Ok, I got mistaken for someone else.( and it messes with me)

[Restless soul]

Ok, so I am back here after long ban. And I am a little hesitant to post now on the chance I get someone saying I wrote a similar topic..ok? So? This is a current recent, no two cases are alike. And i still think this is the best forum for the subject. So right to it.

I am standing in a pizza shop waiting for my order, back facing street using my phone. I hear someone tapping on the window, and I swear the paranoid voice in my head says _please dont let this be someone who knows you or is mistaking you for someone they know_ and sure enough it was the latter. Now granted when I turned towards the person tapping on the window with great apprehension I see its. Young attractive girl waving me off when she sees that she has the wrong person. 
That in itself troubled me deeply. I don't like being told i look like anyone else, and here we see I was clearly mistaken for someone else.

What is the normal way to handle this type of thing?
When or if it happened to you, how did you react?

 

[TheRealCallie]

OR....maybe you just don't see what she sees.  People often don't see it when others point out that they look like someone else, that's doesn't mean they are wrong. 
And also, just because YOU think you are cuter than the other person, doesn't mean you are....and on the other side of that, just because they think you look like another person that you don't think is as good looking as you, that doesn't mean they think you are ugly.

But the reason why I don't like when it happens is because I let it skew my whole preception of how I think I look. That is the main reason.

That's not anyone's problem but yours.  If you decide to let something like that skew your perception, that's entirely on you.  It's your choice whether you let something like that hurt your in that way.

 

[Restless soul]

I tried to rationalize it by saying she only saw my side profile once i turned around she knew I wasn't this person. So i said that it means that I when she saw me head on that Its possible i look nothing like who she thought i was. But still, these things seem to penetrate deep..My choice. But why?? Whats the cause in your opinion? Being alone all the time? Poor self image/and identity that is the only thing i can think of is why each time it has the same affect

---

I am the expert on me, callie. I post to gain more insights more perspectives. And to hear others takes. And if others relate.
That's all. Harmless I am

 

[TheRealCallie]

Actually, given your current state of mind, you are NOT the expert on you. You basically have no real knowledge about yourself because you are so caught up in what you want to believe is true that you can't see what's true at all. You change encounters around in your head so much that they piss you off, they make you feel worse about yourself. So no, you are the opposite of the expert on you.

And that doesn't only apply to you, it applies to anyone with low self esteem or depression or anxiety.

 

[Restless soul]

Actually, given your current state of mind, you are NOT the expert on you.  You basically have no real knowledge about yourself because you are so caught up in what you want to believe is true that you can't see what's true at all.  You change encounters around in your head so much that they piss you off, they make you feel worse about yourself.  So no, you are the opposite of the expert on you.  

And that doesn't only apply to you, it applies to anyone with low self esteem or depression or anxiety.

Oh, no? I am a very introspective analytical person. Due to many of these things. The reasons I just gave to make sense. And if am not the expert on me, who is? We all have that advantage. Does someone know you better than you?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Actually, given your current state of mind, you are NOT the expert on you.  You basically have no real knowledge about yourself because you are so caught up in what you want to believe is true that you can't see what's true at all.  You change encounters around in your head so much that they piss you off, they make you feel worse about yourself.  So no, you are the opposite of the expert on you.  

And that doesn't only apply to you, it applies to anyone with low self esteem or depression or anxiety.

Oh, no? I am a very introspective analytical person. Due to many of these things. The reasons I just gave to make sense. And if am not the expert on me, who is? We all have that advantage. Does someone know you better than you?

When I was depressed and had low self esteem...yes, a lot of people knew me better than I knew myself.    As I said, it's true for EVERYONE when they have those problems.

 

[Restless soul]

Ok, we don't have to argue about this

 

[TheRealCallie]

You might be arguing, but I'm not. As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

 

[Restless soul]

You might be arguing, but I'm not.  As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

What should I do for this problem??

 

[TheRealCallie]

That's not anyone's problem but yours.  If you decide to let something like that skew your perception, that's entirely on you.  It's your choice whether you let something like that hurt your in that way.

In other words....ignore it, as I've also said before. The advice is very unlikely to change regardless whether the encounter is past, present or future.

