Questions for the Men

[Finished]

15 years! omg, im sorry that sounds hard. But yes, people look at others a "opportunities" rather than who they actually are. I am even guilty of this, if I see a guy with "potential" I think, if only I could make him more... tough and sprinkle some "toxic masculinity" on him... but I started thinking, what if me changing him, just makes him resent me and never find someone that would love all of him... exactly how he is.

Or, you fix him up to be a great guy and then some slut steals him away. Ha! ha! All that time and hard work gets wasted. It's better to keep him looking lazy and slobbenly so he'll stay put. Only fix stuff that isn't observable to the outside world like toilet seat down, dirt clothes IN the hamper, urinate IN the toilet, rinse dirty dishes off at minimum, etc, etc, etc. But, if they dress like crap, be glad and do NOT fix that part of them. You could even purposely put stains on their clothes too. Ha! ha!

 

[Finished]

What would make you walk away, seriously, walk away and never look back from a partner of ... over 1 year?

Sex stops. About the only time I was in a relationship and didn't have sex many times a week was when one of them went on a two week work trip. If I'm well fed and have plenty of sex I'm very accommodating and forgiving. Withhold sex as punishment and I'm gone.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Lol "more tough and sprinkle some toxic masculinity on him"? You're a weird one kiddo ;-)
I probably got too much of that for my own good. People usually want it the other way around.
But yeah, it's not about him resenting you, though it can certainly happen. It's about you wasting your time with someone you don't really want in the first place. Possibly hurting him and yourself in the process. People don't enjoy waiting and often pursue even though they don't realise they're after an ideal more than a person. It's unfair to both and usually doesnt end well.
I just refuse to compromise my principles for a "quick fix". I've had numerous opportunities. That didn't make it Right.

To answer your second question, I got three rules;
1- Don't take me for a fool.
2-Don't cheat on me. Flirt all you want, I trust implicitely until proven otherwise
3-Don't let your ego run rampant and think you're all that. My ego will dump yours faster than a bad habit.

I've yet to meet a girl who could respect all three. It doesn't seem that complicated, though. Everything else is negotiable.

I'm a total weirdo I just need a man that smells like grease and engine oil... okay okay maybe not that masculine...

Oooh you are a man of quotes, I really like what you said about compromising, I'm really taking a lesson from that, maybe quick fix is not the way to go.

Omg I'd love a man who'd let me flirt all I want!! Wouldn't help my flirting addiction one bit lol Probably wouldn't invite me to many family dinners, I wish I could think more before I speak, that would be a good thing to change when in a relationship. My speaking to shutting up ratio lolz

I think your rules are perfectly reasonable good sir!!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No, probably not. Typically women demand a lot more attention than I do. If I'm with a woman I'll just be with her and that's enough for me. Simply put I'm a man with desires but I'm not a slave to my desires. This is again something that's different for me between when I'm single and when I'm in a relationship. I actually have a pretty decent amount of focus and self control when in a relationship, but if I'm single, I mean, I'm single, so what's the point in holding myself back?

I've been with a couple women in that lifestyle, I didn't meet them through it, it was just a coincidence. I study business templates and I wanted to understand how it worked so I drilled them for some answers and so I have more of an in-depth understanding of it than the average dude who's rendered otherwise compromised of it..

Metaphorically speaking, because I don't really know how else to put it without sleep, I'm inclined to let the dog off the leash in the yard so long as the fence is closed so it doesn't get hit by passing cars with careless drivers because I do actually love and cherish what I have..

Wow I totally get it! I think there is an issue with too much attention from other guys, it can become... idk... you stop caring about what you man at home wants some times..

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Wow I totally get it! I think there is an issue with too much attention from other guys, it can become... idk... you stop caring about what you man at home wants some times..

It kinda reminds me of a poly relationship I was in once where something like that happened, and the other guy ended up going to jail. So she (my ex, but then-gf) were hanging out at my place and she got a little too drunk and got sad about it. Then we made out for a bit and she slipped up with the names and said his name instead, and I just ran with it and told her to do it again since we had our eyes closed. She grinned and just said "you're twisted and that's messed up, but that's why I love you."

She was with me first and found him later early on into the relationship. So before things got too serious we just established it as poly and fun. He never liked me, which is ironic because she was more into him than me. But I think that's because she was able to manipulate him more than me. She did actually point blank tell me once that I'm better at headgames than she is, That's one thing I miss about her, she was honest in her promiscuity, made for a good source of information and education at the time.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay men, now only answer if you're gonna be truthful on this one! No female pleasers allowed, I want it real and raw.

Context- The male gaze is something that is both desirable to me and dreaded by me, at the same time. If the guy I want to notice me, notices me, it's amazing... every other guy, thanks... but no thanks mate. Sometimes it can be rather intimidating, but nothing is more soul destroying as when another woman catches your mans eye...

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

 

[HelloNewman]

Someone wrote that he wants to be a car collector. I want to design my own car one day. But that won't happen in this life.

I have the solution for you. Decide now that your next life will be something you want, say Enzo Ferrari.

