The Bubble

So the best way I can describe loneliness, specifically my loneliness, is as a bubble.

What I mean when I say bubble, is that it feels like there is an invisible filter always around me, that stops me from connecting with others and enjoying my existence. I could be in a room with hundreds of people and still feel crushingly alone. I don't hear or see things as I believe others do, every sound is muffled and light seems blurry, I'm stuck completely within my own head.

Now the bonus kick in the gut of this bubble is that like all bubbles, it's see through. And to everyone else looking in, all they see is a warped version of me, oddly twisted and malformed by the surface of the bubble. The barrier both traps me and stops others from seeing me trapped, ingenious if you think about it.

I live with my one friend and I am well known at work as the guy that is constantly laughing and always happy, so there are people around me all the time. But they don't see it, and I don't know how to "Pop" the bubble.

Please understand that when I say these things, I'm speaking metaphorically. I know that there isn't a real bubble around my head and that I don't look like some weird cartoon to others. But the feelings are real. The constant disconnect is always there and the sadness that it brings is suffocating.

I suppose my point in writing this post is that I'd like to know how others describe their feelings of loneliness, and whether there are more of you with bubbles.

I can't say that writing this out has helped me in anyway but I think getting your feelings out can be helpful sometimes.

Please let me, and others know about your bubbles.

Thank you.

I'd describe Loneliness as an Aura. It's like lonely people passively release Hormones into the air around them, which others inhale and are instinctually manipulated to ignore or dislike the person releasing those hormones. It's like others will always be suspicious and distrustful towards you, even when you first meet them, but you also get the impression that this effect doesn't exist when non-lonely people meet others for the first time. Who knows, maybe we lonely people are not biologically compatible to co-exist with non-lonely people.

P.S. If you need a friend or Support, I'm here!

I think loneliness is more akin to a black hole where the gravitational pull of a collapsing spirit withdraws away from the world, when the world is only represented by only that which you hold as valuable.

Introverts and loners can be alone by themselves, but that doesn't mean they are lonely.

I think of mine as a see through shell, but the word 'bubble' would be apt as well. Like you I can 'perform' by smiling and seeming to be happier than I really am, but this performance-even if it brings people to us-also keeps them away from who we really are. The sense of disconnection can be heartbreakingly strong. But stepping out of the shell or bubble can result in people being so completely taken aback and so disbelieving of who we really are and how we really feel, that we often step back into our bubble because we feel that they are rejecting us. I have often felt total amazement and complete bafflement at the way certain people have seen me.
Do you also feel that you are the only person in the world who is like this even though intellectually you know that you are not?

You know lots of people feel this way, and it's not just loneliness. It's because people are two parts, body and mind. You can appear to be one way but meanwhile be someone different on the inside.
If you're laughing and smiling at work, people will see this and obviously think you're happy. But if they got to know the real you they'd realize you're lonely.
But in the same respect, maybe you see someone else at work who's laughing and smiling and you think they are happy, but really they feel something else, too.

It's just part of being human. It's instinctive to go off of appearances than to put effort into finding out something that people are trying to hide, if they can even tell at all. Sometimes they are hiding it for a reason, and many people just don't want to know. Often times they don't want to know because they are too busy with their own problems. Sometimes they just don't care. Other times they just can't tell. Some people are better at hiding things than others.

Inevitably the reason there is a difference is because there is a fear to let out what is inside. The fear that others won't respect it, or like it, or care about it. That if we let out the person who we really are inside that the world might turn against us and hurt us.
It's a bubble, it's a shell, it's a wall, it's a mask, you're 'invisible'. Whatever you want to call it, it's always something 'in the way' of getting ourselves out and preventing others from getting in. It's just a way of hiding and protecting our true selves from the outside world. It is also something we create for ourselves, even if unknowingly.

Personally, I don't care what people call it. I just know that it's not really there. It's just a metaphor for 'being alive'. Seeing it this way makes everything more exciting, in my opinion.

Despicable Me said:

Inevitably the reason there is a difference is because there is a fear to let out what is inside. The fear that others won't respect it, or like it, or care about it. That if we let out the person who we really are inside that the world might turn against us and hurt us.

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I can vouch for this.

Reminds me on the book innocence by Dean Kootz. A feeling that I am well too familiar with.

Tiina63 said:

Do you also feel that you are the only person in the world who is like this even though intellectually you know that you are not?

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I never really think that I'm the only one feeling this way. I know that there are guys and gals out there with far worse issues than myself, but in my bad moments I suppose I unconsciously ignore that fact.

I really appreciate you're replay, Thank you.

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Mr. M said:

P.S. If you need a friend or Support, I'm here!

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Thank you for you're reply, I may take you up on that offer at some point.

Thank you again.

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oh-kay? said:

a black hole where the gravitational pull of a collapsing spirit withdraws away from the world

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The black hole metaphor is also very apt, that feeling of yourself being crushed and pulled away from everything, I understand it very well.

I appreciate you're replying yo this post, Thank you.

