advice please....

[Danielle]

Hi All,

I know the answer to this already..but I figured I would see if anyone had different opinions to offer.

I met this guy...he lives across the street from me...we started seeing each other...things were intimate, I was interested in him..and I thought he was interested in me.

He blew me off a few times, and after one of the times he blew me off...he texted me and said he wanted to take me out to apologize...I said I had plans (which I Really did), and after that he just stopped talking to me.

I don't know why, nor should I care, because he blew me off. However, its bugging me to NO end and I feel like I just need to ask him what happened.

My thoughts are that he is JUST NOT INTO ME...which I believe to be the case.... but I wonder if he got angry about my text that time about being busy? Or if I said something that pissed him off?

I'm tired of people walking in and out of my life without any say so from me...with out any discussion about ii, or just giving me the common courtesy to just tell me its over.

He and I haven't talked in a couple of weeks...but we do see each other as he lives across the street from him. He doesn't wave, but I know he sees me.

What I feel like doing is just asking him what happened and why he stopped talking to me....and really that is all I want to know. My question from all of you is.....Do I contact him and ask..or just leave it be, seeing as though it seems pretty obvious that he has no interest in contacting me. I suppose all I want to know is why and what happened. I dunno why its bothering me so much. we really had just started dating, and we were not in a serious relationship. I just want some feedback from him.

Any advice is welcome....

 

[dynaaa1]

I understand when you say "I'm tired of people walking in and out of my life without any say so from me" I completely understand. The thing is this guy isn't interested in you. He probably saw you across the street and was curious about you. So then he started to approach you, after he go what he wanted (being intimate) he became bored. Sorry to say. The conquest and curiosity was over, you know? If it bothers you so much you should just end it. Go over there, face to face, and ask about it. It's better than texting. You can't read someone's reaction over text . Once you've got your answer (whatever it may be) simply leave. Leave and then set higher standards for yourself. The only reason people walk in and our of our lives is because, that's life. Certain people enter our life for a reason, either as a lesson or a blessing.

He obviously isn't the guy you want in your life, no matter how handsome, or sexy or sweet, or caring he maybe. His actions obviously show his intentions. Move on and set boundaries. Don't let him back into your life because he disregards you and will walk out of it..again.

 

[MTrip]

Hi All,

I know the answer to this already..but I figured I would see if anyone had different opinions to offer.

I met this guy...he lives across the street from me...we started seeing each other...things were intimate, I was interested in him..and I thought he was interested in me.

He blew me off a few times, and after one of the times he blew me off...he texted me and said he wanted to take me out to apologize...I said I had plans (which I Really did), and after that he just stopped talking to me.

I don't know why, nor should I care, because he blew me off. However, its bugging me to NO end and I feel like I just need to ask him what happened.

My thoughts are that he is JUST NOT INTO ME...which I believe to be the case.... but I wonder if he got angry about my text that time about being busy? Or if I said something that pissed him off?

I'm tired of people walking in and out of my life without any say so from me...with out any discussion about ii, or just giving me the common courtesy to just tell me its over.

He and I haven't talked in a couple of weeks...but we do see each other as he lives across the street from him. He doesn't wave, but I know he sees me.

What I feel like doing is just asking him what happened and why he stopped talking to me....and really that is all I want to know. My question from all of you is.....Do I contact him and ask..or just leave it be, seeing as though it seems pretty obvious that he has no interest in contacting me. I suppose all I want to know is why and what happened. I dunno why its bothering me so much. we really had just started dating, and we were not in a serious relationship. I just want some feedback from him.

Any advice is welcome....

You ended up as a notch on his bed post, probably not the first one. If you really want to see what he's thinking then go there & ask him, but frankly that sounds rather desperate...you don't want to show desperation to a ladykiller, as that just gives him reason to toy with you emotionally. Move on, don't be too ready to jump in the sack with a guy; when you meet someone, try to observe him (discreetly) to see what makes him tick. Unfortunately that is a skill that, for most of us, only comes with experience.

[/quote]

 

[Danielle]

Thank you for your responses, I appreciate what you've said.

 

[Fustar]

Maybe he is a so called "ladykiller", and you might of been just another notch. However maybe he doesn't know how to feel about the situation either. Just like your avoiding asking him what happened, so you don't come off as desperate or crazy. Perhaps he is doing the same. I say walk up to him the next time you see him, and bluntly ask what happened. Don't let him play on your emotions, and if you fix things and start dating again, don't get intimate too quickly. I would rather bluntly ask, and know what happened, then have to sit and wonder forever.

 

[Danielle]

thank you fustar.... Thing is, I don't know that I even want to date him again... I just don't understand what went wrong.... I see that he is home every night of the week and weekend...(not stalking) but he lives across the street from me and I can see his car. I have no idea what he is thinking...if he is thinking anything. I am so torn on whether to ask or not.

Like the others have said..i don't want to look desperate, but I just want to know. I feel as though I deserve at least that much respect. Plus, he is not a young man either....he is not is his 20's or 30's, he needs to act like an adult. But then again...If I ask him about it, am I not acting like an adult?

I hate these things....

 

[LoneKiller]

If by intimate you mean sex not just petting, then this guy had one thing in mind and got it. Don't blame yourself. Contacting him will make you look desperate and foolish. You have already served your purpose in his mind. You seem like a caring person. Don't lower yourself in pursuit of a jerk who already has other girls in his sights.