For me, I coming back as a platypus where I will build a dam for my new wife and our kids.

 

[MrLonely86]

I have the solution for you. Decide now that your next life will be something you want, say Enzo Ferrari.

For me, I coming back as a platypus where I will build a dam for my new wife and our kids.

You made my day sir.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Okay men, now only answer if you're gonna be truthful on this one! No female pleasers allowed, I want it real and raw.

Context- The male gaze is something that is both desirable to me and dreaded by me, at the same time. If the guy I want to notice me, notices me, it's amazing... every other guy, thanks... but no thanks mate. Sometimes it can be rather intimidating, but nothing is more soul destroying as when another woman catches your mans eye...

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

It's the instinctual yes/no question of rather you're attracted to that woman or not. Just because an attraction is there doesn't mean he's gonna waltz up and try to smash, that's not how that works. And if he is that dumb, you should probably find yourself a less shallow and simple man because that'll get boring fast.

 

[MrLonely86]

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

Hhmmm. I had this issue once. One girl was into me and she caught me staring at her friend. At the time she asked me if I like her, and I just told her that her friend is pretty. I mean we were in nightclub and there are tons of pretty girls around you all the time. If I could like, reverse time now, I would say something in style: " See, there are tons of pretty girls around you, you are pretty girl, she is pretty girl, Girl-C is pretty girl , how can you decide with which one you want to spend the rest of your life with? ". I mean nightclub learns you this, there isn't just one person you wanna be with, it's hard to sort it out when you have multiple choices. XD That is why I hate love. I am , just one girl - person, and having multiple choices is bad , especially if you meet them in like , same surroundings. If I could reverse that moment, I would I don't know .... Told her: " I like you actually , can we go for a walk, so I can show you some fun stuff around? I don't wanna waste time here drinking. ".

 

[randomguy]

Okay men, now only answer if you're gonna be truthful on this one! No female pleasers allowed, I want it real and raw.

Context- The male gaze is something that is both desirable to me and dreaded by me, at the same time. If the guy I want to notice me, notices me, it's amazing... every other guy, thanks... but no thanks mate. Sometimes it can be rather intimidating, but nothing is more soul destroying as when another woman catches your mans eye...

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

Simply put, him looking has nothing to do with you at all. The world is full of beautiful sights, flowers and sunsets, great works of art, It doesn’t take anything away from you when your man admires a painting or sculpture. It doesn’t diminish his love for you when he looks at another woman.

When he saw her, a chemical reaction happened in his brain. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin were released, giving him an involuntary surge of pleasure.

 

[Finished]

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

It's got nothing to do with Love. But, yes, everybody would like to have a great looking girl/boy friend. But, for a spouse you want someone that you connect with, etc, etc, etc. Looks in a spouse aren't so important. Usually the better looking the spouse is, the more problems you will have. Other people find their way in by following steak.

It's really this simple:

 

[MrLonely86]

Guys like to watch pretty girls, but we aren't monkeys and dogs.

 

[ewomack]

Okay men, now only answer if you're gonna be truthful on this one! No female pleasers allowed, I want it real and raw.

Context- The male gaze is something that is both desirable to me and dreaded by me, at the same time. If the guy I want to notice me, notices me, it's amazing... every other guy, thanks... but no thanks mate. Sometimes it can be rather intimidating, but nothing is more soul destroying as when another woman catches your mans eye...

I wanna ask men, what is the truth, what does it mean if another woman catches your eye? Are you less in love with the woman you're with, are you just admiring, do you wish you had a wife/girlfriend that looks like her instead?

Expecting that the person you're with will never be attracted to another person in their life is unrealistic. It's how far they go with that attraction that matters. My wife and I were open about this early on and we agreed that we will both find other people attractive, but the "deal" is that such situations will hopefully remain just attractions. I've had a few temptations along the way and resisted them all. So far, so good.

I really try not to stare at women, because so many women I've known have told me that men staring at them makes them uncomfortable. Plus, it's not the most considerate thing one can do. I also don't always look at women because I find them attractive. Sometimes people are just interesting to look at. I could stare at a man for the same reason. But even if I do look/stare at a woman because I find her attractive, which still happens once in a while, I'm not fantasizing about leaving my wife for her. I don't even know the mystery woman, after all. Why would I throw away everything I have, a relationship that has built up trust over years, for what all I know is just another pretty face? After all, there are a lot of pretty faces in the world, they're not rare.

I'm not saying all guys react this way, but I know I do. I've known guys who fell for women they saw walking down the street only once. Some even tried to seek them out. I tried to tell them that, not only do you risk coming across as a creepy stalker, but you might not even like the woman once she opens her mouth. I even had to throw out the "don't judge a book by its cover" cliché and the "you're only suffering from lust at first sight" maxim. This is somewhat presumptuous, but based on conversations I've had with men, most men look/stare at a woman because they find her sexually attractive. Many men then confuse that feeling for "love." Many women in turn often confuse that staring for "love." To me, the "male gaze" represents lust and not much more. Sometimes men act on that lust. Sometimes they don't.

