Questions for the Women

[Veruca]

For women if you were to suddenly offer sex or a relationship one day would they take it? Would you still consider it platonic knowing that?

I wouldn't offer sex or a relationship to a friend quite so suddenly. If I thought we might work out, I'd ask his opinion. If thought otherwise, then I'd not offer anything but friendship. So I'm pretty clear in this department. If I do make the move though, then I wouldn't consider the relationship platonic anymore. I'd feel some level of tension always.

 

[kamya]

I think you guys are misunderstanding. I'm not saying whether or not you would personally do such a thing.

It's more of a hypothetical, "if" you were to suddenly do this. How do you think your platonic friends would react? Do you think your platonic friends would take you up on it if offered? If they were to take you up on it then that means the relationship was never truly platonic in the first place then right?

 

[LiLeila]

It's more of a hypothetical, "if" you were to suddenly do this. How do you think your platonic friends would react? Do you think your platonic friends would take you up on it if offered? If they were to take you up on it then that means the relationship was never truly platonic in the first place then right?

True. So it's clear that I never had any male friends ;3

 

[Veruca]

I think you guys are misunderstanding. I'm not saying whether or not you would personally do such a thing.

It's more of a hypothetical, "if" you were to suddenly do this. How do you think your platonic friends would react? Do you think your platonic friends would take you up on it if offered? If they were to take you up on it then that means the relationship was never truly platonic in the first place then right?

Oh haha

Well, I think some of my single guy friends would accept it if I were to offer a relationship. Some are really lonely and would probably say yes to any girl who offers a relationship. I still think of these as platonic because I know its not that are interested in me per say, theyre just lonely for company and why not a friend.

If my guy friends didnt think id regret it, I think a number of them might say yes to intimacy. But ive had this conversation with them before and they said sex can be meaningless for them so that doesnt change how we feel about each other. So in the case of me and my friends, id say its all still very platonic.

 

[ardour]

I was reading this little article the other day. The title is a bit misleading; it's more about the disparity between how men and women view opposite sex friendships. Just some food for thought.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends/

Seems like there’s an agenda there, going by the small sample size (88), age of the respondents and eagerness to draw conclusions.
But assuming that’s a valid indication of how the sexes think, it ignores how men are still expected to initiate (or expect to remain alone for life), which means men are more likely to be on the lookout for potential partners.

 

[Rainbows]

My friendsgroup exists out of 13 members. Two of them are girls (me included). One of these guys has a girlfriend. My boyfriend is in this group too. One of the guys is gay. Out of all these guys, there might be two that had interest in me in the beginning, but that faded. For me, yes, it's possible to be friends with males. I go ahead and use my male friends as pillows everywhere. Honestly, for me, they are the best friends I could have.

Perhaps the issue lays more with people themselves than rather "It's impossible to have male-female friendships huaaaamjsjaojsfjaofjeofe!"

I just treat people as people. I'm talking to a person. I'm not talking to a female or a male. I'm talking to a human being. If that human being happens to be my friend, then that human bein becomes my friend. Then I'm talking to my friend. Not a male friend or a female friend. Just, my friend.

Yeah.

 

[Solivagant]

I just treat people as people. I'm talking to a person. I'm not talking to a female or a male. I'm talking to a human being.

^ Same here.

I've had more male friends than female friends in my life. I didn't flirt with them, I'm not the flirting kind. They didn't seem to view me in a sexual way either, so I believe it was entirely platonic on both ends. I can think of two who were vaguely interested in me at the beginning, but as they got to know me that quickly passed.

I've encountered some problems with male friends who had girlfriends. Their girlfriends tended to become jealous and insecure, and after awhile I would typically lose the friendship. Unsurprisingly, I've had the same problem with female friends who've had boyfriends that I befriended. So I'm a little wary now of befriending men who aren't single, or men at all really, because I don't want to go through that again. But it's definitely possible for me to be friends with males.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I just treat people as people. I'm talking to a person. I'm not talking to a female or a male. I'm talking to a human being.

^ Same here.

*nods*

 

[LiLeila]

So I think this is too individual case to talk about it in general. I should ask more clearly about my situation, but nevermind. As Rainbows said:

Perhaps the issue lays more with people themselves than rather "It's impossible to have male-female friendships huaaaamjsjaojsfjaofjeofe!"

But for this part:

I just treat people as people. I'm talking to a person. I'm not talking to a female or a male. I'm talking to a human being. If that human being happens to be my friend, then that human bein becomes my friend. Then I'm talking to my friend. Not a male friend or a female friend. Just, my friend.

It's fair but I think that between males and females IS a huge difference so some people just don't get the world of the opposite sex. And some behaviors are very characteristic because of the our nature. So I don't equate them. We're not the same at this level.

edit: Have a friend in someone is not same thing like treating people. Like giving them laws, freedom or just love them as a human being.

 

[kamya]

My friendsgroup exists out of 13 members. Two of them are girls (me included). One of these guys has a girlfriend. My boyfriend is in this group too. One of the guys is gay. Out of all these guys, there might be two that had interest in me in the beginning, but that faded. For me, yes, it's possible to be friends with males. I go ahead and use my male friends as pillows everywhere. Honestly, for me, they are the best friends I could have.

