30 and Gay? - your life is now over.

[Badjedidude]

We don't take kindly to people who don't take kindly around here.

Hahaha nice. I love South Park.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I did not contradict myself. I have not had sex since 2005. But I was around 14 when I started having sex with gay men. I got away with it for a few years because i had youth on my side. If your 17 you can be fat and or ugly and still get lost of sex with gay guys. Over 25 and ugly your going to struggle. Especially when you have no confidence or self esteem, and have seen yourself in the mirror.

The fact that you were having sex when deeply underage might have something to do with your current issues more than anything else; otherwise, I don't think that age is as much of an issue for men. Of course, what would I know about gay couples?

 

[nerdygirl]

Hnh. Are gay men honestly that different from straight men?

Some men are always looking for a newer model. That's the same regardless of what gender they prefer. Some men will always be looking for meaningless sex. Some men won't really know what they want. Some are just as lonely as you. It's all about making the right connection.

 

[Badjedidude]

Hnh. Are gay men honestly that different from straight men?

Yeah.

One takes it in the bum and the other doesn't. lol

Aside from that... you're right. Most men, in fact, will always be looking for the next best thing. That applies to ALL MEN of whatever particular sexual orientation.

 

[Sprint]

Aside from that... you're right. Most men, in fact, will always be looking for the next best thing. That applies to ALL MEN of whatever particular sexual orientation.

Generalizations that could apply to ALL WOMEN also... that is IF someone wanted to spout generalizations.

 

[nerdygirl]

Aside from that... you're right. Most men, in fact, will always be looking for the next best thing. That applies to ALL MEN of whatever particular sexual orientation.

Generalizations that could apply to ALL WOMEN also... that is IF someone wanted to spout generalizations.

Personally, I'm always looking for the next best pair of heels. Something that is sexy and eliminates any amount of cankle, makes me a few inches taller, and perfect for... work related walking.

 

[cumulus.james]

Well I read it wrong about the kids thing then sorry about that.

I kind of know what you mean. I'm almost 30 and I did think / hope that I'd have a partner or be married maybe even kids by now.

While I don't think that I'll never have that now I can't help wishing I'd got to do it when I was younger. I think I have the turning 30 blues quite bad.

Well at least you have the option of doing what my sister did and getting a sperm donor if you get too lonely. She did very well out of it, council gave here a lovely flat in a well to do village, government now pays here so she does not have to work for the next few years and people buy and give her stuff all because she opened her legs.... (I'm VERY cynical about that sort of thing).

I know the turning 30 blues though! you hit the nail on the head, that's exactly what I am suffering with. Everything was ahead of me, now its all behind me.

This country is badly focused on youth. There does not seem to be a place for you unless your a parent after your 30. Its like you either are a child, or raising a child if you want to fit in.

---

Aside from that... you're right. Most men, in fact, will always be looking for the next best thing. That applies to ALL MEN of whatever particular sexual orientation.

Generalizations that could apply to ALL WOMEN also... that is IF someone wanted to spout generalizations.

I like in Essex - every female round here is a clone of the other. There are only 2 personalities between them. Then there is the posh boys school where 56% of the students are called Tom.

 

[SophiaGrace]

... work related walking.

 

[Sprint]

I like in Essex - every female round here is a clone of the other. There are only 2 personalities between them. Then there is the posh boys school where 56% of the students are called Tom.

At least you have 2. Only 1 around here.

 

[annik]

Well at least you have the option of doing what my sister did and getting a sperm donor if you get too lonely. She did very well out of it, council gave here a lovely flat in a well to do village, government now pays here so she does not have to work for the next few years and people buy and give her stuff all because she opened her legs.... (I'm VERY cynical about that sort of thing).

To be fair I don't just want to make a kid on my own for something to love or talk to when I'm lonely. (I'd get a goldfish it's cheaper) Or to get myself a house and not work.

Though I see the point maybe I have more options.

 

[Callie]

Is there something wrong with adoption? There's also the surrogate mother route (although expensive) if you want a children that is a part of your DNA. There's a lot of options for a gay man that wants to have children.

 

[cumulus.james]

Is there something wrong with adoption? There's also the surrogate mother route (although expensive) if you want a children that is a part of your DNA. There's a lot of options for a gay man that wants to have children.

I live in the UK, adoption is very difficult for stable married straight couples. There is a big story on it over here. It takes a seemingly perfect straight couple who have careers, referees and are homeowners 4 years to be accepted for adoption.

A single gay man with a mental illness?? No ******* way! There is more chance of me inventing time travel. My sister and most of her friends would never be accepted for adoption either. They have children because they are capable of bearing them. They were mostly unemployed, living in their parents council house and single at the time of getting pregnant. Again they would not have been considered for adoption.

