on being understood

[ahaikulife]

So, my most recent break-up, has really been hurting.. but, I think that I figured out one of the main reasons. It may be because I am so hurt at how she (and her family, actually) views me. I mean, they have said and implied things that are just plain wrong, in terms of my intentions as an individual, and they have used things that I have said out of context to hurt me.. so, why am I upset about it? I am over her, but I am not over being hurt and confused about why she thinks of me the way she does.... what is wrong with me? why do I feel such a strong need to be understood by her, now that she is not in my life? why do I care what she (they) think of me? especially since they are now out of my life?

-Mike

 

[Lonesome Crow]

[youtube]G6gI2MBRmzw[/youtube].....


i guess were so fucken civilized today...
You can be a saint and forgive those ******* then move on.

You can vent to let out your anger...Break honeysuckle or write a blog

Or you can bang her best friend...parked in front of her house.
Better yet...ask her sister to join,if she has one. It'll be a hella of fun.

Or you can live well...it'll be like telling them..In your face bitches

unresolved anger......

Dont worry ..dude, I aint the only dude that's gone crazy trying to figure out a crazy woman.lol

 

[Parabolani]

Or you can bang her best friend...parked in front of her house.
Better yet...ask her sister to join,if she has one. It'll be a hella of fun.
[/quote]

Excellent sugestion

 

[Gutted]

I asked myself this with a Girl I went out with last year. I still ask myself sometimes now. I think it's just for justices' sake. The need to close that chapter by having your emotions and voice heard and felt. Just try to drop it though. Sometimes, words not spoken talk the loudest and actions not taken hit the hardest.

 

[MadMonkè]

girls are delusional to get over breakups...
is it that hard to understand?

the aftermath of a beautiful relationship can be ugly... just move on

 

[ladyforsaken]

I think you're just looking for closure and for her to know how she has made you feel because you're hurting. If she doesn't care, nothing will make her care. I was once in your position...after my break up about 2 months ago, I just wanted my ex to know how I felt because of the things he did in the relationship. But then a friend of mine asked me, what for? He will only continue to blame me and use what I say to him back at me ... which will only leave me hurting more. So I gave up wondering why..and gave up wanting him to know how I feel. No purpose.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well clearly she missed out on a great person.

 

[Chris516]

So, my most recent break-up, has really been hurting.. but, I think that I figured out one of the main reasons. It may be because I am so hurt at how she (and her family, actually) views me. I mean, they have said and implied things that are just plain wrong, in terms of my intentions as an individual, and they have used things that I have said out of context to hurt me.. so, why am I upset about it? I am over her, but I am not over being hurt and confused about why she thinks of me the way she does.... what is wrong with me? why do I feel such a strong need to be understood by her, now that she is not in my life? why do I care what she (they) think of me? especially since they are now out of my life?

-Mike

Mike, I can identify with you.

When my (ex)wife left me(and even before she left me), she(her parents, and even my parents), blamed the separation on me. When we were expecting our first child, my parents were insistent about genetic testing, because of my congenital health problems. But, No genetic testing was done on my (ex)wife. Well guess what? My childrens' health problems are directly tied to my (ex)wife.

I feel a strong need to be understood, too.

Because I try to let people know who I am, without them freaking out. I am referring to telling them about my own health problems. But a lot of people can't accept my health problems.

Christopher

 

[Ashariel]

It's hard being misunderstood. Though oddly enough, I find myself on the other side of that equation, with my own divorce. I don't understand my ex's reasons for abandoning his wedding vows, and can only conclude that he's an ass. But from his point of view, he probably doesn't think he's an ass, and (somehow?) probably feels he had legitimate reasons. So he might be feeling misjudged by me.

