K
kichigai
Guest
kichigai (Japanese word approx. translating into 'insanity') here on a rainy Friday night; almost 38 physically, almost 21 mentally; single (so very, very single) with one 6-month relationship to my credit.
6'1", 10 lbs underweight (for my height), and I've been told that I'm pretty good looking, although there's this little self-esteem demon that's always telling me otherwise.
Meeting new people is insanely hard as I suffer from "shyness" (there should be a stronger word for it), which is bordering on the symptoms of a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome: a near-impossibility to make or maintain eye-contact, the mind 'going blank' when approached by anyone - coming off as having no interest, having nothing to say, or being 'slow' or boring; a general nervous and suspicious mindset; mood swings with lapses into mild/medium depression; a type of ADD as a part of the package (hard to focus on anything mentally); a sensitive persona; and the inability to read body language - or what I call 'emotional dyslexia'. The last one works two ways; a person who can't understand another's body language gives off either an emotional stiffness or confusing signals of their own.
Yes, I'm a lot of work , but I'm good at controlling it so as not to drive my remaining friends (crazy) away with being moody or complaining all the time (and I've found that one of the disappointing things about growing older is that friends will eventually find their own paths and move out of town or get married, falling away like leaves from a tree in the autumn... However, another part about growing older is accumulating lots of solid advice that I never seem to heed myself but can pass along to others).
Anyway, it's getting late and I've got a lot of.... well, nothing to do, really - I'll just head to bed, I guess. But it looks like I'll be haunting this site for awhile, until I eventually find someone and my posts abruptly and mysteriously stop...
6'1", 10 lbs underweight (for my height), and I've been told that I'm pretty good looking, although there's this little self-esteem demon that's always telling me otherwise.
Meeting new people is insanely hard as I suffer from "shyness" (there should be a stronger word for it), which is bordering on the symptoms of a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome: a near-impossibility to make or maintain eye-contact, the mind 'going blank' when approached by anyone - coming off as having no interest, having nothing to say, or being 'slow' or boring; a general nervous and suspicious mindset; mood swings with lapses into mild/medium depression; a type of ADD as a part of the package (hard to focus on anything mentally); a sensitive persona; and the inability to read body language - or what I call 'emotional dyslexia'. The last one works two ways; a person who can't understand another's body language gives off either an emotional stiffness or confusing signals of their own.
Yes, I'm a lot of work , but I'm good at controlling it so as not to drive my remaining friends (crazy) away with being moody or complaining all the time (and I've found that one of the disappointing things about growing older is that friends will eventually find their own paths and move out of town or get married, falling away like leaves from a tree in the autumn... However, another part about growing older is accumulating lots of solid advice that I never seem to heed myself but can pass along to others).
Anyway, it's getting late and I've got a lot of.... well, nothing to do, really - I'll just head to bed, I guess. But it looks like I'll be haunting this site for awhile, until I eventually find someone and my posts abruptly and mysteriously stop...