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just existing and not living. dont know what to do!
#1
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Hello guys first off id like to say im new here and hello to u all Smile and any advice/experiences will be really appreciated Smile

Well i finished university last may and so i live back at home with my parents and my sister. I have a good family life etc etc. I also have a bf who i have been with for 9 months. What my problem is i have not done absolutely anything (productive) since i left uni. I have not had a job, done no volunteering, done no activities, no fitness activities (hardly any), no travelling, not seeing friends much. nothing!!

I dont know why. i feel like im SO unmotivated to do these things even though i DO want to do them so badly. its like theres something stopping me! I get very anxious, i worry 'what will (might!) happen', i feel kind of numb to stuff, im aware of myself allll the time, i dont get excited much about stuff, hardly ever want to go out of the house (walking, seeing friends, nights out) because i seem to get so bored so easily Sad and want to be at home. I used to be talkative, confident, talk to knew people and not give a damn whearas now i hate talking to new people, i hate going out alone (unless i HAVE to and i rush back home when i do).

I WANT so badly to be able to do volunteering outdoors (i did for a day in summer but i was so unmotivated to go back because i had to leave the house) i want to apply for jobs (but the thought of an interveiw scares me to death i had one not long ago and it went so bad so i dont apply) i wish i had a job so bad! But im unconfident with my skills (i dont really have any actually and i didnt take uni seriously at all i hated my course but i saw it through because i thought having a psychology degree would help me get a job better but it made me realise i do not want to go into it at all i want to help wildlife, animals, woodlands, habitats etc etc) I want to travel to america and new zealand.
I dont because i have no idea what im doing and worried about what might happen.

This is the other major thing thats bothering me. My sleeping habit is also really bad. I feel tired all day everyday. I go to bed usually late at about 2/3 sometimes later and i get up at 2 usually. I am so tired when i wake up. I set my alarm for 10 am and i just CANNOT get up!! i have it on for 2 hours and i still cant get up. I have tried getting up at 8, im tired all day, tried going bed earlier, still tired. (not tried getting up early for a continuous amount of time maybe only for a day or 2 i guess thats where im going wrong?)

I cant really explain this one but i feel like 'i am not here' or spaced out each and every day, like this is a dream or something and i am the person inside my head (think of the film men in black with the alien in the guys head (lol)) i feel like im just watching as if my eyes are a screen looking at the world. Sometimes it doesnt even feel like the worlds real (i cant explain it, but a bit like theres nobody else in the world apart from me and the people who i know) heres a link to describe exactly what i feel like http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
Second major thing thats a big problem is i talk to myself, in my head and out loud when im on my own i have done since i was a kid but no way to this extent - the extent that i talk/think exactly like i would with someone else such as explaiong things to myself that i already know!! and its almost CONSTANT thinking to myself, tbh i have more conversations with myself than what i do with a real person in a day!!I think i sound crazy or mentally ill :S

I have been to the doctors who diagnosed me with anxiety gave me the link to a website (??!!!) to help myself and a number for a counselling/cbt service thing which i have rang and been waiting since november to have some cbt!! When i did go to the docs, i didnt describe all these feelings that i have here. i did mention to the doc about derealization (the link i posted) and she said basically that its a side effect of anxiety. It doesnt feel like it is, it feels like anxiety is a side effect of that!! Its ruining my life. Felt like the doctor really wasnt bothered. I dont know, im thinking of going back soon anyway.i mentioned to her about my sleeping habit and she gave me yet another website address which hasnt helped in any way as it was a leaflet website!! I have only been once so maybe she didnt get the REAL picture of what is really going on. She specialises in mental health (apparently)

I thought i would clear things up about my family and bf and where they come into it also. I have not told my mum, dad or sister about how i feel, i dont think they would get it... lol My bf does know and has tried to help so many times, he goes kickboxing asked me to go every time since we met and ive said no, even though i want to so bad. I did go with him on our own once and i was so aware of myself and how i must look and i felt SO anxious! I feel anxious with him alot too (but i dont know if he knows that). I sound like im all over the place, but on the outside nobody would notice this is going on, im constantly struggling within myself all the time.

