A Question for the Ladies

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sweetviki said:
A woman likes a man that will treat her well but not to the point where he completely forgets about himself. Women respect men that can stand up for themselves and have life outside of the relationship.

What about when the man gives up his entire life to be with her no questions asked? And I'm not talking about just stopping doing some activities that he did, but uprooted himself completely and moved 2000 miles away from everything he knew and had.


sweetviki said:
If she acted in a wrong way and she knows it but you were the one doing all the apologizing, witting her sonnets ect. she may have lost respect. If it was always all about her and you are never willing to stand up for yourself in any argument then it can lead to the woman loosing respect and maybe cheating. Does it in any way sound like you?

I know I'm not the one this was directed at but that definitely sounds like me.
 
LonelyDragon said:
sweetviki said:
A woman likes a man that will treat her well but not to the point where he completely forgets about himself. Women respect men that can stand up for themselves and have life outside of the relationship.

What about when the man gives up his entire life to be with her no questions asked? And I'm not talking about just stopping doing some activities that he did, but uprooted himself completely and moved 2000 miles away from everything he knew and had.


sweetviki said:
If she acted in a wrong way and she knows it but you were the one doing all the apologizing, witting her sonnets ect. she may have lost respect. If it was always all about her and you are never willing to stand up for yourself in any argument then it can lead to the woman loosing respect and maybe cheating. Does it in any way sound like you?

I know I'm not the one this was directed at but that definitely sounds like me.

Don't you love how, guys like us, though we pour all our effort into a relationship only to have it thrown back in our faces, get told indirectly that it's our fault? "She lost respect for you because you tried too hard." This supposedly, though maybe not completely, justifies their cheating. Is it terribly hard to break up with someone formally before you boink someone else?

What the fresia is this honeysuckle? I tried too hard? xD It was my impression that most girls would kill for a guy who tries too hard. Women just don't know what the hell they want.
 
Liapos said:
LonelyDragon said:
sweetviki said:
A woman likes a man that will treat her well but not to the point where he completely forgets about himself. Women respect men that can stand up for themselves and have life outside of the relationship.

What about when the man gives up his entire life to be with her no questions asked? And I'm not talking about just stopping doing some activities that he did, but uprooted himself completely and moved 2000 miles away from everything he knew and had.


sweetviki said:
If she acted in a wrong way and she knows it but you were the one doing all the apologizing, witting her sonnets ect. she may have lost respect. If it was always all about her and you are never willing to stand up for yourself in any argument then it can lead to the woman loosing respect and maybe cheating. Does it in any way sound like you?

I know I'm not the one this was directed at but that definitely sounds like me.

Don't you love how, guys like us, though we pour all our effort into a relationship only to have it thrown back in our faces, get told indirectly that it's our fault? "She lost respect for you because you tried too hard." This supposedly, though maybe not completely, justifies their cheating. Is it terribly hard to break up with someone formally before you boink someone else?

What the fresia is this honeysuckle? I tried too hard? xD It was my impression that most girls would kill for a guy who tries too hard. Women just don't know what the hell they want.

Well, it doesn't help that I'm a loser on top of it. So in my case I know they're right, it is my fault.
 
LonelyDragon said:
Liapos said:
LonelyDragon said:
sweetviki said:
A woman likes a man that will treat her well but not to the point where he completely forgets about himself. Women respect men that can stand up for themselves and have life outside of the relationship.

What about when the man gives up his entire life to be with her no questions asked? And I'm not talking about just stopping doing some activities that he did, but uprooted himself completely and moved 2000 miles away from everything he knew and had.


sweetviki said:
If she acted in a wrong way and she knows it but you were the one doing all the apologizing, witting her sonnets ect. she may have lost respect. If it was always all about her and you are never willing to stand up for yourself in any argument then it can lead to the woman loosing respect and maybe cheating. Does it in any way sound like you?

I know I'm not the one this was directed at but that definitely sounds like me.

Don't you love how, guys like us, though we pour all our effort into a relationship only to have it thrown back in our faces, get told indirectly that it's our fault? "She lost respect for you because you tried too hard." This supposedly, though maybe not completely, justifies their cheating. Is it terribly hard to break up with someone formally before you boink someone else?

What the fresia is this honeysuckle? I tried too hard? xD It was my impression that most girls would kill for a guy who tries too hard. Women just don't know what the hell they want.

Well, it doesn't help that I'm a loser on top of it. So in my case I know they're right, it is my fault.

Same. >.>
 
Liapos said:
LonelyDragon said:
Liapos said:
LonelyDragon said:
sweetviki said:
A woman likes a man that will treat her well but not to the point where he completely forgets about himself. Women respect men that can stand up for themselves and have life outside of the relationship.

What about when the man gives up his entire life to be with her no questions asked? And I'm not talking about just stopping doing some activities that he did, but uprooted himself completely and moved 2000 miles away from everything he knew and had.


sweetviki said:
If she acted in a wrong way and she knows it but you were the one doing all the apologizing, witting her sonnets ect. she may have lost respect. If it was always all about her and you are never willing to stand up for yourself in any argument then it can lead to the woman loosing respect and maybe cheating. Does it in any way sound like you?

I know I'm not the one this was directed at but that definitely sounds like me.

