Accepting loneliness

[triilsk]

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How do you cope with loneliness, ever accepting it?

I'm 25 now, nothing has really changed, no real friends, partner or family connection.

I barely get by on weekends; drink a lot of alcohol at places, play billiards and disco with strangers that I probably will never meet twice.

I also solicit hookers, at least the ones that appear to enjoy my company as much as I enjoy theirs - this is key! There are occasionally some friendly ones, attractive and generous even, like the ones that offer soft drugs - can't hurt when you are lonely right? and the fact that they are worse off than me and still happy about it makes me feel a little better inside, twisted as that may sound.

So that is how I cope with loneliness. It sort of works at times but is not lasting.

How do you deal with it?

 

[firebird85]

I haven't had real friends since I was 15. I am completely invisible to females. Never had any kind of date, or friendship with a female (this is because they decided I don't exist, and I am not attractive enough) since day 1. Past and present proves it to me. In real life, I come off as a drone to some people, unless I know them and trust them well enough. It is a crime to be introverted in today's society. People in america are blind to socializing with each other. Most people are basically socially disconnected, and only operate in clicks or circles. Outsiders are ignored.

Me, I can talk to people. Have friendly conversations, but they won't be a friend. An on-going friend. They won't offer friendship. You are just supposed to assume. Women, on a personal level, forget it - I just don't exist. At all. Hard to describe it really. On professional levels such as the sale of a product or service, that's it, nothing else.

I never had the chance to do what your kind did. Go to "friends" houses. Parties. Take pictures in bars, outside, at beaches. I was alone. Ostracized. Invisible. My existance wasn't important, nothing was important except my manual labor for low wages.

I haven't really accepted having to live friendless, and the reality of never having a relationship ever. I have no other choice but to deal with it. It's here. Can it be broken? Sure it can. That's partly for the rest of the human race to decide though. Age is just a number to me. I am 21, but feel like I have suffered for an eternity. Nothing personal against self improvement - only issue is if a person excels at self improvement but other humans aren't accepting them, well, sounds like the problem is not him, but the fact that other people won't accept him. Keywords: other people

If you think about it, if you as a human don't have what it takes, and it's all stuff we didn't decide. It was all thrown into us and we accepted it blindly. Standards, gender roles, all drilled into us.

I think everyone can relate to this.

[video=youtube]

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I cope with loneliness by creating music, and by listening to music. Also, reading a lot, watching movies and tv shows, and playing video games.

In many ways, I am a stunted 29 year old. But I also hang out with my sis, and my nieces and nephews...so I am not completely un-adultlike. I would have never imagined myself as a 29 year old virgin, or someone who has dated very little and never had a girlfriend, either.

 

[triilsk]

Me, I can talk to people. Have friendly conversations, but they won't be a friend. An on-going friend. They won't offer friendship. You are just supposed to assume. Women, on a personal level, forget it - I just don't exist. At all. Hard to describe it really. On professional levels such as the sale of a product or service, that's it, nothing else.

I never had the chance to do what your kind did. Go to "friends" houses. Parties. Take pictures in bars, outside, at beaches. I was alone. Ostracized. Invisible. My existance wasn't important, nothing was important except my manual labor for low wages.

I haven't really accepted having to live friendless, and the reality of never having a relationship ever. I have no other choice but to deal with it. It's here.

I hear you, it's something I have also fallen victim to. It is worse than just feeling lonely; a feeling of being forsaken, abandoned, being disposable and dismissed in every social situation.

 

[putter65]

I like my own company. Friends are nice but they tend to come and go. Finding a girlfriend is like winning the lottery. So most of the time I am going to be by myself. Over the years it has become more easily to deal with. I don't think there is anythng wrong with me, I am not a bad person or a boring person. It is their loss if people don't want to spend time with me. Thats how I look at it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I feel the same way, putter. It's nice to have friends, but I don't believe I will ever lose my virginity. And I am fine with that.

If I get to be 40, and still haven't gotten a girlfriend, I still want kids...so I'll legally adopt. That is always an option available to me.

 

[triilsk]

It is their loss if people don't want to spend time with me. Thats how I look at it.

That's a good attitude!

 

[putter65]

I feel the same way, putter. It's nice to have friends, but I don't believe I will ever lose my virginity. And I am fine with that.

If I get to be 40, and still haven't gotten a girlfriend, I still want kids...so I'll legally adopt. That is always an option available to me.

Finding a girlfriend and finding a Nice girlfriend are two seperate things. Loads of horrible women out there. You have to be very lucky to meet a really nice woman.

I've never thought about having children. Getting a date seemed beyond me for years and years.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Finding a girlfriend and finding a Nice girlfriend are two seperate things. Loads of horrible women out there. You have to be very lucky to meet a really nice woman.

You make a good point. It's really hard to meet non quality women, for a shy guy.

Meeting a quality woman seems impossible. They all seem married already.

I've never thought about having children. Getting a date seemed beyond me for years and years.

Believe me, I have always wanted to be a father. But I can't imagine trying to raise a child without having a partner; every child needs 2 parents, not just one.