 

[Restless soul]

Oook. Ignore. Block it out. Lets see what happens

 

[Restless soul]

Actually, given your current state of mind, you are NOT the expert on you.  You basically have no real knowledge about yourself because you are so caught up in what you want to believe is true that you can't see what's true at all.  You change encounters around in your head so much that they piss you off, they make you feel worse about yourself.  So no, you are the opposite of the expert on you.  

And that doesn't only apply to you, it applies to anyone with low self esteem or depression or anxiety.

You know what's true about me? I am giving you root causes. Scenarios. Reasons. They all have some validity to the. I am very capable of seeing why I might have the thinking I do. I shared that here before.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You might be arguing, but I'm not.  As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

What should I do for this problem??

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

 

[Restless soul]

You might be arguing, but I'm not.  As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

What should I do for this problem??

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

Yes, eve. I mean maybe. As you see I like to talk. Pick apart and get to root of problem. I try to do it here.
Many don't have time. But i am still reluctant to go to a therapist for some crazy reason. But happy to see your reply here.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You might be arguing, but I'm not.  As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

What should I do for this problem??

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

Yes, eve. I mean maybe. As you see I like to talk. Pick apart and get to root of problem. I try to do it here.
Many don't have time. But i am still reluctant to go to a therapist for some crazy reason. But happy to see your reply here.

No one here can help you - that's kind of my point. The things you say you feel and think are psychological. You need someone who has been trained to help you dig into your issues/reasoning.

 

[Restless soul]

You might be arguing, but I'm not.  As I said in another thread similar to this one, if you don't want honest answers, don't ask the questions.

What should I do for this problem??

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

Yes, eve. I mean maybe. As you see I like to talk. Pick apart and get to root of problem. I try to do it here.
Many don't have time. But i am still reluctant to go to a therapist for some crazy reason. But happy to see your reply here.

No one here can help you - that's kind of my point. The things you say you feel and think are psychological. You need someone who has been trained to help you dig into your issues/reasoning.

Well maybe not cure anything. But since there are categories here for, shyness, depression, low self-esteem
Which all fall under the umbrella and a symptom of loneliness. Lonely and or troubled ubringing I feel like some can relate, and some do. And there are a lot of members here, good to hear what people have to say.

 

[EveWasFramed]

What should I do for this problem??

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

Yes, eve. I mean maybe. As you see I like to talk. Pick apart and get to root of problem. I try to do it here.
Many don't have time. But i am still reluctant to go to a therapist for some crazy reason. But happy to see your reply here.

No one here can help you - that's kind of my point. The things you say you feel and think are psychological. You need someone who has been trained to help you dig into your issues/reasoning.

Well maybe not cure anything. But since there are categories here for, shyness, depression, low self-esteem
Which all fall under the umbrella and a symptom of loneliness. Lonely and or troubled ubringing I feel like some can relate, and some do. And there are a lot of members here, good to hear what people have to say.

Well, you asked, "What is the normal way to handle this type of thing?"
That's something a therapist can help you with. I understand your desire to discusss your issues, but you're asking for help with issues better suited to a professional. People here can listen or share our own experiences, or provide support, but we can't offer the advice of someone who is trained for this kind of thing. That's all I'm saying. 

 

[VanillaCreme]

Oook. Ignore. Block it out. Lets see what happens

If ignoring it and blocking it out goes for being mistaken and letting it get to you, this comment makes it out as though that's positively impossible. It's not. You can decide whether or not it bothers you. If you sit there, thinking about it, I'm sure it's going to bother you more than if you were to just shake it off. You look like other people; So what? Nose, eyes, lips, chin, forehead... Some of us are bound to look like people we've never met and don't even know exist. I'm not sure why it's such a problem to begin with.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

What is the normal way to handle this type of thing?

Normally a person would just brush this off and go about their day. But I don't think most of us would be here if we were normal people.

When or if it happened to you, how did you react?

I live in a big city and have been around a little. This has happened to me in casinos, airports, and even in Mexico one time.

