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(05-10-2019, 06:34 AM)Dr_Pixel Wrote: That was kinda predictable that your issue is more complex, otherwise, you probably would have fixed it already.

I'm trying to make friends at all first, so I haven't thought that there might be issues with maintaining relationships or making them close yet. The reality is always more complex, isn't it?

Since your issue is more complex, I think nobody can really help you without knowing the details. I wouldn't post anything so personal public either. You could talk to people you are more close with about that because talking about yourself can give you more insight and maybe different ideas from other people could help, at least that is what a therapist does.

You need self-reflection to identify the issues, reasons and find possible solutions, but this is a lengthy process. Keep searching. There is not much that others can do for you. Nobody knows you better than yourself and only you can change yourself.

All I can do is to wish you luck and hope.

I have done more soul searching and self-reflection than 99.9% of the human race and made giant strides in life. Unfortunately my family are people who are simply not the types to provide those kinds of answers that you mention might result from talking. They are nice people and I get on with them well, but kind of weird from how I expect a 'normal' family to communicate. 

They are a bit too different from me you see... They are religious, I am not. They often focus on emotions, I am very rational and humanistic. I'm left leaning, they are right leaning. They often get information from anecdotes a specific source, I do research and learn from multiple sources to verify information, I am very technical, they are not... etc...

Sometimes I wonder if there are things that cannot be fixed, things that just 'are'. 

Two things I know I do have are a diamond will and a soft heart. I can keep going until I die and hope, it's pretty hard sometimes knowing that it might be something impossible and seems like a really sad state of affairs. Really it comes down to something quite human... that being I hope I won't be alone forever. Even though I can handle it, I can live with it, it would be so sad.
(05-09-2019, 02:20 AM)Quietude Wrote: I feel like I could never be loved.

I'm just too weird... led too much of an odd life, an unusual look and unusual mind... 

There is nothing actually wrong with me, I'm very sound morally, good family, good upbringing, no odd interests or anything, no secrets, nothing. I have a lot of interests and am generally a positive person, but happen to also be a massive loner. A content one however, who is ambitious with a positive life infront of me from a career perspective, but a loner nonetheless. I do also see a relationship with the right person as a wonderful thing but I just can't see that as an actual possibility. 

I totally feel like I'm the outcast that can never be loved, as if no matter what happens, I would never be a woman's choice for companionship.

Have you tried to find love?  Just because you're a loner or socially incapable, doesn't mean you can't be successful in a one on one relationship.  I am a loner, and an island to myself.  My personality - in my mind - is kind, generous, and I enjoy talking about life experiences.  And in my mind I would think I would not have a problem making friends.  However, I make enemies much easier - and I am a recluse.  Yet, I have never had bad luck meeting or dating women.  I'm hardly over-confident, I really am not good looking, more on the forgettable side.  Conservative views, very black & white, and I've been successful.  Actually I married a beautiful loving woman last year and I still can't believe she's mine even though we've been together for 4 years now.

So don't give up. The key is being true to yourself and keep trying.  Online dating is the best thing to happen to us non-socialites - the ice breaker is relatively easy.  If you don't work out, begin doing so. It builds confidence and self-esteem, manufactures anti-depression chemicals in your brain, which puts you in a good emotional place, not to mention having extra muscle is handy. I've worked out for 40 years as of this me, it's a worthwhile investment in yourself. Also learn how to communicate better. There are a ton of books out there, and information online...learn that skill.  When out on dates, learn to listen and ask questions. Be interested in her - plan fun activities like bowling or a walk in a park.  There is a medium size city near me with a nice park, a paved path that takes about 25 minutes to walk in a circle. I have taken multiple dates there, and walked and talked.  After the 20 or so minutes, you know if there's chemistry.  I then used to offer to go out for coffee afterwards, or maybe pizza if I wanted to offer more time.
I now take my wife to that park, and we walk and talk and go out for pizza.

Keep us posted.
Quietude, once again I'll offer a different perspective from the others above.  Here's a 3 point response for the condition you're in.

First of all, know that you're loved by God, and that's true whether you believe it or not.  And since Jesus himself said that knowing and loving the Lord is the most important thing in life, it's no small matter to disregard.  Whether you go through life as a loner or socialite, I'd encourage you to focus on the one most significant relationship that you can obtain by your own free will and action.  I know that for me and other Christians, having that close relationship right gives peace of mind and love in the heart - something that we all need and something that helps us maneuver through life better.

