Admitting My Bitterness, Hate, and Resentment

[DarkSelene]

I just hope you don't abuse animals anymore, like you did your family dogs. If you do, you deserve whatever crap coming your way. Sorry for being blunt and rude about this, but I feel very strongly about harming innocent creatures, and since I haven't seen anyone else address this very serious issue yet, I felt it necessary to mention it.

I have to agree that this is pretty messed up and I hope it's in the past...

+1

 

[Somnambulist]

I just hope you don't abuse animals anymore, like you did your family dogs. If you do, you deserve whatever crap coming your way. Sorry for being blunt and rude about this, but I feel very strongly about harming innocent creatures, and since I haven't seen anyone else address this very serious issue yet, I felt it necessary to mention it.

I have to agree that this is pretty messed up and I hope it's in the past...

+1

-1

With all due respect, I don't think the OP "deserves whatever crap is coming (his) way". What rulebook states that he deserves it ? What would be a fair way to judge whether he deserves it ? What gives anyone the authority to sentence someone to a lifetime of misery for being human (and making mistakes) ?

You clearly have compassion for animals, and that is great. So do I. I once accidentally ran over a rat with my car in a parking lot. When I saw it suffering, I went to the bathroom at work and cried for 30 minutes straight.

But, telling this person this is just not helpful here, in any way. Not just that, it is unfair to him to tell him that, and I will NOT stand for it.

The OP is simply talking about a past experience. He is being honest and conscientious, in an effort to try to explain his life situation ... upon reflection, he is trying to explain his bitterness and his regrets. He likely knew, when he wrote about his animal abuse, that he would be criticized for it. And, he went ahead and made the admission anyway. Think about that for a minute. Why would he do that ? Because he has a lot of courage, for one thing ... which, in my book, is to be applauded, not condemned.

And, he is being pounced upon and criticized ... for what ? For being honest ?

It is unclear when that abuse took place, but it sounds, from the context, that he might have done that during childhood or adolescence, at a time when one may not fully understand the consequences of his/her actions.

I think it took him great courage to admit that he abused animals in the past. I give him kudos for that, and while I don't condone what he did, I am certainly not going to chastise him by saying that he deserves his misery because of that one mistake.

I don't intend to start any kind of war here; believe me, I have nothing to gain from it. But, I am NOT going to sit here and watch a bunch of people pounce on the OP and tell him he deserves his misery. No one does.

 

[Paraiyar]

I just hope you don't abuse animals anymore, like you did your family dogs. If you do, you deserve whatever crap coming your way. Sorry for being blunt and rude about this, but I feel very strongly about harming innocent creatures, and since I haven't seen anyone else address this very serious issue yet, I felt it necessary to mention it.

I have to agree that this is pretty messed up and I hope it's in the past...

+1

-1

With all due respect, I don't think the OP "deserves whatever crap is coming (his) way". What rulebook states that he deserves it ? What would be a fair way to judge whether he deserves it ? What gives anyone the authority to sentence someone to a lifetime of misery for being human (and making mistakes) ?

You clearly have compassion for animals, and that is great. So do I. But, telling this person this is just not helpful here, in any way. Not just that, it is unfair to him to tell him that, and I will NOT stand for it.

The OP is simply talking about a past experience. He is being honest and conscientious, in an effort to try to explain his life situation ... he is trying to explain his bitterness and his regrets. He likely knew, while he wrote about his animal abuse, that he would be criticized for it. And, he went ahead and made the admission anyway. Think about that for a minute. Why would he do that ? Because he has a lot of courage, for one thing.

And, he is being pounced upon and criticized ... for what ? For being honest ?

It is unclear when that abuse took place, but it sounds, from the context, that he might have done that during childhood or adolescence, at a time when one may not fully understand the consequences of his/her actions.

I think it took him great courage to admit that he abused animals in the past. I give him kudos for that, and while I don't condone what he did, I am certainly not going to chastise him by saying that he deserves his misery because of that one mistake.

I don't intend to start any kind of war here; believe me, I have nothing to gain from it. But, I am NOT going to sit here and watch a bunch of people pounce on the OP and tell him he deserves his misery. No one does.

I believe what was said by Tuathaniel was that the op deserves what's coming their way IF they're still engaging in animal cruelty. In which case, I agree with her entirely, rulebook or none.  

