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Broken by fictitious love (X5 in a row)
#1
An introduction explaining my place in life is necessary for brevity of my situation. I have always been regarded as a person that is very driven, mature, creative, and passionate. This is reflected in my relationships by being spontaneous, loyal, and selfless. If there was ever anything I could possibly do to make my significant other happy, I would do it. This often meant spending time with them despite having homework or other responsibilities that had long term ramifications for incompletion. In short, I tried my absolute hardest to always be the best boyfriend I could possibly be. 

Over the last 4 years, I've "talked to" 5 girls, all of which used, manipulated, and exploited me. Thousands of dollars wasted, countless hours that have been cast into a blackhole, and a mind that has lost about 40% of its working capacity due to the stress and loneliness it has been subjected to are all end results of being involved with these relationships. But here is the real messed up part of the story: each and every one of them ended up leaving ME. Now, with some of them, I did threaten to leave because I felt that I was being used or manipulated, but I never was the one to break up with them. 


How can someone do such a horrendous thing to another sentient being? I seriously would love to hear opinions on why people behave so selfishly without regard to the consequences for the other person. I have yet to come up with a theory that explains this type of irrational behavior. 

 Also, If you've had this happen to you and are now over it, what did you do to get over it? I can't seem to stop dwelling on the past, wondering what I did to make them want to hurt me when all I ever wanted to do was make them happier than anyone else ever had.

Thank you for reading and taking the time to respond; it is much appreciated.
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#2
Five bad relationships in a row isn't a coincidence it's a pattern and one common denominator in all five is you. You think maybe you're making the same decisions over and over?

Getting over it comes with the passage of time, sorry there isn't an easier way.

And while you consider the past you might consider taking on a different role next time. Trying to make someone else happy is basically pushing your own agenda onto them. And it backfired five times in a row. Perhaps lightening up a bit on the countless hours and thousands of dollars thing....it's possible they didn't leave you as much as your conduct pushed them away.

I'm not saying I have a copyright on the truth here, it's just a thought. Then it's also possible you've been pursuing the same kind of lady five times in a row. Anyway it's time for a different plan.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#3
Remember guys, it's always your fault.
I'm actually David Blane.
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#4
How could someone do that? Well, the simplest way to explain it is that you let them do those things to you.
Is it completely your fault....no, but some of it is. It kind of sounds like you let it happen because you want to be in a relationship. There is such a thing as being TOO selfless. You have to be selfish, to an extent because otherwise, you aren't taking care of yourself, which is how you typically end up being used and manipulated.

At the risk of being harassed by certain members (again), you need to work on yourself. You need to learn how to take care of yourself when you are in a relationship, whether it's a platonic one or a romantic one. It's not all about everyone else and how much you can help them. You have to realize that you have to help yourself too. Don't let yourself be pushed around.
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#5
All of your replies have helped me realize that it truly is my fault. I had convinced myself that they were all coincidences, but now that I reflect on the situations, I realize that being desperate to be in a relationship caused me to act in a way that attracts those that are "users." I will be more cognizant of my actions, and what they say about my mindset, in the future.

You guys helped me finally understand why all of those situations happened. Thanks for the much needed disillusionment.
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#6
"with some of them, I did threaten to leave because I felt that I was being used or manipulated, but I never was the one to break up with them. "

When you threaten manipulative people, you leave yourself open for more manipulation. Don't threaten; just act. I urge you to take some time to really think about those relationships, and how you would want future ones to be different. I also recommend research into gaslighting, scam artists, and codependency.

You don't have to put up with this shit from people. Even if you are desperate, have enough respect for yourself and time (these things can't be replaced) to say no. Give yourself some proper time to heal.
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#7
How it is your fault if you didn't help to create those people? You may have fallen into that but what is the reason those people exists?
I'm actually David Blane.
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#8
AmyTheTemperamental: I do see how threatening those people only opened the door for them to manipulate me more. I will look into those subjects after I am finished taking my final exams for the year. A quick google of "gaslighting" made me realize that I have fallen victim to that technique a few times. But I'll give myself time to heal; I have no choice, really.

Xpendable: I do agree that I did nothing wrong to those people, but I also think that the ignorance of my actions is what allowed me to be played. I still have yet to understand the psyche of someone that is capable of doing such horrendous things to the people that will do anything in the world for them.
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#9
Because in any relationship there are two people making choices, not just one. He recognized what was going on with some of them and stayed in those relationships anyway. Also, five girls in four years and all of them users... does suggest he has a type.

They are saying that he needs to take care of himself better, that he should value himself more. I was in a similar situation. It wasn't a romantic relationship, it was a family member and a close friend. They used me until I finally had enough and said no. And I let them up to that point, because I was afraid of what would happen when I said no. I knew they only "cared" about me so long as they were getting what they wanted. It was my fault for letting them, but it wasn't my fault that they were selfish enough to do it in the first place. It's the same for him, no one is excusing what these girls have done. It is selfish and awful to treat another person like that.
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#10
(05-06-2019, 06:20 AM)Isolationsist Wrote: I still have yet to understand the psyche of someone that is capable of doing such horrendous things to the people that will do anything in the world for them.

Be thankful you don't understand it.  But, in the end, it's not about them and what they did or even why. Some people just use others to get what they want.   It's about what you do with these situations.  You can learn from them, learn how to take care of yourself, learn how to see the signs and the red flags of it and you can learn to not let people use you. 
I agree with Amy about those terms.  Though, maybe focus more on codependency, because that's likely what will help you the most.  And like Kaetic was getting at, learn how to say no.  If they really care about you, that no won't matter to them other than maybe a little bit of disappointment at first.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 

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