 

[randomguy]

Random wisdom from a randomguy ; Ladies if you want men to not stare at your boobs try eating a banana

 

[MrLonely86]

Guys are visual creatures , women rely on emotions and feelings. Nothing wrong with it , just biological difference.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Random wisdom from a randomguy ; Ladies if you want men to not stare at your boobs try eating a banana

And all this time I thought random guys were buying me bananas to eat for my... nutrition.

It's the instinctual yes/no question of rather you're attracted to that woman or not. Just because an attraction is there doesn't mean he's gonna waltz up and try to smash, that's not how that works. And if he is that dumb, you should probably find yourself a less shallow and simple man because that'll get boring fast.

But say a guy keeps checking you out...is he really doing that for no reason... he really thinks nothing...?? I just dont get it fellas.

It's got nothing to do with Love. But, yes, everybody would like to have a great looking girl/boy friend. But, for a spouse you want someone that you connect with, etc, etc, etc. Looks in a spouse aren't so important. Usually the better looking the spouse is, the more problems you will have. Other people find their way in by following steak.

It's really this simple:

I feel like if another woman man keeps staring at me, he thinks im hotter than her, is that just simply untrue?

Guys like to watch pretty girls, but we aren't monkeys and dogs.

Men are dogs, my doctor told me so lolz only playing

Expecting that the person you're with will never be attracted to another person in their life is unrealistic. It's how far they go with that attraction that matters. My wife and I were open about this early on and we agreed that we will both find other people attractive, but the "deal" is that such situations will hopefully remain just attractions. I've had a few temptations along the way and resisted them all. So far, so good.

I really try not to stare at women, because so many women I've known have told me that men staring at them makes them uncomfortable. Plus, it's not the most considerate thing one can do. I also don't always look at women because I find them attractive. Sometimes people are just interesting to look at. I could stare at a man for the same reason. But even if I do look/stare at a woman because I find her attractive, which still happens once in a while, I'm not fantasizing about leaving my wife for her. I don't even know the mystery woman, after all. Why would I throw away everything I have, a relationship that has built up trust over years, for what all I know is just another pretty face? After all, there are a lot of pretty faces in the world, they're not rare.

I'm not saying all guys react this way, but I know I do. I've known guys who fell for women they saw walking down the street only once. Some even tried to seek them out. I tried to tell them that, not only do you risk coming across as a creepy stalker, but you might not even like the woman once she opens her mouth. I even had to throw out the "don't judge a book by its cover" cliché and the "you're only suffering from lust at first sight" maxim. This is somewhat presumptuous, but based on conversations I've had with men, most men look/stare at a woman because they find her sexually attractive. Many men then confuse that feeling for "love." Many women in turn often confuse that staring for "love." To me, the "male gaze" represents lust and not much more. Sometimes men act on that lust. Sometimes they don't.

When you was tempted, was it hard to resist or easy because of your feelings?

Guys are visual creatures , women rely on emotions and feelings. Nothing wrong with it , just biological difference.

I feel like this is true, I'm not as visually attracted to men as I think I should be...

 

[MrLonely86]

Yeah , I probably turned out to be an a$$ in that situation. but even if I did end up with that girl. Situation would very likely repeat itself with someone else months later.
Since you mentioned comparing and staring. Guys probably do that. But not me in terms of visual stuff. It's more like behavior in terms of - I wish she is into football like her. I wish she is into video games like her. I wish she is into X like her. I wish she is more open to new experiences like her.
The issue is - you can never find perfect match , you need to "cut it" somewhere and decide where you want to take that compromise in terms of situation.
I had perfect EX GF , everything was solid , except her brain. I can get along more easier with my best friend. And in one situation I told my best friend: " I wish my GF had your brain. ".

 

[HelloNewman]

You made my day sir.

I appreciate that. You called me "Sir" and it brought up memories of the times when meeting a tall and buffed bloke. Looking up to him ( and say "Do people call you Sir. They get the joke and laugh.

 

[ewomack]

When you was tempted, was it hard to resist or easy because of your feelings?

It wasn't incredibly hard for me, actually. I was committed to my marriage and, especially since my first marriage had ended with infidelity, I didn't want to stoop to my ex-wife's level. Also, I had no reason to abandon my marriage. I'll just say that a few women a few years apart made it pretty clear that they were very interested in me. One of the women was also married, though unhappily, so that situation felt pretty icky to me. Had we both been single I might have pursued it, but I had no reason to walk out on a strong marriage for a big "maybe." And it was completely out of the question for me to have "an affair." I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that to my wife. I didn't do anything naughty with any of them, I just know that the situations would have escalated had I pushed them on my side. Thankfully, I controlled myself and didn't do anything stupid. It was the right decision. One of them e-mailed me just a few years ago, saying that she had divorced her husband and that she remembered "very good times" with me. I responded pretty nonchalantly, congratulated her on her divorce (they were not happy) and gave my best wishes. She once again made it pretty clear that she was fully available to me. I didn't respond to her final e-mail. I told my wife about it. In fact, I told her about all of these situations, so she was fully aware. I hid nothing.