Just because you admit to doing something, doesn't absolve you of the act. I'm certainly far from perfect and I've done things in the past that I regret but nothing is going to convince me that people don't deserve to be pulled up over animal abuse.

 

[Somnambulist]

I just hope you don't abuse animals anymore, like you did your family dogs. If you do, you deserve whatever crap coming your way. Sorry for being blunt and rude about this, but I feel very strongly about harming innocent creatures, and since I haven't seen anyone else address this very serious issue yet, I felt it necessary to mention it.

I have to agree that this is pretty messed up and I hope it's in the past...

+1

-1

With all due respect, I don't think the OP "deserves whatever crap is coming (his) way". What rulebook states that he deserves it ? What would be a fair way to judge whether he deserves it ? What gives anyone the authority to sentence someone to a lifetime of misery for being human (and making mistakes) ?

You clearly have compassion for animals, and that is great. So do I. But, telling this person this is just not helpful here, in any way. Not just that, it is unfair to him to tell him that, and I will NOT stand for it.

The OP is simply talking about a past experience. He is being honest and conscientious, in an effort to try to explain his life situation ... he is trying to explain his bitterness and his regrets. He likely knew, while he wrote about his animal abuse, that he would be criticized for it. And, he went ahead and made the admission anyway. Think about that for a minute. Why would he do that ? Because he has a lot of courage, for one thing.

And, he is being pounced upon and criticized ... for what ? For being honest ?

It is unclear when that abuse took place, but it sounds, from the context, that he might have done that during childhood or adolescence, at a time when one may not fully understand the consequences of his/her actions.

I think it took him great courage to admit that he abused animals in the past. I give him kudos for that, and while I don't condone what he did, I am certainly not going to chastise him by saying that he deserves his misery because of that one mistake.

I don't intend to start any kind of war here; believe me, I have nothing to gain from it. But, I am NOT going to sit here and watch a bunch of people pounce on the OP and tell him he deserves his misery. No one does.

I believe what was said by Tuathaniel was that the op deserves what's coming their way IF they're still engaging in animal cruelty. In which case, I agree with her entirely, rulebook or none.  

Just because you admit to doing something, doesn't absolve you of the act. I'm certainly far from perfect and I've done things in the past that I regret but nothing is going to convince me that people don't deserve to be pulled up over animal abuse.

If justice is what you're concerned about, call PETA and report him. This forum is all about understanding and supporting (if possible), not about doling out justice or punishments.

We all have stuff in our pasts that we regret. If I make an admission on this site because I want to be understood, am I going to want people telling me I deserve punishment or misery ? Is that what this site is for ? Isn't this forum the place we come to, to open up about our past, because we likely don't have anywhere else to go to ?

It's kind of like therapy, in a sense ... would a patient feel comfortable telling a therapist about animal abuse, if the therapist said, "Oh, then you deserve to be depressed." ? Think about it.

If the OP makes himself vulnerable like this, opens up, and is then condemned for something he did decades ago, is he going to feel encouraged to keep opening up and seeking support here ? Or is the opposite going to happen ?

Put yourself in the OP's shoes. Why did he create this thread ? He wants you to understand his frame of mind. His history is his way of trying to get you to understand him today, not for you or anyone to tell him whether or not he deserves happiness or misery. He is not asking, "Do I deserve to be happy ?"

P.S. From vast personal experience with a lifetime of misery, I can tell you unequivocally, that something like "You deserve it" is just about the worst possible thing I can hear from anyone, esp. someone whom I'm seeking support/empathy from.

 

[Paraiyar]

I have to agree that this is pretty messed up and I hope it's in the past...

+1

-1

With all due respect, I don't think the OP "deserves whatever crap is coming (his) way". What rulebook states that he deserves it ? What would be a fair way to judge whether he deserves it ? What gives anyone the authority to sentence someone to a lifetime of misery for being human (and making mistakes) ?

You clearly have compassion for animals, and that is great. So do I. But, telling this person this is just not helpful here, in any way. Not just that, it is unfair to him to tell him that, and I will NOT stand for it.

The OP is simply talking about a past experience. He is being honest and conscientious, in an effort to try to explain his life situation ... he is trying to explain his bitterness and his regrets. He likely knew, while he wrote about his animal abuse, that he would be criticized for it. And, he went ahead and made the admission anyway. Think about that for a minute. Why would he do that ? Because he has a lot of courage, for one thing.

