Annoyingly frustrating

[tehdreamer]

Every time I find someone who seems sane enough (which seems to be my only major criteria anymore: sane enough not to murder me and mine) to consider a relationship with, I always run into the same problem; Getting noticed.

They seem to be able to easily whine to me about what type of girls they are looking for. And I'm like... "Hello? Have we met? That's me you're talking about, buddy!" or at least that's what's going on inside my head. In reality; I drop hints, but they never get noticed. I try out my lame flirting skills, which fails. And when I finally get enough guts to actually be direct, it's too late and they're running off with Miss Perfect.

I just don't get it. It makes me feel invisible and non-datable. Sure, I have the personality traits they keep harping about wanting, but I don't have the physically fit wrapper to make it a complete package. I'll never be seen as anything other than "One of the guys" by anyone I'm interested in.

The most I've had are a couple of "I would date you if"s.... I don't know wtf I'm supposed to even do with those. I'm tired of the "game" of dating. I wish we lived in a society where people valued people for who they really are and not because they lucked out on better genes than everyone else.

Or maybe I just have a really awful personality and I just don't know it. Either way, I'm screwed.

 

[edgecrusher]

im sorry. i know what it feels like to be unnoticed too. it really sucks. whats funny is i think i would rather have someone who is "one of the guys" as opposed to "miss perfect" as you put it, lol. i dont like how dating is supposed to be a game either. thats why ive never really played. i dont know how to, lol. i cant complain though, ive always been too shy to say what i feel anyway. seems like things are always more complicated than they need to be.

 

[tehdreamer]

I tried to play the game by my own rules; seeking out people who were compatible with my personality and ignoring all else. But that doesn't seem to work either.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm not desperate enough to settle for any jerk-face that stumbles my way. I'd rather die alone then be with someone who makes me feel awful about myself and about life.

Maybe it's just time for me to pack up my marbles and go home.

 

[edgecrusher]

as much as i dont like the game aspect of it, i wish i could find someone to play it with in the first place. the only time i attempted that was just... blah. still not even fully sure what happened with that. i know how you feel though. i too am having feelings lately like just saying fresia it about everything.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I ask myself the same. I don't understand why guys can't just think that a girl is cool to be around, and if they like each other, then date. I always get the "... but I like you as just a friend" line. I'll probably always get that line, regardless of what I do.

 

[Daan]

The first two times i was in love with a girl i dated, she didn't dare to say that she liked another boy as well. And, when they finally said that they liked someone else, they wanted to be my friend. Afterwards i was paranoid for years. These girls mistook being in love with a kind of friendship, like it is possible for me to act like i'm in love all the time for little princess.

I think relationships are mostly some kind of entertainment these days. Wanting the best for yourself, that's why i don't like it. I used to think for years that i can better be friends with people. Because friendship is easy, you can be friends with anybody. A relationship is only with some special person, with whom you happened to have sex with. All guys i know really want a realtionship, so i thought i was special, untill i read about guys like me in a novel. The writer of this novel blames everything on the hippies. He sees dating as something cruel.

 

[Papabear]

"but I don't have the physically fit wrapper to make it a complete package."

So get in shape. seriously. I hope I don't sound like a dick here, but this is probably your biggest problem.

Sorry to tell you this, though its pretty honest, noone wants to date someone they aren't attracted to.

So go out there, get in shape, take some time to look into fashion a bit, ask for advice, whatever. You will find that getting all sexied up, can be fun, and rewarding, when you have a body worth doing it for. I've recently gotten back into shape and forgot how nice it felt to dress nice, to have a NICE haircut, to take care of myself. I forgot how good it feels to be like that, and how much it projects. You will project, as happy, as confident, and as attractive, and people WILL notice.

Being a fat bitter person that sits around and blames society and genes and what not for being single is THE REASON you are single. Get in shape, care about yourself, and stop being a downer (NOBODY LIKES A DOWNER)...and smile more... much more...

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

 

[csmswhs]

Every time I find someone who seems sane enough (which seems to be my only major criteria anymore: sane enough not to murder me and mine) to consider a relationship with, I always run into the same problem; Getting noticed.

They seem to be able to easily whine to me about what type of girls they are looking for. And I'm like... "Hello? Have we met? That's me you're talking about, buddy!" or at least that's what's going on inside my head. In reality; I drop hints, but they never get noticed. I try out my lame flirting skills, which fails. And when I finally get enough guts to actually be direct, it's too late and they're running off with Miss Perfect.

I just don't get it. It makes me feel invisible and non-datable. Sure, I have the personality traits they keep harping about wanting, but I don't have the physically fit wrapper to make it a complete package. I'll never be seen as anything other than "One of the guys" by anyone I'm interested in.

The most I've had are a couple of "I would date you if"s.... I don't know wtf I'm supposed to even do with those. I'm tired of the "game" of dating. I wish we lived in a society where people valued people for who they really are and not because they lucked out on better genes than everyone else.

Or maybe I just have a really awful personality and I just don't know it. Either way, I'm screwed.

i feel like that too. i've really just given up. i don't even know what it would be like to be in a relationship anymore. i don't know anything anymore.

