A counter-argument to the claim personality > physical looks

[Mr. Sir]

I've said this once, I will say it again.

Looks are SHAPED by your personality.

For MEN, looks are MADE. Men who are socially competant and socially aware will KNOW to work out, to diet, to go the extra mile on their grooming, and know how to dress. They might even go the extra mile to "peacock" with tattoos and jewelry.

Socially INCOMPETANT and socially inept men will NOT think to groom properly, will have sloppy, greasy hair that causes acne to fester on their face, and they'll let a nasty neckbeard grow, they will be pale and obese from staying in the basement all day playing video games, and they will wear clothes that an old man/little boy would wear.

Looks and personality WORK together, mostly with looks being CAUSED by personality.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Socially INCOMPETANT and socially inept men will NOT think to groom properly, will have sloppy, greasy hair that causes acne to fester on their face, and they'll let a nasty neckbeard grow, they will be pale and obese from staying in the basement all day playing video games, and they will wear clothes that an old man/little boy would wear.

If I saw someone like that I would think they had some kind of mental illness...

 

[stalinorgel]

Sure, this is entirely pl0ausible, if you believe that there are no women who are intellectually capable of moving beyond their primal urges of attraction to find a mate that might be more practical or even enjoyable/supportive.

I didn't mean it so much as that women are incapable of it, but it's more of a subconscious thing, i think.

I'm just not sure that's the case. Again, this is where the argument of emotionally immature versus emotionally mature people comes into play. As a man, would you always choose the "most attractive" woman to be with? What makes it fair to say that all women will always do the opposite?

Very true. In our consumerist, uberindividualist culture.. i sometimes wonder if it is actually possible for man or woman to truly be mature. (Just musing to myself here.) As for your last comment, of course not: of course, there are a lot of men who actually ARE that shallow, but I personally would take ANY woman who was compatible with me, who loved me, and who I in turn could love and take care of. It wouldn't matter at all what said woman looked like. I truly hope there are a lot of women who feel the same about us men. Besides, I don't really believe there are any truly physically ugly women. All women seem physically beautiful to me (to varying degrees of course.) I doubt there really are any women who could be considered 'ugly' physically, as compared to men.

 

[Badjedidude]

Looks and personality WORK together, mostly with looks being CAUSED by personality.

Uhhhh no. Using your personality to improve your looks can only go so far. If you're born ass ugly, then trying to make yourself "look better" will just be making you slightly more physically attractive. Slightly. To some extent, yes, personality can shape looks. And I would agree that personality and looks are definitely linked.

But neither one outweighs or controls the other.

 

[Cathedral]

Socially INCOMPETANT and socially inept men will NOT think to groom properly, will have sloppy, greasy hair that causes acne to fester on their face, and they'll let a nasty neckbeard grow, they will be pale and obese from staying in the basement all day playing video games, and they will wear clothes that an old man/little boy would wear.

If I saw someone like that I would think they had some kind of mental illness...

I feel like this was directed towards someone like me, apart from the sloppy and greasy hair and the acne (the worst I get is the occasional zit). I'm probably the most socially incompetent and inept man you will ever see. I can't really help the way I am. I'm sure a lot of others on here cannot, either.

And SophiaGrace, you could not be more superficial and SocratesX, you could have not made a more assjock conclusion.

Now both of you go get a room and go fresia each other in the ass, please.

 

[Joseph]

And SophiaGrace, you could not be more superficial and SocratesX, you could have not made a more assjock conclusion.

Now both of you go get a room and go fresia each other in the ass, please.

Wow, that was incredibly uncalled for.

Your problem is your attitude and lack of self-esteem, as evidence by your admission "I can't really help the way I am."

Let me decode that admission: You don't care enough to muster the ambition to grow as an individual, to take steps to gain confidence, to upgrade your appearance, to practice your social interaction skills, to genuinely become a more 'attractive' person.

That isn't socrates's or sophia's fault. That is on you. As a man, it is your job to attract a woman, unless you subscribe to the notion of a martian hottie falling into your lap from outer space some time soon.

Good luck!

 

[Badjedidude]

Could we all stop making assumptions about each other based on random, far-flung comments on an online forum?