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Despicable Me said:

Personally, I don't care what people call it. I just know that it's not really there. It's just a metaphor for 'being alive'. Seeing it this way makes everything more exciting, in my opinion.

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Hi, thanks for replying to my post.

Even though it's not really there physically, the mental effect is, and I don't really know how to view this as anything else.

Would you let me know how you changed you're mindset and or any tips for doing so?

Thank you again.

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DivineDroid said:

Reminds me on the book innocence by Dean Kootz. A feeling that I am well too familiar with.

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Thanks for replying.

I've never heard of that book before, what's it about?

Very accurate description of loneliness.

Now go poke a hole in that bubble.

Little Dan said:

Hi, thanks for replying to my post.

Even though it's not really there physically, the mental effect is, and I don't really know how to view this as anything else.

Would you let me know how you changed you're mindset and or any tips for doing so?

Thank you again.

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I just started looking at the bigger picture. How it wasn't just me, and it wasn't just people like me, but it was (almost) everyone all the time. I realized that even the people who looked like they were 'fitting in' sometimes felt excluded or like they weren't allowed to be themselves.

As I explained in another topic, I also started to think about how big the universe really is and how little my personal problems actually mattered. How there were much, much bigger problems in the world than just me and how I needed to stop focusing on myself, and how others needed to stop focusing on themselves, as well.
I just generally realized that people who might dislike me for who I am just aren't worth my time and that I don't have time for everyone in the world. So even if people really, really, passionately hate me (and I've done this to many people before) they're just one out of billions of people in a universe where humanity itself, together, is not even a tiny speck on the larger map as a whole.

I mean just think about it... What do I really care if someone rejects me, even if I really liked that person, when there are other people in the world who can't even get clean water or food to eat every day? What gives me any right or any reason to be so selfish?

I just stopped caring about myself, to be honest. All along I thought I had stopped caring about everything, but deep down that anger was just burning resentment for myself for being so selfish and so naive. For being this person who suppresses himself instead of trying to be himself and be a good person. I thought I had stopped caring about myself, but in reality that's all I had done before. So when I realized this, I truly stopped caring about myself and worried about bigger things, even when I was faced with the worst of circumstances.

I really don't know if any of this would help you. I'm of the belief that everyone has to find their own way in life, but I can offer you my experiences and if they help you to find yourself then I definitely won't try to stop you. I'm more than happy to share if it could help someone even the smallest bit.

Thank you Little Dan, "the bubble" is a really good description of what I feel too. It goes even further: sometimes someone put their hand through the bubble, but this invisible barrier doesn't allow our hands touching, there is always something missing, something that is not said or done, and no matter how much I try to be outgoing or speak up in time (sentences for me usually come out too late, from my mouth, from my mind), the hand goes out of the bubble and the other disappears in the distance, and I can't do anything about it - I don't even thing that I could follow them and beg, because at some level I know it is right that they left, because of my invisible curse.
I don't know why this is - maybe as the results of a really bad childhood, or because in spite of efforts I don't feel I am good enough to be loved, but sometimes it seriously feel like something external, I truly put out my best to connect but no one seem to be on the same wavelength.
Thank you again for sharing this powerful metaphor, I will think about it some more now...

Despicable Me said:

Little Dan said:

Hi, thanks for replying to my post.

Even though it's not really there physically, the mental effect is, and I don't really know how to view this as anything else.

Would you let me know how you changed you're mindset and or any tips for doing so?

Thank you again.

Click to expand...

I just started looking at the bigger picture. How it wasn't just me, and it wasn't just people like me, but it was (almost) everyone all the time. I realized that even the people who looked like they were 'fitting in' sometimes felt excluded or like they weren't allowed to be themselves.

As I explained in another topic, I also started to think about how big the universe really is and how little my personal problems actually mattered. How there were much, much bigger problems in the world than just me and how I needed to stop focusing on myself, and how others needed to stop focusing on themselves, as well.
I just generally realized that people who might dislike me for who I am just aren't worth my time and that I don't have time for everyone in the world. So even if people really, really, passionately hate me (and I've done this to many people before) they're just one out of billions of people in a universe where humanity itself, together, is not even a tiny speck on the larger map as a whole.

I mean just think about it... What do I really care if someone rejects me, even if I really liked that person, when there are other people in the world who can't even get clean water or food to eat every day? What gives me any right or any reason to be so selfish?

I just stopped caring about myself, to be honest. All along I thought I had stopped caring about everything, but deep down that anger was just burning resentment for myself for being so selfish and so naive. For being this person who suppresses himself instead of trying to be himself and be a good person. I thought I had stopped caring about myself, but in reality that's all I had done before. So when I realized this, I truly stopped caring about myself and worried about bigger things, even when I was faced with the worst of circumstances.

I really don't know if any of this would help you. I'm of the belief that everyone has to find their own way in life, but I can offer you my experiences and if they help you to find yourself then I definitely won't try to stop you. I'm more than happy to share if it could help someone even the smallest bit.