Also with the times we live in any single man adopting is going to raise eyebrows. Such a man would not be welcome in mother and baby groups (unless he made out he was a widower to a female wife or something).

As for surrogacy you tend to need to go down the American way. It costs 10's of thousands of pounds. I'm not rich else I would not be on here. If you are rich you can buy friends, lovers and offspring at will. OK it will most all of it be fake but you can also afford to have enough distractions to not notice that.

 

[Sprint]

Aside from that... you're right. Most men, in fact, will always be looking for the next best thing. That applies to ALL MEN of whatever particular sexual orientation.

Generalizations that could apply to ALL WOMEN also... that is IF someone wanted to spout generalizations.

Personally, I'm always looking for the next best pair of heels. Something that is sexy and eliminates any amount of cankle, makes me a few inches taller, and perfect for... work related walking.

lol

---

Is there something wrong with adoption? There's also the surrogate mother route (although expensive) if you want a children that is a part of your DNA. There's a lot of options for a gay man that wants to have children.

I live in the UK, adoption is very difficult for stable married straight couples. There is a big story on it over here. It takes a seemingly perfect straight couple who have careers, referees and are homeowners 4 years to be accepted for adoption.

A single gay man with a mental illness?? No ******* way! There is more chance of me inventing time travel. My sister and most of her friends would never be accepted for adoption either. They have children because they are capable of bearing them. They were mostly unemployed, living in their parents council house and single at the time of getting pregnant. Again they would not have been considered for adoption.

Also with the times we live in any single man adopting is going to raise eyebrows. Such a man would not be welcome in mother and baby groups (unless he made out he was a widower to a female wife or something).

As for surrogacy you tend to need to go down the American way. It costs 10's of thousands of pounds. I'm not rich else I would not be on here. If you are rich you can buy friends, lovers and offspring at will. OK it will most all of it be fake but you can also afford to have enough distractions to not notice that.

It's just as difficult in the US james. Gay adoption is only legal in 13 of the states and you have to jump through thousands hoops (and dollars) to even be considered for a child here... straight or gay. It's just how it is, which is why so many began adopting foreign kids. It's now getting to be just as difficult for international adoption also though.

 

[cumulus.james]

Life is hopeless. I mean never mind all the bad honeysuckle we are doing to the earth this planet is overdue a smack from a massive asteroid, there is a star due to go supernova pointed at us and when it does it will sterilize the planet - it will strip the atmosphere in a second.

I don't matter. You don't matter. The whole ******* human race is just a blip in time and is due to end soon. Without all that Our maximum natural life is currently 120 and most of us will struggle to make it to 80.

******* hell I just want to scratch a bit of happiness from this existence. A someone to build and share a life with, a family to raise. Why is this all so impossible? And I am not just talking about me most of you must be in the same boat else why are you on here?

I'm lonely. You lot are lonely. There must be something that could come from that? Why do you lot seem to only want to come on here and moan about being lonely/depressed whatever but not one of you would meet or hang with each other even if you live in the same ******* town.

It surely does not have to be this way. There must be a better way?

 

[soul_in_isolation]

I'm just curious the obsession with 30 being "the end" I've seen a few times here? What is it about 30 that really makes it the end? It's not that I can't relate to this thinking, but what good does reinforcing the thought do? We should be questioning it. What is it about 30 that makes your life over? YOUR life? Are you sure it isn't just an excuse? You're still YOU on that day.

If it's been hard to find companionship because of nerves, or social discomfort, then the concern of turning 30 (which in itself causes nothing CLOSE to the obstacle of anxiety) is unnecessary added stress. It isn't as if people look at others and see only an age.

What the problem seems to be is that since we are now proper adults, we are feeling immense pressure on because we may not be ready, and want back the comfort of still being "kids", with "time left to do things". Not literal "time" of course, since even at 30 there is plenty of that, but the much shorter "time" our societally-imposed deadlines for adult accomplishment give us. That makes 30 old, even though those ideals are unrealistic and they oversimplified the human experience even back in the days they were more useful.

The funny thing is that I look back at being 18-21, i.e. the age we "older adults" look upon with so much envy, and some of the concerns I was voicing. They look strangely familiar: "I can't believe I'm so grown!" "Look at all I haven't done yet!" I'm probably doomed to never change if I haven't already". Yep, definitely sound familiar, and, I'll bet money I'm not alone. It's a habit what we drawn to via our messed up obsession with age. We should motivate ourself positively to change what we're unpleased with, but instead we beat ourselves up obsessing on time limits and making comparisons to others.

 

[IgnoredOne]

The funny thing is that I look back at being 18-21, i.e. the age we "older adults" look upon with so much envy, and some of the concerns I was voicing. They look strangely familiar: "I can't believe I'm so grown!" "Look at all I haven't done yet!" I'm probably doomed to never change if I haven't already". Yep, definitely sound familiar, and, I'll bet money I'm not alone. It's a habit what we drawn to via our messed up obsession with age. We should motivate ourself positively to change what we're unpleased with, but instead we beat ourselves up obsessing on time limits and making comparisons to others.

