What's wrong with being a virgin?

[somber_radiance]

I'm not sure what you guys will think about this.

I get the feeling that many virgins over 20 are virgins more so because of circumstances than because of chance. Apparently, I'm in different boat all on my own. I'm one of those "waiting for the right person" type of people, but I'm starting to question myself.

I meet so many guys that leave me the second they find out that I've never had sex (and am not in a hurry to). There are days when I just want to give up the waiting and give in to the next guy I meet. A part of me always thinks...maybe if we had sex he would have stuck around. I'm beginning to think that trying to be a "virgin by choice" is like cursing myself to "loneliness by choice."

Should I just say f*ck it and go f*ck someone? Why am I left questioning my personal moral choices?
Maybe this is a dumb predicament to people out there...as many would give anything to at least be able to meet people. :/

 

[LoneKiller]

Hi somber_radiance.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy. Society places too much importance on sex. Having sex with a guy in the hopes that it will solve your dilemma might not work. A lot of guys that get into a girl's pants try and leave her behind because they were out for one thing and got it. I'm not saying all guys are like that. But many do. They then brag about their sexual exploits to their friends the next day, without even giving thought to the girl who wakes up the day after with feelings.

If you have to give it up in order to keep a guy. It's a gamble. You will then get a reputation for being "Easy". You don't need that crap in your life. Any man who won't stay with you because you are a virgin or won't give it up is a punk.

Decent men care about more than just sex. Never use sex as a tool
get what you want. It's disrespectful to you as a woman to cheapen yourself like that.

---

forget I asked

Why? Did I offend you in some way?
EDIT: The original thread title and content has been restored. Please disregard my above reply with respect to offending the author of this thread.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

nothbing wrong with beiing a virgin,,,,,

as long as there's nothing wrong with someone thst's very sexually active.
excuse us not pure, nasty, with no morals people.lol

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

See it's not the virgin part that has the guys turning in the other direction. It's the "not in a hurry to" part.
That isn't to say there's anything wrong with your choice.

There are many people who just want to fresia.

Whether or not you should be a virgin depends on how you feel on the subject. How important is it to you? Are you willing to have sex for the sake of finding someone, or do you want to find someone whom you are comfortable having sex with?

What's wrong with being a virgin? Nothing. In my opinion, neither being a virgin nor losing one's virginity is a big deal. The important thing is that you have sex with someone you WANT to have sex with, not someone who pressures you into it.

Edit: Never mind my grammatical errors. It's 4AM.

 

[LilTrix1]

If you're waiting for the right guy, then you'd be better off waiting until you found the right guy. You're not going to feel any better, more than likely, giving into the next guy you meet, so don't worry about it. Seems like if you keep meeting guys that leave you as soon as they know you're a virgin, then they aren't the "right guy."

So, if you're able to run into new people, and on the look out for the right guy, keep at it and it'll happen.. Some of my friends who've only been with one person, have been with that person for years, so you just gotta give it a chance.

 

[John654321]

You will have to explain to me a really good argument why it is so important to only experience sex with "the right person". Unfortunately a Mr. Rights today in many instances becomes a Mr. Wrong next year.

Prior to marriage I think you will need to experience sex with a number of Mr. Wrongs to know that you have your Mr. Right. Any Mr. Wrong encounter will give you more sexual experience and you should be happy you avoid the the bigger mistake of marriage to Mr. Wrong. No shame should be felt and you should be proud of the sexual confidence you gained. Your quest for Mr. Right can now continue. If your first sexual encounter turns out to be Mr. Right you've done what you set out to do (Only experienced sex with Mr. Right). Yeah! .

I think if you have a Mr. Right candidate you should start discussing sex to include partner’s sexual experience (you are a virgin, and he is a virgin or young man with some experience), expectations, and any fears. Also discuss the fact that you both have limited experience and the first time may not be as expected by one or both but you will both commit to studying, practicing, and communicating to make each subsequent encounter even more intimate and pleasurable.

 

[VanillaCreme]

There's nothing wrong with it.

 

[John654321]

Key point that I left out is that I think sex (love) prior to marriage must be experienced so as you can assure one another you are sexually compatible. Likes, dislikes, appetite etcetera. Also, this isn't casual sex, it is sex with a man you have qulified as a Mr. Right. If you have sex with Mr. Right and find out that is all he was ever after, to the curb he goes and the search for Mr. Right continues. Unfortunately, In this scenerio you probaly can't avoid experiencing some heartache but try and be happy you rid yourself of the lying weasel and you will be better prepared to spot and avoid any other weasels.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Nothing wrong in waiting at all its your life and body and by the sounds of it you are quite up front about that which is only fair on the other person. But theres nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with someone to be, in time fully sexual either. I think its important to communicate your views on it clearly with someone, if you are 'waiting for the right person' a guy might think 'well am I not the right person? Am I a stop gap to cuddle until that guy comes along?' I'm not saying that would be right, just what someone might think in terms of their insecurities.