 

[tehdreamer]

"but I don't have the physically fit wrapper to make it a complete package."

So get in shape. seriously. I hope I don't sound like a dick here, but this is probably your biggest problem.

Sorry to tell you this, though its pretty honest, noone wants to date someone they aren't attracted to.

So go out there, get in shape, take some time to look into fashion a bit, ask for advice, whatever. You will find that getting all sexied up, can be fun, and rewarding, when you have a body worth doing it for. I've recently gotten back into shape and forgot how nice it felt to dress nice, to have a NICE haircut, to take care of myself. I forgot how good it feels to be like that, and how much it projects. You will project, as happy, as confident, and as attractive, and people WILL notice.

Being a fat bitter person that sits around and blames society and genes and what not for being single is THE REASON you are single. Get in shape, care about yourself, and stop being a downer (NOBODY LIKES A DOWNER)...and smile more... much more...

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

Umm..

1. I wasn't just talking about weight. But I guess I could get rich and get some plastic surgery as well /sarcasm

2. Fashion? Seriously? I dress how I feel like dressing and it makes me feel good. I don't need to wear the latest trends to have confidence in myself when it comes to dress style. My dress style is probably the one thing I'm most confident about. I wear short sleeve shirts under long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts

3. I'm not bitter. I don't assume every guy I talk to is going to turn me down and spout off reasons why he will turn me down before he even has the chance to approach me. No, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I take things as far as I can before I get the "Oh, hey, guess who I met today? Miss Perfect!" response. I'm sad, lonely, and I don't understand why I'm invisible to the opposite sex, but I haven't quit reached the bitter stage yet. When I start yelling at guys "You aren't going to date me because I'm not pretty enough!", I'll let you know. Then you can carry on with your speech again /rant

4. I care a lot about myself. And I smile often. I love to laugh and I love to smile. The best compliments I get from my photos is "Nice smile"... So.. uh.. yah.. suck it

I may seem like a downer by my posts, but I basically just post about things that are bothering me that I don't have anyone else to talk to about. Basically just letting off steam instead of keeping bad feelings all bottled up. I just happened to get ignored by a guy again and I felt like ranting about it instead of keeping it all in and, indeed, becoming bitter.

So.. thanks(?) for your attempt at advice, but it really doesn't fit my situation.

 

[csmswhs]

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

i bet it doesn't

aside from that, what if its something you don't have a choice about? then are you worthless and not worth being alive?

 

[Vic Sage]

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

i bet it doesn't

aside from that, what if its something you don't have a choice about? then are you worthless and not worth being alive?

I don't know. It could. Who's to say?

People like people that take care of themselves. Does that mean skinny? No. Healthy? Yes.

Just like a woman probably wouldn't be attracted to a guy with a mullet, greasy skin, thick glasses and homemade sweaters, a guy probably isn't going to go for the female equivalent of that, either.

And very few people are absolutely undateable. And even then, those people should be able to find each other.

 

[tehdreamer]

What!? Mullets are awesome! Thick glasses are pretty awesome too. I don't mind guys who look like greasy nerds. Greasy nerds need love too!

Anyways, I take care of myself. I never said I was a sloppy slob. I'm just not considered "pretty" and I think that's why I don't gain as much attention from guys as more than just a friend.

 

[Daan]

There are also a lot of guys who can't get dates, so why not date with one of them?

 

[csmswhs]

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

i bet it doesn't

aside from that, what if its something you don't have a choice about? then are you worthless and not worth being alive?

I don't know. It could. Who's to say?

People like people that take care of themselves. Does that mean skinny? No. Healthy? Yes.

Just like a woman probably wouldn't be attracted to a guy with a mullet, greasy skin, thick glasses and homemade sweaters, a guy probably isn't going to go for the female equivalent of that, either.

And very few people are absolutely undateable. And even then, those people should be able to find each other.

it must just be a matter of opinion. thanks

 

[Papabear]

"but I don't have the physically fit wrapper to make it a complete package."

So get in shape. seriously. I hope I don't sound like a dick here, but this is probably your biggest problem.

Sorry to tell you this, though its pretty honest, noone wants to date someone they aren't attracted to.

So go out there, get in shape, take some time to look into fashion a bit, ask for advice, whatever. You will find that getting all sexied up, can be fun, and rewarding, when you have a body worth doing it for. I've recently gotten back into shape and forgot how nice it felt to dress nice, to have a NICE haircut, to take care of myself. I forgot how good it feels to be like that, and how much it projects. You will project, as happy, as confident, and as attractive, and people WILL notice.

Being a fat bitter person that sits around and blames society and genes and what not for being single is THE REASON you are single. Get in shape, care about yourself, and stop being a downer (NOBODY LIKES A DOWNER)...and smile more... much more...

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

Umm..