And heres a little bit of history which i thoight might be relevant: When i was at college (in the UK age 16-18) i had not felt anything like this. I was happy, spoke to people, joined a climbing/mountaineering club and did that twice a week and really enjoyed it, i had a good social life, wasnt afraid to leave the house and talk to new people. I think it started gradually from starting uni. First year was really bad, my halls were full of ignorant people so i hardly made friends with any of them. And i do remember that put me off slightly talking to people...but i lived off campus, and my course mates were on campus (and the area where my halls were was quite rough) nobody wanted to ever come to my halls or walk me home etc etc. I couldnt wait to come back home for the weekend/see my then bf as i felt i had no real friends at uni and i felt like i didnt fit in at all (whearas i did at college and that was honestly the best time of my life) i missed loads of freshers week activities because for some reason i had no idea that things were happening, so i missed out on (what i thought) was a vital week at uni to make friends.

Anyway thank u all so much for reading this far Smile If you know any books that may hep me start up my life again (set goals, do what i want to do etc) then that would be great too Smile
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#2
WOW!
Your post is huge! (not that size matters)

Sounds like you're avoiding life because of laziness or you're afraid to fail.

OR

You could be afflicted with the same thing that I was.
Does every little thing look to you like climbing Mt. Everest?
When you think of a project or think of just doing something is it just too overwhelming?
I was that way for years!
Then I got this piece of junk mail from Nightengale Conant.
It was an ad for Dr, Robert Maurer's program Kaizen.

I was hooked before I even bought the program because the post card thing they sent said
"Thinking big, could be ruining your life"
My mouth hung open and I just sat there and stared at that sentence.
"Thinking big, could be ruining your life"
That's what I had been doing. I never started anything because I couldn't visualize every minute detail
all the way to the end. So I just did nothing.

Anyway the basic premise is baby-steps.
Small actions that won't cause your brain to freak out and think
that you've begun the assent up Mt. Everest in nothing but your underwear
(my synopsis of the program, not theirs)

Anyway, since I've stopped thinking big, I get a lot more done.
Who'd a thunk it?
.

If a path has heart, it doesn't make you work to like it---Carlos Castaneda
can you read this part?
When you live in the bliss no obstacle is insurmountable,
If you miss the bliss no compensation is adequate---Joseph Campbell

You got to have a reason to jump out of bed in the morning--- Warren Buffett

Remembering that you are going to die, is the best way to avoid the trap of thinking that you have something to lose---Steve Jobs

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#3
Gal1989 - I see you already went to professionals, but do you have access to ongoing psychological counseling?

Consider counseling; join a support group. You're not alone.


Addressing Negative Thoughts Most Effective in Fighting Loneliness
"Effective interventions are not so much about providing others with whom people can interact, providing social support, or teaching social skills as they are about changing how people who feel lonely perceive, think about, and act toward other people."
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#4
I feel your pain it’s as if I wrote that myself. I have feelings exactly like you do. I don’t leave the house and when I do I get bored easily and I feel outside myself and I talk to myself a lot even in public. I used to be a very active person that liked meeting new people. Have you had an episode in your life that may have change you, a dramatic episode that changed who you are as a person?
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#5
(I didn't realize this thread with necro-bumped till after I invested a lot of time into writing a response, hopefully OP is doing better; but, in the event anyone finds what I wrote to be useful, I'll leave it up. Take care everyone.)

I'm going to be brief (try to anyway); but, lastly you described having a difficult experience at UNI. MAYBE, that whole experience was a, 'shock'. Imagine if you were born to very very rich parents and suddenly they went bankrupt when you were 19 and kicked you out. Your new life would be quite a, 'shock'. You would not feel so much yourself.