Its not necessarily a bad thing always, though, as the added pressure can be a motive force for positive change.

 

[Gravity]

Now that I have reached 30 I find that I have no place and nothing really left to look forward to, mostly because I am gay, which cuts you off from the possibilities open to others.

I don’t fit in with the fashion wearing clubbing and gigging youth now.

Were I straight I could hope to meet someone, and have children, perhaps grand children. I would be working towards building a life for the relationship and/or children.

But those things are closed to me. I am not attractive to gay men so I cant even hope for the odd night of passion let alone long term companionship.

All I can see is night after night of isolation and loneliness, growing steadily more bitter as time goes on. Now there might be a way of coming to terms with that as being an effect of grown old only I never had friendships or relationships of any kind.

I think it is quite hard to have never felt loved, it is worse to have never given love I think.

I think this would be different were I straight. I am certain I would have been married by now and have at least one child. Everyone who grew up around me did.

Haven't read all the posts here, but just to comment, cause you seem to be getting a lot of outside opinions:

As a 31-year-old gay man (And very painfully single), I can totally understand what you're saying. All of my straight friends are married, and most everyone from where I grew up got married and had kids (even my younger sister got married, which I was really happy for, but it was kind of hard).

And as a quick note to others on here, noting that straight people all over seem to have things working out for them and feeling a little cheated doesn't mean we want to be straight. It means we want the things for ourselves straight people seem to get so easily (which is an illusion of course, a lot of people struggle for it and it doesn't even work out for everyone, but the sense is hard to avoid sometimes - happy gay couples aren't usually as visible as happy straight couples, after all).

But anyway, cumulus, try not to feel too bad, because I can promise you, you're not alone. There's me, to begin with, and a whole host of other gay men that don't feel like they fit in with the "normal" gay crowd.

But everybody is somebody's type (and I do mean EVERYBODY, thin, thick, chubby, husky, hairy, smooth, grey, bald, dark-haired, all skin tones and heights and shapes and faces). Gay men in their 30s do date and meet people, and even adopt children - assuming you're in a place that allows you to do so. It is very hard being gay on top of being lonely and feeling unloved (we sure as heck catch enough crap as it is), but you can make it.

Feel free to private me any time - would love to talk to someone in a similar situation as I.

 

[cumulus.james]

Now that I have reached 30 I find that I have no place and nothing really left to look forward to, mostly because I am gay, which cuts you off from the possibilities open to others.

I don’t fit in with the fashion wearing clubbing and gigging youth now.

Were I straight I could hope to meet someone, and have children, perhaps grand children. I would be working towards building a life for the relationship and/or children.

But those things are closed to me. I am not attractive to gay men so I cant even hope for the odd night of passion let alone long term companionship.

All I can see is night after night of isolation and loneliness, growing steadily more bitter as time goes on. Now there might be a way of coming to terms with that as being an effect of grown old only I never had friendships or relationships of any kind.

I think it is quite hard to have never felt loved, it is worse to have never given love I think.

I think this would be different were I straight. I am certain I would have been married by now and have at least one child. Everyone who grew up around me did.

Haven't read all the posts here, but just to comment, cause you seem to be getting a lot of outside opinions:

As a 31-year-old gay man (And very painfully single), I can totally understand what you're saying. All of my straight friends are married, and most everyone from where I grew up got married and had kids (even my younger sister got married, which I was really happy for, but it was kind of hard).

And as a quick note to others on here, noting that straight people all over seem to have things working out for them and feeling a little cheated doesn't mean we want to be straight. It means we want the things for ourselves straight people seem to get so easily (which is an illusion of course, a lot of people struggle for it and it doesn't even work out for everyone, but the sense is hard to avoid sometimes - happy gay couples aren't usually as visible as happy straight couples, after all).

But anyway, cumulus, try not to feel too bad, because I can promise you, you're not alone. There's me, to begin with, and a whole host of other gay men that don't feel like they fit in with the "normal" gay crowd.

But everybody is somebody's type (and I do mean EVERYBODY, thin, thick, chubby, husky, hairy, smooth, grey, bald, dark-haired, all skin tones and heights and shapes and faces). Gay men in their 30s do date and meet people, and even adopt children - assuming you're in a place that allows you to do so. It is very hard being gay on top of being lonely and feeling unloved (we sure as heck catch enough crap as it is), but you can make it.

Feel free to private me any time - would love to talk to someone in a similar situation as I.

Thanks. I don't hold out much hope to be honest. I honestly believe this is my lot in life now. Alone and isolated.