An introduction, and a plea.

[Spazza]

Hello all, my name is Danny (or Dan if you will) I'm only 18 years old, but already i feel like i could never love again.

Now i bet some will see how old i am and instantly conclude i don't know what love is or haven't felt it, but i assure you i have and i have felt that love dissapear and take my soul with it.

I am here as i need help, guidance.

It started back in late 2008, on the 31st August, i had recently came out of a relationship and found myself in another...little did i know that this one would impact me so much. Her name was Christina, the most beautiful, intelligent and respectful girl i'd have ever met, she was so composed but yet wild in a deeper sense. Our love bloomed, weeks turned to months, and months turned into a year. It just sort of flew by, but now i wish i could take back all of those lost seconds and relive them, and prove to her how much i cared and loved her. Things in our lives together were going so smoothly, we loved each other so much, we made plans for our future together. We had so many great times, memories. Memories which now serve no other purpose then to stop me from sleeping, and stopping my eyes from being dry. Around September 2009, things started going wrong, i could sense it. So could she although would never admit it. She had started to become depressive, hiding things from me, not talking...and bringing up mistakes i had made in the past (which she had forgiven and moved on from) this was not the girl i fell in love with. It hurt so much knowing when i was holding her, she would barely smile now and yet whenever i saw her with other guy friends she was laughing, smiling, joking...there was no lying that inside i was being crushed. I assure you there is so much more to this story but i don't want to make this too long.

Then, the 31st December rolled along, lately her depressive state had continued...and worsened, she now accused me of saying i love you too much and not meaning it, but she could never comprehend how much i did love her and to be honest, still do. But that night, (on what i had hoped to be a fresh start into 2010 with my perfect girlfriend) We argued, it had become the norm, i just wanted her to calm down, but she didn't....she went past that line and uttered those words that will haunt me to my dying breath.

2010 i did start fresh..but not in the way i could have ever imagined. 1 year and 4 months...gone in an instant. The following weeks after, i had to have friends over everynight to keep me calm and just so i could sleep. My weight dropped from 11 stone to just under 10 from not eating, even my parents noticed how skinny i became. I was mentally unstable. I had lost her, my lover, my best friend, my soul-mate. She was gone, she left me a husk of my former self. Now here i am 24th of Feb 2011, over a year. You may think i'd be alright...but no, everyday i wake up to see her in my head and heart, hurting me with memories we shared, words we spoke... Obviously since the break up, i had tried numerous times to try and make peace with her and be friends to which in the summer of last year nearly suceeded, she nearly took me back :'( but, simply put...."other friends" got in the way....and once again contact was lost.....i messaged her, on valentines day this year, pleading one last time to try and accept me as a friend, just so my heart could remain peaceful. She responded, i had high hopes as i knew that she was a strong girl and i knew she remembers the times we had together just as well...but not with consequences. She replied...and in that message she said the words i had feared most in my whole life...."Leave me alone.." And now here i am....lost, alone, with no hope of ever speaking to the one person who ever made me feel special, so i come to you, fellow brothers and sisters who have maybe been through the same...what do i do? I must stress i did have other relationships last year, all to which i ended as my heart could NOT love again, she..my angel...was just on my mind all of the time, my heart only wants her..

Please though, do not say the same things such as "Time heals" or "Try to forget" time does not heal, it is just a bandage covering a deep wound, it won't heal, just mask it. As for forgetting...why would i come here if i could forget her just like that?

Please fellow brothers and sisters, please help me, i am crying now as i'm writing this, it's so hard. I am fed up of feeling so worthless, i'm fed up of late nights and down days, i just want to be me again :'(

 

[lovebookstoomuch88]

Hi there,

I am going to try to give some advice even though I am new on the boards here. However, I went through something similar to you as well. When I was in high school, there was a guy I was best friends with. We were friends for three years and I went on to college while he went into the military. He then chose to tell me about a semester in that he had liked me for three years. I was shocked of course because I had always seen him as a friend. However, I gradually realized that I did love him too. We spent all the time we could talking online, and it was as if nothing changed. Eventually, about three years into it, we admitted to each other that we loved each other. However, although I was willing to wait for him, he saw the distance as a problem. Three months after telling me he loved me, he told me he had moved on. Although we had never officially dated, I did really love him, and he will never know just how much I did. Like you, I also tried to find love again, but the guys weren't him. They didn't have his personality that got along so well with mine, or his sense of humor. I felt like he actually knew and loved me, regardless if I was insecure or not. I know what I felt for him was real.

