Why I believe I do not look

[Ovid]

Just wanted to go through my mentality as to why I don't look for a girlfriend / partner.

I've never been a very secure person, and I think that rubs off on my personal relations. I just always seem to think of excuses as to why I don't look.

Some excuses in the past were:
"I'm studying and I have no idea if I will get a job afterward, so I shouldn't look for someone".

Then there was:
"I'm looking for a job, and still living at home, so I shouldn't look for someone".

Now, I have a good job (for 4 months now) and I am slowly becoming more responsible, but I still seem to think:
"I shouldn't look yet, because I don't know how secure my job is. If I lose it, I don't know if I can get another. I should wait until I get some more months/years experience, so that I can get employed again if I'm dismissed. Then I can look for someone".

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this way?
Will I continue making excuses?

Usually I am a very rational, logical person, but I cannot seem to figure out why I am so unsure of myself. I know that my greatest fear is failing and letting people down, which has an effect on why I am thinking this way. It's just hard to break out of this line of thinking.

 

[JustJones]

I know what you mean but I think that if you did find someone, if they are a good person, they won't care about your current life situation and like/love you for who you are
I'm now rabidly trying to change my life and get myself a girlfriend even though-
1 I have very little money
2 I'm quite busy with my studies at uni
3 I may have to move house soon, could possibly be getting evicted.

From my perspective, If I found someone I cherished I would be happy to endure whatever hardships they have to deal with and I hope that they will too.
Good luck!

 

[Papabear]

Yeah, you are making excuses. Bad excuses that have almost nothing to do with relationships.

The studying one, I guess I could see that as not wanting to spend as much time looking or whatever. But now you really are just making excuses. I think we've all done it at one point in time or another, but you've gotta get over your confidence issues.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I don't think you are...or being un realistic.
Dating women require moola and some sort of stability.

Then again there's never the perfect moment, the perfect time, the perfect circumstance.
I had to learn that the hard way....Which i should known all alone.

I didn't have a dime in my name. I didn't even have a car. I had a job though.
MY ex-wf asked me out...She bascailly took us everywhere.

One of my ex-gf stuck with me through the bad times.
We were bascailly poor, poor. It actually made us become closer.
The ironic twist of that relationship was..after we moved into a three bed room house
out in the country..puchased the giant screen TV, 3 cars in the garage, both of us working
full time. Our trouble started becuase we had conflicts getting her a sports car and the color
of the **** thing... It's fucken retarded come to think of it. We drifted away from each other.

We both came from upper middle class back ground...bascailly both spoil in our own ways..
Yet being poor made us humble and learn to love a person as who they are...
Somewhere along the line we relapsed back into our fucken old behaviors and got fucken
materialist again...*sigh*

When we first met. She would walk a couple of miles to work and I would pretend like I'm
a stranger trying to pick up on her...She would say "no thanks..I already have a BF" ...
I was her BF....lmao We nevered use to argu about anything..espcailly stupid honeysuckle.

In my last realtionship..both my ex and i were rolling in the dow.
$8000 a month after taxes...honeysuckle , that was all messed up after a while.
She decided to gamble all out money and relationship away becuase it was too good ...i guess.
She came from a not so weathly family. It seems like she sabatage our lives just so she can be
living the fucken poor life style of struggling to make ends meet. Something about you can't
be rich or living the good life on earth in order to get in heaven or some honeysuckle.
People get hung up on that honeysuckle. Some people have that mentallity.

The same gose for relationships...

 

[Flood]

Yes they are excuses. I used to say that I'd try to talk to a girl after I got this, or got in shape or moved here etc. But it was all bs. However the excuse that JustJones used about the "studies at uni" is the only one I will buy. Simple because trying to navigate entering a relationship was so stressful and emotional/mentally draining, that it was a major distraction. However if I wasn't so insecure it wouldn't have been so.

If you got your own place and a career I say that should be enough of a boost to step up to the plate. When I had a great job that paid well and made me feel proud, I felt a small boost of confidence. This enabled me, for that single year at that company to experience more with relationships than all the previous years combined. It improved my self esteem and I saw some of my potential.

Even if you're unemployed, there is nothing wrong with looking for someone to make you happy in life, maybe hold off on getting married without the moola but otherwise why not?