Any other childfree people here?

[BadGuy]

I don't understand how childfree people can be considered selfish. Not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent. It's better to recognize your limits than to bring someone into this world despite your inability to parent. And even if being childfree is selfish, so what? Selfishness isn't always a problem. At times it may even be a necessity.

I am a D.I.N.K
almost made a few people choke on their lunch at a meet and greet a couple months ago
The advantage of being to do pretty much what ever you want when ever you want definately had its ups
Getting a little older and at a point where its not really an option anymore ..I question if it was the right choice

 

[lonelyfairy]

I don't understand how childfree people can be considered selfish. Not everyone has what it takes to be a good parent. It's better to recognize your limits than to bring someone into this world despite your inability to parent. And even if being childfree is selfish, so what? Selfishness isn't always a problem. At times it may even be a necessity.

I really don't understand it either but maybe some parents think in that way (just a guess) because raising and having a child is all about being selfless for the child itself and when being childfree and not having a child to raise, you can do whatever you want whenever you want so it might seem more selfish then? Because parenting requires selflessness. Though, each of us in this planet is selfish, it's part of human nature: Childless or not.

I agree, it's good to know own limits. Not anyone can be a parent, it's ok. There can be ''healthy selfishness'' too and this is definitely that.

Freedom to choose how to live, live and let live. : )

 

[lonelyfairy]

I am a D.I.N.K
almost made a few people choke on their lunch at a meet and greet a couple months ago
The advantage of being to do pretty much what ever you want when ever you want definately had its ups
Getting a little older and at a point where its not really an option anymore ..I question if it was the right choice

D.I.N.K = Dual Income No Kids? xP Nice!

It definitely has its ups! The freedom we have is awesome.

There's always an option to adopt a child if regretting, never thought about it? : )

 

[Paraiyar]

I don't think that people who have don't have kids are selfish (I don't even really want them myself though this could change) but it is a fact that declining birthrates are a potential recipe for economic and cultural disaster (though it has environmental benefits).

 

[lonelyfairy]

I don't think that people who have don't have kids are selfish (I don't even really want them myself though this could change) but it is a fact that declining birthrates are a potential recipe for economic and cultural disaster (though it has environmental benefits).

Yeah. :| The birthrates are declining in many countries like in Europe for example. There can be many reasons for it, I think. For example, women start getting pregnant later nowadays because they have more abilities to have own career, because before most women stayed at home only etc. Also the current economical crisis creates lots of instability for people, it's more risky to start a family.

 

[mari1969]

Childfree here!!!!

 

[IceCastles]

I used to think I never wanted children, but then I met my partner and did.

I had those thoughts I think partly because I never believed I'd ever meet anyone and insecurity about my ability as a mother.

So I guess the people that told me "your mind will change one day" were right in my case.

Good for you all if you know that you are childfree. Too many people have children but then are resentful towards their children because being a parent requires a lot of patience and sacrifice.

 

[Hopetracer]

I don't want any child if condition of my life stays as it is now and I can never change it enough for better to convince me change my mind. Even then I think I'll be more inclined to adopt than bring a new consciousness to this world. If I don't have what it takes to be a good parent, I'll be refused to adopt anyway. Although I have all these thoughts now, I leave my options open and will make final decision when the time closes up in the future.

I don't consider being childfree selfishness. If it's selfishness, then what of people who bring a child to this world only for the sake of having a child and cause a miserable existence for him/her by their, intentional or not, irresponsibility and negligence? It would be nice if everyone were honest like childfree people regarding the matter of having or not having children. I have respect for such honesty.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Childfree here!!!!

Nice! ^^ Welcome to the club, lol.

I used to think I never wanted children, but then I met my partner and did.

I had those thoughts I think partly because I never believed I'd ever meet anyone and insecurity about my ability as a mother.

So I guess the people that told me "your mind will change one day" were right in my case.

Good for you all if you know that you are childfree. Too many people have children but then are resentful towards their children because being a parent requires a lot of patience and sacrifice.

I see, nice to see someone sharing their thoughts about changing their mind too, a little bit different perspective. So you thought you didn't want them because you felt insecure about the idea of being mother and would you be able to ever meet anyone. I'm glad that you realized what you really wanted when it's about children.

I agree. Since having a child is a lifetime commitment. Not everyone can or want to be a parent and it's ok.

