A Friendship Gone Wrong

[Lena]

Okay, so I became friends with a boy I met on Myspace in 2008 ( I know it's lame but yeah. ) He contacted me first wanting to be friends and at the time he liked this one girl. I told him as long as he didn't hit on me, I'd be his friend. He wanted advice from me about her and so I gave it to him. From there, we grew into really great friends. We talked on the phone and stuff. He told me he felt connected to me at the time and for some reason, I blocked him for it. I guess I didn't like what he was telling me at that moment because I was going through some major problems and I was out of control. In 2010, he found me again on Facebook and added me and we restarted the friendship again. We webcammed and he was so happy to finally see me in the flesh. He started liking me a whole lot at this time and he had an audition for a college for music. ( I won't say the name because just in case.. ) I forgot about it and he was very hurt. I forgot because I was still going through that mess and had other things on my brain. He was so hurt and he blocked me on Facebook after that. Ever since 2010, I'e been searching him out and I finally found him and added him on Twitter. ( By the way, I'm 22 and he's 20 now. )

He asked for my number, I gave it to him, and then we started texting. We talked about the problems we had with each other from the past and realized we had a lot in common. We both finally agreed that we were connected and we've been talking up until yesterday. He told me that he didn't remember the video chat thing which is understandable because I didn't remember a lot of things either. Anyways, he wanted to see me talking and everything instead of in pictures and stuff, so I sent him a couple videos and now, I don't think he finds me attractive anymore because he stopped texting me. My issue is not that he does not find me attractive. My feelings about myself don't come from other people, it comes from within. I think I am in the middle.

Anyways, I never in my life found him attractive, but if me liking him would keep our friendship together, I was willing to just deal with him liking me because our friendship meant that much to me. I contacted him because I guess I thought something would be the same which was a huge mistake now I see.

My real problem and why I am very hurt now, is because he was my friend and from the START I told him not to hit on me. Now that we have started talking again, he doesn't want to speak to me anymore only because he's not attracted to me. Again, I find myself thinking that it isn't fair what he's doing. I never liked him in the first place in that way, so for him to stop speaking to me after we re-connected for the 2nd time, just because he doesn't find me attractive is BS. I've been saying I was over it because I thought I was, but honestly, right now I want to cry. I am trying to push him to the back of my mind but I really liked that boy in a freindship type of way. I've never been able to be just friends with a guy that I bonded with so well, without them liking me. I treasured our friendship though even AFTER he started liking me because I liked his personality a lot. Right now, I wouldn't care if he got another girlfriend or anything. I am just how I am when he met me. He's not even my type, yet he quits talking to me because he's no longer attracted to me.

This is so **** irritating and hurtful. I try to tell myself that maybe we don't need to be "friends" if that's what he is going to do. But even though that is true, I'm still hurt because he was like a best friend. I know we didn't know each other in real life, but we did video chat and talk on the phone a lot for hours.

I don't know how I am going to get over this. :'(

Sorry that I rambled, but I needed to vent this out to someone. All I want is to forget we ever came in contact with each other and forget that he ever existed before.

 

[PyramidHead]

It my be just me, but I think he went wrong in the past and today even worse. I can understand when people get hurt once their feelings aren't shared by the person they like... but blocking is still a hard answer.
But to ignore a friend, because she isn't attractive in the own taste... that's tasteless in any case.

My suggestion: better forget about him, unless you want to get hurt even more.

 

[perfanoff]

I'll be your friend, you be my lover.

In the end neither is true.

 

[SophiaGrace]

sounds like an unstable friend/friendship to me.

 

[ThisSideOfTheRainbow]

Hmmmmm.

Before you make any decisions, give it a few days. Maybe you're both sensitive to rejection, and when people are, they have a tendency to throw their shields up, even aggressively. If you do like him as a friend and want to continue the friendship, be altruistic at the moment and see if he contacts you in the next couple of days. If he does, be sure to speak your mind and tell him what you have told us. Let him know the truth of your feelings.