And, he is being pounced upon and criticized ... for what ? For being honest ?

It is unclear when that abuse took place, but it sounds, from the context, that he might have done that during childhood or adolescence, at a time when one may not fully understand the consequences of his/her actions.

I think it took him great courage to admit that he abused animals in the past. I give him kudos for that, and while I don't condone what he did, I am certainly not going to chastise him by saying that he deserves his misery because of that one mistake.

I don't intend to start any kind of war here; believe me, I have nothing to gain from it. But, I am NOT going to sit here and watch a bunch of people pounce on the OP and tell him he deserves his misery. No one does.

I believe what was said by Tuathaniel was that the op deserves what's coming their way IF they're still engaging in animal cruelty. In which case, I agree with her entirely, rulebook or none.  

Just because you admit to doing something, doesn't absolve you of the act. I'm certainly far from perfect and I've done things in the past that I regret but nothing is going to convince me that people don't deserve to be pulled up over animal abuse.

If justice is what you're concerned about, call PETA and report him. This forum is all about understanding and supporting (if possible), not about doling out justice or punishments.

We all have stuff in our pasts that we regret. If I make an admission on this site because I want to be understood, am I going to want people telling me I deserve punishment or misery ? Is that what this site is for ? Isn't this forum the place we come to, to open up about our past, because we likely don't have anywhere else to go to ?

It's kind of like therapy, in a sense ... would a patient feel comfortable telling a therapist about animal abuse, if the therapist said, "Oh, then you deserve to be depressed." ? Think about it.

If the OP makes himself vulnerable like this, opens up, and is then condemned for something he did decades ago, is he going to feel encouraged to keep opening up and seeking support here ? Or is the opposite going to happen ?

Put yourself in the OP's shoes. Why did he create this thread ? He wants you to understand his frame of mind. His history is his way of trying to get you to understand him today, not for you or anyone to tell him whether or not he deserves happiness or misery. He is not asking, "Do I deserve to be happy ?"

Again, I think you should re-read Tuathaniel's post because it didn't outright condemn him for past acts, it stated that he deserves all the crap he gets IF he is still engaging in that behaviour. He's not being condemned for the past but some of us don't think it should be swept under the rug either. And to be fair none of us are therapists so that analogy  doesn't really apply although I'm sure that any decent one wouldn't just sweep the matter away, especially if it were ongoing. He has to accept that some people are going to ask about that.

 

[Somnambulist]

Again, I think you should re-read Tuathaniel's post because it didn't outright condemn him for past acts, it stated that he deserves all the crap he gets IF he is still engaging in that behaviour. He's not being condemned for the past but some of us don't think it should be swept under the rug either. And to be fair none of us are therapists so that analogy  doesn't really apply although I'm sure that any decent one wouldn't just sweep the matter away, especially if it were ongoing. He has to accept that some people are going to ask about that.

Ok, then let me reiterate. Even if he were presently engaging in the same behavior, most of what I said would still apply. He still does NOT deserve the life that he has had.

The only difference would be ... what he "deserves" would be intervention by authorities who could hear him out and help him, in addition to protecting the animals.

He came here and he admitted this because he KNOWS it is wrong to abuse animals ! If he didn't think it were a big deal, he wouldn't even have mentioned it. So, if he were still engaging in that abuse, he would need help, not "deserve" misery.

I don't expect us to be therapists, but we are kind of playing a similar role. It's the responsibilities of the role that I am referring to. A good therapist might say that it is not fair to the animals and that he should get help, and then suggest that he himself turns himself in to PETA (or whatever the legal process is). It's not the therapist's responsibility (nor does she have any authority/credibility) to assign guilt or hand out sentences/punishment ... that's what PETA is for.

This is a support site, not a law enforcement site for criminals to be prosecuted.

 

[Extreme Unit]

Regarding the animal cruelty, I assure you all that it's in the past, and hopefully no one here has reported me yet. Most of the time, I like animals, but this just shows how angry and messed up I used to be. My parents had to give the dogs away, and a few years later we got a new set of dogs when my attitude improved. I still have one of them with me, and he makes me very happy. I apologize for any content in my post that may be disturbing to readers...I should have mentioned that at the beginning. My intention was to ask for help, and so far this thread has received a lot of good answers.

