Abuse is home.

[CenotaphGirl]

Your abuse is my home, I hate to admit it, I am comfortable here.
As we stand outside the front door, I debate with you wether it's worth trying this again.
I slowly go inside with a sigh of relief that everything is exactly how I left it.
I sway my hips as I stroll around this familiar terrain, my fingertips gliding against the walls.
The deeper I go the smaller I feel because, I realise now that there is no escape for me, I will always return home.

I want you to stop hurting me, yet I go upstairs and make my bed, I must lie in it?
I push away everything positive in search of you, in search of this house.
I turn on every light, I push every button, until I find you... until I find my way home.
Until I find myself... under your fists, under your shouting, under you, under the house. Hiding from you, breathing quietly, afraid of you. I climb up slowly, broken, damaged, you fix me. You tell me you love me. I hate me. it's just, I don't want to be stuck outside, it's too cold out here, take me home?

Take me to where the beatings feel routine, take me to where I dont feel dirty, to where I have no time to worry about being broken... Please, just take me home.

 

[Yaku]

I always felt I deserved to be caged, freedom left me feeling vulnerable. The cage was familiar, cold but comforting. The depression of that place was so routine I would smile when it arrived.

Until I realised that all my sacrifices, every part of me that fell to the ground in bitter tears meant nothing to my oppressor, despite their feeble attempts at emotion now and then, which were nothing but attempts at manipulation anyway. I had become nothing and did not exist, because all that I was was an object for their pleasure and and an outlet for their rage. I took nothing, owned nothing and was...nothing.

But, I'm not nothing. I do exist.

Only in emotional freedom can one find oneself, servitude teases the void.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I always felt I deserved to be caged, freedom left me feeling vulnerable. The cage was familiar, cold but comforting. The depression of that place was so routine I would smile when it arrived.

Until I realised that all my sacrifices, every part of me that fell to the ground in bitter tears meant nothing to my oppressor, despite their feeble attempts at emotion now and then, which were nothing but attempts at manipulation anyway. I had become nothing and did not exist, because all that I was was an object for their pleasure and and an outlet for their rage. I took nothing, owned nothing and was...nothing.

But, I'm not nothing. I do exist.

Only in emotional freedom can one find oneself, servitude teases the void.

This sounds very familiar, sorry you went through this. Emotions are sooo powerful and can hold people in toxic environments

 

[9006]

It amazes me how people can adapt to such extremes; on one hand it's a healthy coping mechanism, on the other it effectively breaks you.. psychologically. And in some cases is very difficult to adjust to the "norm" or at least.. a healthier relationship without issues.

 

[Finished]

It amazes me how people can adapt to such extremes; on one hand it's a healthy coping mechanism, on the other it effectively breaks you.. psychologically. And in some cases is very difficult to adjust to the "norm" or at least.. a healthier relationship without issues.

Humans are very adaptable. Most, IMO, like someone else to lead and be in charge of them. That dynamic easily crosses over to abuse. Then after someone gets used to being abused it's VERY difficult for them to be in a non-abusive relationship without help.

I've always helped the person I was with, told them they are great, beautiful, and really smart. This continually led to them out growing me with them feeling superior. But, IMO, being abusive and controlling of someone requires too much work. So, I just stick to myself now.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Humans are very adaptable. Most, IMO, like someone else to lead and be in charge of them. That dynamic easily crosses over to abuse. Then after someone gets used to being abused it's VERY difficult for them to be in a non-abusive relationship without help.

I've always helped the person I was with, told them they are great, beautiful, and really smart. This continually led to them out growing me with them feeling superior. But, IMO, being abusive and controlling of someone requires too much work. So, I just stick to myself now.

Funny how you just have to not like someone just enough for them to stick around.... what a sick world lolz.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Take me to where the beatings feel routine... not sure how to explain that line, but when someone punches you out the blue, off guard, thats the punch that knocks you out. Thats the punch every fighter is hoping for. Makes you think.

 

[okidoke]

Take me to where the beatings feel routine... not sure how to explain that line, but when someone punches you out the blue, off guard, thats the punch that knocks you out. Thats the punch every fighter is hoping for. Makes you think.

What? Fighters don’t hope to be punched at all. I don’t understand what you’re saying.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

What? Fighters don’t hope to be punched at all. I don’t understand what you’re saying.

Oh no, what I mean is, thats the punch they are hoping to land, the one the catches the other fighter slightly off guard, they bate, goad, faint, and fake to land a punch like that.

 

[okidoke]

Oh no, what I mean is, thats the punch they are hoping to land, the one the catches the other fighter slightly off guard, they bate, goad, faint, and fake to land a punch like that.

Oh….lol, makes better sense.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just really having to keep reading this so I dont make dumb decisions. I have moved out of that home and I dont want to go back Why are 99 paths all curling and leading back here? Back to this house I escaped ?

 

[TheSkaFish]

Just really having to keep reading this so I dont make dumb decisions. I have moved out of that home and I dont want to go back

Hoping you stay strong in your resolve

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hoping you stay strong in your resolve

Thank you ska! I’m trying

 

[user 190369]

Your abuse is my home, I hate to admit it, I am comfortable here.
As we stand outside the front door, I debate with you wether it's worth trying this again.
I slowly go inside with a sigh of relief that everything is exactly how I left it.
I sway my hips as I stroll around this familiar terrain, my fingertips gliding against the walls.
The deeper I go the smaller I feel because, I realise now that there is no escape for me, I will always return home.

I want you to stop hurting me, yet I go upstairs and make my bed, I must lie in it?
I push away everything positive in search of you, in search of this house.
I turn on every light, I push every button, until I find you... until I find my way home.
Until I find myself... under your fists, under your shouting, under you, under the house. Hiding from you, breathing quietly, afraid of you. I climb up slowly, broken, damaged, you fix me. You tell me you love me. I hate me. it's just, I don't want to be stuck outside, it's too cold out here, take me home?

Take me to where the beatings feel routine, take me to where I dont feel dirty, to where I have no time to worry about being broken... Please, just take me home.

I know the feeling. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I know the feeling. I'm here for you if you want to talk.

Thanks so much and welcome

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Ugh now this song speaks to my emotions, its on repeat until I feel better. Until im safe from that evil mad man

Just like the day that I met you
The day I thought forever
Said that you love me
But that'll last for never
It's cold outside
Like when you walked out my life
Why you walk out my life?
I get like this every time
On these days that feel like you and me
Heartbreak anniversary