Resignation.

[user 115627]

LadyF already made good points and I can only agree with what she said.

But I won't let you get away with misquoting me.

Nothing good will come up that's your point of view...

No, that isn't my point of view.

I quote: "It some point the shallow premise that something good may happen is just not worth the trouble anymore." That's not the same as what you said up there.

If you want to twist that around till it suits your argument, it's on you. I know what I said.

That's why It was edited felt like adding it cause everytime I say love people start jumping on me all over again.

This thread is clearly about romantic love.

Human nature, proven many times not once, Human is social animal that's what I have known If you're gonna prove some other thing then please sure do that. Tell me, do you not have company? Not even for a second? Do you not talk with anyone? I can understand you're not "craving" for love thing but don't you seek company? Don't you want someone who can listen you when you talk? Don't you need that?

We were talking about romantic love, therefore I was also referring to romantic company. I won't debate human nature here.

But since you are trying so hard to prove your point and since you want to make it personal, I'll answer. Do I actively seek human company? Rarely. I've been pretty much a loner for a long time now and I'm figuring out most problems out on my own. Prolonged human interaction drains me.

Does that prove your point? Nope. There are people which are greater hardcore loners who lack all desire for human company. They put themselves through it if they have to, but they don't need it. They won't suffer because of the withdrawal. I've met some when I was on another forum which was specifically targeted at loners.

Same can be said about your way too, you don't want to look it's your choice and i want to look that's my choice too, doesn't go for every single one. How can you know what is fit and what's not fit for everyone? Thing which is fit for you might be not fitting for some other.

I never said I know what is fit for everyone.

This debate is over.

 

[Niantiel]

My friends are going on the hook Mik up with a girl kick. -_-....

My mind is just, elsewhere. I don't too much care for romance at this point in my life.

She's a lovely girl. Was nice talking to her. But, I'm not...looking...FOR THAT, you know what I mean??

Shame. She was also quite pretty.
Oh well. Back to awesome things, like how happy I am that I don't have to work tomorrow because it's a holiday, so I can pass the time with music doing chores, food, and housework. Lest my friends sober up and we do band practice later today.

Perfectly understandable. But if you aren't up for it right now, you just aren't. You don't have to deal with that kinda nonsense.

I don't know why your friends think you are in need of a hook-up, but I guess they know better, huh? Happens too often, sadly. Hope they aren't too persistent.
[/quote]

*Shrugs*

I'm confusing and different than them, is all.
They're a few years younger than I am, so they have this warped perception that due to my failed relationship that the reason why I'm so depressed all the time is because I'm single. -_-

The sentiment is sweet, but I was like this even when I was happy in my relationship. I'm aware that I have problems that I need to work on and I'm just old enough and mature enough to want to hammer myself out before I go taking on the responsibilities of other people and intermingling on that level.

I guess I shouldn't really use the word "resignation." More like, personal realizations and accepting things and finding your place in less rockier boats than in your past. In hindsight of the thread, makes it sound like I gave up because I felt defeated, when really, I gave up because I won out and grew up in a way, I guess. heh.

 

[PenDragon]

No, that isn't my point of view.

I quote: "It some point the shallow premise that something good may happen is just not worth the trouble anymore." That's not the same as what you said up there.

If you want to twist that around till it suits your argument, it's on you. I know what I said.

In another words it could be taken as what I said. "not worth having trouble" meaning mostly "nothing good will come out" well, that is what i read.

We were talking about romantic love, therefore I was also referring to romantic company. I won't debate human nature here.

But since you are trying so hard to prove your point and since you want to make it personal, I'll answer. Do I actively seek human company? Rarely. I've been pretty much a loner for a long time now and I'm figuring out most problems out on my own. Prolonged human interaction drains me.

Does that prove your point? Nope. There are people which are greater hardcore loners who lack all desire for human company. They put themselves through it if they have to, but they don't need it. They won't suffer because of the withdrawal. I've met some when I was on another forum which was specifically targeted at loners.

But that thing has come from the experiences, hasn't it? You know what happened in their past made them that way to seek the solitude instead of looking for company. It's like forced adaptation to me If it was natural people wouldn't have strive for company since the early ages of life. I'm not quoting just thinking out loud. I haven't met anyone who is born with this, all I have seen that people go to that side when their experiences turns out not to their expectations.

