Another lonely person.

[constant stranger]

A swap would certainly be a big change for both of us! I live in a village of about 75 people surrounded by miles and miles of corn and soybean fields, criss-crossed by hedgerows of trees. The nearest real town is 7 miles away. I have 12 acres to call my own and sometimes the notion of living in an apartment (..flat to my UK cousins..) has its appeal. But I'd miss my space out here.

Been to UK twice, as a tourist......it's an ancestral homeland for my family, but I grew up in the Brit. colony of Hong Kong.....first 9 years of schooling were in English schools, Kowloon Junior School and King George V School. The family moved to USA just after I finished with third form. Those were happy days for me. A bit odd growing up as an ex-pat.

 

[iateallthepies]

I would love to live in the wild open spaces of North America. I watch a show her called "Mountian men" and would love to live and hunt from the forest as these guys do. It would not be easy, but it would be a rewarding life.

 

[morgandollar]

Maybe that is what makes life rewarding, the struggle ... the fight ... the sticktoitiveness. That's not to say, people in centuries past never got depressed or lonely just because life was not as convenient and sometimes comfortable as we have it today. But I feel we must have something to fight for and something to live for, and once we have this clearly in focus, then life does not seems so futile.

 

[Augusto]

Hi iateallthepies! History is my passion as well, so I couldn't remain silent What do you like mostly from it? I assume ww2 and related topics?

 

[Paraiyar]

Hi, I don't have much to add but I'm also a history lover. I feel like my library of history books just expands and expands and I have no hope of ever getting through it all.

 

[constant stranger]

I would love to live in the wild open spaces of North America. I watch a show her called "Mountian men" and would love to live and hunt from the forest as these guys do. It would not be easy, but it would be a rewarding life.

Keep your flat paid up for and try out living in the woods for a few weeks.  I imagine modern conveniences like indoor plumbing and electricity will take on a whole new charm.  But it would be a nice vacation.  You live in a UK city, right?

 

[PS79]

I feel your pain. I often like the idea of a remote home - a cabin off grid. But wouldn't it be nice to have that as well as have a few nice neighbours. There's many like minded people

 

[Bubblebeam]

Well done (again) iateallthepies on keeping up the good work in your flat! I imagine living in a sardine tin (i.e. a British flat) can be even more unmotivating when it comes to cleaning; it was for me when I lived there. Even the more "spacious" homes of the UK aren't all that. I hope you have a decent hoover to make the job a little bit easier? We recently decided to use most of our moving house fund on a fairly expensive hoover and I must say it's made all the difference on the result of the job. I really didn't want to touch that fund of ours but the dust/debris in the house were gathering at a rate I couldn't keep on top of with the previous hoover.

Constant Stranger, I hope you don't mind my butting in and asking, was your mother always that way? Or has the ungrateful demeanor come with her age do you think? Either way well done you for sticking at it. I imagine your providing that warmth must be invaluable at her time of life and with the harsh winters you describe.

 

[constant stranger]

@ Bubblebeam: She's always been difficult to manage, mood swing being the main problem. Old age and infirmity has brought on a number of other, difficult problems.

I've invested far, far too much time and effort caring for her over the years. I'm afraid I have issues of grudging resentment toward my two older brothers and my dead father for leaving the unpleasant work to me......and yes, I'm angry with myself for having chosen to accept the role.

 

[morgandollar]

Constant stranger, there's a saying "if you let them to do it to you, then you got yourself to blame." I'm not saying you are a helpless victim. But in a firm but nice way, can you ask your older brothers for help, so they can share some duties in caring for your mom and their mom? If they refuse, then make it clear to them you be seeking a part-time caregiver or home health nurse. You MUST have time for yourself, YOU-TIME, otherwise you will get emotionally overwhelmed and burn-out. Just a suggestion.

 

[constant stranger]

I appreciate the input morgandolar. Help from either of the brothers isn't in the game plan for all kinds of reasons that go back a long time. One of them isn't on speaking terms with us.....he lives about 3 hours away by car and we haven't seen him for 14 years and only hear from him by email at Christmas. The other one has a criminal daughter and son-in-law who sponge off of him parasitically and whom he admits he's ashamed of and who he says are just waiting for their chance to get their hands on his and our wealth. They follow him wherever he goes.

The whole family has had issues of bad choices and mismanaged consequences for years and years. Mom & Dad were probably two of the most incompetent parents I've ever known of.

