A tip for everybody that my "mindfullness" tutor taught me

[h3donist]

A couple of years ago my work arranged for me to have some CBT+mindfullness training because I was getting all muddled up at work (I've had a brain haemorrhage so struggle when things get hectic) and the therapist gave me a little exercise to try whenever I feel alone and that I don't matter to anybody. I've never forgotten it, and I wonder if it will be of any use to you guys.

DISCLAIMER: I am not promising a magic cure for isolation and loneliness - if this doesn't help you then please don't jump on me, I just want to help and if it helps just one person out of all the people who read this then it's worth it. OK here goes:

When I told the therapist (I don't know what else to describe her as) that I didn't mean anything to anybody, she got me to write my name down, followed by a relationship.

So (using my real name) I started with:

h3donist the son (I am a son, obvs)
h3donist the husband
h3donist the brother (I have one sister)
h3donist the uncle
h3donist the cousin
h3donist the friend

which progressed to my work and hobbies:

h3donist the technician
h3donist the author
h3donist the DJ
h3donist the colleague
h3donist the dancer (I love clubbing)
h3donist the gamer

and so on until I had filled a page with a list of all the things I am to other people. It really showed me where I sit in the world and how people relate to me. I think when we are lonely we tend to be insular and struggle to think of our impact on the world more widely.

So it might be worth giving this little exercise a try next time you feel alone. I don't know if it'll help anyone but it helped me and so thought I'd tell you.

 

[wolvesjr]

Thanks for sharing. I have found mindfulness to be very helpful. My therapist had me do some mindfulness exercises when I was suffering night terrors brought on by a traumatic experience I was recovering from. The exercises helped me focus and process thing better and that helped end the night terror cycle.

There are some good exercises (under the Free Guided Meditations section) at this link that I still use when I'm feeling particularly stressed or down...

UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center

 

[Tiina63]

I can see that this technique could be helpful to some people, but for others it underlines how few connections they have in their lives and how little they really matter.
The problem is that many people (probably a fair number on here) do not have the ties to others which you mention in your first list.
I am no one's wife, sister, aunt or daughter (parents passed on) and so thinking of my links to others leaves me feeling really empty and alone.
I am not working for reasons of health so do not have the work roles either.
I have to get my sense of identity from my hobbies and this feels pretty thin really.

 

[h3donist]

I can see that this technique could be helpful to some people, but for others it underlines how few connections they have in their lives and how little they really matter.
The problem is that many people (probably a fair number on here) do not have the ties to others which you mention in your first list.
I am no one's wife, sister, aunt or daughter (parents passed on) and so thinking of my links to others leaves me feeling really empty and alone.
I am not working for reasons of health so do not have the work roles either.
I have to get my sense of identity from my hobbies and this feels pretty thin really.

Sorry that the exercise isn't helpful for you - I knew it wouldn't be for everyone and if it's going to cause more grief than good for people then I'll delete it.

However I notice you have been here since 2011 and has posted a hell of a lot of times - I bet at least some of the things you have posted have helped others, or you have been helped by them - so you could say you are a friend to some, and a member of this fine community. So that's at least two things on your list.

 

[Tiina63]

No, don't delete it. Some people will find it very helpful.
Thank you for your kind comments.

 

[Amthorn]

Mindfulness is wonderful, but for me, it needs to be combined with meditation and compassion. I consider these to be the 3 pillars of my being