That'd be great.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Looks and personality WORK together, mostly with looks being CAUSED by personality.

Uhhhh no. Using your personality to improve your looks can only go so far. If you're born ass ugly, then trying to make yourself "look better" will just be making you slightly more physically attractive. Slightly. To some extent, yes, personality can shape looks. And I would agree that personality and looks are definitely linked.

But neither one outweighs or controls the other.

What do you mean ass-ugly? Like deformed ugly? Like Joseph Merrick. Very few people are THAT ugly. The type of guys who women usually find unnattractive are:

- fat or so skinny they look like weak bitches
- acne
- so pale its creepy
- poorly groomed
- dressed in old man/little boy fashion
- balding

But you're right, there are some things that can't be changed. For example, my facial structure is pretty messed. I don't think my face could be anything more than a 4. So that's why I need to lift weights religiously and keep my clothes nice and the acne away.

---

And SophiaGrace, you could not be more superficial and SocratesX, you could have not made a more assjock conclusion.

Now both of you go get a room and go fresia each other in the ass, please.

Wow, that was incredibly uncalled for.

Your problem is your attitude and lack of self-esteem, as evidence by your admission "I can't really help the way I am."

Let me decode that admission: You don't care enough to muster the ambition to grow as an individual, to take steps to gain confidence, to upgrade your appearance, to practice your social interaction skills, to genuinely become a more 'attractive' person.

That isn't socrates's or sophia's fault. That is on you. As a man, it is your job to attract a woman, unless you subscribe to the notion of a martian hottie falling into your lap from outer space some time soon.

Good luck!

^ Nailed it.

 

[Joseph]

The type of guys who women usually find unnattractive are:

- fat or so skinny they look like weak bitches
- acne
- so pale its creepy
- poorly groomed
- dressed in old man/little boy fashion
- balding

Ouch! LOL

 

[tangerinedream]

The type of guys who women usually find unnattractive are:

- fat or so skinny they look like weak bitches
- acne
- so pale its creepy
- poorly groomed
- dressed in old man/little boy fashion
- balding

Ouch! LOL

Don't worry. He's not the expert on what women like in a man. Besides I know some women who think that the balding/shaved-head look is hot.

I also don't think that skin color, or lack thereof, is a big turn-off.

---

As a man, it is your job to attract a woman...

Funny, because it's been my experience that we women are told from practically the day that we're born, that it is our job to attract/lure/draw in/ensnare the man.

Christ alive, aren't there other women out there with well-meaning but still obnoxious older female relatives (and friends) who harp on ad nauseum about the best way to attract a man, and what-all we're doing wrong in that Quest?

...or am I just the lucky one? /sarcasm

---

Sure, this is entirely pl0ausible, if you believe that there are no women who are intellectually capable of moving beyond their primal urges of attraction to find a mate that might be more practical or even enjoyable/supportive.

I didn't mean it so much as that women are incapable of it, but it's more of a subconscious thing, i think.

I disagree.

 

[Joseph]

It's about "attracting" us into "chasing" you.

I used the wrong verb.

 

[Mr. Sir]

The type of guys who women usually find unnattractive are:

- fat or so skinny they look like weak bitches
- acne
- so pale its creepy
- poorly groomed
- dressed in old man/little boy fashion
- balding

Ouch! LOL

Don't worry. He's not the expert on what women like in a man. Besides I know some women who think that the balding/shaved-head look is hot.

I also don't think that skin color, or lack thereof, is a big turn-off.

---

---

No, I agree with you about the bald/shaved head look being hot. Most guys who work out alot have shaved heads.

If you start balding, just SHAVE your head.

But seriously, tangerine... everything else I listed is objectively unnattractive and for good reason. Please don't try to tell me SOME girls really dig acne. You'll lose all your credibility.

 

[Ian Haines]

I believe that there is no such thing as life-long perfect matches, in looks!

I do believe that there is such a thing as life-long perfect matches in personalities!

Fifty years after first meeting, and if still together, having been together all of that time, which do you all really suppose will make a couple more likely to stay together?