Don't you love how, guys like us, though we pour all our effort into a relationship only to have it thrown back in our faces, get told indirectly that it's our fault? "She lost respect for you because you tried too hard." This supposedly, though maybe not completely, justifies their cheating. Is it terribly hard to break up with someone formally before you boink someone else?

What the fresia is this honeysuckle? I tried too hard? xD It was my impression that most girls would kill for a guy who tries too hard. Women just don't know what the hell they want.

Well, it doesn't help that I'm a loser on top of it. So in my case I know they're right, it is my fault.

Same. >.>

I think you and LonelyDragon are too hard on yourselves...:)
And as a woman, I think the whole 'Maybe because you weren't willing to stand up for yourself as a man, she lost respect and cheated...' scenario is a bunch of bullshit. Cheating is cheating, flat out.
 
Alright, so after reading through all of this I can't really answer the your direct question "why women cheat," however I do have a few things to say that may help you out, or just give you a new perspective on the issue.

1. For someone who is critical of another using "sweeping generalizations," why are you trying to answer why "women" cheat? Each of your relationships, and each of those girls is their own person with probably thier own reasons, and as someone else has already pointed out, by focusing on the fact that they are "women" and so totally different and complicated then "men," you are in fact doing the exact opposite of what you say you want to understand; instead of really trying to understand these women and thier actions, you are only dehumanizing and alienating them. They are people too, and are capable of humankinds worst parts and most wonderful parts. I doubt they all behaved they did for the same reason, why did you never ask them when it happened?

2. This brings me to the next part...and this could very easily be misconstrued as offensive. I do not know you, or the intricacies of each of these relationships, but it seems to me in descriptions and in your responces to others' thoughts that you are VERY defensive. In anticipation of other's judgements you think of every possible way in which you were the RIGHT and well-behaved member of the relationship, and she was the irrational and undeserving one. You may very well be right, I am not one to judge. My point is, if you truly are trying to figure this out, maybe we need to calm down a bit and turn the critical lense on ourselves? If you suspect that these events are more than just a string of bad luck then you need to really observe the common denominator here; you. Keep an open mind. I highly suspect there may have been things and signs coming from her end of the relationship that maybe you just didnt realize at the time? I doubt all of these girls entered the relationship with the sole purpose of decieving and betraying you, so think back, and this time be ready to accept SOME responcibility for the way things happened. Also keep in mind that that doesn't mean that you are flawed, it is just an opportunity to learn something about yourself, something that might improve your future relationships if you are aware of it.

3. Also, in defense of another poster, there IS something unnattractive about a person, male OR female that pours ALL of themselves into the other person. Infact, it's more than unattractive, it's unhealthy. I know, the cliche is that a woman wants a man that is all about her, ready to die, ready to fight for her, etc. Let's get real, we don't live in caves anymore. Love is not about starring endlessly into each others eyes, love is about standing together and observing the world. A healthy relationship invloves two people who can stand on thier own two feet and respect each other for the individuals that they are. Of course, there is alway vulnerability and needs when it comes to couples, but it shouldnt be a constant all-consuming drama. That kind of thing reeks of emotional instability and avoidance of one's own challenges.

4. Both you and the females involved (I am assuming) are still really young. Meaning there are probably things like school, jobs, and general basic life choices that are hashing themselves out for both of you. At this age, you are SUPPOSED to be experimental, try new things, expose yourself to new ppl, etc. This is in NO WAY justifying cheating, it is well within thier power to end the relationship before moving onto someone else, however it seems in all cases you were way more invested in the fairy tale then she was. In my experience, as stated in the point above, it is very easy to distract oneself from the harder more scary choices (school, money, etc) by making a person and a relationship your whole world. Maybe a little bit of this is going on? If it is, can you understand why this may be a little suffocating for the other person? Like I said, I don't know you, these are just thoughts.

I'm sorry that you have experienced so much abuse in your relationships, no one is deserving of that even if they are not the perfect mate. I hope that you do find someone who makes you happy and treats you with respect. Also, I hope that you can find room to forgive these girls of thier wrongs and that you do not let your lack of trust pollute possibly wonderful relationships in the future.

p.s. pardon the poor spelling and grammar, it is 3 am
 
I disagree with none of this.

Though you are wrong in your presumption that I made every one of these girls my every waking breath. I respected their individuality and personality just as anybody should, and I in no way clouded their lives with undue pressure. What happened, was I dated a bunch of whores who deserved no respect and had no individuality. Get it now?
 
Liapos said:
I disagree with none of this.

Though you are wrong in your presumption that I made every one of these girls my every waking breath. I respected their individuality and personality just as anybody should, and I in no way clouded their lives with undue pressure. What happened, was I dated a bunch of whores who deserved no respect and had no individuality. Get it now?

You don't mince your words at all. I like it. Blunt straight and to the point. :)
 
stella said:
Liapos said:
I disagree with none of this.

Though you are wrong in your presumption that I made every one of these girls my every waking breath. I respected their individuality and personality just as anybody should, and I in no way clouded their lives with undue pressure. What happened, was I dated a bunch of whores who deserved no respect and had no individuality. Get it now?

You don't mince your words at all. I like it. Blunt straight and to the point. :)

^^; why thank you.
 

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