Anxiety is a big, 'catch all', NEW buzzword, that's been going on in psychology, because, trendy psychology follows trends. Instead of the WORD anxiety, which EVERYONE has, imagine instead the sensations that come with it. Most people have healthy levels of anxiety, that, are really a flavor of fear, that motivate them to mitigate possible future problems. However, if and when the, 'effects', of anxiety become extremely magnified, you can get to a point where the anxiety itself, begins to cause anxiety. I will give you an example.

Imagine you are alone in the woods and a great hunger tiger catches eye of you. It begins to attack you. You are absolutely terrified, more so than you have ever been in your life, without even thinking you grab a stick nearby and smack the tiger on it's head and it hisses and runs away. You are safe now. However, you notice your heart is pumping harder than it has ever pumped before. Your chest feels tight. You feel like your heart is about to explode and your veins are pumping gasoline. Eventually, things calm down and you make it back home safe; but, a few days later, you are on a walk and a medium sized dog on a leash lunges towards you to give you a big wet kiss; but, it startles you. Suddenly you feel your heart beating of your chest again, your veins are pumping gasoline again, and your chest and stomache are tight. You wonder, "why is this happening?" You begin to become alarmed by your present physiological state. You can't figure out why you feel the way you do and it alarms you so. It alarms you so much it begins to become THE CAUSE OF the same feelings.

What I have described is, to put it one way, a vicious circle involving fear of fear. Initially, there was something to be afraid of, 'the tiger'; but, that experience was so intense, it left an imprint in your mind. Imagine a deep gouge in the land near a river, big enough to divert the usual flow of the water. So, now, even though the initial difficult experience has gone and past, the difficulty of the difficult experience begins to give you difficulty.

I hope that makes sense. It seems you may not have that exact type of situation; but, the feelings you describe are often, one of the ways the mind may deal with a difficult situation. As an observer, to your own self, you may not have to deal with the difficulties the self is dealing with. If that self, dealt with some pretty difficult stuff (especially for an extended period of time), and the first time you felt, 'backseat', to that self was a difficult experience as well, it may be that you are sort of, 'stuck', there.

I know, because I've felt, much the same at times. Depression and anxiety (and pretty much any 'manifestation' of psychological oddness) are all very much the same, despite being distinct and different in their own ways (kind of like all languages provide the same function of communication; but, each language is specific to itself, even though most languages share more common words than they don't.)

I think the thing a LOT of people don't realize is, IT CAN BE HARD TO FIND A GOOD DOCTOR. People with physical ailments STRUGGLE, OFTEN, to find the right doctor, who actually knows what the fuck is going on, much less be a pleasure to be around.

My advice to you, if you have the means, is to DOCTOR SHOP. Online, as well is in your immediate area. I watched a show recently where a woman in Arizona didn't find a diagnosis for her physical ailment until she was on a tv show that crowd-sourced opinions and they found some geneticist doctors in france who could help. She suffered for YEARS without ANY answer. I don't say that to discourage you, just to inform you that if you have the means to afford medical help, it can take some time, some times, to find the right doctor not only for YOU; but, who also knows what is going on and can do something about it. If a specific doctor doesn't feel quite right to you, they probably aren't quite right. In some circumstances you have to push through and give some one a chance; but, a lot of the time, people don't suffer nearly as much as they suffer from inadequate medical care. Unfortunately, that's a problem outside the scope of psychology and deals with many other factors that aren't important, save to say, if you CAN, keep looking for a doctor that feels RIGHT. If you had a physical ailment, you'd keep searching till you found one that did something that made you feel RIGHT, as well.