Somnambulist: I wish I were more indifferent as well. It's true that people don't get hurt as easily when they don't care. What you said about forgiveness was informative; I didn't consider that one can forget without forgiving. They're not all that different really, because when someone forgets, it's like they've already forgiven themselves or the offender, even if they didn't actually go to the person and make amends. Of course, one can also forgive without forgetting as long as they're truly okay with it.

VanillaCreme: I'm glad you decided to reply and provide your input.

Constant Stranger: Wow, it sounds like your dad had serious problems. I'm sorry you went through that and that the issues between him and you apparently never got resolved. I know very well how our thoughts tell us what is true and right, but our emotions still get in the way. Of course, I don't know exactly what happened, but have you considered role-playing a different scene? Like, maybe you could use a doll or object that represents your dad and say something like, "Dad, you're holding me back from who I deserve to be, and I'm letting you go now." Then, take the doll and bury it in the ground, throw it in a lake and watch it sink, or burn it. I know that sounds weird, but I thought I'd comment on your mentioning role-playing.

 

[DarkSelene]

Regarding the animal cruelty, I assure you all that it's in the past, and hopefully no one here has reported me yet. Most of the time, I like animals, but this just shows how angry and messed up I used to be. My parents had to give the dogs away, and a few years later we got a new set of dogs when my attitude improved. I still have one of them with me, and he makes me very happy. I apologize for any content in my post that may be disturbing to readers...I should have mentioned that at the beginning. My intention was to ask for help, and so far this thread has received a lot of good answers.

Good thing it is in the past and that you actually care for your animals, thanks for the reply before people went nuts debating this forever.

 

[Somnambulist]

before people went nuts debating this forever.

Some things are worth debating. I'm convinced that debating this is worth a hell of a lot more than any of the stuff being debated (correction, fought about) in the threads about politics.

 

[DarkSelene]

Some things are worth debating. I'm convinced that debating this is worth a hell of a lot more than any of the stuff being debated in the threads about politics.

I don't believe it's worth debating forever, specially when the OP already answered the questions brought up by Tuathaniel.

 

[Somnambulist]

Some things are worth debating. I'm convinced that debating this is worth a hell of a lot more than any of the stuff being debated in the threads about politics.

I don't believe it's worth debating forever, specially when the OP already answered the questions brought up by Tuathaniel.

Right, let's move on to the more important stuff ... Clinton vs Trump ... if that makes everyone happy

 

[DarkSelene]

Right, let's move on to the more important stuff ... Clinton vs Trump ... if that makes everyone happy

If that's what you want, by all means... there's a specific thread for that one, though, you'll have to resume there

 

[Tuathaniel]

Regarding the animal cruelty, I assure you all that it's in the past, and hopefully no one here has reported me yet. Most of the time, I like animals, but this just shows how angry and messed up I used to be. My parents had to give the dogs away, and a few years later we got a new set of dogs when my attitude improved. I still have one of them with me, and he makes me very happy. I apologize for any content in my post that may be disturbing to readers...I should have mentioned that at the beginning. My intention was to ask for help, and so far this thread has received a lot of good answers.

I'm very relieved and happy to hear that, and since it's not something you've kept doing, I wish you all the best in the future, and hope you'll find a way to let go of all your hate and resentment. I've seen a lot of good advice in this thread already, so I don't think I have anything more useful to contribute with, but feel free to get in touch if you need to talk to a fellow misanthrope. Except for the animal abuse, I could relate to pretty much everything in your original post. 

(As for Somnambulist's reprimand, I honestly couldn't care less. I genuinely believe that animal (and child) abusers deserve whatever crap is coming their way, because attacking innocents is the lowest of the low. Others are of course entitled to disagree, but that's my opinion and I won't apologize for it.)

 

[Somnambulist]

(As for Somnambulist's reprimand, I honestly couldn't care less. I genuinely believe that animal (and child) abusers deserve whatever crap is coming their way, because attacking innocents is the lowest of the low. Others are of course entitled to disagree, but that's my opinion and I won't apologize for it.)

You don't have to care, dude. You clearly didn't understand the point of my posts. I don't reprimand people, only actions or words ... including my own, if/when warranted.

I never pointed a finger at you. I simply said I think it's unfair to tell the OP what you said and others agreed with. I didn't attack any one person personally.

I can see where this has gone and is going. There is no need to continue. because you've made it clear that you refuse to try to understand what I said. And, I stand where I stand. So, let's just be done with the passive aggressive attacks and agree to disagree.

