My mind's leftovers/ Sexual Frustration/ Attraction to both men and women...

[Luna]

It is Saturday afternoon.
The sky bright, with gentle snowflakes dancing in the air...
Here I am, with my legs outstretched on the living room couch - a pillow on my lap - confiding my innermost feelings, to a cold, uncaring product of technology.
A "laptop" is what they call it...for me, I call him my friend.

Another week has passed, and another weekend has come.
An opportunity for me to release the unwelcome energies which I have struggled to suppress during the weekday - just to function properly in the real world.
Often at work, I look forward to the weekend drawing nearer day by day. The weekends, when I am in all of my lonesome glory; I release the suppressed thoughts and emotions...and my mind becomes a battlefield.

Sometimes I wonder, if I take sick enjoyment in causing myself mental anguish, and indulging in my everlasting misery.
Either way, something said here must have caught your attention (I said "Sex" in my subject title! I tricked you into reading my incessant ramblings before getting to the real good honeysuckle! =D) to read the mental diarrhea of an ungrateful 20-something year old girl.

Shall we begin?

1. Sexual Fustration

Coming from conservative values, I find it hard to "fit" into such a sexually-driven culture. Contrary to popular "mainstream" belief, having conservative values does not translate to being: A) A prude, B) A religious-zealot and/or C) Freakishly unattractive.
I am trying to refrain myself from reading forums from dating sites as I will come over posts such as these:

"To me, a...virgin is an overgrown little girl who has delayed her psychological development so she could cling to girlhood notions. In other words, she missed the bus. Sex was supposed to happen a while ago. Shirkers get no acclaim by my lights."
"It sounds harsh, but I agree...It's naive to save yourself for a notion such as marriage, as it's nothing more than a cultural phenomenon. You're a social primate that places great emphasis on sexuality. You're only hindering your own maturity into adulthood by waiting."
"Right before you get married.
Take a test drive honey!
You might be stuck with the 30sec. man for the rest of your marriage otherwise."

The above-noted are compliments of Plentyoffreaks.com.
(Apparently over there, they all are sex gods/ goddesses over there, and are experts at maintaining all their relationships.)
Their forums also carry many other insightful topics such as "Would you leave your partner if they became sick and could not sexually please you?" with the general consensus being "Yes/ I would cheat/ My needs come first/ That is their problem, not mine etc."
I have been mind-messed one too many times, that I don't even know if I can call myself a virgin anymore.

Much of my mentality consists of:
"It's not that I don't want to fresia. It's that I don't want to fresia YOU when I don't even know you - who are you again?"
"fresia! You don't even know my last name and you expect me to fresia you???"

What sex means to every person, differs from one to another.
For myself, I desire a mental/ emotional/ spiritual connection with a person.
I believe that sex is a physical expression of that connection.
Ideally, I would like to have a relationship built on friendship and said connections before having sex.
However, much of my initial meetups with people have all resulted in failure.
Not to say that I regret not putting out on the first meetup in order to see if we are "sexually compatible"; but I dislike this "Put out or get out." mentality that many carry.
While I believe that sex is essential to a healthy relationship, I do not believe it is glue that holds a relationship together. It is just a PIECE.
When one piece is lost or damaged...you work together, to come to a solution. Of course, it is easier said than done, but relationships are work. You aren't exactly being handed out free candy when you go into a relationship. It is a commitment that you can choose to take, or not.

I understand that especially for those around my young age; many of them are going through sexual experimentation...however, with my wanting to avoid: 1) Unwanted pregnancies, 2) STDs (I want a STD test to be done...but many people refuse to take one), 3) Becoming a fresia-and-chuck...has left me frustrated, and feeling like an outcast.

As much as I would like to beat down any attractive man that falls into my viewpoint with one of my skis; drag him by his legs (After paralyzing them, of course) into a dark, dark, dark alley and have my way with him, I'm afraid my mind (and laws) prevents me from doing so.

I am not so much seeking advice on how to cope with sexual fustration, because the answer is... quite obvious.

(P.S. Pls no PMs offering to help me out on this "problem of mine"...hahaha...)

2. Attraction to both men and women...

Originally when I started my account on Plentyoffreaks.com, I listed my profile as searching for women. <.<
I have always felt more comfortable towards women...their softness, gentle appearance...(Okay, well...some women hahaha...). But I never have tried to attempt a romantic relationship with one.

I have never struggled with my sexual orientation growing up, as I have always associated myself with heterosexuality. At times, I wonder if had I not been raised with a conservative family - would I have been more open about my attraction towards women? I have never displayed any attraction to women to my family, or the public eye. It has always lurked in the back of mind, but yet, it doesn't bother me. I do not feel as if I am "being" less of myself or suppressing anything of the sort.

