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Can't deal with my life anymore
#1
My life is a total shit, and I can't deal with it all anymore.

I absolutrly hate my job in IT, to the point that it makes me feel depressed, exhausted and angered every moment on the weekdays. I have had panic attacks and frequent rage outbursts due to it.

But what I'd like to try - teaching history - is not available to me, as despite having extensive knowledge in the field, I can't afford to get back to university for six more years to get new bachelor and masters degrees. It's funny though, that in education field knowledge is valued much less than diploma - no wonder education system is in crisis.

And in current job I can't force myself to work, can't even tolerate nasty bosses and mean coworkers. If they were dead, I won't give a damn.

Other things are not better, I lost most of friends, family members only criticize me, never liked country of living, and this overcrowded, dirty city.

What can I do? I really don't know.
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#2
(06-06-2018, 04:54 PM)Augusto Wrote: My life is a total shit, and I can't deal with it all anymore.

I absolutrly hate my job in IT, to the point that it makes me feel depressed, exhausted and angered every moment on the weekdays. I have had panic attacks and frequent rage outbursts due to it.

But what I'd like to try - teaching history - is not available to me, as despite having extensive knowledge in the field, I can't afford to get back to university for six more years to get new bachelor and masters degrees. It's funny though, that in education field knowledge is valued much less than diploma - no wonder education system is in crisis.

And in current job I can't force myself to work, can't even tolerate nasty bosses and mean coworkers. If they were dead, I won't give a damn.

Other things are not better, I lost most of friends, family members only criticize me, never liked country of living, and this overcrowded, dirty city.

What can I do? I really don't know.

i don't know. Try to find some new stimulus, maybe you can teach history in your free time for pure pleasure. I found that i liked to teach math to childs when i was babysittin them. Is just an idea. 

Try to keep the friends you still have, as a extremely lonely person i would kill for a group that will accept me as their friend Club Or take a udemy course on something, ultimately they are helping me on various topics.
I never give up
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#3
I understand you would rather be teaching, but if you're that unhappy with your current job... Maybe consider a job change. If it's your boss and coworkers, a different company would be good, but if you really can't stand IT at all maybe consider other options. It might mean a difference in pay, but that might be worth it to you if it means you won't be miserable while working towards your goal of teaching.

---

Another possibility you might want to consider, and you may or may not want to hear this (fair warning) is that you might be projecting. When you are angry and hateful towards literally everything around you (you said: your job, boss, coworkers, country, city, and family... ) It might be you. You might be depressed or lonely to the point of not being able to find enjoyment in anything. So even if you got a new job you might hate that too, because the job isn't the real issue.
In that case I'd try to remember why you went to school for computers in the first place. I would guess you had a reason. I'd try to consciously recognize if the people around me deserved my anger or if I was reacting that way for another reason. Talk to someone. Maybe they can help you pinpoint when you started to feel this way.

It's easy to blame a job, everyone hates their job and it very well may be the whole problem. I was on an odd shift for a while and I hated everything about it, switched shifts and I was fine... I still hate my job but I don't hate everyone else too anymore.
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#4
(06-07-2018, 07:01 AM)Unix Wrote:
(06-06-2018, 04:54 PM)Augusto Wrote: My life is a total shit, and I can't deal with it all anymore.

I absolutrly hate my job in IT, to the point that it makes me feel depressed, exhausted and angered every moment on the weekdays. I have had panic attacks and frequent rage outbursts due to it.

But what I'd like to try - teaching history - is not available to me, as despite having extensive knowledge in the field, I can't afford to get back to university for six more years to get new bachelor and masters degrees. It's funny though, that in education field knowledge is valued much less than diploma - no wonder education system is in crisis.

And in current job I can't force myself to work, can't even tolerate nasty bosses and mean coworkers. If they were dead, I won't give a damn.

Other things are not better, I lost most of friends, family members only criticize me, never liked country of living, and this overcrowded, dirty city.

What can I do? I really don't know.

i don't know. Try to find some new stimulus, maybe you can teach history in your free time for pure pleasure. I found that i liked to teach math to childs when i was babysittin them. Is just an idea. 

Try to keep the friends you still have, as a extremely lonely person i would kill for a group that will accept me as their friend Club Or take a udemy course on something, ultimately they are helping me on various topics.

Thank you... I'm trying to find stimulus, but nothing seem to work well now. I know that I need some big changes in life, only they likely can help, but I'm not sure.