 

[Tuathaniel]

You don't have to care, dude. You clearly didn't understand the point of my posts. I don't reprimand people, only actions or words ... including my own, if/when warranted.

I never pointed a finger at you. I simply said I think it's unfair to tell the OP what you said and others agreed with. I didn't attack any one person personally.

I can see where this has gone and is going. There is no need to continue. because you've made it clear that you refuse to try to understand what I said. And, I stand where I stand. So, let's just be done with the passive aggressive attacks and agree to disagree.

The "passive aggressive attacks"? What are you talking about? I made one comment about your reprimand, and it was in no way an attack. I was simply stating that I stand by what I said. Second, I understand what you said, I just don't agree with it. Third, you clearly never understood what I said in my first post, where my criticism and worry was directed at the possibility of continued abuse, but by all means, go on blaming everyone else. I will agree to disagree.

 

[TheRealCallie]

You're really holding on to a LOT of anger and bitterness Extreme Unit.  OK, I know I should practice what I'm preaching here, 'cause I hold on to a few grudges myself, but here's an idea:  Is it possible to intellectually consider forgiving yourself and everyone whom you resent and just try and let the bitterness go?

Easier said than done I know....I'm not trying to be a Pollyanna here.  I'm just saying is it possible to get your thinking mind around the idea of forgiveness?  Actually doing it is a whole other thing.  

It's just a thought......

With respect, I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone who has wronged you, in order for you to "move on". You can forget without forgiving.

I, personally, have "moved on", as much as I can, but have never felt the need to forgive those who wronged me. There's just no need. What was done was horrible, and they don't deserve my forgiveness. I have come to terms with it, but that doesn't mean I need to say I forgive them. I don't hold any ill feelings towards them; I am indifferent.

I do think forgiveness can be useful if it is appropriate/warranted. In fact, I love what was said in the Bible ... "Forgive them for they know not what they do.", which alludes to the idea that no person in their right mind would intentionally hurt another. That idea has been very helpful in my dealing with my past troubles, but I still don't deem forgiveness always necessary.

I have to disagree.  I think it IS necessary to forgive in order to move on from it.  If you don't forgive, how can you truly move on from it?  You are just burying it, not accepting it, which is what you have to do to be able to move on. 

Forgiveness, IMO, isn't about the other person, it's about you.  It's about accepting that it happened, allowing yourself to not dwell on it anymore, allowing it to not hurt you anymore.  You don't even have to tell the person that you forgive them, just tell yourself and 100% mean it and believe it.

 

[constant stranger]

You're really holding on to a LOT of anger and bitterness Extreme Unit.  OK, I know I should practice what I'm preaching here, 'cause I hold on to a few grudges myself, but here's an idea:  Is it possible to intellectually consider forgiving yourself and everyone whom you resent and just try and let the bitterness go?

Easier said than done I know....I'm not trying to be a Pollyanna here.  I'm just saying is it possible to get your thinking mind around the idea of forgiveness?  Actually doing it is a whole other thing.  

It's just a thought......

With respect, I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone who has wronged you, in order for you to "move on". You can forget without forgiving.

I, personally, have "moved on", as much as I can, but have never felt the need to forgive those who wronged me. There's just no need. What was done was horrible, and they don't deserve my forgiveness. I have come to terms with it, but that doesn't mean I need to say I forgive them. I don't hold any ill feelings towards them; I am indifferent.

I do think forgiveness can be useful if it is appropriate/warranted. In fact, I love what was said in the Bible ... "Forgive them for they know not what they do.", which alludes to the idea that no person in their right mind would intentionally hurt another. That idea has been very helpful in my dealing with my past troubles, but I still don't deem forgiveness always necessary.

I have to disagree.  I think it IS necessary to forgive in order to move on from it.  If you don't forgive, how can you truly move on from it?  You are just burying it, not accepting it, which is what you have to do to be able to move on. 

Forgiveness, IMO, isn't about the other person, it's about you.  It's about accepting that it happened, allowing yourself to not dwell on it anymore, allowing it to not hurt you anymore.  You don't even have to tell the person that you forgive them, just tell yourself and 100% mean it and believe it.

I agree Callie, forgiveness isn't about the other person, it's believing within oneself that the misdeed has lost its sting and no longer has power over one.  I still have a way to go doing that with my father.