But I think the difference between you and my husband is that you really would like to explain your side of things to your ex, whereas mine is completely okay with just keeping me in the dark.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through that. Breakups are really painful, and if the other person isn't interested in reconciling or even trying to understand where you're coming from, sometimes there's really nothing you can do except to let it go, and leave it behind you :/

 

[ahaikulife]

I think you're just looking for closure and for her to know how she has made you feel because you're hurting. If she doesn't care, nothing will make her care. I was once in your position...after my break up about 2 months ago, I just wanted my ex to know how I felt because of the things he did in the relationship. But then a friend of mine asked me, what for? He will only continue to blame me and use what I say to him back at me ... which will only leave me hurting more. So I gave up wondering why..and gave up wanting him to know how I feel. No purpose.

yes, true. I guess we can't ever get people to listen to us, we can't force them to be empathic... I know, that it would be a waste of time and effort... thank you lady.

Well clearly she missed out on a great person.

you really made me smile, that is sweet of you.. Thank you Sophia

Mike, I can identify with you.

When my (ex)wife left me(and even before she left me), she(her parents, and even my parents), blamed the separation on me. When we were expecting our first child, my parents were insistent about genetic testing, because of my congenital health problems. But, No genetic testing was done on my (ex)wife. Well guess what? My childrens' health problems are directly tied to my (ex)wife.

I feel a strong need to be understood, too.

Because I try to let people know who I am, without them freaking out. I am referring to telling them about my own health problems. But a lot of people can't accept my health problems.

Christopher

I think, maybe, the need comes from us wanting to at least be "recognized" as being human? Or, maybe, at least for me, to just have her attempt to understand, to attempt to listen... even if she were unsuccessful, an honest attempt... idk... it might be like, giving the recognition that you are a human being worthy of being acknowledged...

It's hard being misunderstood. Though oddly enough, I find myself on the other side of that equation, with my own divorce. I don't understand my ex's reasons for abandoning his wedding vows, and can only conclude that he's an ass. But from his point of view, he probably doesn't think he's an ass, and (somehow?) probably feels he had legitimate reasons. So he might be feeling misjudged by me.

But I think the difference between you and my husband is that you really would like to explain your side of things to your ex, whereas mine is completely okay with just keeping me in the dark.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through that. Breakups are really painful, and if the other person isn't interested in reconciling or even trying to understand where you're coming from, sometimes there's really nothing you can do except to let it go, and leave it behind you :/

I'm going to have to agree ... "he's an ass". There is never a good excuse for breaking vows. I'm sorry you had to go through that mess, and I am sorry that he will not explain himself to you... for me, I'd rather hear a truth that hurts, than nothing at all, and its really cold to not give you the truth, because you deserve it.



thank you for all the thoughtful replies. I've been reading them, and mulling over them, and any response at all, is a good response, and makes me feel better....

-Mike

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Well...my ex inlaws are total biggots.
Their motives and intentions are always
To break up my marriage at all cuase...
So whatever reasons...
.
My side dosnt count. Its fresia up like that.
Beats the hell what they told my duaghter either....

I used to send my live in gf to hand deliver Child support checks wearing
A mini skirt.....im fresia up like that.
But fresia those ass holes too.

I could be with any woman i want..
Hot ones too.
I loved my ex wife.....they just dont get it.

 

[Chris516]

I think, maybe, the need comes from us wanting to at least be "recognized" as being human? Or, maybe, at least for me, to just have her attempt to understand, to attempt to listen... even if she were unsuccessful, an honest attempt... idk... it might be like, giving the recognition that you are a human being worthy of being acknowledged...

-Mike

Yes, My congenital health problems are like an octopus that buries itself in the sand n' silt of the sea bed. I look perfectly able-bodied, until a person gets to know me. Then my congenital health problems can almost seem like the octopus waiting to pounce on their prey. Because NVLDs(Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities) are always a problem in some way. I am a cyclist, and I can't ride on a bike path alone for fear of getting lost and/or, having a sudden medical emergency where I could not make the 911 call. By riding in the road, I know someone will see me should I have a problem.