I'm just saying things what it is on my mind doesn't have to "proven" right. I'm not master of things, I'm putting what I have experienced just like everyone else, people share what they have experienced.

I never said I know what is fit for everyone.

This debate is over.

Well, If you said so.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Stop bickering. Last thing this thread needs is tension from anyone wanting to throw their fists up at the first disagreement of love.

 

[user 115627]

I'm confusing and different than them, is all.
They're a few years younger than I am, so they have this warped perception that due to my failed relationship that the reason why I'm so depressed all the time is because I'm single. -_-

The sentiment is sweet, but I was like this even when I was happy in my relationship. I'm aware that I have problems that I need to work on and I'm just old enough and mature enough to want to hammer myself out before I go taking on the responsibilities of other people and intermingling on that level.

I guess I shouldn't really use the word "resignation." More like, personal realizations and accepting things and finding your place in less rockier boats than in your past. In hindsight of the thread, makes it sound like I gave up because I felt defeated, when really, I gave up because I won out and grew up in a way, I guess. heh.

Ah, wouldn't be the first time that younger people see a new relationship as the only cure to fill that "hole" depression leaves. It is a warped perception, but they grow out of that when they get older...hopefully. It's good that you are self-aware of your situation at least. Always a better idea to get your own honeysuckle in order first before you find yourself overwhelmed with someone else's life on top. When people jump headfirst into these matters, it usually crashes and burns for both of them.

Resignation, reconsideration, realization...in the grand scheme it doesn't really matter. You made the decision to stop looking because you believe it is the right one for yourself.

And hey, who has the right to judge you for that? You just stand your ground...and I'll wish you the best of luck for it. Any friend of yours or other fella ought to do the same.

 

[there is no hope]

I'm already too old.
There was never any serious doubt, people like me are not permitted to be happy in this society.
If I had (or will have) any relationship, it has to be on the down-low, and I can't have any children nor legally marry. That basically removes any point to being with anyone.
It's stuff like that which many people fail to recognize or care about, that control how society is shaped.

I can't say I've felt much of anything for a woman in the past 8 years or so, and what little I did was a mistake. People like me are not permitted to be happy, I learned that the hard way.
It's not like I'm asexual, but whatever was there was twisted and turned into something unrecognizable over many, many years, and there are many people who want to make sure I stay defective.
I try to fix myself but it's all for nothing. I do better when I don't think about such things.
I've considered self-castration but I'd need to find reliable information from other eunuchs, the ones that aren't involved in fetish horseshit.

 

[TheLonelyNomad]

Niantiel, I know that sh--ty feeling that you get when you hit the wall and think of giving up on finding the significant other of your life.

My mother and others tell me that cheesy comment "when the time comes, you will find that special other." My foot.

I am in my early thirties, and if you have read my other thread, I have broken up with a girlfriend two weeks ago.

It may be a blessing in disguise, because this will allow me the opportunity to move away from my city and find job/career advancement in other places. But at the same time, I hate being lonely and having no honey to have dinner with.

A lot of people and friends have already married, or are in dating relationship.

I feel like a freaking loser not even being married. I hate it when people ask me if I have a child or children, and I tell them no.

I also get very jealous and honestly, at times, filled with hatred and disgust when I go to the local mall and see people hold hands and kissing. It does.

 

[Nicolelt]

I gave up, wasn't looking, and was focusing on me....then bam...friends set me up. And I'm in a relationship.

 

[looking glass]

At the moment I am in the process of teaching myself how to resign.

When I wasn't looking I never got a date and when I started actively looking for something I didn't get a date.
I honestly have no idea what I'm doing wrong; friends of mine gave various reasons why they wouldn't want to set me up with someone. Socialising and meeting new people, going to clubs, joining clubs, online dating - nothing worked. So I came to the conclusion that I am somehow undatable? I am not sure how something like that can be scientifically described but I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot know everything.

Anyway, if anyone has any hints on how to fully resign I'd be grateful. Parts of my mind don't want to give up hope but I know that I need to force myself to do just that only so that I can avoid pain in the future. Getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed again. It's sort of an attitude problem but I'm not sure what to do against that.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't want to resign to going without a girlfriend for the rest of my life, but the way things stand right now I don't see it going any other way. Those girls I met a couple years ago, the ones with uncommon beauty and depth and liveliness, are all unfortunately still taken. My friends know some girls, but it has never been anyone that really makes me feel a spark. I look on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish often, but I never find anyone on there that really makes me feel like they are someone I'd truly want to be with. I hardly find anyone on there who has common interests with me, and even the ones that do, I don't feel any kind of sense of wonder about them. I don't feel like they would make me very happy.