Perhaps the issue lays more with people themselves than rather "It's impossible to have male-female friendships huaaaamjsjaojsfjaofjeofe!"

I just treat people as people. I'm talking to a person. I'm not talking to a female or a male. I'm talking to a human being. If that human being happens to be my friend, then that human bein becomes my friend. Then I'm talking to my friend. Not a male friend or a female friend. Just, my friend.

Yeah.

But do you honestly think that if you gave them the chance the guys that were interested in you would turn you down? Did their interest fade or did they just suppress it due to your lack of interest? Are you being delusional or do you really believe that they are no longer interested at all? I'm thinking the platonic part can be one sided a lot of the time.

Also didn't your bf come from that group? Weren't you just friends before? When does platonic turn into a relationship. I feel like if things were truly platonic that chance would never even be there. But here we are.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sometimes, people get confused and THINK they want to be in a relationship because they are close, when in reality, they are just really good friends. I've had relationships like that and we still talk. We both mutually agreed that it wasn't really working on that level and we were better as friends,

 

[Rainbows]

@ Kamya,

Nah. He joined afterwards.

edit: the actual group. He was friends with them meanwhile though.

 

[VanillaCreme]

But do you honestly think that if you gave them the chance the guys that were interested in you would turn you down? Did their interest fade or did they just suppress it due to your lack of interest? Are you being delusional or do you really believe that they are no longer interested at all? I'm thinking the platonic part can be one sided a lot of the time.

Well, when you ask that way... I would think that if someone's interested in you, there's obviously a higher thought than just being friends. It's more than being platonic when romantic feelings are involved. Turning them down is a whole other issue though. I guess that would depend on the situation and how we each felt at the time. It might be a good thing. Or the idea of it could settle in a bad way. I don't think that question could be answered so solidly, because it really depends on the circumstance at hand and the people involved.

I also don't think it's delusional if someone doesn't wish to acknowledge interest once it's set out on the table. For some, it may be. Maybe some folks do go around, thinking that nothing is different and that it didn't matter. But I can say that personally, I would feel as though I'd have to put the brakes on it, especially when I didn't reciprocate the feelings. I would never want to give the illusion that something may happen anyway when I know I'd make it clear it never would.

Also didn't your bf come from that group? Weren't you just friends before? When does platonic turn into a relationship. I feel like if things were truly platonic that chance would never even be there. But here we are.

My dude is in the circle of my friends. I didn't really like him at first, but then I got used to him. I honestly can't pinpoint when I started liking him, but he wasn't looking for anything and neither was I. It was just something that happened.

It's a real finicky thing to define. Things do happen, regardless of what is ever claimed. People change. Feelings change. Anything could happen. We never really know for sure.

 

[Xpendable]

What does it mean when a woman acts friendly and close to the males around her but is reluctant and awkward with one?
I'm in this situation. The only girl in my class often plays around with the other guys and acts friendly but she's more reserved with me. We get along fine but I won't get the same treatment.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What does it mean when a woman acts friendly and close to the males around her but is reluctant and awkward with one?
I'm in this situation. The only girl in my class often plays around with the other guys and acts friendly but she's more reserved with me. We get along fine but I won't get the same treatment.

Does she know you well enough to feel comfortable and act freely around you?

 

[Solivagant]

What does it mean when a woman acts friendly and close to the males around her but is reluctant and awkward with one?
I'm in this situation. The only girl in my class often plays around with the other guys and acts friendly but she's more reserved with me. We get along fine but I won't get the same treatment.

It could mean any number of things. We can't answer for her.

 

[Xpendable]

Does she know you well enough to feel comfortable and act freely around you?

She knows me equally well at the rest. We're all in first year of college.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Does she know you well enough to feel comfortable and act freely around you?

She knows me equally well at the rest. We're all in first year of college.

She may know the others better. Or may not know you as well as you're thinking. Like Solivagant said, we can't answer for her. You also don't know what relationship she has with anyone else really. I would say ask her, but that may make things awkward. Perhaps she'll be more open to you later on.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Does she know you well enough to feel comfortable and act freely around you?

She knows me equally well at the rest. We're all in first year of college.

How do you behave around her? Perhaps you could be giving out vibes that might make her feel uncomfortable (not saying that you are doing this, just exploring the options). But like what Nilla and Solivagant say, the only exact answer you can get is from asking her about it. I don't see anything wrong with just outright, honestly asking her if she's uncomfortable around you and if she can't handle that... then you'll know what to do. Why not just ask her?

 

[JHK]

Does she know you well enough to feel comfortable and act freely around you?

She knows me equally well at the rest. We're all in first year of college.

How do you behave around her? Perhaps you could be giving out vibes that might make her feel uncomfortable (not saying that you are doing this, just exploring the options). But like what Nilla and Solivagant say, the only exact answer you can get is from asking her about it. I don't see anything wrong with just outright, honestly asking her if she's uncomfortable around you and if she can't handle that... then you'll know what to do. Why not just ask her?

There is always the flip side. I'm a lot more out going when I don't care.
If I'm around someone I really like I tend to wall flower - I don't want to say something stupid or that will make her not "like" me - so I don't but then I just look like a *******.

I agree with asking. People are too complicated like that.