 months for it to bloom upon which time a certain southern migrating bird will discover it and lead you to their master. Dr. Hubert Farnsworth, he will tell you the ancient secret of attracting a smart, socially intelligent male with confidence who won't be needy. He will also cheat on you once and swear never to do it again, but then do it again anyway. However, you will still forgive him. Then he will stop cheating for good or you just won't find out a bunch of times, but then 30 years later he'll do it again, but it'll be too late to keep dating so you'll just stay where you are and get a hobby or try to rekindle some sort of affair.

However if the whole shrubbery thing doesn't work out, you'll try not dating guys that aren't all the same, see where it goes and go from there... but I highly suggest finding the sacred shrubbery, that's a pretty sweet deal in the end.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I agree. That's why I liked my ex. I was attracted to him because he has such a strong personality. He might be a total asshat, but he is his own person. And I love that in people.

This is where I need to be stronger and establish my own personality so that girls will actually like me. Maybe I can actually achieve a strong personality with being a nice guy at the same time. Don't know how it is possible though. Jerks seem to have girls revolving them like sun has planets because of this.

I still don't get why girls date a guy when they know hes a total jerk even if he has established his own unique identity, though. He's still going to be a total jerk to them and most of the time you can't "magically" change them. Jerks don't deserve girls but the trend will never end. My sister has friends who constantly date jerks, its kind of hard to understand.

Well, Remedy
It just SEEMS that way. Obviously a relationship is not going to last too long if I treat a woman like crap...

Bascailly women I get involve with have very strong personalities themselves. They're very demanding, sometimes very striaght
forward or assertive.

A person on the outside looking in won't see that.
They won't see what gose behind close doors and many arguments,
screaming and shoutings women dose...to get her way. (negociations.lol)
hahahaaaa...you havn't seen that sweet pretty innocent looking babe show the bitchiness mean streaks.

I belive you might have the wrong impression of some women.(a lot of women) Just becuase they look pretty dosn't mean they're push overs
or spineless.

But i say...around 95% of the time I am nice to the woman I'm with
actaully too nice sometimes. I give the woman i love a lot of free passes
that i wouldn't give other people.

 

[coricopat]

I'll pass on the shrubbery, as that is exactly the kind of complication I am trying to avoid in my life. I agree on the pheromones though. I think we recently divorced emit a scent that tells others 'lonely, able to commit, needs to be messed'. I'll stop by the vets and see if I can't have that gland removed.

My mom says it's b/c I'm too nice and that because I'm still friendly towards guys that I have rejected, that to them my 'no thanks, friends only please' means 'you need to try a little harder'.

A couple days ago, I actually said, "Sorry, but you've been totally friendzoned" to a guy when he started in on his routine again. That worked. I guess I might lose a few potential male friends that way, but I need to realize they weren't ever friend material to begin with.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I think we recently divorced emit a scent that tells others 'lonely, able to commit, needs to be messed'.

Yeah, I've always described it as hurt and vulnerability just rippling off us in waves, and in my case especially noticeable to unscrupulous ********. I am an *******-magnet, but that's probably complicated by my self-esteem issues.

I need an ******* repellent spray or better vision.

 

[mintymint]

I need an ******* repellent spray or better vision.

And I need Divorcée by Calvin Klein