I try to tell myself to stay hopeful because you never know what could happen. Maybe those girls I wished I could date will break up someday, and maybe I will make a better impression this time. But there's no guarantee of either of those things. There is so much uncertainty.

I just don't know what to do. I want to experience intimacy with a woman and I want to experience a real connection. I want to share conversations, adventures, memories. But I only want to do those things with someone who makes me feel alive. Until something changes, I'm facing a choice between continuing to be single indefinitely or dating someone that I'm not really enthusiastic about. I don't see either as a good option, so I just keep doing nothing.

 

[looking glass]

I don't want to resign to going without a girlfriend for the rest of my life, but the way things stand right now I don't see it going any other way. Those girls I met a couple years ago, the ones with uncommon beauty and depth and liveliness, are all unfortunately still taken. My friends know some girls, but it has never been anyone that really makes me feel a spark. I look on OKCupid and Plenty of Fish often, but I never find anyone on there that really makes me feel like they are someone I'd truly want to be with. I hardly find anyone on there who has common interests with me, and even the ones that do, I don't feel any kind of sense of wonder about them. I don't feel like they would make me feel happy.

I try to tell myself to stay hopeful because you never know what could happen. Maybe those girls I wished I could date will break up someday, and maybe I will make a better impression this time. But there's no guarantee of either of those things. There is so much uncertainty.

I just don't know what to do. I want to experience intimacy with a woman and I want to experience a real connection. I want to share conversations, adventures, memories. But I only want to do those things with someone who makes me feel alive. Until something changes, I'm facing a choice between continuing to be single indefinitely or dating someone that I'm not really enthusiastic about. I don't see either as a good option, so I just keep doing nothing.

You know, since I never had a girlfriend I cannot speak from personal experience but the way I saw most relationships around me was two people who liked each other enough so they could spend their lives together.
This is where it becomes important to be your own person, to be independent and being able to do your own thing. The other is there to love and support you, of course, but you have to stand on your own.

Only once I met a girl who described the person she was together with as her soul-mate because he was her partner, boyfriend, best friend etc. etc. That was, so far, the exception that proves the rule.

I also want to caution you about how you think about the girls that are already taken. It is not uncommon that you desire something that you cannot have much more than you would desire it if you COULD have it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You know, since I never had a girlfriend I cannot speak from personal experience but the way I saw most relationships around me was two people who liked each other enough so they could spend their lives together.
This is where it becomes important to be your own person, to be independent and being able to do your own thing. The other is there to love and support you, of course, but you have to stand on your own.

Only once I met a girl who described the person she was together with as her soul-mate because he was her partner, boyfriend, best friend etc. etc. That was, so far, the exception that proves the rule.

Yes, I have heard that too - the idea that most relationships are more like two people who like each other enough to be comfortable together, rather than a more romantic notion of a relationship. But that's exactly what I want to avoid. I don't want someone who is "good enough" to just get through the day with, someone to make small talk with about work, watch TV with, and whose looks are enough that I could stand to have sex with them. I don't want to just go through the motions.

No. I want someone who is going to interest me, excite me, inspire me to keep getting better and keep following my dreams. I want someone who makes me feel like they are truly different than everyone else out there. I want the full experience of a romantic relationship.

I also want to caution you about how you think about the girls that are already taken. It is not uncommon that you desire something that you cannot have much more than you would desire it if you COULD have it.

I don't think it is this though, because I knew them all when they were single first and I wanted to date them then too. I know it's very unlikely that they will ever be available again, but it is nevertheless possible. So I'll keep going, keep trying to be more interesting and successful. Perhaps one day they'll get tired of who they're with, and we'll re-connect.

I apologize if you feel that I have rejected your advice. I thank you for meaning well. But hope, to me, however small, has got to be better than total resignation.

 

[Despicable Me]

So much pessimism in this topic. It's sad...

You think about it differently once you got blamed for somebody else's suicidal intentions.

