I have been doing a lot of soul searching and thinking over the weekend and have come to a conclusion as to why me and my partner argue so much and what can be done about it.
I think that lots of this stems from the fact that we simply have different priorities, wants and standards when it comes to relationship. For me I want my partner to be a soulmate, the closest person who will know everything about me, especially what makes me tick, my fears, guilty pleasures, frustrations, what makes me happy, what sad. I don’t know any other way of getting there other than talk about everything and anything (with exception of past relationships in too much detail as we both know we get hurt by too much knowledge in that area), simple discussion of what I think in exchange for what the other person thinks. It doesn’t matter if we both have completely opposite views, it matters just knowing that that’s the case. Why? Because it can make us better partners because we will be more attuned to one another in future because we will make an effort to be sensitive to one another’s feelings... Does that make sense?
Anyway I think he may have different view on this alone. I don’t know because we’ve never actually discussed it that much other than he wants to have fun and enjoy each others company. So I don’t know what happens when anything serious happens because there will always be bad stuff to deal with like it or not that is life. It seems that he tend to pretend it is not happening or try to forget or get away from it by turning to his role playing. I’m not saying that is a bad thing just that I feel left out. I know I need to accept that that’s how he is.
I have realised that I shouldn’t be angry with that silly girl for making a comment on his facebook at all (this is detailed in my other post in Relationship forum). For all anyone knows we might not be anything special just from checking either of us out without having met us together. Well he has relationship status but he had his ex listed as girlfriend for a long time after splitting up so who is to know any better. Yes we both like and sometimes comment on each others posts and statuses (mostly me doing the commenting and posting) but that is no different from others as he is very affectionate with all his friends (females get called hun, honey, babe that kind of thing). I mean he has never made a comment to show his affection for me other than reply of Love you too but I guess that is difficult to differentiate as he is very affectionate to friends too. He doesn’t have any photos of us in his albums yet he still have plenty with your ex on public display. I completely understand why – he doesn’t like being overweight so he doesn’t wanna display anything current, at least that’s what I tell myself when it gets to me. Although it is starting to get me that he keeps moaning about being overweight but don’t actually want any of the help I am trying to give him n this one. It’s almost like he likes to have that one reserved to moan about when he runs out of other topics. Anyway to anyone else his facebook can be easily translated that I don’t mean that much to him (in relationship but no more affectionate than to everyone, no special mentioning and no pix so she can’t be that special). And fact is that when my bro wanted to check out this guy I keep gushing about being so amazing, he pointed out that this guy does not seem to care for me quite as much as I tell him from what he can see and it looks like I am chasing him.
For me I had some really nice comments from my friends to note how good we look together and how loving and proud of me he looks in the photos I had displayed as it shows from the way we are captured.
So I don’t wanna nag him about what to do to show me I am really special to him. I think thought that part of my feeling left out or less and all that is because of the different standards we both have on certain things. I have expectations based on my standards. So I have concluded that I will mirror what he does. That way I won’t feel like I’m pressuring him into something he don’t want and hopefully he won’t feel like it either. We will do this 50-50 so if he wants me to do something be it foot massage, stroking his back (don’t ask we are storkey frieks) or for me to put photos of us on facebook (because I have taken them down now) he will have to be prepared to do the same. I think its only fair. This way we don’t actually need to talk about this any more and put all arguing behind us and start afresh.
Talking doesn’t seem to do any good, will this work? And shall I even bother trying?
I think that lots of this stems from the fact that we simply have different priorities, wants and standards when it comes to relationship. For me I want my partner to be a soulmate, the closest person who will know everything about me, especially what makes me tick, my fears, guilty pleasures, frustrations, what makes me happy, what sad. I don’t know any other way of getting there other than talk about everything and anything (with exception of past relationships in too much detail as we both know we get hurt by too much knowledge in that area), simple discussion of what I think in exchange for what the other person thinks. It doesn’t matter if we both have completely opposite views, it matters just knowing that that’s the case. Why? Because it can make us better partners because we will be more attuned to one another in future because we will make an effort to be sensitive to one another’s feelings... Does that make sense?
Anyway I think he may have different view on this alone. I don’t know because we’ve never actually discussed it that much other than he wants to have fun and enjoy each others company. So I don’t know what happens when anything serious happens because there will always be bad stuff to deal with like it or not that is life. It seems that he tend to pretend it is not happening or try to forget or get away from it by turning to his role playing. I’m not saying that is a bad thing just that I feel left out. I know I need to accept that that’s how he is.
I have realised that I shouldn’t be angry with that silly girl for making a comment on his facebook at all (this is detailed in my other post in Relationship forum). For all anyone knows we might not be anything special just from checking either of us out without having met us together. Well he has relationship status but he had his ex listed as girlfriend for a long time after splitting up so who is to know any better. Yes we both like and sometimes comment on each others posts and statuses (mostly me doing the commenting and posting) but that is no different from others as he is very affectionate with all his friends (females get called hun, honey, babe that kind of thing). I mean he has never made a comment to show his affection for me other than reply of Love you too but I guess that is difficult to differentiate as he is very affectionate to friends too. He doesn’t have any photos of us in his albums yet he still have plenty with your ex on public display. I completely understand why – he doesn’t like being overweight so he doesn’t wanna display anything current, at least that’s what I tell myself when it gets to me. Although it is starting to get me that he keeps moaning about being overweight but don’t actually want any of the help I am trying to give him n this one. It’s almost like he likes to have that one reserved to moan about when he runs out of other topics. Anyway to anyone else his facebook can be easily translated that I don’t mean that much to him (in relationship but no more affectionate than to everyone, no special mentioning and no pix so she can’t be that special). And fact is that when my bro wanted to check out this guy I keep gushing about being so amazing, he pointed out that this guy does not seem to care for me quite as much as I tell him from what he can see and it looks like I am chasing him.
For me I had some really nice comments from my friends to note how good we look together and how loving and proud of me he looks in the photos I had displayed as it shows from the way we are captured.
So I don’t wanna nag him about what to do to show me I am really special to him. I think thought that part of my feeling left out or less and all that is because of the different standards we both have on certain things. I have expectations based on my standards. So I have concluded that I will mirror what he does. That way I won’t feel like I’m pressuring him into something he don’t want and hopefully he won’t feel like it either. We will do this 50-50 so if he wants me to do something be it foot massage, stroking his back (don’t ask we are storkey frieks) or for me to put photos of us on facebook (because I have taken them down now) he will have to be prepared to do the same. I think its only fair. This way we don’t actually need to talk about this any more and put all arguing behind us and start afresh.
Talking doesn’t seem to do any good, will this work? And shall I even bother trying?
