always need approval

[oopsiedoop]

I mean, at every step of the way, for anything, I need someone to hold my hand. Not that I ever had that. So I have to battle this need every step of the way, whenever I do anything, and the anxiety of not having it. I live life from this emotional straitjacket. Never any peace, nothing ever easy, even the easiest things. It's enough to make life so unpleasant it's almost not worth living.

 

[LoneKiller]

I mean, at every step of the way, for anything, I need someone to hold my hand. Not that I ever had that. So I have to battle this need every step of the way, whenever I do anything, and the anxiety of not having it. I live life from this emotional straitjacket. Never any peace, nothing ever easy, even the easiest things. It's enough to make life so unpleasant it's almost not worth living.

Don't do it oopsiedoop! I'm about to pm you.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Oh, I'm fighting this to the end, there's no doubt about that. It's all I know. So it's useful to see it's not normal, that life is not supposed to be a chore every second.

 

[LoneKiller]

Oh, I'm fighting this to the end, there's no doubt about that. It's all I know. So it's useful to see it's not normal, that life is not supposed to be a chore every second.

I admire your spirit.

 

[Pheenix]

Recently I stopped craving approval, but I can't tell how I did it, I just could. If anything, what made me stop craving approval, was perhaps the fact that I allowed myself to disapprove. Try it.

 

[oopsiedoop]

That is a HUGE step forward I myself took at some relatively recent point. But not the whole way I don't think. I mean, how happy could a nihilist really be?

 

[Pheenix]

Nihilist?

 

[oopsiedoop]

A nihilist is someone who values nothing -- it's the ultimate end of disapproval, isn't it?

I have to go to a family function. I really love your quick response so I thought I'd mention that for that reason.

 

[JamaisVu]

Dependent personality disorder? Take baby steps towards independence and self-confidence until it feels natural. Nihilists have true freedom

 

[Pheenix]

But don't you value something if you have the ability to disapprove?

 

[tedgresham]

I mean, at every step of the way, for anything, I need someone to hold my hand. Not that I ever had that. So I have to battle this need every step of the way, whenever I do anything, and the anxiety of not having it. I live life from this emotional straitjacket. Never any peace, nothing ever easy, even the easiest things. It's enough to make life so unpleasant it's almost not worth living.

To me it's not so much approval as it is what I do has some value to someone else. Maybe that's the same thing said another way? Some people can just piddle around, grow roses or paint pretty pictures and never care if anyone sees them. Some don't even want what they do viewed by others. But even if I build some little something or plant a seed in my greenshack I want it to mean something to someone else or what's the use?

The only choice we have is to live or not. To not live is the end of hope entirely. To live is not to hope but maybe just to plod along, foot in front of foot, hoping we'll find hope. One has to be there for that to make sense. Life becomes a mine field, a careful stepping here and there to minimize damage to the psyche and prevent something worse from occurring.

 

[cities]

Sometimes I feel I need approval and reassurance more than others, but it isn't a serious issue or anything like that.

 

[LoneKiller]

Sometimes I feel I need approval and reassurance more than others, but it isn't a serious issue or anything like that.

Everyone can use a little reassurance from time to time.

 

[Ak5]

Sometimes I feel I need approval and reassurance more than others, but it isn't a serious issue or anything like that.

Everyone can use a little reassurance from time to time.

I concur.

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

I mean, at every step of the way, for anything, I need someone to hold my hand. Not that I ever had that. So I have to battle this need every step of the way, whenever I do anything, and the anxiety of not having it. I live life from this emotional straitjacket. Never any peace, nothing ever easy, even the easiest things. It's enough to make life so unpleasant it's almost not worth living.

How did you make it through rough spots alone? Did you support yourself? Do you approve of yourself? If you could stand next to yourself would you help you or just let yourself fall away?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

K so u know its not healty becuase that constant need of approval can also get you into people pleasing or being a doormate.

a since of belong or to be a part of...is actaully built into us.

I been using the sedona mehtode..
Its a letting go of negative emotions program. Which will get a person into effortless living or effortless relationship ship.

Your bascailly discribing codependecy to the key...becuase your dependent on others approvals to do things. But some people might not have the best of intentions for you..and will use this against you or manipulate you.
Its as if your always in a love earning state...

Where you abandent as a child.
Was your care taker or parents neglected towards you or very critical to you?
Where you abused in any way..mentally, emotional or spiritually?

Good news...theres help for you.
Theres plenty of people that recovered
of this condition.

---

Where you allow to make mistakes growiing up or you have to do everything perfect?

You do feel like your always walking on eggshells?

Where you allowed to express you emotions..or you where just told to sit down and STFU?

Maybe allow yourself to do something...but fresia it up just for kicks and Just LAUGH . Better yet point out ur fresia ups to other pepole.Lmao

Youre not what you do or dont do...You know this riight?

Noice my writting is all messed up?
Its part of my recovery.
Im not seeking approval from other people.lmao

---

Sometimes thats why people chose to have a LOVING GOD as their HIGHER POWER....A loving god always there by their side every moment to encourage them with unconditional love.
God loves me no matter what. God approve of me no matter what.

If god is with me...nothing can be against me...

I hope that makes sense...
The reason why that is...its so that you dont let people thats not so nice manipulate you, control you, use you or abuse you.

 

[Todd]

I think that you will come to a point in your life when you realize that needing approval is not worth your time. I was talking to my dance instructor one day after class and she knew that I was going through some stuff. The one thing that she said that I will never forget is "Todd if someone doesn't love you for the beautiful person that you are then F*** them" sorry for the curse word, but the moment that she said that I had a revelation and that was I am me and I don't need someone to approve of me or validate me.

I truly hope that you are set free from approval addiction. My approval addictions are probably different from yours but I just wanted to share my freeing experience with you. The moment that you stop caring what someone else thinks is a freeing experience and that your approval is all that matters. I Hope that this helps.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Crow, yeah, that's exactly how I grew up. I find those issues hard to work through, but I keep trying and do so extensively and have a much better grasp of what I'm dealing with.

Buddha and Todd--your comments were so useful and pithy. Really cut through the rumination in my head. I gotta write them down so they stay there. What's so beautiful about this site is probably I have read versions of that other places. But there's nothing like something coming for free from someone who's had the same problem and knows what you're talking about.

---

Ted--

You raise some interesting points. There's value, approval, and reading it it occurred to me maybe I just mean "permission" -- because the critical and threatening thoughts in my head are so just so controlling! I'm trying to figure out what is the least I would be satisfied with. Ok, I agree we might have none of these but we still have to keep plodding along and risking the mines. So that is a minimum, and I'd say I'm there. But there has to be more. My life has been hope, mine, plod, mine, stagnate, repeat.

One thing I know though: mere value without reward or exchange is not enough for me. I used to think it was! How terribly silly! I think I'm still operating under what for me is just an illusion.

 

[oopsiedoop]

But don't you value something if you have the ability to disapprove?

Yes. It's just that my loneliness is so pervasive.

 

[Badjedidude]

It's nice to have approval and implicit consent...

...but I don't really need it.