Part-time caregiver or home health nurse are the only viable options. We've got long term health insurance that will cover it......but Mom is just lucid enough to still resist it....saying "No" is about the only control she has anymore. Eventually we'll need the in home help.....but she'll probably have to deteriorate more. Nice eh? So far I'm managing to stay sane. But I am not happy.

I have a relationship with a sympathetic lady who cared for her own mother the last 2 years of her life, and that helps a lot, but she's the only actual personal relationship I have. There are a few activities that get me out of the house....precious few, I'm a lonely guy....and I dislike coming home afterwards. I dislike waking up in the morning. 2016 was a bad, bad year for me. The worst ever I've been through, starting in January when Mom fell and fractured a vertebrae. My life is quite awful actually.

 

[constant stranger]

I'm afraid that this thread is going off topic....my apologies to iateallthepies.

 

[morgandollar]

Thank you for sharing you personal experience, constant stranger. It's too bad that families are not as close as they seem to have been in the past. Maybe nowadays there are too many distractions, i.e. TV, internet, social media, pornography, etc. And the time that we should been spend with our family and drawing closer to them, we may spend it on other mundane things.
But getting back to your point about 2016 being a very bad year for you, how does 2017 look for you? Will it probably be another bad year?
I guess, I'm asking if you have always battled loneliness?
I have mostly battled depression (triggered either by loneliness or stress) but not always. There have been some bright spots in the past that make me smile.

 

[Augusto]

Hi, I don't have much to add but I'm also a history lover. I feel like my library of history books just expands and expands and I have no hope of ever getting through it all.

So as mine Same problem, too many interesting books, and too little time to read them all. Bt that's good - when there's some free time, there's always a great choice!

 

[constant stranger]

Thank you for sharing you personal experience, constant stranger. It's too bad that families are not as close as they seem to have been in the past. Maybe nowadays there are too many distractions, i.e. TV, internet, social media, pornography, etc. And the time that we should been spend with our family and drawing closer to them, we may spend it on other mundane things.
But getting back to your point about 2016 being a very bad year for you, how does 2017 look for you? Will it probably be another bad year?
I guess, I'm asking if you have always battled loneliness?
I have mostly battled depression (triggered either by loneliness or stress) but not always. There have been some bright spots in the past that make me smile.

Loneliness has always been an issue for me.  How 2017 plays out depends on how how much my mother deteriorates and how long she lives.
Sounds callous I know, but those two issues are mostly out of my control. 

Good on you for coping with your depression and remembering the bright spots!

 

[morgandollar]

Thank you for sharing you personal experience, constant stranger. It's too bad that families are not as close as they seem to have been in the past. Maybe nowadays there are too many distractions, i.e. TV, internet, social media, pornography, etc. And the time that we should been spend with our family and drawing closer to them, we may spend it on other mundane things.
But getting back to your point about 2016 being a very bad year for you, how does 2017 look for you? Will it probably be another bad year?
I guess, I'm asking if you have always battled loneliness?
I have mostly battled depression (triggered either by loneliness or stress) but not always. There have been some bright spots in the past that make me smile.

Loneliness has always been an issue for me.  How 2017 plays out depends on how how much my mother deteriorates and how long she lives.
Sounds callous I know, but those two issues are mostly out of my control. 

Good on you for coping with your depression and remembering the bright spots!

I don't think you are being callous, just a realist. A callous person would see someone in pain and suffering, and feel little to no empathy or sympathy.

 

[iateallthepies]

Hi, Agusto. Sorry, I have not answered but I failed to pay my internet bill and was offline for a week. I am mainly into Victorian eara and I am a huge Jack the ripper armchair detective. I love delving into the past and seeing how these people survived. It was not easy. I am sorry I did not answer promptly.

 

[iateallthepies]

@Bubblstream. My flat is quite small but quiet. I live on the top floor an ex-sheltered housing complex in Manchester. Ben here for three years and I love it. Where about's in England did you live?

 

[Lonelytoday]

Been alone for most of my life don't go out I have no friends so turned to the internet to see if it helps change my situation. Last time I went out was 3 years ago, I think.  I got mugged and so stopped going out after that. I like building models and History. Read a lot, that's about it.  Not really sure what else I can say except "Hello"

So do you go to work?

 

[iateallthepies]

No.