Are you honestly trying to say that you can't be happy trying to get into relationships anymore because someone else blamed you for someone else's actions?
Do you know how screwed up that sounds?

Even if you really were responsible for it before, and intentionally acted maliciously, the fact you acknowledge it now and have thought about it proves you're not the same person anymore. So why would it stop you now? You cannot be truly held responsible for the actions of other people. And do you really think that someone can be held accountable for their actions forever, even if they are a changed person, even if they regret what they did? There is a limit. Maybe that is something you should find.

And I'm not saying everyone 'needs' to be with someone, either. I'm glad so many here are taking the time to work on themselves and not 'just' trying to pursue relationships. But I don't see why some of you think it's mutually exclusive, either. If you did look and you did find someone, the people you'll find are probably going to be working on themselves as well. And you'd be able to help each other out. That's sort of what relationships are about, being there for each other.

PenDragon was right. No offense, but you do seem to just be looking for excuses to not go through the pain that sometimes comes with relationships. Just look at your profile, you use lyrics and other people's words to describe yourself, rather than just doing it yourself, and you don't even allow PMs. Your avatar is always some 'creepy' looking thing, as well. You generally just try to push people away on almost every level and it's pretty obvious.
And that's fine if it's what you really think you want but in the end if it really is just an excuse you're going to have regrets. So if you're really trying to 'work on yourself' then you may want to start by understanding what you really want. Do you? Your avatar this time suggests otherwise, stating "please stop me" on the mask. Careless image choice or subliminal message? You tell me.

This applies to everyone who might be carrying the same kind of burden.
I don't really want any of you to give up, just know what you're doing and be sure it is what you want.

 

[user 115627]

I'll keep this as short as possible...I'd promised myself I wouldn't reply to DM ever again. I'd hoped he'd do the same. But since he obviously wants to lecture me on my life decisions, I'll just go ahead.

Are you honestly trying to say that you can't be happy trying to get into relationships anymore because someone else blamed you for someone else's actions?
Do you know how screwed up that sounds?

I was blamed by someone I once loved. I guess I don't need to tell anyone that this influences one's impartiality. In any case, it was an example of a more extreme thing that can happen to you in love. And yes, it had major influence on my general mindset in an unhealthy way and made me avoid all sorts of human interaction for a while to prevent myself from hurting other people. I am working on my guilt complex now - on my own. But I don't need anybody to tell me how screwed up these things sound because I know by now. Especially not by you, Despicable Me.

Even if you really were responsible for it before, and intentionally acted maliciously, the fact you acknowledge it now and have thought about it proves you're not the same person anymore. So why would it stop you now? You cannot be truly held responsible for the actions of other people. And do you really think that someone can be held accountable for their actions forever, even if they are a changed person, even if they regret what they did? There is a limit. Maybe that is something you should find.

I don't need you to tell me these things. I know them well enough - by now. But I set my own limits and it's not like I was hurting anybody but myself. I was never one to shun responsibility, even if I took things to a rather toxic level.

PenDragon was right. No offense, but you do seem to just be looking for excuses to not go through the pain that sometimes comes with relationships. Just look at your profile, you use lyrics and other people's words to describe yourself, rather than just doing it yourself, and you don't even allow PMs. Your avatar is always some 'creepy' looking thing, as well. You generally just try to push people away on almost every level and it's pretty obvious.
And that's fine if it's what you really think you want but in the end if it really is just an excuse you're going to have regrets. So if you're really trying to 'work on yourself' then you may want to start by understanding what you really want. Do you? Your avatar this time suggests otherwise, stating "please stop me" on the mask. Careless image choice or subliminal message? You tell me.

Maybe it's an excuse. But it's my excuse and my burden. And the pain that sometimes comes with relationships? I truly hope that what happened to me doesn't happen sometimes...I hope it is rare and that nobody has to experience it the way I did.

You don't know me...you don't know what it feels like to be a murderer in your own mind. I was just 20 years then and it was just the second time I was in love. I ought to lend you my shoes to walk a couple of miles in them. I had no regrets for acting this way yet. In fact, almost everytime I opened up to people instead I regretted exactly that...but never my reclusiveness.

And are you really judging me here because I use quotes to describe myself? People that have been here for longer than you know that I used to write about myself in my own words. Usually I wasn't very satisfied with the result though. So I resorted to quotes that expressed my mindset. And you got a quote in your signature too...I don't see your point.