Second, I can relate to the feeling of being a loner too, since I have spent much of my life being one - not by choice, but moreso by career factors and other circumstances.  When I reflect on the best times of my life though, they usually entail doing things with other people.  No doubt, my social time with others has brought me more fun in sharing experiences, more interesting conversations, and more bonding friendships than even my best times alone.  For that reason, I believe that we're all better off recognizing our innate need for people and relationships.  My own father and a couple of friends of mine reject this premise, and have gone through their whole lives intentionally avoiding friendships, social affairs, and even family relationships.  It's a sad choice though, since the most important, rewarding, lasting thing in life is love, and that only comes from relationships.  One can make it through life as a loner all right, but there's little defending it as a more fun, enriching, or memorable life to pursue.  Thus, while some of us lead the loner path at times, I think it prudent for us to recognize it as a temporary diversion from the path we're designed for - something to overcome by taking active steps.  For me, that means forcing myself to go out to places where I can meet people and to be assertive enough to strike up conversations with strangers.  It also means valuing every new contact I make and friendship I have by staying in touch and paying regular visits.  If you're settled down in a town, I think the best way to meet friendly people who will quickly accept you is at a good Christian church.  There, you can quickly build a social circle of worthwhile relationships by participating in their small group studies, community volunteer programs, and more.  A recreational or social club might give you this too, but I've found that many clubs are like high school, having their clicks already in place, and leaving it hard for a newbie to break in.  A (good) Christian church couldn't be more different.  There, the members want newbies to feel welcomed and want them to be part of the church family.  You just can't find a more relationship forming environment, and you needn't be a believer to show up and be welcomed there.  Finally, on this point of seeking relationships, I'd like to share one more Christian perspective that I've just recently discovered  - what we'll likely experience right after we die.   Whether you're a spiritual believer or not, the scientific evidence for a human soul is becoming substantial.  This is being revealed more now through books and videos on near death experiences, with millions of people claiming to have had them.  One of the shared reports from various NDE witnesses is a warm welcoming in heaven to those first appearing there - by known friends, family, and past encounters.  Most Christian pastors and theologians would deem this consistent with heaven too - that we'll be reunited with (believing) loved ones from our life here.  In other words, the relationships we build in this short, temporary life may determine the ones we'll have in the future eternal life.  

Thirdly, I offer a worthwhile solution to all single people seeking a mate in life who haven't succeeded by chance encounters: the online dating sites.  I feel like an expert with them after plying dozens of them over the past 30 years (starting before the internet actually).  And while I have not yet found my Miss Right, I know a few things worth mentioning in its defense: 1) You can increase your selection pool and potential encounters from dozens a year to hundreds of thousands, 2) There's a large majority of the girls looking for a serious long term relationship, and 3) searching the profiles can be both fun and provide optimism.  I personally subscribe (and pay) to 5 different date sites at a time, giving me more prospects to consider than I could ever see or meet otherwise in a lifetime.  It is a simple, efficient process, and I enjoy the constant interaction that the sites give me. For a single lonely guy, I definately recommend you put some money into the online dating game.  It's particularly a viable pursuit for someone who's shy or introverted.

So, there's my 2 cents (or 2 hours') worth.  I hope that encourages and motivates you.
Sir Joseph, I'm sorry that you feel the need for a religion to be content. Religion is not something of any worth for me, someone who is very much so a humanist. 

Much like I don't take certain drugs which often act as a catalyst for fixing a problem (instead of fixing the root of the problem), I consider religion to be the same thing. It does not fix the root of the problem. It just acts as a comfort blanket.

This topic is actually about feeling like you are too odd to be accepted by another human being as a companion. Finding a human partner in life to love and be loved by.
Fair enough Quietude.  Our perspectives on problems and solutions logically would be different given our opposite world views. If your humanist beliefs and values don't eventually work for you in the future, maybe you'll come to consider another path.  Meanwhile, whether you get yourself more normalized or not, I think there's compatable mates to be found somewhere in the world, and the web date sites are a good method of increasing your chances of finding one.  I wish you well and good luck with it.
Love is one of the most important things in our life. No one person can live a full and healthy life without a loved one.

Now human progress has reached invisible heights and we are still moving forward.

Now you can meet your love without even leaving your home. There are many blogs, forums and social networks.

Finding your soul mate is not very difficult now. I found my girlfriend here . And sites like this very large number. So look and everything will be fine with you.


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