Society's Pressure

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BlackRoses

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I used to think there were people in the world who didn't care about outward appearances. I now realize what a joke that is. I thought it was stupid to change myself just so society would accept me. But it's what I have to do to survive. I've lost 6lbs in one week. I'm taking hoodia and stackers and barely eating anything. I hope I can lose enough weight to be worthy love. Dear men, I'm trying to fit your image of the perfect woman. I might die from this, because I'm having chest pains now, but it will be worth it if I can be seen as a human being in your eyes. Thank you, O shallow world for showing me the error of my ways.
 
You dont have to change yourself to be worthy of love. It is true unfortunently that in todays society looks are important but it doesnt mean you should have to put your health in danger. There are women that are not atractive at all but find love and you think how do they do it. You must first accept yourslef for who you realy are in order to find somone that will accept you. In order to be loved you must first love yourself. There are men outhere but maybe you are too looking at the gorgeous hunks and forgetting the nice shy sweet man looking at you from afar who is not so atractive. No one is perfect and in the beggining the men might be out looking for the hot good looking girls but in the end they want to marry the one that they can communicate with on a personal level and share their lives with.
 
I've never met any men like that..I've never gone for the hunks either because they've always been out of my league..but thank you for taking the time to respond to me.
 
Dear BlackRoses,
I can relate to how you feel, because some years back, I was in the same position as you, I became anorexic, lost a lot of weight in a short period of time, just so I could be more attractive to the opposite sex. I ended up very sick, but still unattractive, and everyone toyed with my feelings and well being because they realized how much power they had over me. I was suddenly the lab rat, being proded and poked, and laughed at (or pitied) instead of being admired for looking great. It's not worth changing yourself for someone else.
 
I know how you feel but from the other side. I have a nice figure, perfect "rack", nice but, nice hair, pretty face. You think people take me serious? NO! I always have a guy talk to my chest rather than my face. i use to dress like a tomboy in HS all the time, baggy dickies, big band shirts, converse. I didnt want to get the wrong attention from guys. I got older and desided im young! I shouldnt dress like I am 45 with 4 kids! but with that came the attention i didnt want. I dont think i will ever find the guy i want cause the men i meet are a** holes! Always about looks and dressing right, not wearing the latest thing? then your a loser! i gave myself a bitchy attitude so men wouldnt want me. I mean I want a bf but i dont think the guy i want will ever have the guts to talk to me. There was quote on myspace I saw from a girl "Fat is a problem for everyone, if you are obese then you need to lose weight, and when you lose weight you are afraid to gain it back so you keep losing weight." its a viscious circle!
 
Abi, do u think all of us `men` are the same!? not really! i have never ever cared about how people dressed only if it was very funny infact!! :D me myself, at the 1st year at uni, i used to wear different clothes with different colours regardless of the compatibility as long as they're clean!! till some close friends at that time have pointed that out!
it's the oppisit actually! i do prefer girls with simple clean clothes!  and u know what!?when i see a girl with red shoes and red top with red bag i feel really funny and i really feel like i want to laugh!! weird but true, cause i feel these things shouldnt be that important to spend tooo much time thinkin of what to wear or what to buy!!! i dont like spending time on these little things!!!

but very true BlackRoses, very true! the socity put a big pressure on girls, who may have a bit extra.  i do understand really. and i know it's not easy to loose weight.  but you dont need to harm urself, just be patient and u'll do it! just be determined and honestly u'll success!
i'm talkin from an experiance, my mum gaind a bit weight few years ago. she determined one day that she cant go any further! and u know what she did!? she started to walk (only walkin)for about 4 hours everyday! every single day! and in less in two months she lost nearly 15kg!! this is not from a magazine, it's a real experiance
 
Abi..I know how bad you feel because a long time ago, I was really hot too. A long, long time ago..getting the veiw from both sides, I'd still rather be hot than like I am now.
Vivid_details..I know how you feel because I've had certain problems with eating disorders since I was 17. I'm probably always going to be unhappy. But being thin is the only thing that could give me any dignity right now.
Vecter..I've been exercising a lot, and it's true I'm a bit too impatient with my results. I'm getting older and the older you are the harder it is to lose weight. I'm going gray prematurely (I'm only 27) and all these things are destroying my self esteem, or what's left of it...
 
BlackRoses said:
Abi..I know how bad you feel because a long time ago, I was really hot too. A long, long time ago..getting the veiw from both sides, I'd still rather be hot than like I am now.
Vivid_details..I know how you feel because I've had certain problems with eating disorders since I was 17. I'm probably always going to be unhappy. But being thin is the only thing that could give me any dignity right now.
Vecter..I've been exercising a lot, and it's true I'm a bit too impatient with my results. I'm getting older and the older you are the harder it is to lose weight. I'm going gray prematurely (I'm only 27) and all these things are destroying my self esteem, or what's left of it...
Click to expand...

u're only 27yr! you talk like if u were 37yr! u're still young!
and yeah! just be a bit patient and determined, i know how easy to say that! but try and let's see how it would work, tell us ok!?
huges!
 