I'm not going to tell you that "time heals" or to "try to forget" because you're right, it doesn't work. It's been over a year since I talked to him (even though he still thinks we are best friends). I thought I was doing fine and that I had gotten over him, but then he facebooked me about a month ago to tell me that he is getting married. I was crushed, and was even more so when he told me I was invited to the wedding. Honestly, how much pain can he inflict on me?

The one thing that I did though was to drag myself up from the depression that followed this relationship. It's hard to let go, and it never really happens. But I didn't want it to continue to ruin my life. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I am still trying to do it now. I'm not suggesting you go on to other relationships to get over her; it will lead you nowhere. Instead, I would accept that you are still hurting. It sounds like you are beating yourself up because you are still feeling this way. Don't do that. Allow yourself to grieve. For me, after I grieved (which I spent a whole night doing once) I felt so much better. The next thing I did was get help. I joined a group counseling, which was all guys. They helped me to see that the problem was not with me but with him. Sometimes there are problems within others that are beyond our control to fix. With this girl, I don't think it was you. She might have some problems herself that she can't accept about herself, and she is taking it out on you. The next thing I did was to get involved in creating who I am and what I want to do. I found out what I like to do and want I want to try out. I would suggest that you do this too. Find out who you are, and you will see that you are not worthless. For me, the problem was always that I couldn't accept myself for who I was, and this shows up in the relationship sooner or later. Maybe you need to find the things in yourself that are obviously good qualities to have, and accept the bad ones if there are any.

I'm sorry if this was really long, but I hoped it helped in some way. It's not a complete answer, but it was my own experiences.

 

[Poguesy]

I think i'll just say G'day

 

[Callie]

I'm gonna go with G'day too

Welcome to the site...lol

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sorry to hear you are hurting so much. You never said what the cause of Christina's depression was? Do you even know?

Anyway, some tough advice here. YOU have to decide to get over her, and until you do you will never move on. It's all on you buddy. We could sit here and give you all the advice in the world, share our stories, share how we got over or moved on, but none of that is going to do any good unless YOU are willing to honestly make a positive change in your life. Sounds like this girl was your "true love" and sorry to say you will never really be over her, she will always have a place in your heart.

So you gotta ask yourself, do YOU want to move on with your life or do you want to wallow? Be honest with yourself too, some people like to wallow, I know some that do it just to get pity and have people feel sorry for them. That's not healthy because you'll soon alienate everyone around you.

You are young and have so much more of your life ahead of you, and not to scare you but you will have other heartbreaks in your life. It's all learning in how to deal with it and that is something only you can do. Everyone deals with pain in their own way, just make sure it's a healthy outlet.

 

[SherryGee]

hey danny

 

[ourcocoon]

Hello all, my name is Danny (or Dan if you will) I'm only 18 years old, but already i feel like i could never love again.

Now i bet some will see how old i am and instantly conclude i don't know what love is or haven't felt it, but i assure you i have and i have felt that love dissapear and take my soul with it.

I am here as i need help, guidance.