@ Extreme Unit:  Thanks for the positive feedback and the good advice on some role playing scenarios.  I think I'll enact a variant on your suggestions and it's probably going to occur in the cemetery.  Picture a little graveyard on the prairie surrounded by cornfields and me acting out my personal therapeutic session.

 

[Somnambulist]

You're really holding on to a LOT of anger and bitterness Extreme Unit.  OK, I know I should practice what I'm preaching here, 'cause I hold on to a few grudges myself, but here's an idea:  Is it possible to intellectually consider forgiving yourself and everyone whom you resent and just try and let the bitterness go?

Easier said than done I know....I'm not trying to be a Pollyanna here.  I'm just saying is it possible to get your thinking mind around the idea of forgiveness?  Actually doing it is a whole other thing.  

It's just a thought......

With respect, I don't think it's necessary to forgive someone who has wronged you, in order for you to "move on". You can forget without forgiving.

I, personally, have "moved on", as much as I can, but have never felt the need to forgive those who wronged me. There's just no need. What was done was horrible, and they don't deserve my forgiveness. I have come to terms with it, but that doesn't mean I need to say I forgive them. I don't hold any ill feelings towards them; I am indifferent.

I do think forgiveness can be useful if it is appropriate/warranted. In fact, I love what was said in the Bible ... "Forgive them for they know not what they do.", which alludes to the idea that no person in their right mind would intentionally hurt another. That idea has been very helpful in my dealing with my past troubles, but I still don't deem forgiveness always necessary.

I have to disagree.  I think it IS necessary to forgive in order to move on from it.  If you don't forgive, how can you truly move on from it?  You are just burying it, not accepting it, which is what you have to do to be able to move on. 

Forgiveness, IMO, isn't about the other person, it's about you.  It's about accepting that it happened, allowing yourself to not dwell on it anymore, allowing it to not hurt you anymore.  You don't even have to tell the person that you forgive them, just tell yourself and 100% mean it and believe it.

Then, I guess I operate differently. I just don't see it being that black or white. There is no "forgiveness" switch. We are humans with very complex emotions. Once you "forgive" someone, that doesn't necessarily mean that you will never ever again relive those bad memories and temporarily be mad at the wrongdoer. And, just because you don't forgive someone, doesn't mean that you cannot be at peace with what happened.

I just don't see forgiveness as an instantaneous action. I think it's a lifelong process to really forgive someone. I think we often switch back and forth between being mad at someone and being ok with them, depending on our current life circumstances and/or mood and/or other factors. I know this from my experience with my aunt (mentioned in my earlier post). It's a back and forth. As time goes on, I move more towards the peaceful end of the spectrum, but there are surely dark moments that come up, when I almost feel like I'm right back there, a hostage to my aunt and exposed to her malice.

And, same with moving on. There is no "moving on" switch. I think it's an illusion or defense mechanism to say that one has completely moved on, for the simple fact that we have memories. We remember, whether we want to or not. We have dreams, we daydream, we talk about our pasts to someone.

I think that, in order to truly "move on" or "forgive", you'd have to be a robot, or you'd have to be terminally ill, and realizing that you don't have much time left, you reach a state of total surrender and acceptance.

No black or white. Huge grey area.

 

[Extreme Unit]

I have to disagree.  I think it IS necessary to forgive in order to move on from it.  If you don't forgive, how can you truly move on from it?  You are just burying it, not accepting it, which is what you have to do to be able to move on. 

Forgiveness, IMO, isn't about the other person, it's about you.  It's about accepting that it happened, allowing yourself to not dwell on it anymore, allowing it to not hurt you anymore.  You don't even have to tell the person that you forgive them, just tell yourself and 100% mean it and believe it.

@ Extreme Unit:  Thanks for the positive feedback and the good advice on some role playing scenarios.  I think I'll enact a variant on your suggestions and it's probably going to occur in the cemetery.  Picture a little graveyard on the prairie surrounded by cornfields and me acting out my personal therapeutic session.

TheRealCallie: That point is also valid. Everyone has different preferences; some people can forget without forgiving and really be okay, but forgiveness is sort of a form of closure which other people would rather have, so I think I see why you believe that is necessary. Either way, it's all for one's own benefit.  

Constant Stranger: Good for you!

 

[SofiasMami]

I don't have anything to add but want to say good for you, constant stranger and Extreme Unit, for offering practical role-playing suggestions. I hope you both find the peace of mind that you're looking for.