But there are so many abused and neglected kids in the world, that I wonder if maybe it would be a good thing?

It's something I've thought about, but it would take years and years of being single ahead before I even considered it.

 

[triilsk]

It's really hard to meet non quality women, for a shy guy.

Meeting a quality woman seems impossible. They all seem married already.

Yeah I agree seems that way at least. It's why I gave up completely on dating and only tend to physical needs, better than no women at all.

 

[OurLadysTears]

How do I handle my loneliness? Not very well, although I can manage to find things to occupy my time. I’m not completely alone. My social contacts consist mainly of my father and once every couple of months I may see a sibling or a niece or nephew. I get social contact at work, which helps some, but I doubt that really counts. I also have a person I am close to that lives out of state that I keep in frequent contact with on the phone, but often times that relationship makes me feel worse, because that person has a decent circle of friends.

Maybe I shouldn’t complain, because I have more than some people, but I feel so very alone. I don’t do much to change this because I feel very insecure with myself. Most o f the time I’m sitting at home browsing the internet or watching t.v. I wish I had the confidence to go out and entertain myself with random strangers, because sitting alone in a room is pure hell. At least the company of another person could help uplift a person’s mood, although I can understand how that routine could get old over time.

One of my biggest worries is losing the small web of people I do have in my life. Although the relationships are dry and distant, they are all I have. What does a true loner do when they have no one to lean back on? This is too difficult of a world to strive in alone…

 

[ohemgeebees]

I have to say it's not just men who feel isolated from the opposite sex, I've had trust issues since I can remember and have never been to keen on people touching me. I'm 21, I know these problems exist but the way I think about it, I'm gonna do what I wanna do when I wanna do it. I don't see me losing my virginity by the time i'm 30 and it might not b socially right by others standards, and yeh somedays it's upsetting and confusing, but others I tell myself that it's MY choice.

When I feel it getting too much I go for a good long walk down to the river or the pier and I just look out and don't think. It's embracing and strengthening to see something like that. And then on my way back I get some kind of chocolate goodness as a treat and then wrap up warm with a good film. It always seems easier in the morning.

 

[Ak5]

Never accept your loneliness unless your fine with it.

 

[sentiententity]

Believe me, I have always wanted to be a father. But I can't imagine trying to raise a child without having a partner; every child needs 2 parents, not just one.

But there are so many abused and neglected kids in the world, that I wonder if maybe it would be a good thing?

It's something I've thought about, but it would take years and years of being single ahead before I even considered it.

Hey, from a kid's perspective I'm sure 1 parent is better than none!!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Believe me, I have always wanted to be a father. But I can't imagine trying to raise a child without having a partner; every child needs 2 parents, not just one.

But there are so many abused and neglected kids in the world, that I wonder if maybe it would be a good thing?

It's something I've thought about, but it would take years and years of being single ahead before I even considered it.

Hey, from a kid's perspective I'm sure 1 parent is better than none!!

What do I do about my loneliness issues, though?

I want a girlfriend. I want a wife. I want a relationship.

It only seems to be women that don't want these things with me. And I can't understand why.

 

[labelsorlove3]

Believe me, I have always wanted to be a father. But I can't imagine trying to raise a child without having a partner; every child needs 2 parents, not just one.

But there are so many abused and neglected kids in the world, that I wonder if maybe it would be a good thing?

It's something I've thought about, but it would take years and years of being single ahead before I even considered it.

Hey, from a kid's perspective I'm sure 1 parent is better than none!!

^^^^^ Absolutely correct. I would much rather have one awesome parent than not having any family. Plus a lot of people who have two parents may not see half as much love as a person with one really great parent!

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Well, I need to get a job first.

I couldn't support myself, much less a kid, on my mom's income. Nor would I want to!

 

[HappyYogi]

I know, I agree!

It is their loss if people don't want to spend time with me. Thats how I look at it.

That's a good attitude!

---

What helps me deal with loneliness? The internet, my dogs, exercise, books, hobbies, joining groups that have a similar interest.

As for the acceptance question....I say this. I think accepting a given situation is GOOD actually. It does not mean you are accepting it for your whole life it just means that you accept the situation as it is right now here.

Everyday most of us have to accept something we don't like in life. It doesn't mean we don't strive to change it it just means me that for the moment we are at peace with it. I really believe that being in that place of peace good can come rather than a place of anger, or worry, or anxiety (I am not saying you are displaying these things just giving an example). Putting oneself in as good as frame as mind as possible is the best place for good to come, answers to come, ideas, etc.

Peace.

 

[Unwanted94]

I feel invisible sometimes. Sometimes I want to be noticed, sometimes I don't. I cope by keeping myself occupied, you know... Going for walks, exercising, watching movies,going to work, just anything I'd do with someone else except I'm alone. I really try not let the fact that I'm alone get in the way of what I want to do. It's mind over matter.

 

[Fvantom]

to accept loneliness is to accept defeat, I dont like to get too comfortable with being alone, because if I rest and allow myself to be alone, then I wont be happy