Have you ever considered that maybe I just have a morbid taste? I had it before that guilt thing happened...but you wouldn't know.

And I don't allow PMs from you only. I got you on ignore. For reasons that become more and more obvious here.

I am sorry for hijacking that thread and getting so goddam personal. Hell, this is personal. I couldn't let that just stand there uncommented. If you wanted to expose me, DM...there you go. This is the real me. I hope you got something out of it. I left you alone for good after our last argument. I would prefer if you do the same now...cause I am done here.

PS: Sigh...normally I avoid talking about these things in public. To everyone else here...maybe this casts some light on why I act this way at least.

 

[Despicable Me]

Sorry for going off-topic guys, got something I need to do.

I was blamed by someone I once loved. I guess I don't need to tell anyone that this influences one's impartiality. In any case, it was an example of a more extreme thing that can happen to you in love. And yes, it had major influence on my general mindset in an unhealthy way and made me avoid all sorts of human interaction for a while to prevent myself from hurting other people. I am working on my guilt complex now - on my own. But I don't need anybody to tell me how screwed up these things sound because I know by now. Especially not by you, Despicable Me.

I'm just saying that you may realize this, but you're taking the wrong action to overcome it. So what's the point in even realizing this? You might as well live in a delusion like it never even happened. You'd be better off then resenting yourself like this.

But you don't need me to tell you this. Because you don't want anyone to care. And I still care about people even if they hate me, so especially me, right?
It's okay to hate me. It's really not going to bother me any, I'm very used to it.
But that doesn't mean I'm going to hate you, too, Rodent. I can still try to help you, even if you don't want me to. Lots of people can help you, even if you don't want them to. And maybe you even have a few who are.

And I knew you were talking about someone you loved. Does that really change anything? You still blame yourself for it all. All I'm saying is you don't have to do it all by yourself. You shouldn't have to. You shouldn't want to. You're just making it harder on yourself, and I'd bet you're only doing it because you believe it is a form of punishment for what you've done. But there is no need for it.

I don't need you to tell me these things. I know them well enough - by now. But I set my own limits and it's not like I was hurting anybody but myself. I was never one to shun responsibility, even if I took things to a rather toxic level.

I don't want anyone hurting themselves. I don't want anyone to be toxic.
Why do you think I should stop caring just because you're only hurting yourself? Do you see yourself as too unimportant to care about?

And why do you think this attitude of yours doesn't hurt anybody but yourself? That's obviously wrong. I mean just look at the way you react to me when I'm just trying to help. lol.

Does it really bother you so much if I care about you even if you don't like me?
No offense, but you should get over it. People like you can push others away as much as they want but I know that just means you're hurting deeply. I know because I used to do that, too, a long time ago.

And am I really to believe I'm the only person who you do this to? Please. I'm much smarter than that. It is apparent that you resent yourself because of your past, and what you feel you've done to people, so you hold relationships in little regard for their value. You resent them, and as such you resent others. This comes across as a 'toxic' attitude, and certainly not just toxic to yourself.

You don't have to carry the burden of responsibility at all, and you certainly don't have to carry it all by yourself. That's all I'm telling you.

Maybe it's an excuse. But it's my excuse and my burden. And the pain that sometimes comes with relationships? I truly hope that what happened to me doesn't happen sometimes...I hope it is rare and that nobody has to experience it the way I did.

You don't know me...you don't know what it feels like to be a murderer in your own mind. I was just 20 years then and it was just the second time I was in love. I ought to lend you my shoes to walk a couple of miles in them. I had no regrets for acting this way yet. In fact, almost everytime I opened up to people instead I regretted exactly that...but never my reclusiveness.

But you don't have to do this to yourself.

I don't need to know you to see the signs. And all the signs are there. You are wearing your feelings on your sleeve and maybe without even realizing it yourself.

And why are you telling me how I feel now? Telling me what I know and what I don't know? Since when do you know me? Anything about me? For all you know I could have been a true murderer before I was 18, and 'free' now only due to age limitations, having it wiped from my record but not from my mind. Are you to tell me this didn't happen? Do you know me well enough to know if this is true or not?

Give me your shoes then. I'm not afraid to walk a few miles. Been doing just that for a very long time. Got a whole pile of shoes now.