A girl's looks, however, to me, are close to essential. I'm not being shallow...I'm just telling it as it is. However, if any girl (and, of course, in later years, any woman) knows how to unpretentiously use hair, make-up, clothes, shoes and accessories, she's permanently attractive to guys who love those sorts of thing...the trimmings and trappings. That's where a woman almost radiates a difference between herself and the other women, sitting nearby.

I have seen, and had my attention dragged back to those women, who, in my general "prettiness" scale, score quite low, indeed, but I know that I'd love to meet that type of woman, no matter how crucial prettiness often is, to me. Somewhere, inside me, there is hope of finding something better than traces of superficiality, and those are the times during which I am reminded that looks truly are not consistently (or for life) so essential. Grace, style and femininity are important and, also, may indeed lead the way.

For those of you in the UK who watch "Emmerdale" (stop cringing), what I'm trying to say is: although there are some gorgeous girls in that programme, from time to time, whose close-ups knock my head off, I'd dearly love to spend the rest of my life with the Vicar's wife, Laurel. She's my type of lady - what can I say? She has a magic that her looks (alone) could never achieve and an inner vibrance destined to remain ageless!

 

[MrBurns]

Socially INCOMPETANT and socially inept men will NOT think to groom properly, will have sloppy, greasy hair that causes acne to fester on their face, and they'll let a nasty neckbeard grow, they will be pale and obese from staying in the basement all day playing video games, and they will wear clothes that an old man/little boy would wear.

If I saw someone like that I would think they had some kind of mental illness...

I wear old man cloths like country coats with flatcap because I want to and im also pale because i live in northern England and have alot of Irish in me, I cant tan I just go bright red and back to pale when we actually get a few days of sunshine. The ''socially competant'' men you described would be classed as gay were I live...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

If im smart enough...Id get off of ass to go do somerthing about my life.
Develope personalities, communication, skills, stay fit, well groom, have money in my pocket, a bad ass car to take me places so I can go where I wanna and meet whom i wanna meet ..with an attitude of..
" I own this fucken place"...
Hunting N catching is onething...
Eventually a man has to EAT to LIVE

---

The way I go about it or an analogy...
Each of the virtue are equally important...one is not better than the other.
Like strand of ropes all interconnected to form a solid stroger rope as a whole.
I have weaknesses and strenght.
Captitalize on my assets N work on my liablities.
All preventive maintence on my spitiual conditions and basically everything else...cuz I'll revert from time to time.

well..if u have poor looks, poor self esteem. No money, a messed up attitude, no drive , no purpose...ect.
Thats one weak ass rope...

 

[tangerinedream]

No, I agree with you about the bald/shaved head look being hot. Most guys who work out alot have shaved heads.

If you start balding, just SHAVE your head.

But seriously, tangerine... everything else I listed is objectively unnattractive and for good reason. Please don't try to tell me SOME girls really dig acne. You'll lose all your credibility.

1. I doubt I'm the one here who needs to worry about her credibility.

2. You're confusing the issue here. While few people will find acne a major turn-on, as in "My darling, come close so I can lick your pustules," I bet if the person's myriad other qualities are weighed against bad skin, lots of us would say, "So what if your skin is bad now, it might clear up... besides, I love you."

See, also, people can be attracted to MORE THAN THE PHYSICAL. <- I bolded and All-caps'ed that because it seems to be something that you can't quite grasp.



And fresia anyone who says that pale skin is unattractive. I'd rather be pale than have lizard skin and cancerous lesions.

 

[nerdygirl]

While few people will find acne a major turn-on, as in "My darling, come close so I can lick your pustules,"

I'd lick YOUR pustules.

 

[tangerinedream]

While few people will find acne a major turn-on, as in "My darling, come close so I can lick your pustules,"

I'd lick YOUR pustules.

Hahah. Somehow it sounds hot coming from you, not stalkerish.

 

[SophiaGrace]

While few people will find acne a major turn-on, as in "My darling, come close so I can lick your pustules,"

I'd lick YOUR pustules.

Hahah. Somehow it sounds hot coming from you, not stalkerish.

Hubba hubba.

 

[Joseph]