If he doesn't contact you in the next few days, then you know where he stands. He is either a) stubborn and moving on b) feels rejected and is hitting you with his shield, c) confused and had no idea what he is doing.

You never know with people. Human behavior is a very tricky thing, and its almost impossible to know what people can be thinking, especially those who grow close to us. We may think we know them, but we don't always.

Try to be patient and loving in the situation, and put out good vibrations for yourself and to him. If he responds and you heal this rift, then more power to the both of you. If you don't, then pull up those bootstraps and make the most of it Lena.

Cheers and good luck

 

[ForeverAlone92]

First attraction is physical, (then if you only have physical attraction then it isn't worth to be in the relationship.) Second attraction is emotional. Third is you have a relationship.

P.s. I dont know what i am talking about but i think it is like that, I have never had any relationships so yeah.

 

[OnlyMe]

Lena,

I know it's frustrating but definitely give it a couple of more days.

I speak from experience when I say that there are some really slack people out there who can't seem to find the lousy couple of minutes it takes to respond to message.

However if you really want to test the waters - send him a Happy New Year text message on New Years Eve and see if you get a response.

You mentioned that you had 'video chatted' with him, so that being the case he would have already known what you looked like.

If the guy doesn't want to talk with you anymore and doesn't have the courtesy to at least tell you, then the guy is a jerk and isn't worthy of your tears.

I've been through it myself with girls who all of sudden stop communication.

 

[Lena]

First of all, thank you all for your replies and input on the situation.
I do agree that this was an unstable friendship. I think it was because he is so strong on the attracted or not attracted factor rather than the friendship all along when I was only and genuinely his friend since day 1. He started liking me and I never liked him. Ever. Not even now in that kind of way. Now that he's not attracted to me anymore, he doesn't want anything to do with me. That's what is hurting.
But you know what, you guys are right. He is a jerk. A "friend" would not do that to another friend. Girls who were my friends in the past wasn't looking at that, not only because they were straight. they were my friends at the time, therefore, nothing else mattered.

I will never contact him again unless he contacts me first. That would be dumb on my part. I already know what is going on here and if I were to contact him again, it would only hurt my feelings more. So, I'll have to suck it up and get over as hard as it is. Im sick of crying over this. I just want to forget him and the whole sitation.

 

[perfanoff]

I'm sure he's hurting at least as you are, if that's any consolation.

 

[Lena]

Actually, he has stated that he's detached so I don't think he cares. :'(

 

[perfanoff]

A lot of men try not to admit vulnerability and admit their emotions to themselves, let alone to other people.

 

[Lena]

Well, he wrote me out of the blue and I expressed to him everything I expressed to you guys here and he said he finds me attractive and all this other stuff. He's clearly confused and I started getting as confused as him, so I cut him off. I'm not contacting him anymore. I must have cried a billion times the past few days. I don't even romantically like him. I don't kno why I let him get to me. =/ Thanks anyways for the replies. They help.

 

[Woz]

I can relate to this. I've met a girl on MySpace in about 2008 and we became good friends. I've only ever met her once at Reading Festival last year. I spoke to get a lot and we shared a lot of stuff between each other. I liked her but wasn't sure if she liked me, plus I've always been shy with girls.

Anyway I wanted you to know I've gotten over her. I forget I know her, and when I do think of her, I don't feel as gutted as i used to that i didn't try to go further/carry this on with her. I think she did like me, but she also liked boys nearer to her (we both lived a drive away from each other but never made the effort). The talking slowed down and I began to stop caring so much.

I guess the answer is time and yourself!

 

[Gutted]

Right up until you said you video chatted and talked on the phone, you reminded me EXACTLY of someone I stopped talking to a while ago. From experience I can tell you that it's fair to assume things will be awkward if you do still speak. The Guy may have false hope, thinking he can try again. So be careful. What I do in these situations is cut all ties. It's a lost cause for me.