That could be a bit deflating, even if you reassure them that things are going well and you can see it heading in that right direction its still quite a burden of responsiblity on the other person. Theres no guarantees in life and having sex isn't a stamp on a relationship that means it will be any more secure afterwards.

I don't think you can ever know for sure although you can be very confident in a relationship and see it lasting. I think the best you can hope for is that you know you've reached a certain level of trust with someone where you know their intentions are true and they genuinely care about you and vice versa. If after that things don't work out, well sometimes nice couples don't last too so thats something to keep in mind.

Lastly it doesn't have to be going from no physical contact to full on sexual relationship, there are steps in between which might mean you and your partner both feel its moving along at a pace that works for you both, you know base 1, base 2 etc...

 

[Barbaloot]

Nothing wrong with remaining a virgin at all. I stayed a virgin for moral reasons until I was 22, I wanted my first time to be with someone I was in love with, and it was.
You don't have to have sex to meet people or even have boyfriends (boyfriends worth dating) - don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. At the end of the day you are the only one who has to live with your decisions and it's certainly better to avoid doing something, or someone, you will likely regret. And I think it is better when it is valued.

Any man worth being with will respect your decision, don't change that for anyone. It's worth finding a man who stays in the relationship for you, rather than for your sex.

 

[beautifulsorrow]

There's nothing wrong with it and its dumb to think otherwise.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well..you might had came across guys thst's been in the friendzone for ever too.
Good enough to be your friend but not good enough the fresia. Not right enough,,so'they
move on. In this repect..a person still must look out for their own well being
and self worth.

so if the relationship stops at an early stage...becuase of differences.
Youre still better off than to go through head gsmes or emotional manipulations.

i didnt have sexual intercorse until i was over 18 but I had GF since I was 15.
I know the diffeence between being a lover and being just a friend. On an emotional level I wasnt a virgin.
We had lots of physical contact , cuddling, kissing, making out..ect.ect
I still had to wieght everything out..such as the chance of her getting pregnant.
Certainly at 16 i wasnt fincailly self supporting to bring a life into this world.

At 18 I thought I was confident enough to be finacial suporting.
Of course I thought I found Mrs. Right..that I would be with her forever.
While in that relationship that how I felt...until oneday my bubble got burst.
I guy losing his virginity is view as an accomplishment...I guess.
At least she was a super model and I messed the living honeysuckle out of her.
Threw my heart into the trash can and became a badboy that day.lol

 

[ladyforsaken]

Hi somber. There really is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Don't rush into things only to regret this irreversible action. Guys who leave you just because you're not wanting it yet goes to show they are not worth your time as well. You need to find someone who respects you for what you want and what you need, and same goes the other way around. You're still young, so don't worry about this.

 

[Parabolani]

Not getting any. That's what's wrong with being a virgin. Sex feels good, it's fun, lifes short, you should do it as much as you possibly can.
The problem is finding people to do it with, if you meet someone and think this person is like me and is genuine go for it jump into bed with them. If it's not going to lead to a relationship who cares there are plenty more people out there that you will get along with.
In this day and age we don't have to place emphasis on virginity because sex does not = babies.

 

[somber_radiance]

You will have to explain to me a really good argument why it is so important to only experience sex with "the right person". Unfortunately a Mr. Rights today in many instances becomes a Mr. Wrong next year.

Prior to marriage I think you will need to experience sex with a number of Mr. Wrongs to know that you have your Mr. Right. Any Mr. Wrong encounter will give you more sexual experience and you should be happy you avoid the the bigger mistake of marriage to Mr. Wrong. No shame should be felt and you should be proud of the sexual confidence you gained. Your quest for Mr. Right can now continue. If your first sexual encounter turns out to be Mr. Right you've done what you set out to do (Only experienced sex with Mr. Right). Yeah! .

I think if you have a Mr. Right candidate you should start discussing sex to include partner’s sexual experience (you are a virgin, and he is a virgin or young man with some experience), expectations, and any fears. Also discuss the fact that you both have limited experience and the first time may not be as expected by one or both but you will both commit to studying, practicing, and communicating to make each subsequent encounter even more intimate and pleasurable.

That's the lecture I get from my happily-in-long-term-relationship friends. They call it "test driving."

Well I had two huge influences growing up: religion and...well for some reason I always felt that my parents were very traditional when it came to relationships and that they would freak out if I went out and got a little crazy.

That's where my decision started, but then it became more of a personal choice. There are moments where I could have just taken off one more article of clothing and done it...but something holds me back every time. Plus I'm never turned on (I need the emotional element for that!). Maybe I hold sex on too high of a pedestal...I think it should be something special (a very deep connection...no pun intended) shared with someone I have reached a certain level of comfort and intimacy with. To me, sex with just a physical connection is raw. It's like the difference between a snapshot of a naked man in bleak florescent lighting vs a photo of a nude man shot from an artistic angle with interesting lighting/shadows. Same thing, different perspective.