And are you really judging me here because I use quotes to describe myself? People that have been here for longer than you know that I used to write about myself in my own words. Usually I wasn't very satisfied with the result though. So I resorted to quotes that expressed my mindset. And you got a quote in your signature too...I don't see your point.

I'm not judging you. I'm just saying it's a 'tell'. Everyone's got them.
Though, a signature and your profile are different things, I will admit you're right on that one. There are traces of me, both hidden and revealed, in my signature. It depends however you wish to look at it. Most people do these things subconsciously. but for me, I am usually very, very careful with my choices.

Have you ever considered that maybe I just have a morbid taste? I had it before that guilt thing happened...but you wouldn't know.

It's not really the tastes that matter, it's the message that is sent. People choose things which are symbolic to them on a rather primitive level, the subconscious level. But I won't go more into that right now.

And I don't allow PMs from you only. I got you on ignore. For reasons that become more and more obvious here.

Alright, I'll give you that one. This site works differently than I'm used to I guess. If you have me on ignore then why do you still see my posts?

But whatever, that is fine. You ignoring and judging people who you never really knew anything about proves the same point. You hated me since I got here and I don't know why. Though I have a clue. Particular word choices in my initial posts seem to have struck you. You indicated in your last reply which those were. So I am left to believe they have some particular significance to you.
Would I be wrong? Of course I don't expect you to really tell me, being closed off and all.

I am sorry for hijacking that thread and getting so goddam personal. Hell, this is personal. I couldn't let that just stand there uncommented. If you wanted to expose me, DM...there you go. This is the real me. I hope you got something out of it. I left you alone for good after our last argument. I would prefer if you do the same now...cause I am done here.

I'm not someone who backs off when I see someone who needs help. And I think you need it. If you don't feel you do, then that's fine, just keep ignoring me. It shouldn't be very hard to do, right? I'm just some screwed up dude looking to do whatever it is you think I'm trying to do.

PS: Sigh...normally I avoid talking about these things in public. To everyone else here...maybe this casts some light on why I act this way at least.

Because you accidentally slipped and let people in. And people start to care about you when you let them in, right? And you wouldn't want that to happen, right?

Anyway, good luck getting through this, especially alone if you plan to do it that way. And I really mean that. You seem to think I'm just trying to judge everyone here or something like that but I'm not. I care. It really sucks, because sometimes I really don't want to care anymore, but I do. You could call it a fault of mine...

Anyway, I don't see any 'resignation' in your words. Just lots and lots of pain. Pain that I know is easier to deal with when you don't try to do it all alone. That's why you aren't sure if it's resignation or not.

 

[SofiasMami]

The long, long off-topic, elaborate posts are really tiresome. I don't even read them.

Back to you, Niantiel-
I already responded but hopefully there are others who can jump in and lend some insight and answers to your question.

-Teresa

 

[ladyforsaken]

Anyway, good luck getting through this, especially alone if you plan to do it that way. And I really mean that. You seem to think I'm just trying to judge everyone here or something like that but I'm not. I care. It really sucks, because sometimes I really don't want to care anymore, but I do. You could call it a fault of mine...

Anyway, I don't see any 'resignation' in your words. Just lots and lots of pain. Pain that I know is easier to deal with when you don't try to do it all alone. That's why you aren't sure if it's resignation or not.

That's how you come off as, DM. Judgemental. You don't want to hear people tell you their honeysuckle their way. Cos to you it's all bullshit if you think it's bullshit.

Let me get this straight. You don't know honeysuckle about anyone on this forum. Don't go around telling them what they should or shouldn't do. You might see it as "advice" but it doesn't come off as that.

You're gonna call me judgemental for this and I don't ******* care because I'm so sick of seeing you treat people on the forum like this and make people feel ******* unheard because how they feel or what they experience and how they express these things don't cut it to you. It's always ridiculous or stupid how people here feel a certain way or experience things a certain way cos you know better how things should go, right?

You say you care? Okay I don't give a ******* doubt that you do. I just don't like your approach and I keep running into this every **** time and it's hard not to say anything. All you do is try to analyse people and when you do that, it makes you look like you know better than them when you know ******* honeysuckle about their lives so stop talking like you know what it's like for them. Your approach works for some people but not for everyone and for these people - let me tell you something, you make them feel small and unheard and unimportant. Don't you dare argue with me on this because that is how it looks like on this side of the fence and you won't ******* know that cos you're NOT on this side of the fence.