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Thank you DM,

I would be lying if I said that I haven't from time to time thought in the same way as yourself. Unfortunately I think the extended conviction to keep thinking this way has evaded me so far and I always end up spiralling back into my own head.

I know that it's a selfish attitude in the grand scheme of things, and the world is far worse for far more people. I just can't seem to force my way out of despair and stay there.

I really appreciate this, thank you very much for your words, .

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Peaches said:

I don't feel I am good enough to be loved

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Peaches,

I think allot of things about myself, mostly about the idea that there is something inherently wrong with me as a person. That I'm doomed to be alone and unhappy for the rest of my existence.

But I've never though I that deserve it. That I don't deserve to be loved by someone.

And neither should you. You are good enough. You should be loved.

I can't give advice on fixing anything, you read my post and seem similarly entwined in your spherical prison but please know that you deserve happiness.

Thank you Peaches.

Little Dan said:

Thank you DM,

I would be lying if I said that I haven't from time to time thought in the same way as yourself. Unfortunately I think the extended conviction to keep thinking this way has evaded me so far and I always end up spiralling back into my own head.

I know that it's a selfish attitude in the grand scheme of things, and the world is far worse for far more people. I just can't seem to force my way out of despair and stay there.

I really appreciate this, thank you very much for your words, .

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Well, there's another part to my 'recovery' that I didn't mention. I had thought about it after posting that and remembered what I'd forgotten, and it was something very important. What I forgot was that I also learned forgiveness around the same time.

Personally I learned Forgiveness through finally understanding religion. I started reading and studying it, but prior to that much of my bitterness and resentment came from religion. I'm not someone who thinks everyone needs to adopt a religion, by any means, but I do understand how religion can deeply benefit someone who feels lost.
The only reason I even tried looking into religion was to understand others and why they used religion as a means to do whatever they wanted to do. I found that, but I also found many things that even these people whom I was despising would not even accept or understand themselves. And I'd also come to argue and battle them over their own religious beliefs and to point out their hypocrisies and show them the ironies of their beliefs. I still do this from time to time when I think someone has lost sight of themselves within the premise of Religion, and I don't want to brag but I'm actually very, very good at it now.

Anyway, most particularly I learned that I didn't just need to forgive others for the horrible things that they did, I also needed to forgive myself for all the things that I had done. That was part of how I was able to move on and stop caring about just myself and stop worrying about my own feelings and my own needs all the time. And I learned to forgive myself for when I slipped back into that habit.
Religions worldwide seem to have two core tenets that are consistent among them all: To love both others and yourself, and to forgive both others and yourself.
And this is why I've actually come to appreciate pretty much all religions and all beliefs systems and all philosophies. There is good inside each of them waiting to be brought out. As of today I know and understand basically every mainstream religion and I even know a few lesser known ones, as well. I've also studied many Philosophies so as to better understand how other people view the world. I've spent a great deal of time trying studying these things to better understand others as well as myself. And I do feel it works, I feel that I know myself very well now.

But you don't 'need' religion for this. You can entirely do it on your own. Religions, in my perspective, are mostly just collections of philosophies that help people who want to approach a particular goal, to reach self-discovery and goodness. Each Religion offers a somewhat different way of getting there, but the end result is the same. Everyone just seems to prefer following their own path, and sometimes that path aligns with a certain religion. This also means that everyone can reach the same goal without aligning with any religion, to essentially create their own collection of philosophies and beliefs to help guide them to 'The Truth'.
And every route we might take is one undiscovered, because we are all coming from different places. Some paths are rockier than others, but this also means that when we arrive to our destination we are stronger people, both spiritually and physically.

And maybe I'm going to get a lot of Flak for talking about religion here and saying this particularly, but I do not believe the 'Salvation' comes from prayer or particular beliefs in anything. It comes from forgiving oneself, forgiving others, and embracing the 'good' within and bringing that goodness out whenever possible. When we are 'Saved', as some might call it, we don't just bring this goodness out of ourselves, we also bring it out of others, as well.

But more on line with where you might be at in your life right now, my suggestion is just learn to forgive yourself. Even if you know it's not really a mistake and it's just you beating yourself up over nothing, forgive yourself anyway. Even if you see yourself focusing on yourself and being bitter and mean or whatever, forgive yourself. When you've forgiven yourself you can start to forgive others, and when you have learned to forgive everyone, everyone will learn to forgive you, as well. Then even those dark times no longer seem so dark anymore. But do not forget to let your own light shine through. Let the goodness come out when you forgive.

Don't mistake what I've said though. I'm just as guilty as you are, as anyone is, of these things. I'm not above thinking of only myself sometimes. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Interestingly enough, That's why we can all learn to forgive. No one is perfect and no one should ever be expected to be perfect. When we fail it's just part of being alive. Forgiveness is essentially just the recognition that we are indeed all alive.

I really hope this post didn't sound to preachy. It's part of the reason I forget to say anything, because I have to kind of push it to the back of my mind because I don't want to offend anyone. I know it's a touchy subject for many. But in this case I think it was important to share.