Weird stuff

[drifter]

Hellow guyz, Im new here and I just wanted to ask some questions.

Aight, basically my life has been full of troubles and problems, like everyone elses, but all I seem to care about is Love. I mean:

Im 21 years old and still unemployed - that doesnt bother me.
I have only couple of friends left, all the other ones are gone - that doesnt bother me.
I have social anxiety it seems, no self-esteem whatsoever - that doesnt bother me.
Lately i've been experiencing sleeping disorders, sleeping about 3 hours a night - that doesnt bother me.
Everyone in my family seems to dont like me (even my own parents) but guess what - that doesnt bother me.
Pressure gets more intense, as the days go by, for me to start to get a life or get a job... yet, - that doesnt bother me.

I care about one thing and one thing only; love. All i dream about is beeing with a girl.. you know, grab her hips, see that beautiful smile, smell her casual yet powerful perfume, while feeling her sweet long darkhair on my face :].
I cannot understand how on earth this happend to me. I mean i have so much to do with my life, so much stuff to worry about, and all I care about is this. I feel like something's wrong with me.. something's missing.. I desperately try to find what is it, so I can try to give it a fix! Now I even seem to be mean to other people for no reason, and they get the wrong impression, witch doesnt help. I guess Im just getting tired of it all.

Like I've read it somewhere.. lately i've becoming numb.. nothing as any meaning. I look at people around me and they seem to always be faking smiles and feelings.. They want to be better than everyone else.. like if there was some sort of 'respected ladder' or something. Man, I dont know..
I mean, what happend to our innocence? To our 'Humility'?
Definition: Humility is the quality of being humble: modest, not proud, doing something out of the goodness of your heart, not for yourself and egoless.

Why do we have to prove that we are better then somebody else?
Why do i keep thinking about love? Is this normal?
Did you ever felt like trapped in a body that doesnt belong to you?

I feel like i have a high mountain to climb in the next few months.. but alone and without any motivation or strength Im not sure if I'll be able to do it. If only someone was by my side.. entertaining me, making the struggle worth it, as we were climbing this mountain step by step while holdin' hands. That way i could conquer the f***** world!!!

So this is basically it, I just wanted to hear what u guys think about this. Any reply will be welcome.

PS: I'm sorry for the bad english... Im from Portugal, and I've never really been a pro at English xD

 

[AndrewM]

Im 21 years old and still unemployed - that doesnt bother me.
I have only couple of friends left, all the other ones are gone - that doesnt bother me.
I have social anxiety it seems, no self-esteem whatsoever - that doesnt bother me.
Lately i've been experiencing sleeping disorders, sleeping about 3 hours a night - that doesnt bother me.
Everyone in my family seems to dont like me (even my own parents) but guess what - that doesnt bother me.
Pressure gets more intense, as the days go by, for me to start to get a life or get a job... yet, - that doesnt bother me.

Yeah but these things will probably bother any girl you want to go out with.

 

[Depressedology]

dreams are free

 

[Haz]

I won't pretend to know the finer details but these other things may have some subconscious weight you are unaware of.

Love is such a powerful emotion, uplifting, edifying, destructive. It's only natural to dream

 

[drifter]

Yeah but these things will probably bother any girl you want to go out with.

Old news man. Where did i say i wanted to get out with anyone? Where did i say i was trying to met girls? See, my life is a mess and uninteresting, I know that and if by mistake some girl talk to me with some sort of intention, i make sure we wont see each other again. Coz i dont wanna bother her.

Point is, I need to improve my life real bad.. and that requieres alot of strength and because I've been fighting the last 4 years, im running out of energy. I was just wondering what would happend if my batteries got recharged again. :rolleyes2:

 

[Haz]

I am a firm believer that one should work on improving themselves if they are dissatisfied with their life before reaching out externally for love. Using someone else to to be the sole provider of your happiness is only going to leave you feeling far too in need of them, and there will be times this can be overbearing for all parties.

Why do we have to prove that we are better then somebody else?

Though jealousy has always been a persistent human emotion I try not to think of it this way.

There is no way to objectively judge "better", to me this seems like a very middle class white person notion that if someone has more money and the lifestyle that comes along it they are somehow above the other individual who lives in a public tenement and has a bus pass. We all close our eyes at the end of the night, and have our own fears and insecurities. If we don't learn to be happy and work with what we have got, material gains mean nothing other than a cold comfort.

To me, life is all about learning and I am in awe of those who lived before me and have experience under their belt. They pass on their knowledge for what it is worth, and as I live my life I do the same. There is no notion of "better" here, just a cycle.

 

[AndrewM]

Old news man.

Glad to hear it. I guess I misunderstood what you were trying to say with all that stuff about being with a girl.

I think Haz is close to the mark when he talks about jealousy, except I think it's more literally a case of envy. You want to enjoy what other men seem to enjoy. And the feeling of not being in your own body - do you mean you feel empty inside? That might explain the numbness, and why all those things you list don't bother you, despite the fact that you know they *should* bother you.

I suspect 80% of the people on this board are going through something similar. Every second thread is about wanting someone to love - that's not a criticism, it's an observation which should tell us something. I don't think it's a coincidence that envy and the feeling of emptiness always seem to go together. I was reading a book recently which suggested that envy is the result of expelling all the good qualities you possess onto someone or something else - leaving you empty inside and desperately wanting what the other person has. Does that sound right?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

[
I suspect 80% of the people on this board are going through something similar. Every second thread is about wanting someone to love - that's not a criticism, it's an observation which should tell us something. I don't think it's a coincidence that envy and the feeling of emptiness always seem to go together. I was reading a book recently which suggested that envy is the result of expelling all the good qualities you possess onto someone or something else - leaving you empty inside and desperately wanting what the other person has. Does that sound right?