I don't think I have to say anymore. I'm not the only person who have told you this before, I'm pretty sure. Says a lot, doesn't it.

Don't respond to this unless you really want to get me banned. Anyway it's ******* pointless, cos I'm done here and I realise we've been warned, so I'm sorry but I just had to say my piece before I leave this thread.

Sorry, Niantiel, really.

Carry on.

 

[there is no hope]

At the moment I am in the process of teaching myself how to resign.

When I wasn't looking I never got a date and when I started actively looking for something I didn't get a date.
I honestly have no idea what I'm doing wrong; friends of mine gave various reasons why they wouldn't want to set me up with someone. Socialising and meeting new people, going to clubs, joining clubs, online dating - nothing worked. So I came to the conclusion that I am somehow undatable? I am not sure how something like that can be scientifically described but I resigned myself to the fact that I cannot know everything.

Anyway, if anyone has any hints on how to fully resign I'd be grateful. Parts of my mind don't want to give up hope but I know that I need to force myself to do just that only so that I can avoid pain in the future. Getting my hopes up only for them to be crushed again. It's sort of an attitude problem but I'm not sure what to do against that.

It's not easy. I have to remind myself periodically why I am where I am in life, lest I start getting notions that anything will be different.

I had to give up on expecting much in the way of sympathy, and understand that if there was something for me, it wouldn't be an insurmountable struggle with honeysuckle tests and chasing after ghosts. There are enough external pressures a relationship has to overcome, adding more bs to the matter is just, well, bs.

I think part of the reason society makes a big deal about sexuality is because it reinforces social status and standing, and it gives entrenched power an in-road to attack someone without power.

If people could step back and think about the matter for a reasonable amount of time, they would have realized long ago that sexual reproduction is a terrible, horrible, inefficient method of reproduction, and society would direct its' resources to breaking this cycle rather than embracing it. Unfortunately that is still a long time away, and it is very possible to end up with an even worse system if humanity continues on its present path (or more accurately, humanity's leaders continue to direct the world down their current path and stated aims).

Anyway, I'm hardly a model for positive methods of coping, and still pine every now and then. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what I feel or think, it is what it is.
I see it simply like this - if there is an actual woman in front of me and I'm getting rejected, then I will worry. I can only dread a hypothetical scenario of eternal solitude so much before I need to live the rest of my life, such as it is. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it's enough to push through this until I can collapse in bed.

 

[Despicable Me]

I don't want anyone to get banned, but I have to reply:

I'm sorry but I just had to say my piece before I leave this thread.

Well, I acknowledge your opinion but obviously I dsagree with you.
To be honest I think you're making up a lot of things about me, especially about how many other people support your 'side of the fence'. And you seem to completely overlook the people who support mine in that same effort. So I don't think you are justified in this response, but to each his own. I know you're just defending your friend, even though I was not attacking him. Know that.

Maybe I do come across that way. As attacking, insulting, judgemental, but how am I to effect or change how other people interpret me if I do not mean it? I have asked you this before and yet you do not have any answers for me. You are only repeating yourself again. I can't use this sort of criticism, though. I don't wish to hurt anyone, and I agree that's not how people should see me. But if I am left with no ability to change this then worrying about it is futile and criticism is not helpful in the least.

To make my point clear: All I wanted to do is tell Rodent that he doesn't have to torture himself like this, and he doesn't have to go through this alone. That is not resignation, it's just pain and self-resentment.
If that's really so bad to tell someone they don't have to do this to themselves and also to be alone for it then so be it. I guess I'm just a truly horrible person then. Maybe the worst kind, if that's how things really work.
That is not really going to change just because of an opinion, though. I can't see why it should, and no one yet has been able to convince me.

But let's just let everyone get back to the topic, please. If either of you need to talk to me about this, or just vent at me and get something off your chest, you're both free to PM me at anytime. At least then we can prevent anyone from getting banned, and no more of this public-disgracing either. People who hurt always hurt for a reason. The ones that try to hide it often hurt the worst. I know that very well. In reality I am probably much more understanding than either of you seem to believe right now.

So thank you for your input. I've thought about it and acknowledged it, but I simply just can't agree with it.