It started back in late 2008, on the 31st August, i had recently came out of a relationship and found myself in another...little did i know that this one would impact me so much. Her name was Christina, the most beautiful, intelligent and respectful girl i'd have ever met, she was so composed but yet wild in a deeper sense. Our love bloomed, weeks turned to months, and months turned into a year. It just sort of flew by, but now i wish i could take back all of those lost seconds and relive them, and prove to her how much i cared and loved her. Things in our lives together were going so smoothly, we loved each other so much, we made plans for our future together. We had so many great times, memories. Memories which now serve no other purpose then to stop me from sleeping, and stopping my eyes from being dry. Around September 2009, things started going wrong, i could sense it. So could she although would never admit it. She had started to become depressive, hiding things from me, not talking...and bringing up mistakes i had made in the past (which she had forgiven and moved on from) this was not the girl i fell in love with. It hurt so much knowing when i was holding her, she would barely smile now and yet whenever i saw her with other guy friends she was laughing, smiling, joking...there was no lying that inside i was being crushed. I assure you there is so much more to this story but i don't want to make this too long.

Then, the 31st December rolled along, lately her depressive state had continued...and worsened, she now accused me of saying i love you too much and not meaning it, but she could never comprehend how much i did love her and to be honest, still do. But that night, (on what i had hoped to be a fresh start into 2010 with my perfect girlfriend) We argued, it had become the norm, i just wanted her to calm down, but she didn't....she went past that line and uttered those words that will haunt me to my dying breath.

2010 i did start fresh..but not in the way i could have ever imagined. 1 year and 4 months...gone in an instant. The following weeks after, i had to have friends over everynight to keep me calm and just so i could sleep. My weight dropped from 11 stone to just under 10 from not eating, even my parents noticed how skinny i became. I was mentally unstable. I had lost her, my lover, my best friend, my soul-mate. She was gone, she left me a husk of my former self. Now here i am 24th of Feb 2011, over a year. You may think i'd be alright...but no, everyday i wake up to see her in my head and heart, hurting me with memories we shared, words we spoke... Obviously since the break up, i had tried numerous times to try and make peace with her and be friends to which in the summer of last year nearly suceeded, she nearly took me back :'( but, simply put...."other friends" got in the way....and once again contact was lost.....i messaged her, on valentines day this year, pleading one last time to try and accept me as a friend, just so my heart could remain peaceful. She responded, i had high hopes as i knew that she was a strong girl and i knew she remembers the times we had together just as well...but not with consequences. She replied...and in that message she said the words i had feared most in my whole life...."Leave me alone.." And now here i am....lost, alone, with no hope of ever speaking to the one person who ever made me feel special, so i come to you, fellow brothers and sisters who have maybe been through the same...what do i do? I must stress i did have other relationships last year, all to which i ended as my heart could NOT love again, she..my angel...was just on my mind all of the time, my heart only wants her..

Please though, do not say the same things such as "Time heals" or "Try to forget" time does not heal, it is just a bandage covering a deep wound, it won't heal, just mask it. As for forgetting...why would i come here if i could forget her just like that?

Please fellow brothers and sisters, please help me, i am crying now as i'm writing this, it's so hard. I am fed up of feeling so worthless, i'm fed up of late ghts and down days, i just want to be me again :'(

ur sto
Hi,...Welcome and thanks for sharing your story.
The biggest lesson I learned in my life is , "we are going to loose whatever or whomever we think we cannot live without, and I strongly believe this as a law of nature. I think the nature wants us to be complete in ourselves . To be interdependent we have to first master our independency. From my own broken relation i understood that "in falling in love, the objective of universe is the FALLING and not the love'
Mother nature want to teach us the art of falling and flying! This has been the key point in my recovery and I hope it will help you too. Please let me know if my sayings helped or need more clarification.
Take care

 

[Bread]

Heya, Dan, and welcome to ALL.

Can't say much in the ways of sage advice in the way of broken hearts. Never had a relationship, myself. Hopefully, ALL will alleviate some of the worst pains. Who knows, might be that this place'll help patch you up a tad. You'll still bear the scars, but at least you won't go on with a figurative limp for the rest of your days. Wouldn't say time has no effect. Say, a span of ten years of time, changes a man a lot. A lot of things just turn into memories, some fond, some sad.

Best of luck to you, Dan. Hopefully you'll enjoy your stay.

 

[slappopkarl]

Been there... Give it about 3 years...btw you won't probably have sex untill u get over her pal.