Now, you went to wikipedia, and you seem to have an answer for what you are experiencing. THAT IS GOOD. A lot of people don't even know what they are experiencing, other than how they feel. You seem to have a name/classification for your troubling state of mind. So, you are AHEAD, on that front. Secondly, you seem to have a clue that before UNI you were okay, and after UNI you were no longer quite the same. So, I think that is a good start. In the meantime, until you can find some one who knows how to deal with your situation specifically, you can find, perhaps, 'grounding', techniques. MAYBE, you can continue to do research, build a case for yourself, and find tools, tips, and tricks that will help you to deal with the most problematic symptom(s) you are experiencing. Simple things, at first perhaps. Little 5 minute exercises, to help you get acquianted with this (THING) you have, so it's not so alarming and disturbing as it occurs and may continue to occur.

Secondly, Apathy, and a general feeling of disinterest or boredom, is a lot like a lack of appetite. I lose my appetite at times, some times for days, some times for weeks, months, etc... But, I KNOW in those times, it is IMPORTANT that I FORCE myself to eat, because my body needs food. And I don't just eat two crackers and call it good. I try to push down at least a small, full, simple meal of some kind, that at least has the minimum of necessary nutritional value. So, if you can, try to apply that logic to your daily life and things you WANT to be doing. DO THEM. Just like when I eat without an appetite, the food tastes like shoving wet soggy cardboard down my throat, FORCE yourself to do things you would WANT to be doing, and even things like what your boyfriend asks. WORK those 'psychological' muscles, so they don't atrophy. Maybe for a while, you won't feel any enjoyment or engagement; maybe for a long while. It might even be more distressful than just staying at home, not going out; but, it will keep you prepared and ready to go, when you do start to notice times of normalcy, and your old self pops through for a bit. And WHEN you do figure things out and gain some major headway in improvement of your condition, you will have those psychological muscles in good shape, ready to go, so you don't have another struggle to deal with, after getting out of the old struggle (a new unneeded struggle that may set you back once again, to where you were).

I speak with a certain urgency; but, also, take it slow, if needed, not so slow you aren't moving; but, if your BF is someone you feel is supportive and you feel you can rely on him, ya know, do some more activities together: nature is usually always nice, walking and light exercise are healthy. Give that kick boxing a try. Give it three tries maybe. My point is, don't OVER DO IT and try to FORCE yourself back to normalcy; but, rather, 'cautiously explore', these things you 'WANT' to be doing; but, just sort of give up on trying. Explore with a certain courageous curiosity.

I say WHEN, instead of, 'if when', because there is no point in not hoping/expecting things to get better at some point. Everyone knows there are no certainties in life; but, your chances improve if you hope and persevere. It's the old saying, "don't look down".

So, good luck, I hope this helps, in some small way, if at all. Sorry for any grammatical errors: I write in haste. Good luck to you. A simple thing I can suggest, is perhaps find an object that is pocket sized and has sentimental value, and keep it with you. In times where you feel very outside-your-self, you can hold it, look at it, whatever, and KNOW that IT has a connection to something important, that has value to you, even if YOU feel very disconnected. Good luck!

P.S. - there is a book called "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Dr. Claire Weekes, from which, I have acquired a lot of information about the particulars of my problems. I will say I believe she covers the experience you describe, so, there is literature out there, this stuff is not new, and others have been there before, so, you are not alone. I often feel as though I am, too; but, I know others have walked the path I'm stuck on, and others will continue to; but, there are those who have found a way out, so, it's not hopeless, for me, and I doubt that it is for you. Anywho, may it be well with you.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard inner battle.
Namu Amida Butsu.

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#6
Tropical fish makes a good point.Most docs suck . That's for sure.😭🤗It's  struggle to find a decent one. It's so frustrating and stressful to deal with
[Image: ?u=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.giphy.com%2Fmedia...f=1&nofb=1]
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#7
What kind of doctor did you go to? Did they do any kind of blood testing to rule out things like iron, vitamin deficiencies or glandular conditions?

I agree with the other poster, you should get a second opinion. Anxiety can cause a lot of symptoms, but that doesn't mean that there isn't an underlying medical issue.
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