1. I wasn't just talking about weight. But I guess I could get rich and get some plastic surgery as well /sarcasm

2. Fashion? Seriously? I dress how I feel like dressing and it makes me feel good. I don't need to wear the latest trends to have confidence in myself when it comes to dress style. My dress style is probably the one thing I'm most confident about. I wear short sleeve shirts under long sleeve shirts under short sleeve shirts

3. I'm not bitter. I don't assume every guy I talk to is going to turn me down and spout off reasons why he will turn me down before he even has the chance to approach me. No, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I take things as far as I can before I get the "Oh, hey, guess who I met today? Miss Perfect!" response. I'm sad, lonely, and I don't understand why I'm invisible to the opposite sex, but I haven't quit reached the bitter stage yet. When I start yelling at guys "You aren't going to date me because I'm not pretty enough!", I'll let you know. Then you can carry on with your speech again /rant

4. I care a lot about myself. And I smile often. I love to laugh and I love to smile. The best compliments I get from my photos is "Nice smile"... So.. uh.. yah.. suck it

I may seem like a downer by my posts, but I basically just post about things that are bothering me that I don't have anyone else to talk to about. Basically just letting off steam instead of keeping bad feelings all bottled up. I just happened to get ignored by a guy again and I felt like ranting about it instead of keeping it all in and, indeed, becoming bitter.

So.. thanks(?) for your attempt at advice, but it really doesn't fit my situation.

if this were true you wouldn't be single

---

I bet it all changes pretty quickly.

i bet it doesn't

aside from that, what if its something you don't have a choice about? then are you worthless and not worth being alive?

I don't know. It could. Who's to say?

People like people that take care of themselves. Does that mean skinny? No. Healthy? Yes.

Just like a woman probably wouldn't be attracted to a guy with a mullet, greasy skin, thick glasses and homemade sweaters, a guy probably isn't going to go for the female equivalent of that, either.

And very few people are absolutely undateable. And even then, those people should be able to find each other.

it must just be a matter of opinion. thanks

And you aren't some special flower who happens to be "above" the opinions of the majority. You are just another part of humanity the same as the rest of us, you can be your individual little flower to thinks things are different..... and that's all you will ever be... that person... over there... that thinks things are different...... they arent....

---

What!? Mullets are awesome! Thick glasses are pretty awesome too. I don't mind guys who look like greasy nerds. Greasy nerds need love too!

Anyways, I take care of myself. I never said I was a sloppy slob. I'm just not considered "pretty" and I think that's why I don't gain as much attention from guys as more than just a friend.

you aren't what YOU think is pretty. Seriously, I bet if you took some time, did a little research, maybe got some advice from someone at a salon or whatever, you'd be very pretty.

It's OK to be fashionable, to want to look nice, etc.... It doesn't make you a tool, it makes you a viable part of the social entity that is humanity.

 

[tehdreamer]

if this were true you wouldn't be single

And if you knew me even slightly as a person, you wouldn't even begin to fix your face to say (or would that be fix your fingers to type?) such utter non-sense and call it advice.

And please don't sit here and call me a liar. I value honestly above all in my life, and I have no reason to pretend, act, or make up scenarios on a online forum to gain attention. I may have a lot of problems, but bending the truth is not one of them.

Maybe you should just step down from that bench, because no one appointed you judge of me. I know you think you have the answers to everyone's life and everyone's problems, but you don't hun. Maybe you should try to find answers for your own life and problems of loneliness before you bring the hammer of judgment to harshly down on others.

 

[epic fale boy]

Sorry papabear, but i gotta say i think you're a little off on this one...

"It's OK to be fashionable, to want to look nice, etc.... It doesn't make you a tool, it makes you a viable part of the social entity that is humanity. "

...that says it all, as if there's ONE version of fashionable, or pretty, or sexified...

You seem to be talking about that "Go girl" confidence as if it can be put on with a new haircut, a bit of slap and a slinky dress. It can't.

All I can say to teh ladies is that there are guys out there who feel the same way you do, only they're guys. Like the dudes with the mullets and glasses. They're probably feeling exactly the same, looking for the right girl but never seeming to find them... even though in their own way they're doing the right things.

There's a big difference between someone who doesn't look after themselves (smelly skin, smelly clothes, smelly eyes) and someone who does look after themselves (washed, clean clothes, nice smile). Fashion, haircuts, glasses, physical appearance... they're all open variables, there's any number of different ways they could be and whoever it is will still be attractive to the right person. 'Looking after yourself' is a yes/no...

The important bit's (I reckon) patience, and not trying TOO hard... trying, but in a relaxed kinda way.

 

[csmswhs]

And you aren't some special flower who happens to be "above" the opinions of the majority. You are just another part of humanity the same as the rest of us, you can be your individual little flower to thinks things are different..... and that's all you will ever be... that person... over there... that thinks things are different...... they arent....

lol, i never said i was. what happens if your walking down the road and a mailman bites half of your ass off? then what are you going to do?

 

[tehdreamer]

Thanks, epic fale boy! You epically win for your post But.. I have to wonder.. who has smelly eyes? Ick.

 

[csmswhs]

Thanks, epic fale boy! You epically win for your post But.. I have to wonder.. who has smelly eyes? Ick.

everyone has smelly eyes, me, epic fale boy, you and papabear