M_also_lonely
Well-known member
This isn't really an issue. But something that I have had in mind.
I have deeply observed married couples and people in relationships over the years. From lifelong relationships to the short ones.
I had always wondered what was it about some of them, that they were extremely successful. And would look like the happiest couple ever.
People who seemed perfect for each other, or "made for each other". How did they do it and I couldn't?
While others truly struggled. And in some cases, made lives more miserable by being together.
A straightforward approach to understand this would be to observe what kind of communication they have with each other. How they manage situations with each other.
But this approach is utterly wrong. It tells you nothing of worth.
When I used to be a simp, the romantic lover, I always wished I found my 'soul-mate'. At many points, I thought I did. Only to be called a "potential rapist" due to my dark circled, creepy eyes or to catch them getting laid in a car after having told me that they prefer to stay 'clean' (their words) until marriage. But I feel lucky that they were blunt, otherwise I would never have stopped being a beggar for love.
I always used to blame myself for that. But then again, why blame them either? Does anyone have to be blamed always?
Luckily, my sadness turned into anger very quickly. Otherwise I would be stuck in this forever. Since anger is easier to defeat than sadness and depression.
Anyways, so a lot of us look for 'soul-mates'. Which is a deeply flawed idea, it comes out of entitlement. And if you don't get them, you have something to be a victim about.
Victimhood complex is nothing but a form of bragging. "Look at my miseries, how great sufferings have I gone through, I must be a great person."
The ONLY people who were happy with their partners, were those who were happy BEFORE they were partners. This is an absolutely coherent trait that I have observed in ALL the happy couples I have seen. The ones that were happy without each other, were the only ones whose joy only compounded when they found each other.
The idea that you will be happy once you find a lover, is WRONG. I have experienced that. It might be exciting for a while, you finally have someone who loves you (?), appreciates and supports you. But this only lasts until the honeymoon phase. Once it becomes the new normal, you start going back to your normal ways. If you have treated everyone else with disrespect, hatred, suspicion, etc. you will treat your partner the same way as well. Eventually. Sooner or later.
If you were annoyed by the tiny imperfections of others, you won't find your lover's imperfections 'cute' for a long time. They will eventually annoy you.
If you have treated everyone with love and respect, you will treat your partner that way. And if this is exactly what your partner has done, you are definitely going to have a great and a long one.
To those who have NEVER found any partner, you must realize that all your fantasies only make up for the initial months. After that, its not too much different. So the idea that you will be happy once and only when you have a partner, is going to destroy your life.
You cannot be hating someone but loving your partner. This is not possible.
I have deeply observed married couples and people in relationships over the years. From lifelong relationships to the short ones.
I had always wondered what was it about some of them, that they were extremely successful. And would look like the happiest couple ever.
People who seemed perfect for each other, or "made for each other". How did they do it and I couldn't?
While others truly struggled. And in some cases, made lives more miserable by being together.
A straightforward approach to understand this would be to observe what kind of communication they have with each other. How they manage situations with each other.
But this approach is utterly wrong. It tells you nothing of worth.
When I used to be a simp, the romantic lover, I always wished I found my 'soul-mate'. At many points, I thought I did. Only to be called a "potential rapist" due to my dark circled, creepy eyes or to catch them getting laid in a car after having told me that they prefer to stay 'clean' (their words) until marriage. But I feel lucky that they were blunt, otherwise I would never have stopped being a beggar for love.
I always used to blame myself for that. But then again, why blame them either? Does anyone have to be blamed always?
Luckily, my sadness turned into anger very quickly. Otherwise I would be stuck in this forever. Since anger is easier to defeat than sadness and depression.
Anyways, so a lot of us look for 'soul-mates'. Which is a deeply flawed idea, it comes out of entitlement. And if you don't get them, you have something to be a victim about.
Victimhood complex is nothing but a form of bragging. "Look at my miseries, how great sufferings have I gone through, I must be a great person."
The ONLY people who were happy with their partners, were those who were happy BEFORE they were partners. This is an absolutely coherent trait that I have observed in ALL the happy couples I have seen. The ones that were happy without each other, were the only ones whose joy only compounded when they found each other.
The idea that you will be happy once you find a lover, is WRONG. I have experienced that. It might be exciting for a while, you finally have someone who loves you (?), appreciates and supports you. But this only lasts until the honeymoon phase. Once it becomes the new normal, you start going back to your normal ways. If you have treated everyone else with disrespect, hatred, suspicion, etc. you will treat your partner the same way as well. Eventually. Sooner or later.
If you were annoyed by the tiny imperfections of others, you won't find your lover's imperfections 'cute' for a long time. They will eventually annoy you.
If you have treated everyone with love and respect, you will treat your partner that way. And if this is exactly what your partner has done, you are definitely going to have a great and a long one.
To those who have NEVER found any partner, you must realize that all your fantasies only make up for the initial months. After that, its not too much different. So the idea that you will be happy once and only when you have a partner, is going to destroy your life.
You cannot be hating someone but loving your partner. This is not possible.