It's not a case of "I am attracted to women, but I am afraid of coming out" or "I am sexually confused..."
I know that I can love a person...male or female.
Should I ever be with a woman - I know it would just break my grandma's heart - but regardless, I still know that my family will still love me.

How common is this?
Do you feel that due to societal and cultural norms, that many of us have an attraction to both sexes, but act on one moreso?
Just a thought that had crossed my mind...

*cough*

As this post is quite long and your eyes are likely getting tired now, I shall save the rest of my rambling for another day!

=P

 

[Badjedidude]

Well, I agree with you about sex being about an emotional connection. Sure, I could go ahead and screw any random girl who wants me, and it would physically feel great for as long as it lasted...but afterward I'd feel empty and sort of sickened at myself. To have sex with someone I need some sort of connection with the woman, to know that she cares about me in some way. That emotional bond is a large part of what makes sex worthwhile for me. There's just something really awesome about knowing that you're giving pleasure to someone that you care for, and who cares for you in return.

As for the attraction to both men and women...I honestly don't think that anyone has the answer. There are so many definitions of human sexuality, so many areas into which it branches that it's hard to answer a question like that. Personally, I'm a man and I'm only attracted to women. Yeah, I can tell when a guy is handsome or well-built, but it does nothing sexually or romantically for me. A goodly amount of the reason that I would be interested in a woman romantically is BECAUSE she is a woman and not a man. *shrug*

But that's just me. I don't think you're "abnormal" for being interested in both sexes. That view is perhaps not the most common, but I don't think it's rare or disgusting or anything like that. So...I say embrace it and explore it. That's really the only way for you to know what works in your own life.

 

[Remedy]

That one example you gave from whatever it was from is why I dont go to dating sites or forums that often.The only forums I ever go to now is this one because the other one's just ended up making me feel really bad.They would just end up saying things like "I didn't know it was so hard to get laid". I completely agree with the both of you that sex is probably better off with an emotional connection. I don't think I could ever do it without that because it would seem so pointless. So many people think of sex as the number one thing in a relationship and it just sickens me. It's like the only thing people care about is how much pleasure they can receive from another human being when it should be so much more. I don't think I could screw any random girl either because it would have no meaning but I don't know how I would react to a situation like that because I don't think any girl has ever been attracted to me in that way. As far as sexual frustration goes I know how it is because to be 22 and a deprived male it just doesn't feel right at all to be without it at this late in age. Like all of the friends I have ever had, have had sex so it does leave me quite saddened. It's hard when most of society labels you as a freak or a loser and makes you feel even more frustrated. You are a huge step in front of me if you have had the chance to do it because I have never have. It might be because I'm an unattractive male and we usually don't get any attention at all. That doesn't really matter though when all you really want is a strong emotional connection with someone when you do it.


As for being attracted to both genders it does seem perfectly normal, especially for females. Girls seem to be more open to the idea than guys because they seem to be more into the qualities of a person than just looking at them as if they are either female or male.Maybe females are just more deep than males when it comes to this. I know because same with what Steve said is that when I look at a guy, I just see another dude that I hold no attraction to.But when I see a girl I can totally feel the attraction to them. The difference is that with females I can see whether one looks attractive or not but with guys I cannot tell whether they are attractive or not. Look at it as sort of a gift because you are probably a much more deep person when it comes to how you look at people other than being the so called "norm" narrow minded crowd of human beings. Being attracted to girls can have its up side because women don't think like men. The are a lot more guys than women who would fresia someone than leave them so you are basically opening yourself to a whole new crowd of people who will more likely care for you.

 

[evanescencefan91]

hey Luna

ah i recall a quote from my social psychology class, sex being an unscratchable neurological itch

I don't really care for those types of things people say about virgins either it, well just isn't very nice, it's just a way to make themselves feel okay about being whores or make themselves fee like they are superior to another group of people

I'm coming up to my 19th birthday in march and I expect I'll be a virgin then too, I've actually never even like made out with anyone or anything


just because you are a virgin or want to wait till marriage does not make you a prude or a smuck or anything bad like,
though i am a virgin I am actually quite the badass,

I play guitar till my fingers bleed, i ride my bike on the interstate, which is not only dangerous but i just found out today is illegal,

and today i brought a subway sandwich into the movie theatre with me

i mean seriously i am one badass ************

and you are too luna

and also don't worry about the 2nd issue
female sexually is a lot more fluid than men's
i donno why i think it's just the way our brains are a little differently wired than mens

actually i think one girl here actually wrote a thread about that here not too long ago

bisexual females are not all that uncommon

try not to worry too much about it
try to live a happy and productive life, go out every once in a while,

and hopefully someday, you'll find a nice guy or girl that you really get a long with and you won't be so lonely anymore