Only once was it an attractive girl who thought I was her boyfriend. That time there was a definite sting to my ego. I mean a pretty girl approaches me then says it was a mistake. I tried not to let it beat me up to much but there were definitely other ways I thought that encounter could have turned out that I would have liked at the time but all I could really do was just distract myself with something else and move on.




Maybe you feel as though you were rejected by her?

It's a pretty common feeling for a man to feel when he's just brushed off by a girl and can definitely cause you to question your appearance.

Try looking at it from her perspective. She sees someone she knows (brother, friend, boyfriend) and knocks on the window to get their attention. You turn around and she sees it's not who she thought and waves you off. A bit rude maybe but she's probably not thinking about how she's affecting another person, like a lot of people tend to. She's off in her own little world and should probably get her eyes checked but that's about all there is to it.


Ultimately if you keep getting stuck on stuff like this then a therapist or someone would definitely help. There's also resources out there to help you understand and try shifting the way you think about these things and changing your 'inner dialogue' (how you talk to yourself). You just have to be willing to change and persistently trying to change.


What is Destructive Thinking?

8 Destructive Thinking Patterns and How to Change Them

 

[Restless soul]

What is the normal way to handle this type of thing?

Normally a person would just brush this off and go about their day. But I don't think most of us would be here if we were normal people.

When or if it happened to you, how did you react?

I live in a big city and have been around a little. This has happened to me in casinos, airports, and even in Mexico one time.

Only once was it an attractive girl who thought I was her boyfriend. That time there was a definite sting to my ego. I mean a pretty girl approaches me then says it was a mistake. I tried not to let it beat me up to much but there were definitely other ways I thought that encounter could have turned out that I would have liked at the time but all I could really do was just distract myself with something else and move on.




Maybe you feel as though you were rejected by her?

It's a pretty common feeling for a man to feel when he's just brushed off by a girl and can definitely cause you to question your appearance.

Try looking at it from her perspective. She sees someone she knows (brother, friend, boyfriend) and knocks on the window to get their attention. You turn around and she sees it's not who she thought and waves you off. A bit rude maybe but she's probably not thinking about how she's affecting another person, like a lot of people tend to. She's off in her own little world and should probably get her eyes checked but that's about all there is to it.


Ultimately if you keep getting stuck on stuff like this then a therapist or someone would definitely help. There's also resources out there to help you understand and try shifting the way you think about these things and changing your 'inner dialogue' (how you talk to yourself). You just have to be willing to change and persistently trying to change.


What is Destructive Thinking?

8 Destructive Thinking Patterns and How to Change Them

Thanks rabit. Very interesting prespective.
The part about the girl thinking you were her boyfriend. 
Well that is not necessarily bad either, because her being attractive was a goosld thing. Now you see my issue with this is not so much rejection. It's how I precieve my own looks.  You see if that happened to me with someone girl thinking I was her boyfriend I would right away be curious and obsessed on who her boyfriend is how he looks, does he really look like me. Actually it's more of a fear I wouldnt want to know. See what I mean. These things skew my whole image of myself. In a very unhealthy way.
That is what happened with the girl tapping on window.

What do you think?

---

I'm thinking a good therapist. That's not sarcasm - it's a genuine suggestion and it's a good one.

Yes, eve. I mean maybe. As you see I like to talk. Pick apart and get to root of problem. I try to do it here.
Many don't have time. But i am still reluctant to go to a therapist for some crazy reason. But happy to see your reply here.

No one here can help you - that's kind of my point. The things you say you feel and think are psychological. You need someone who has been trained to help you dig into your issues/reasoning.

Well maybe not cure anything. But since there are categories here for, shyness, depression, low self-esteem
Which all fall under the umbrella and a symptom of loneliness. Lonely and or troubled ubringing I feel like some can relate, and some do. And there are a lot of members here, good to hear what people have to say.

Well, you asked, "What is the normal way to handle this type of thing?"
That's something a therapist can help you with. I understand your desire to discusss your issues, but you're asking for help with issues better suited to a professional. People here can listen or share our own experiences, or provide support, but we can't offer the advice of someone who is trained for this kind of thing. That's all I'm saying. 

Yes, and thats cool. Nothing wrong. It somewhat helpful. That's what sites like this are for.  And thanks for all your suggestions so far