I'm trying to keep friends, you are right. It's hard though, as msot of them live in places which I never ever visited, so even never saw them personally, only on photo. I'm really sorry that you struggle with lack of friends. If you want, feel free to PM me, who knows.

Courses... I was adviced to create one there (or on Teachable, another similar resource), but I'm not sure about this; never did it before.
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#5
(06-07-2018, 08:15 AM)kaetic Wrote: I understand you would rather be teaching, but if you're that unhappy with your current job... Maybe consider a job change. If it's your boss and coworkers, a different company would be good, but if you really can't stand IT at all maybe consider other options. It might mean a difference in pay, but that might be worth it to you if it means you won't be miserable while working towards your goal of teaching.

---

Another possibility you might want to consider, and you may or may not want to hear this (fair warning) is that you might be projecting. When you are angry and hateful towards literally everything around you (you said: your job, boss, coworkers, country, city, and family... ) It might be you. You might be depressed or lonely to the point of not being able to find enjoyment in anything. So even if you got a new job you might hate that too, because the job isn't the real issue.
In that case I'd try to remember why you went to school for computers in the first place. I would guess you had a reason. I'd try to consciously recognize if the people around me deserved my anger or if I was reacting that way for another reason. Talk to someone. Maybe they can help you pinpoint when you started to feel this way.

It's easy to blame a job, everyone hates their job and it very well may be the whole problem. I was on an odd shift for a while and I hated everything about it, switched shifts and I was fine... I still hate my job but I don't hate everyone else too anymore.

Thanks for your answer! I'm trying to find career opportunities, but nothing else seem to be interesting... It was only last week when I was reading marketing textbook, and realized that it's as far from my dream job, as IT now... so was with many other fields as well. Once I even closed profitable online store because I understood that don't find owning a store even somewhat exciting and motivating. Boring, mundane work.

And in IT I changed 9 jobs in last 8 years. It was always the same, so I know that I still need to get out of IT itself. Somewhere.

The reason why I went to school for comp science was because I'm from poor family, and got a chance to get this degree really cheap... So it was not some passion or interest, but lack of money in the family :-(

Sadly, problem is exactly in the job. When I was unemployed once May to November, despite money issues I wasn't stressed. On weekends Im much more relaxed than now. So I need to get out of IT job, and of workign for some corporations too - their environment is at least toxic, by my experience.

Thinking about ideas now... Nothing so far, but I'm trying still.
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#6
Hi Augusto at least you've come to the conclusion things have got to change. Necessity is the mother of invention so maybe you can choose something sensible which keeps you in a familiar comfort zone or alternatively something riskier like another town/another country or work you have never considered before. I'm guessing youre young and have some gumption so brace yourself for change!  Scary but exciting too! Good luck  Big Grin

Whenever I couldn't stand living/working where I was this track always came to mind  Big Grin

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#7
(06-07-2018, 10:34 PM)Chief broom Wrote: Hi Augusto at least you've come to the conclusion things have got to change. Necessity is the mother of invention so maybe you can choose something sensible which keeps you in a familiar comfort zone or alternatively something riskier like another town/another country or work you have never considered before. I'm guessing youre young and have some gumption so brace yourself for change!  Scary but exciting too! Good luck  Big Grin

Whenever I couldn't stand living/working where I was this track always came to mind  Big Grin


Hi! Well, so far I couldn't find what can be suitable. I'd like some more experience to live abroad, but didn't find chance to get working visa anywhere, and neither I have money to go to college abroad (last attempt ate all my savings). Sadly, everything requires big money nowadays.

And I'm 30 - maybe not that old for western countries, but not that young for places with 60 as male life expectancy.
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#8
I cant either

all i can do most the time is lay in bed, its very hard to move or do anything and I have anhedonic dyshoria, nothing is enjoyable theres only suffering and total dysfunction. feels horrible to have to get up to go to the bathroom or get food. Im on an MAOI that doesnt worked at all and tried a hundred drugs and supplements, Nothing works. Also forced in total isolation.

None of the efforts i have made for years have lead to any results and have had only all bad in my entire life. I was never well before.
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#9
Sorry to hear, done303. I get how you feel.

While I'm not on drugs, and even manage to move myself from home to work (but didn't shave or cut beard since I think March), I feel totally lost too. Nothing is enjoyable, everythign is really hard...
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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#10
Damn, hate this life.
WIsh I find a way to end it certainly... But all methods have too big chance of surviving. Fuck.
Contro l'oro c'è il sangue - e fa la storia!
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