I'll keep everyone posted about my progress. I didn't eat for a couple of days and I got really sick today. I ate a small bowl of kashi cereal with soymilk. Unfortunately I was too weak to lift my head up, let alone exercise.
 
Yuck! Society's pressures make me sick. Poor BlackRoses, and many other girls out there have to harm thier health to feel that guys will actually pay attention to them. Ugh! Guys can be really materialistic these days. Its so unfair. I'm 15, and can't get any guy to give me a complement, even the one that I am "friends" with. It sucks to be so ugly. -_-
I'm not fat, I'm a tiny little twig with such an undevelpoed body so that I look like I'm 10. Ugh! Guys really don't find that attractive...
 
Interesting topic, but quite hard to cope with.
In my life I've always disliked my looks, since I was 10, as long as I remember.
When I was 10, there was a guy in my class who connected classmates to some animals, just for fun I guess. He chose the toad for me.
When I was 11, some guy who was in a sport team with me, once called me 'roach'.
In my 14-15, my classmates used to point the finger at me laughing and calling me 'loser'.
The rest is not so different. Nobody gave me any nickname nor associated me to some ugly creature, but I know what men and women think about me; the fairest sentence a girl told me still remains "When girls look at you usually don't say 'WOW' but don't either say 'What the hell!'" - that's not really encouraging:)
Another girl I know once told me "How could you expect somebody to appreciate you if you don't appreciate yourself first?". I don't agree with her at all: frankly, I think this sentence makes no sense:D
Well, some days I look at myself in the mirror and say "I hate you, ugly monster"; some other days I think "Ok.. I know I'm not attractive, but what can I do with it?".
I don't think it's a big problem. I mean: I could be ill, I could be starving... etc. I try not to think so much about my looks, I don't want it to be my main concern.
Moreover, in my life I've seen girl and boys who aren't deemed at large attractive getting a bf/gf and being happy. Maybe they just discovered something 'invisible' in the other person.
 
Em... most guys don't have any attention paid to them by girls... no compliments either. The guy has to make the first step... and for someone like me it's impossible... I'm too scared of rejection.

Abi complains that the guy she wants "would never have the guts to talk to her"... then why can't she talk to him on her own.. ?_?

And please... people of both genders are just as shallow and materialistic... humans suck.. both male and female.. please don't blame males for everything.

I'm so scared of everything and so inconfident and miserable that I would actually be happy to be with a girl that doesn't have such big boobs and butt... it would make me less anxious... being more "shapely" is sexier, but I can't think about sex these days... it just makes me cry.. I'm almost asexual because of depression. I just want a hug... someone to cuddle and cry with.

I also have anorexia. I don't eat anything because I have no appetite. Nothing makes me happy. Eating means life.. I have no energy to live.
 
keeper, it sounds like you have BDD.. I have it too, on and off.

Also:
The prevalence of BDD is equal in men and women, and causes chronic social anxiety for those suffering from the disorder
Click to expand...
So you can see now... guys feel ugly and inadequate too. -_-
Please stop blaming us...
 
The prevalence of BDD is equal in men and women, and causes chronic social anxiety for those suffering from the disorder
Click to expand...
So you can see now... guys feel ugly and inadequate too. -_-
Please stop blaming us...
[/quote]

I second that statement. Girls expect romance and not friends, and also, ... **** it, what should I say? We feel just as insecure as you do, and if girls like equality, then why should guys have all the duty of everything?
 
mimizu said:
keeper, it sounds like you have BDD.. I have it too, on and off.

I don't think so, mimizu. Actually I gave a look at the URL and I recognize but one of the symptoms ("...inability to look at ones own reflection or photographs of oneself." - actually i'm not exactly unable to look at my pictures: I often avoid to take and see them). I think I will ask a psychologist to be sure about it. I think I suffer from social anxiety, rather.
Click to expand...
 
I've often made the first step: most of the time rejection has been the result. Now I'm completely crushed and I hardly would make a first step again. I think it's going to take some time yet before I will try again.

mimizu said:
The guy has to make the first step... and for someone like me it's impossible... I'm too scared of rejection.
Click to expand...
 
" I'm a tiny little twig with such an undevelpoed body so that I look like I'm 10. Ugh! Guys really don't find that attractive... "
Broken Dreams...you're so young, and at 15 most girls are skinny little things. I didn't start to put on weight until I was about 17. Then from my 20's on it's been a constant battle with weight. I really do envy the hardcore anorexics who are two pounds away from organ failure. At least they fit into men's expectations....You should be proud of the body you have now, BrokenDreams..even if other people bully you over it. It comes from jealousy.
 
BlackRoses said:
and at 15 most girls are skinny little things.
Click to expand...
Not in my school... heh. From my exp., most 15 year old girls are quite gifted in the boobs area. But anyway, you shouldn't be sad because of this, Broken Dreams... you are what you are, and it isn't a bad thing at all. :)
 
Hmm, I guess it is true that other girls would want to be skinny like me, but I'm not at all attractive looking. And all the girls at my school aren't so undeveloped. I feel like such a tiny little loser who will never get a date. -_-
 

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