absent fathers

[kaede]

I've been thinking lately that there is a correlation between having an absent father during your childhood and then experiencing loneliness later on in life as an adult. I had both parents in my life, but my long term relationships that have spanned my adulthood were with guys who had very limited/minimal contact with their fathers when growing up, and into adulthood. I suspect that absent parents have no idea how their actions/inactions end up affecting the next generation. I get the sense that some dads think their kids/exwives will be better off without them, etc. but truly it hurts everyone for a long time, even the future partners of their adult kids.

I have only experienced the problems caused by absent fathers so that's why I just mentioned fathers in the post and not mothers, I'm not trying to excuse absent moms. And I'm not blaming the parents for everything, but I think this is a problem that contributes to problems in the next generation.

 

[Minus]

I used to wonder a lot if i would have been better off if my stepfather was absent. No telling in such a situation. I am sure that in general having both parents is best. I question if that is always the case.

 

[edgecrusher]

i wondered about this too. my dad died when i was like 8 or 9. we moved to a new state by the time i was 10 and then me and my mom didnt get along too well when i was a teen and i moved in with a friend and his parents at like 16 and then had to go back home at like 22. glad to not be at home now though. my mom never really gave me any of "the talks", i had to figure everything out on my own. i guess i just became used being alone and figuring stuff out for myself because of that.

 

[kaede]

@Minus: I guess, yeah in some cases it is best if one of the parents/stepparents leaves - then the family may be better off. But I agree it's probably ideal if both parents are present and both are at least trying to make a functional/healthy home.

@edgecrusher: Wow when I wrote the original post I never even thought about what it must do to a person to have a parent absent due to passing away. I'm sorry that your dad died when you were so young. I'm sure it must have an effect on how a person experiences loneliness. But the fact that you have wondered about it too makes me think maybe there are parallels, whatever the cause of the absence. Like if you don't have that role model in your life in your formative years, maybe that sets the stage for less confidence in establishing healthy relationships as an adult....I don't know....but it's something I've just been wondering lately.

I'm sure there are people out there too who didn't have both parents and turned out to have great marriages, family lives, etc. but in my experience I feel I've seen the opposite.

 

[Cathedral]

I had both of my parents for the most of my childhood. Too bad they were nothing but a couple of careless pill-heads who emotionally abused and neglected me. I was never taught anything by them and they aren't any help to me now.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I'm glad my dad is gone. Don't wish to talk to him either. -.-