I'm starting to understand why people become "players"

[Xpendable]

Negativity is only a turn off to simplistic minds trying to avoid the projection from their own negative thoughts in hope to pretend everythig is fine for as long as possible.

 

[MentatsGhoul]

I kinda feel embarrassed reading back at this thread and surprised it's still popping up after so long. Wish it would stay buried, I feel like my cringey overanalyzing of random girls looking at me and my stupid use of language aren't that great to look back on, like I've changed so much in such a short amount of time.

Anyway, I've had quite a bit of drama since making this thread. No relationships, but sure as hell went through a lot of honeysuckle for having feelings for people. Some of the points still stand I guess, though, I'm honestly confused about life right now. Truth is, I'm not even that shy anymore. I'm just not someone who fits in socially. I can't even go into full detail as to why, it's no one reason, but to put it shortly, I'm just too much of an outcast to meet most people's expectations. I don't have any close friends, I don't go out much, I DO have hobbies and interests, but I'm not one to obsess over them and while I consider myself an intelligent person, I'm most certainly not a good fit for the "academic" type of outlook on life expected by and of most students.

I know trying to get a girl on a date will be tough, and I know for a fact that I won't be able to keep their interest for long. It'll be a challenge, whether I keep waiting for someone I can really focus on, connect with and make it work, or I just try to chat up as many people in general, and maybe ask a few girls on dates when I feel comfortable. Both will require a great deal of social effort from me, and I worry at the end, they'll just see me for who I really am. A bad person.

Dude this is totally the wrong attitude..

"I know trying to get a girl on a date will be tough, and I know for a fact that I won't be able to keep their interest for long"

sure it might be tough..but you need to think positively..negativity is such a turn off....and why do you think your a bad person???

Thats not a great attitude to have either...are you a rapist or an axe murderer?? We all make mistakes...learn from them..

To an extent I agree, but then... I honestly feel like for the most part, it's true. I'm not just a socially awkward nerd or whatever. I'm someone who genuinely has no friends. Even online friends, I'm not able to keep for more than a year in the best of cases for the most part. I'm just completely out of touch with what it means to be socially normal. And to an extent, I don't even want to be. I mean, I've been like that my whole life, I like my freedom and I like being my own person. Yet, this sadly makes me either seen as uninteresting at best, or at worst, scary, shady and weird, leading some people to be outright hostile in how they view me.

And personally, I say I'm a bad person because I've always ended up hurting everyone I've been close to in some form or another. I can't think of anyone I would honestly consider better off for having met me. Perhaps you could say that I strive to be a good person, true. But that's true for 99.9% of people. Most "bad" people don't even realise they're bad. So, in my personal view of the world, it's your actions that matter, not who you idealise yourself to be.

Anyway man, I'm sorry, I don't mean to dismiss what you're saying. I know that I need to focus on the positive more and be more forgiving to myself and other people. Just kind of being cynical right now I guess.

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

Negativity is only a turn off to simplistic minds trying to avoid the projection from their own negative thoughts in hope to pretend everythig is fine for as long as possible.

Do you enjoy being negative? Angry and sad?
What are the benefits?

Id like to think I have an open mind.

If you can convince me that being negative..has more benefits than being as positive as possible...I would CERTAINLY be willing to change my way of thinking.

Yes i have negative thoughts which cause negative feelings...sadness..anger...contempt. I don't enjoy those feelings..I try and channel them..usually through exercise..into something constructive.

And I dont believe everything is fine...everything is never fine...but i accept the challenges..for what they are..a test. I may pass ..grow and learn or I may fail...and again...grow and learn...and when the test comes again..Ill do better.

Do you have more good days or bad days?

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

I kinda feel embarrassed reading back at this thread and surprised it's still popping up after so long. Wish it would stay buried, I feel like my cringey overanalyzing of random girls looking at me and my stupid use of language aren't that great to look back on, like I've changed so much in such a short amount of time.

Anyway, I've had quite a bit of drama since making this thread. No relationships, but sure as hell went through a lot of honeysuckle for having feelings for people. Some of the points still stand I guess, though, I'm honestly confused about life right now. Truth is, I'm not even that shy anymore. I'm just not someone who fits in socially. I can't even go into full detail as to why, it's no one reason, but to put it shortly, I'm just too much of an outcast to meet most people's expectations. I don't have any close friends, I don't go out much, I DO have hobbies and interests, but I'm not one to obsess over them and while I consider myself an intelligent person, I'm most certainly not a good fit for the "academic" type of outlook on life expected by and of most students.

I know trying to get a girl on a date will be tough, and I know for a fact that I won't be able to keep their interest for long. It'll be a challenge, whether I keep waiting for someone I can really focus on, connect with and make it work, or I just try to chat up as many people in general, and maybe ask a few girls on dates when I feel comfortable. Both will require a great deal of social effort from me, and I worry at the end, they'll just see me for who I really am. A bad person.

Dude this is totally the wrong attitude..

"I know trying to get a girl on a date will be tough, and I know for a fact that I won't be able to keep their interest for long"

sure it might be tough..but you need to think positively..negativity is such a turn off....and why do you think your a bad person???

Thats not a great attitude to have either...are you a rapist or an axe murderer?? We all make mistakes...learn from them..

To an extent I agree, but then... I honestly feel like for the most part, it's true. I'm not just a socially awkward nerd or whatever. I'm someone who genuinely has no friends. Even online friends, I'm not able to keep for more than a year in the best of cases for the most part. I'm just completely out of touch with what it means to be socially normal. And to an extent, I don't even want to be. I mean, I've been like that my whole life, I like my freedom and I like being my own person. Yet, this sadly makes me either seen as uninteresting at best, or at worst, scary, shady and weird, leading some people to be outright hostile in how they view me.

And personally, I say I'm a bad person because I've always ended up hurting everyone I've been close to in some form or another. I can't think of anyone I would honestly consider better off for having met me. Perhaps you could say that I strive to be a good person, true. But that's true for 99.9% of people. Most "bad" people don't even realise they're bad. So, in my personal view of the world, it's your actions that matter, not who you idealise yourself to be.

Anyway man, I'm sorry, I don't mean to dismiss what you're saying. I know that I need to focus on the positive more and be more forgiving to myself and other people. Just kind of being cynical right now I guess.

Dude talk about hurting people.....jesus i am the KING! Recently I did the most hurtful thing possible...to the people I love the most and who love me...I LEFT THEM! Ran away from the problems of a marriage in trouble...left my children..Only after MONTHS of hard work...changing my behavior and outlook...was I able to begin to patch things up. You are too hard on yourself. You have to love yourself first before you can love others...and they can love you. You tried seeing a counselor..or getting a little therapy? It can help..

No need to apologize bro...We all get down at some point..

 

[Forsaken-Knight]

i take it your a Dune fan too....Mentats.....LOL..outstanding....

I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.[