afraid to make new friends because of past experience

[SighX99]

Another new quarter started at my college this week. school schedule changes every 11 weeks. so your classmates changes every 11 week. I dont consider myself to be anti-social, but lately, ive been convinced by myself otherwise.

I can't make new friends anymore. most people i meet are just fuckin ******** or just acquaintances. I find that intriguing because when i was a kid, I was always happy and good with strangers, and it's always been easy for me to make friends, until i moved to United States in 2000. ever since i moved to US, Ive been just kinda antisocial in high school. didn't really talked much, until senior year, when i made a lot more new friends. but all that came to a sudden crash after high school. most of my high school friends have moved away, or just dont have anything interesting to talk anymore, or have bad blood or took mad advantage of me. Now im all alone again...

I find that whenever I try to make new friends, past experiences float back up to my memories, sub consciously perhaps, and somehow i'm reminded im still very lonely...

talking to girls? forget about it. every time i try to talk to any girl, I see my old ex in their eyes, i get reminded with what happened in the past and i get extremely sad all of a sudden, and conversation flow stops dead.
and most of the time, i dont know what to say anyways. girls never make the first move on me, ive always had to work for it. and i always overhear male stories of getting rid of clingy girls, how come it never happens to me? personally i'd be stoked if a girl stalked me. people are spoiled sometimes and never realize how much easier they have it...

I need a method to forget about all past experience and start afresh. i cannot forget these memories as they haunt me before and during sleep. I have had dreams where I'd have taken a vacation, and at the vacation spot, EVERYONE that i knew in the past was there. people that i havent seen for years, from my childhood, from high school...I remember saying "i'm so tripped out right now" in the dream. In these dreams, I dont appear sad, just surprised. But I'd wake up crying... regretting every relationships in the past that I have ended...

I need to forget more... drugs have done little help, if anything, it might have made it worse....

i just wrote this because i couldnt sleep again, and i started reading my high school year book.... its amazing how much memories it comes up when you read a year book, especially in the signing area.........only made me sadder

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Another new quarter started at my college this week. school schedule changes every 11 weeks. so your classmates changes every 11 week. I dont consider myself to be anti-social, but lately, ive been convinced by myself otherwise.

I can't make new friends anymore. most people i meet are just fuckin ******** or just acquaintances. I find that intriguing because when i was a kid, I was always happy and good with strangers, and it's always been easy for me to make friends, until i moved to United States in 2000. ever since i moved to US, Ive been just kinda antisocial in high school. didn't really talked much, until senior year, when i made a lot more new friends. but all that came to a sudden crash after high school. most of my high school friends have moved away, or just dont have anything interesting to talk anymore, or have bad blood or took mad advantage of me. Now im all alone again...

I find that whenever I try to make new friends, past experiences float back up to my memories, sub consciously perhaps, and somehow i'm reminded im still very lonely...

talking to girls? forget about it. every time i try to talk to any girl, I see my old ex in their eyes, i get reminded with what happened in the past and i get extremely sad all of a sudden, and conversation flow stops dead.
and most of the time, i dont know what to say anyways. girls never make the first move on me, ive always had to work for it. and i always overhear male stories of getting rid of clingy girls, how come it never happens to me? personally i'd be stoked if a girl stalked me. people are spoiled sometimes and never realize how much easier they have it...

I need a method to forget about all past experience and start afresh. i cannot forget these memories as they haunt me before and during sleep. I have had dreams where I'd have taken a vacation, and at the vacation spot, EVERYONE that i knew in the past was there. people that i havent seen for years, from my childhood, from high school...I remember saying "i'm so tripped out right now" in the dream. In these dreams, I dont appear sad, just surprised. But I'd wake up crying... regretting every relationships in the past that I have ended...

I need to forget more... drugs have done little help, if anything, it might have made it worse....

i just wrote this because i couldnt sleep again, and i started reading my high school year book.... its amazing how much memories it comes up when you read a year book, especially in the signing area.........only made me sadder

Well....belive it or not you're making progress.

Yeap...drug'in and drinking stopped working for me when I was your
age too. Yeap, it made me more fucken depressed too. I nevered
wanted to stop getting high becuase I did have lots of fun partying
all de time...Yeap plenty of accquentience.
Yeap, being asian has it's FUN in the USA...lmao
Try living in the heart of TX....with plenty of Billy Bobs around.
Billy didn't like the fact that I was married to a beautiful blonde
hair, hazel eyes hot body country gal
Then again California has it's quirks too...kevin lives in Ca too..lmao

Yeap....it totally sucked ass that I had to quit that honeysuckle.
I had to give up...I had to give myself a new start.

Yeah...know what ya mean. Every woman I've gotten involve
with...sort of resymbal my ex-wf. Evently I still have a lot of
memories about my ex-wf. It's okay though ...it dosn't hurt
me today....

I'm still trying to get another fucken crazy blonde out of my
fucken mind today...California girl are more poten..This one still hurts
mmmm...She stalked my ass too

anyway...SighXX99
I hope you seek help with your drugs use..
I know , you said you wanted to in the past.

As for me.. had to work the 12 steps program.
Through NA or AA...I made a lot of friends in there.
Yeap...People that actually cares and love me.
People that will actaully understands me.
People that willl help me find happiness in life.
People that won't use me.
People that wants me to succeed.

There's other resouces avaliable to you also..you don't need
to attend NA.
There's help if you want help. Very difficult....yes I know.

Please try to get well.

 

[SophiaGrace]

it sounds like you need to learn to let your past go. Stop beating yourself up over it! its a new day my friend,

 

[packyourbags]

(hug)

well - i'm a girl, and i'd gladly talk to you, about anything at all.
dear - i'm sorry you are having it so hard... i guess it will pass... i hope so.

(((((((((((hug)))))))))))))

shade.

 

[SilentThinker]

Get the past behind you,just like what Sophia says.I seen some people that they are stuck in loneliness because the past has prevented them from moving on.

Dun give in the idea of,"If I fail in the past,I would fail it again."