 

[EveWasFramed]

IGNORE the people telling you that you are just a notch on someone's bedpost. They don't know what's in this guy's head. Maybe he has issues of some sort and maybe he took your "Im busy" as you not being interested in him any longer. There's NO WAY to know.
Also, for those suggesting that you not get intimate too quickly with someone, ignore that advice as well. That's YOUR decision, no one else's. No one can decide who and when better than YOU.
Again, no one can know what's in that guy's head.
And just because you want closure or want to walk up and ask him what happened, does NOT make you desperate, nor does it mean you want/need to consider even going out with the guy again. Make it clear you just wanted to understand what happened and make sure that there were no misunderstandings - nothing more, nothing less.
Good luck.

 

[Danielle]

Thank you Eve, that hit the nail on the head.... that's how I have been feeling, and what I feel I've been needing to do. I really do appreciate everyone's comments and thoughts....

thanks guys.... (hug)

 

[ladyforsaken]

IGNORE the people telling you that you are just a notch on someone's bedpost. They don't know what's in this guy's head. Maybe he has issues of some sort and maybe he took your "Im busy" as you not being interested in him any longer. There's NO WAY to know.
Also, for those suggesting that you not get intimate too quickly with someone, ignore that advice as well. That's YOUR decision, no one else's. No one can decide who and when better than YOU.
Again, no one can know what's in that guy's head.
And just because you want closure or want to walk up and ask him what happened, does NOT make you desperate, nor does it mean you want/need to consider even going out with the guy again. Make it clear you just wanted to understand what happened and make sure that there were no misunderstandings - nothing more, nothing less.
Good luck.

Omg Eve just said exactly what I was thinking, and yes, you don't know what he's thinking which is the reason why you want to ask him why he did what he did.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in that nor does it imply anything - it just means you want to understand what happened. Also, you can just leave things at that after finding out his reasons if there is no reason to continue any form of friendship/acquaintanceship.

Oh, and good luck! *hugs*

 

[9006]

What I feel like doing is just asking him what happened and why he stopped talking to me....and really that is all I want to know.

Do it, don't leave it too late otherwise he may move on and forget about it.

He COULD have had a legitimate reason for blowing you off (as did you) and by you also having plans he may of thought that you're no longer interested because of this, and maybe even mad at him.

There's no reason not to ask him what happened like you say, then you can go from there.

 

[Danielle]

Thank you everyone for your responses....I plan to ask him this afternoon..I'm nervous but it needs to be done so that I can finally get this off my mind.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

He also could have just been busy. It doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you anymore.

 

[will normal]

I believe in getting answers. Casual conversation never hurts anyone and it's always a good way to break the ice. Of course this is coming from a guy who's usually mute around a crowd of people. Regardless, I believe talking to him and seeing what exactly happened would be good because as I said, I believe in getting answers. If he blows you off and either ignores you or just starts becoming aggressive with his answers, then you got what I would call 99.9% truth. I say 99.9% because there is NO such thing as anything being 100% true. But yeah, blow off or aggressive answers means he doesn't want to have anything to do with you and you should definitely move on.

 

[Danielle]

So I contacted him and we are going to get together and talk about things on Thursday....

 

[MTrip]

Consider, don't ignore. The two who tell you to ignore it might be wise...but they are also women. I may not know exactly what's in your neighbor's head, but I know that he is a man. Just like me. I know some of what most men think about when it comes to women because while I'm not a cad, I still think those things myself. And he's a bit older than you on top of that? This guy has "player" written all over him. I've known a couple guys like that. If you want to tto meet with him, go ahead...*shrug* but don't be too surprised if he either blows you off or gives you some line of bull for an answer.

 

[Danielle]

I'm not thinking that he is anything special...in order for me to think that, he would need to prove it. Maybe he is a player, maybe he just lost interest in me, maybe there was a miscommunication, there a million maybes....

I just want to hear it for myself and make up my own mind. Ive been through the "Player mill" before...way too many times... I know what to expect.

I just want someone to own up to their actions and treat me with a little respect and dignity. I deserve some kind of goodbye. why am I harping on this particular situation? I dunno, maybe Im just really super stressed in many other areas of my life and want to just put this one to rest...

I do appreciate everyone commenting...i'd still like more...I am happy to hear what everyone has to say.

 

[Lippy_Kid]

IGNORE the people telling you that you are just a notch on someone's bedpost. They don't know what's in this guy's head. Maybe he has issues of some sort and maybe he took your "Im busy" as you not being interested in him any longer. There's NO WAY to know.
Also, for those suggesting that you not get intimate too quickly with someone, ignore that advice as well. That's YOUR decision, no one else's. No one can decide who and when better than YOU.
Again, no one can know what's in that guy's head.
And just because you want closure or want to walk up and ask him what happened, does NOT make you desperate, nor does it mean you want/need to consider even going out with the guy again. Make it clear you just wanted to understand what happened and make sure that there were no misunderstandings - nothing more, nothing less.
Good luck.

Omg Eve just said exactly what I was thinking, and yes, you don't know what he's thinking which is the reason why you want to ask him why he did what he did.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in that nor does it imply anything - it just means you want to understand what happened. Also, you can just leave things at that after finding out his reasons if there is no reason to continue any form of friendship/acquaintanceship.

Oh, and good luck! *hugs*

Agree with all of this. As you say the relationship was only in its infancy and its frustrating people jumping to the conclusion that this guy was only after a casual fling, starting to date someone is not a commitment you're tied to for the rest of your life.

Its good to hear that you're a bit more level headed (to the point where I'd trust your own judgement, you seem pretty clued up!).

All I would say regards feedback is if I wasn't interested in continuing a relationship with someone my priority would be to let that person down gently, I would probably be feeling a bit guilty as it is and certainly wouldn't want to hurt her any further so if reasons are given I would take them with a pinch of salt. There will probably be a fair amount of "its not you it’s me" "I'm just in a funny place right now" so its questionable how much you'd learn. Personally I'd just write it down to experience and think "ah well its their loss" but good luck anyhow!