I guess if it's right for you..then it's right for you.
I actaully sounds retarded and ignorant to me. I just saying that's how
it sounds to me...so don't go having a knee jerk reaction.

I'm not envious. I don't want someone's girl or what other people have.
I want what i want.

I was reading or doing research.
The oppoisite of envy (lack) is gradtitute (have).

If you watch enough cable..you'll notice something (it just an observations on my part)...They always wanna get you to buy honeysuckle.
By doing so...commercial are always giving out meessages that YOU
LACK honeysuckle...YOU NEED BETTER honeysuckle...THE honeysuckle YOU HAVE IS NOT
GOOD ENOUGH, YOU NEED THE LASTEST AND GREATEST honeysuckle BECUASE IT"S THE BEST honeysuckle. THIS NEW honeysuckle WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY UNTIL
WE TRY TO SELL YOU MORE honeysuckle.

Anywho..If you practice having an attitude of gradtitute. It'll simply
get you into having feelings of having.

Anywho...if you're into religion. You might notice...some religion
will try to get you to belive that there's a GOD or something outside
of yourself, something greater than you.
In so many ways religion are also programing you to belive that YOU LACK. YOU NEED BEETER honeysuckle TO FILL YOUR EMPTINESS.
better yet...if you don't belive like they do....you're going to hell and back to hell and back.lol

What if I just told you...YOU LACK NOTHING.
You have everything inside of you already.
You are complete and whole already.
What if all your life from the moment you were borned...You were told that over and over again (programmed/condition).
Would this be your belief?

What if i told you envy dosn't exsist?

Anywho, I met a woman not too long ago. She's the most beautiful creature I've ever met.
Everything about her makes my boil pressure rise with excitements. The way she walks, the way she talks, the way she carries herself,
the way she smile. the way she laughs, the way she dress. She has the most beautiful face, long beautiful dark brown hair, beautiful brown eyes,
beautiful body, beautiful tan skin. I want her. There's just so much love inside of me. I want to love her all over
I want what I want and I want it NOW.lol

 

[AndrewM]

Actually, I agree with you that gratitude can be thought of as the opposite of envy. But I don't see why it's a mistake to think that some lonely people feel envy. I'm not trying to be moralistic about it. I'm not saying that envy is a sin (that's up to you if you're religious). But it's not a positive feeling. It's a kind of suffering which cuts you off from people. And what I'm suggesting is that it's probably a symptom of something deeper.

Anyway, I think another term for what you call gratitude might be emotional generosity. Instead of resenting someone because they're in a relationship (or whatever), you feel happy for them. That's not something you can really do if you feel empty and worthless inside. But if, as you say, you somehow come to the realisation that you lack nothing, that good qualities already exist within you, then you can find the strength to have positive feelings for others. I'm not sure we're really at odds here.

 

[drifter]

There is no way to objectively judge "better", to me this seems like a very middle class white person notion that if someone has more money and the lifestyle that comes along it they are somehow above the other individual who lives in a public tenement and has a bus pass. We all close our eyes at the end of the night, and have our own fears and insecurities. If we don't learn to be happy and work with what we have got, material gains mean nothing other than a cold comfort.

Yea, nobody's perfect. I guess what I've learned about this subject, is that only people that are 'unhappy' or have nothing right now that makes them proud, start to criticize and judge others. Pick some sort of weakness point, and fire the bullet. They are scared and just don't want to feel inferior.
But it's pointless really, whos truly happy wont even bother to answer and will just cast a smile.

I don't think it's a coincidence that envy and the feeling of emptiness always seem to go together. I was reading a book recently which suggested that envy is the result of expelling all the good qualities you possess onto someone or something else - leaving you empty inside and desperately wanting what the other person has. Does that sound right?

Yes, it does! Also, empty is a word that i've used many times over while thinking about my "status".. Man, I envy those small town guys, who were carried in a silver spoon since they were kids. They were always the 'beloved one'. Mr. Perfectness :/
And your right, unhappy and feeling empty and worthless inside you can't really have any gratitude. Just rage.

Im glad I have found this forum.. its always great to know your not alone in some thoughts, and its always great to see things from another point of view/perspective.

 

[coricopat]

I know a lot of guys like you. Do you know WHY you feel that way? Why life itself doesn't interest you, but the idea of a gf does? I'm curious.

 

[drifter]

I know a lot of guys like you. Do you know WHY you feel that way? Why life itself doesn't interest you, but the idea of a gf does? I'm curious.

Well I guess life without someone to share it, is pointless. I don't know anyone alone, wihtout anybody to share their stuff, feeling happy and complete. I can't really explain, but i guess a girlfriend give you a purpose.. meaning, knowing that all your effort through the day is worth it. I mean in this numbness, anything I do has no value. It is only one more meaningless act or thing, that really didnt matter.

But still, right now Im doing whatever I can to find a job of some sort. It's not only thinking about love, but love always have much more weight over the other stuff.

I hope you understand my bad english. :$

hugz.

 

[Badjedidude]

Well I guess life without someone to share it, its pointless.

Why the hell is life pointless by itself?

Get some hobbies! Find some meaning! Explore! There's a LOT more that life has to give than just love.

 

[drifter]

Why the hell is life pointless by itself?

Get some hobbies! Find some meaning! Explore! There's a LOT more that life has to give than just love.

I've done so many stuff.. got laughts out of big adventures, moments.. but still that feeling of emptyness stays. Like if there's something missing.

hugz.