*hugs*

 

[Lonesome Crow]

While I'm not Bi-sexaul or gay, one of closest childhood friend is Bi. His sexuality hasn't rub off on me.
His still my friend and he's always going to be my friend. I do notice the struggles and challenges
he had to faced becuase of his sexuality in his early teens. He came from a very conservative, religiouse family.
Growning up in the era and where we grew up..being fucken other than retarded robots (the norm) wasn't the easiest
thing in the world.

I don't belive he struggles with his sexuality anymore, nor feel guilty about it.

As far as my take on things with a relationship, I feel pretty much the sameway as you.
I didn't married someone to deviorced them. Yes , to me having sex or a partner is mental, emotional, spiritual , or soulmate.

I can love people of all types, wheather they are male/female, creed, sexaul perferance...or I'm in an intimate relationship with them or not.
I just happen to be sexually attracted to females.

Unfortunately, I've had relationship with more than one women....becuase the relationship didn't work out or people simply
just died. Everytime I open myself or allow myself to get into a relationship...( I'm a bit picky who I chose as a partner) I
think to myself...This is the one. This is Mrs Right. This is the specail someone I been serching for my entire life.

I feel jadded..but what Am I going to do? When someone you love very much dies.
It's all fucken wrong...nothing fits into a nice idealistic perfect package anymore.
It left an imprint in me...I don't really give a rats ass what people think about me or whatever moral vaules they have
that they want to abye by or live by. Screw all of that guilt, control, haNg ups and manipuilations bullshit....I'm done with that.
Life is too fucken short.

Live your life as you wish and want to. It's your life.
Be aware of limitations others will try to enforce upon you...
However be even more aware of the the limitations you impose upon yourself.

 

[h i]

its neat reading about how people can choose whether to have sex or not.

 

[samba101]

I totally agree with you Luna, although I'm not a virgin. Having an emotional bond and frienship is what I look for not just sex from some random guy, it involves no feelings at all and has left me with self loathing.

 

[mimi low]

i come from quite an orthodox background and well... my first time was with my first steady boyfriend. i don't think i was even ready, but i just let it happen. boy did i regret that! but hey, i've finally come to terms with all the 'bad' decisions i made. but if i were to do it again, i don't think it would be any different because now, i know what pleases me and what doesn't, and what are my expectations of a man (sexually speaking ^^). but that's just me.
you know Luna, i think women are just gorgeous ^^ i had a little bit of an adventure with one of girlfriends once... it was great. we never went all the way, but neither did it ever feel 'wrong', if you see what i mean. but life would've been just impossible for me what with my orthodox background ... hence i settled for a dude. LOL.

^^

 

[Animus]

Like your attitude, Luna.. Pretty much the same as mine. I totally agree with sex not being just a "means to get some fresia feelin' ". And although I could've had a someone more times than I've got scars(whew), I never did. Just because sex without love would probably be like cream without the cake. And the cream'd be **** bitter with no sugar added. But there really are people in the world who aren't in it just for sex. Perhaps they're a bit like you, lonely. Unfortunately, that's why they're so hard to come by. Hope you get along with it all~

 

[edgecrusher]

i never got how so many guys just want to have meaningless sex either. i want it to mean something. im sure if i wanted to i could tell one of my friends to find some random girl that would sleep with me. i dont want that. i dont want my first time to be some random encounter either. i want to experience emotional and physical love at the same time so bad that it hurts right now. sleeping with some random girl would not help that. i think it would only make it worse.

 

[Broken_Doll]

I tend to disagree about the meaningless sex...

Meaningless sex or a one night stand doesn't have to leave you feeling dirty and self loathing...

The first and only time I ever cheated (on my current boyfriend) opened my eyes and made me realise that my boyfriend didn't cheat on me because he loves somebody else, or because he doesn't love me.
That time I cheated and had meaningless sex let me get it out of my system, it was a welcome distraction, and though I do feel like a hypocrite now I don't hate myself - in a strange way I'm kinda glad I did it because now I realise that sex doesn't have to mean anything, that it probably meant nothing when my boyfriend cheated on me, now I feel I can forgive him.

I'm going to be 21 this year, all of the times I've slept with strangers have been alot of fun, they have been positive experiences, though some have been disappointingly dull.

Just because those people are strangers to me and there is no love or bond between us does not make the experiences bitter and full of regrets for me or them.