 

[ladyforsaken]

It's hard being misunderstood. Though oddly enough, I find myself on the other side of that equation, with my own divorce. I don't understand my ex's reasons for abandoning his wedding vows, and can only conclude that he's an ass. But from his point of view, he probably doesn't think he's an ass, and (somehow?) probably feels he had legitimate reasons. So he might be feeling misjudged by me.

But I think the difference between you and my husband is that you really would like to explain your side of things to your ex, whereas mine is completely okay with just keeping me in the dark.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through that. Breakups are really painful, and if the other person isn't interested in reconciling or even trying to understand where you're coming from, sometimes there's really nothing you can do except to let it go, and leave it behind you :/

I'm sorry, Ashariel. *hugs*
I agree with your last paragraph there..sometimes that's just what you have to do to move on. Let it go.

yes, true. I guess we can't ever get people to listen to us, we can't force them to be empathic... I know, that it would be a waste of time and effort... thank you lady.

You're welcome, Mike. Keep your chin up. You deserve better than this.

 

[ahaikulife]

Yes, My congenital health problems are like an octopus that buries itself in the sand n' silt of the sea bed. I look perfectly able-bodied, until a person gets to know me. Then my congenital health problems can almost seem like the octopus waiting to pounce on their prey. Because NVLDs(Non-Verbal Learning Disabilities) are always a problem in some way. I am a cyclist, and I can't ride on a bike path alone for fear of getting lost and/or, having a sudden medical emergency where I could not make the 911 call. By riding in the road, I know someone will see me should I have a problem.

do you bike alot? you ever do any of the "riding tours" that seem to be around everywhere? I did "bike florida" when I used to live there... was fun. I think it was, like, about 50 miles a day with a few "optional" century's...which I of course did NOT do LOL.... there are trucks that go up and down the drive route making sure nobody is having problems or anything... but, being somewhat of an introvert, there were moments where it got to be a bit much, as we camped, and there were tons of people in a small space. Was fun though, because you were always riding a different route as it was a giant loop route, and trucks carried all your gear from one place to the next for you, and there were checkpoints along the way with snacks, water, stuff like that, and touristy things to do along the way.... for example, we got to ride our bikes around the daytona speedway, among a handful of other optional places to visit.... pretty offtopic, but...oh well... I just went on my first "real" bike ride today for over a year... I loved it... I missed biking down country roads

-Mike

 

[Chris516]

Do you bike alot? you ever do any of the "riding tours" that seem to be around everywhere? I did "bike florida" when I used to live there... was fun. I think it was, like, about 50 miles a day with a few "optional" century's...which I of course did NOT do LOL.... there are trucks that go up and down the drive route making sure nobody is having problems or anything... but, being somewhat of an introvert, there were moments where it got to be a bit much, as we camped, and there were tons of people in a small space. Was fun though, because you were always riding a different route as it was a giant loop route, and trucks carried all your gear from one place to the next for you, and there were checkpoints along the way with snacks, water, stuff like that, and touristy things to do along the way.... for example, we got to ride our bikes around the daytona speedway, among a handful of other optional places to visit.... pretty offtopic, but...oh well... I just went on my first "real" bike ride today for over a year... I loved it... I missed biking down country roads

-Mike

When I am not depressed, I can do 50mi./day. I am trying to work my way up to being able to do a century.

I have never done any tours. Because multi-day tours, usually involve, having a credit card, which I don't have.

Any ideas how I can do one without a credit card?

 

[ahaikulife]

I have never done any tours. Because multi-day tours, usually involve, having a credit card, which I don't have.

Any ideas how I can do one without a credit card?

I am sure that, if you contacted the coordinators or organization in charge of the ride, that they would be happy to accept a money order. Otherwise, I know you can get "prepaid" credit cards. I've never gotten one, but I am sure you can get one instantly, since it isn't "really" a credit card, but just a card with your money on it.... do you not have a bank account? a debit card works in lieu of a credit card...