Frankly, I've just never gotten to that point of intimacy. Guys come and go quite frequently in my life. I think most are interested in me for sex from the very beginning...so they always try to pull a move within a couple days (patient ones wait a week or two) of hanging out with me. I think it's time to bring back my I'm-too-shy-to-even-hug-you persona so I don't get myself into these awkward "Oh...you're not looking for casual sex" moments.


Edit: Wait...is that normal? To want sex THAT early?

---

Nothing wrong with remaining a virgin at all. I stayed a virgin for moral reasons until I was 22, I wanted my first time to be with someone I was in love with, and it was.
You don't have to have sex to meet people or even have boyfriends (boyfriends worth dating) - don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. At the end of the day you are the only one who has to live with your decisions and it's certainly better to avoid doing something, or someone, you will likely regret. And I think it is better when it is valued.

Any man worth being with will respect your decision, don't change that for anyone. It's worth finding a man who stays in the relationship for you, rather than for your sex.

Well said.

 

[Igotnoname]

I never understood the need to fresia everyone that I heard from other guys.
Someones a virgin.. so what? Not everyone is an animal jumping on every opportunity he/she gets. Being a virgin doesnt indicate who you are.

Im not a virgin cause I had 1 relationship that lasted 2,5 years but I waited a year before I even suggested that as I dont care about this few minutes of physical heaven. If someone is gonna break up with me for trivial things as sex then that person has a serious lack of willpower and will probably sooner or later get bored with me or cheat on me or just find someone else. I want someone to be with me for me not because of my dick or her ponny fantasies.

Had 2 opportunities to have sex with stranger girls but I refused, im not very good looking{im very skinny and only 5 7 tall man wearing glasses and studying martial arts whose trying to get to university to study psychology- what a catch right?}and not rich at all...hell i wasnt even accepted to university this year but am not a whore.

I would rather be alone my whole life than ******* everyone and showing how weak my mind is or being with someone who doesnt love me.

Sex is meaningless. When someone loves you its called loving not sex.

And yes im entitled to post this as im single

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

Not getting any. That's what's wrong with being a virgin. Sex feels good, it's fun, lifes short, you should do it as much as you possibly can.
The problem is finding people to do it with, if you meet someone and think this person is like me and is genuine go for it jump into bed with them. If it's not going to lead to a relationship who cares there are plenty more people out there that you will get along with.
In this day and age we don't have to place emphasis on virginity because sex does not = babies.

I don't see why emphasis needs to be placed on virginity even if sex did lead to babies (and it can when it's unprotected). Plenty of non-virgins have babies later in life, in their late twenties and early thirties and have perfectly healthy babies.

Sex is not something that's that important in the grand scheme of life. The emphasis put on virginity is just silly, dreamt up by people who think an "untouched" woman is a prize to be won (among other things that are inappropriate for me to discuss here), like being a predator killing a healthy deer instead of being the vulture to get the scraps that were picked over.

Whether someone wants to rush into sex or not is that own person's business and choice. I personally don't condone rushing a person or telling a person to slow down (unless that person is harming their health by having unsafe sex). Something like sex is completely personal and will vary between individuals. There is no "right" or "wrong" reason to have sex, and abstaining from it or waiting for the right person is perfectly fine if that's what one chooses to do.

What I'm saying is, it doesn't matter either way - do what is comfortable for you.

Edit: I just know someone's gonna rape my ass with a stick on this so here's a disclaimer: I do not condone sex for the reasons of conning people, getting pregnant for no reason (i.e. breeding), trapping a man, or for the sake of violating/overpowering a person (i.e. rape). I'm saying that some people want to have sex just to have it, some people want sex in order to unify the body and soul and all that good stuff, and some people don't want to have sex at all. All of those are completely fine and I don't believe a person (e.g. the OP) should change their views on sex just because a potential lover, or any of us, tells them to.

 

[passage]

Theres nothing wrong with that. But I can tell you, from my perspective, I wouldn't date a girl who's waiting til marriage. I couldn't care less if shes a virgin, or has had lots of sexual partners (as long as shes a stickler for condoms), but I'm not going to wait around 5 years and get married just to stick me penis in you. For me, sex is an important part of a relationship

Basically, my opinion is that you should wait until you find someone you really like, and do it then. Get comfortable with it, and decide your sexual boundaries after. Also you don't ahve to go shouting it from the rooftops, its nobody elses business but your own.

Since you mentioned growing up religious, I can't really offer an opinion there.

 

[roguewave]

Sorry if someone already mentioned this,... but a lot of people don't want to be responsible for taking someone's virginity. It can be a lot of pressure and that burden seems to grow greater, the longer the person has waited to be deflowered. That might be part of the reason why some of the guys are uneasy with your virginity. I've never taken someone's virginity but it would be a lot of pressure, I imagine.

 

[Parabolani]

Hello! Vampires only drink the blood of virgins.