Have you ever thought people are a product of their parents?

Do you think parents should be blamed for some of our social ineptiude? I know for a fact that some of my social quirks and biased views on the world is directly linked to my parents. I remember one of the first things I learned at the age of 5 was a quote from my mother:
"Expect the worst out of everyone so when they let you down, you won't be surprised."
And she learned that from her mother's actions.
That isn't to say we aren't responsible for our own actions, but we are what we learn. There isn't anything new or original about any of us. And sometimes, the stuff we learn from our parents is flat out wrong.
Still, it sticks. They're your parents. Of course it's only instinct that you draw from their "life lesssons," regardless of how wrong they may have been. It's difficult throwing away the teachings of the people who more or less raised you.

some people are a product of their parents more than anything else. but i think its more than that. people are a product of their surroundings in general as they grow up. but its not just that. i think its a combination of that and however the chemical makeup of their brain is. some people are more susceptable to certain behaviors. thats why everyone is different.

I think what our parents say and do directly effects who we become as people. Even if we don't listen to a thing they say, it's still effecting us by not listening.

I wouldn't be such a social retard if I was allowed to socialize as a kid. But I also may have been ruined by peer pressure and other unpleasant things. At the same time, it was my choice to stay away from bad choices.

So.. yah.. We are a product of our parents, our surroundings, our mental make up, and everything else you can throw in there. Parents just seem to have a bigger effect than the other things.

I am EXACTLY like my Dad. I sometimes wonder if I am a 65 year old man trapped in a 20 year old's body (no jokes plz).

Except, my tashe isn't as good as his. :'(

People tell me I am exactly like my now passed on dad also, heh.

Anyway, we become affected even before birth. The nice feeling of taking a bath, warm and soft places, feeling of security, mothers womb... and a nice kick in that womb. So how can we say we are not affected by our parents?

Children copy things that grown ups do. That is called playing. They may imitate a busdriver, a housewife, whatever. But they also copy small things, like gestures your mother makes when thinking, yawning, eating habits etc. This process can begin in very very early age, because remember what has been seen, cannot be unseen.

Of course there seem to be the biological differences between people, that affect our lives also. That is called the ways of thinking. How we process what we see. For example men and women process many things differently. But the details of it are also arguable, wether they process things differently due to being raised differently (because parents have different expectations of different sexes -- there is mans work and girls work, social expectations, etc) or is it actually biological. But there is no doubt in it that there are biological processes. Things that affect our mood, for example. Then again, mood can be triggered by various chemical levels in our body, but what affect those chemical levels? Other biomasses who somehow respond to the enviornment around us?

YUP.

I see it every day.

I remember learning in school that our personality is formed by the time we are 3, and everything in our enviornment and our genetics makes this so.

So, yes, the short answer is that we are a product of our enviornment. BUT ! We can activly change. We can decide that we dont like what we have been taught.

For example, a person has racist parents. So, the child is probably going to be a little rascist, but when this person gets to be about 12 years old or so, they start making their own decisions, and they can suddenly reaalize being rascist is wrong.

This is tough.

There are "feral children" out there, and these kids were never socialized and will likely never be "normal"

so, yes, we are a product of our enviornment, but the human spirit can surpass all things, and we can evolve



.

Yeah. It's really obvious with some people. 0_o

My mother gets extremely irate that I go around people like furniture. She also admits that I take after her. Karma maybe?

OMG - I hope not ! I strive everyday NOT to be like my Mother - rest her soul - she did her best but ..............
Ninjacat

I agree and disagree at the same time. I definitely got some of my worst characteristics from my Narcissistic Mother, and I got my intelligence, attitude and music tastes from my Father. But there are also a lot of characteristics I have that are completely my own.

And as for parents being blamed for our social ineptitude? Ab-So-*******-Lutely! I am currently living in a house occupied by a family. I'm "renting" a room. They have a 2 year old daughter, and they've told me about some parents and children they've met. There is one little girl who is apparently larger than the 2 year old, I think she's 3, and she's completely sheltered. The Mother of the 3 year old doesn't seem to believe in going outside and letting her kid play at the park/playground/ect. And apparently, she's a violent little 3 year old. All of her siblings are a lot older than her, and she's the only girl, so they treat her like a princess, but apparently she doesn't know her own strength. Now, it's difficult to socialize her at all because the parents hadn't done a good job from the beginning. If this continues, she'll grow up to be an angry,hateful, lonely, and unsocialized child that is awkward and violent. GREAT

Yes, it is but everyone can make a mistake. We learn for them hope do not make the same one.

yes i believe watever i am thats bcos of my parents, and i mean it in a negative way. they been so over protective that i am now totally dependent on them for all my major financial needs. worse my social skills are bad. although they seem to be nice parents but they ruined my life by overdoing everything. i regret it daily.i regret my life daily.

I believe you should try to slowly wean away from your parents. Find little things to excuse you from using them as your crutch, until you feel as though you can finally honestly say that you do not need them for every aspect of your life.

Yes. Sometimes I love this, sometimes I hate this. I am INSANELY like both my mum and dad.

I look at lot like my dad when my hair's cut a certain way or I make certain expressions.
I got my hair chopped from long to short a while ago - looked at myself in the mirror, found the act of looking in the mirror hilarious, smiled and there was my dad's face. I get mistaken for him on the phone, I play the piano and organ like him...

I'm stubborn like mum, probably a bit more... not reserved exactly, but less self-confident.

Sometimes I wish I didn't get the whole "you're just like your dad" thing. I AM A SEPARATE PERSON.

But yes, I think this about me all the time.

I inherited the paranoia my mother seems to have, my brother noticed and he seems to feel that way too, but my brother try a lot harder to fight it and not let it get to him, he pretty much does almost everything the opposite of what my mom would do, and he's an extrovert because of this, I guess it affects him in a positive way, because he doesn't want to be like my mom and dad, but in some ways he and I inherited some of those quality but he just did a better job shoving it else where.

I inherited a lot more because I'm an introvert, I don't have a lot of friends to talk to and I'm often stuck inside my own head, I'm a very paranoid person because I also have to deal with my mom a lot.

On the contrary, I think we're more a product of our genes. I socialized as a kid, but now I'm the most withdrawn person you've ever seen. I did inherit my father traits though, except his intelligence. God dammit!

Yes I believe so. My mother treated me like she wished she never had me even today I can't see why any one else would want me, though my husband adores me and I'm the appel of my dads eye. I have my dads sense of humor and respect for all living thing and his temper slow to anger but once I'm angry FLEE. And like my mom socially retarted. I know I should not talk about her like that but I'm tired of trying to forgiver and try again cause she just keeps showing me how much I DON'T mean anything to her. It has made me more concience of my childrens needs and feelings and has proven to pay of as my son his doing well in school and it seems as if kids really like playing with him.

We only *want* to blame others for our problems but I don't think is anyone else's fault! If we have balls we should do our best to change and live a better life not complain all the time and post shitty threads in these forums to justify ourselves and our behaviours.

Your parents raised you, have a little respect! You are alive because of them and I bet none of you was really abused by parents (so you could be justified in hating and blaming them).

Ninjacat said:

OMG - I hope not ! I strive everyday NOT to be like my Mother - rest her soul - she did her best but ..............
Ninjacat

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Same here...I don't want to be like my mom at all...her issues are HERS, not mine. I'm glad I didn't internalize all her crap! Recently, she asked me "when you close your eyes and think of me what do you imagine?" to which I quickly replied "an angry, raging, screaming maniac". It's quite difficult to have a relationship with her! LG