I don't want any child if condition of my life stays as it is now and I can never change it enough for better to convince me change my mind. Even then I think I'll be more inclined to adopt than bring a new consciousness to this world. If I don't have what it takes to be a good parent, I'll be refused to adopt anyway. Although I have all these thoughts now, I leave my options open and will make final decision when the time closes up in the future.

I don't consider being childfree selfishness. If it's selfishness, then what of people who bring a child to this world only for the sake of having a child and cause a miserable existence for him/her by their, intentional or not, irresponsibility and negligence? It would be nice if everyone were honest like childfree people regarding the matter of having or not having children. I have respect for such honesty.

I understand. :| It's good that you know your own limits. Though, you seem to keep your options open, it makes you more ''childless'' in this current moment than childfree since if you are childree, then you are more than sure about it that children won't be part of your life in the future.

Indeed. Honesty is important and that doing only want you truly want, especially if it's about bringing another breathing, feeling human being to this world with its own conscious. Not a small decision.

 

[msbxa]

Looking over this thread briefly. It sort of interests me, apparently enough so to make a post.
I actually know a few "childfree" people as you call them.
My sister for one. She has no children, does not ever want them, and I know will never have them.
For me, I have not decided either way but I don't think I will ever have the chance to have children anyway because I am too shy when it comes to intimacy.

I think it is a good thing, as the world is overpopulated anyway, and a lot of people have children for the wrong reasons or just by accident.

Also I don't think it is selfish at all. In fact, people who have children, ironically, often do so for selfish reasons I think.

 

[Jafo]

I'm childfree because I hate kids and can't stand them. One of the reasons I can't find a date is because so many women have kids. And not just 1 or 2, sometimes it's 4 plus.

 

[johnny196775Again]

I would not want me as a dad. It would be cruel for me to have children. I couldn't afford to feed them.

 

[Niantiel]

My question is like the title says:

Any other childfree people here? Why are you childfree? Have you had any issues for finding a partner because of it? Thanks in advance!

I feel so alone with this...

I'm childfree.
My controversial suggestion is that most men in American society are probably childfree. However, that's just my opinion based on my own social interactions.

I value my freedom, that is, my association of Me, Myself, and I according to my responsibilities which are entirely and unto Myself....more than, probably anything else, really.

It's caused SOME issues, but not a whole lot, because I'm typically quite honest and forward about my own rules about being with someone with kids. The main issue is that I'm honest about not wanting to partake in the responsibility of paying for someone else's kids, or compensating their life because they chose to have kids. But if you have kids, and you have some sort of a working system already where you pay for your kids and you pay your bills and you already have a functioning system then I don't mind paying for typical small things like dinner dates, movie dates, presents, occasional toys if I feel so inclined and happen to like your children. Bbuuuttt, I'm not paying for diapers, food, clothes, actual supplies. YOU'RE the parent, YOU had the kid, that's YOUR responsibility. I'm just the guy on the sideline.

The rebuttal I get to that is usually: "Well, what about when the children become attached to you, what then? Now you have kids to consider."

Honestly, if your kids like me and you already have a functioning stable system, then yeah when I've got some free time if things didn't work out between us I'll come by and see them or whatnot. I typically break up into friendships anyhow. And I haven't been the jealous type of guy in some many years now. That part of my brain and heart got obliterated a long, long time ago...

When I was 16, I didn't want kids.
When I was 18, I didn't want kids.
When I was 21, I didn't want kids.
When I was 25, I didn't want kids.
I'm 28 now....and I still, don't want kids.
I also don't really want to get married and think that the government's nose doesn't belong in personal love affairs between two people. Also, not really being Christian, I don't want to get married under a faith that while I am non-confrontational about, also do not adhere to my own belief.

MOST people around my age, are starting to settle down.
Except, well, me.
When I was 18, I'd decided that my little sister (4 years younger than me) would be the one to have kids, and I'd be the one trying to take care of our parents (my family is quite poor). And, 12 years later, that's pretty much how it's turned out mostly.

Now, I love kids. I just don't want MY OWN kids. OR the obligation to kids, really. However, I don't mind being around them if you're capable of being a responsible and independent parent.

I'm afraid of my own genetics, to be honest.
And also, like I said, I value my own freedom quite a lot.

This is why most women with children don't end up dating me.
They're usually thankful for my honesty, and maintain a friendship with me however.

To put it simply I suppose:

I don't want a family, I already have a sister, and parents. I already have a family.

But, love, doesn't really set boundaries.
The heart can't help what the heart desires.
So typically, really, YOU have to be the one to do it.

 

[lonelyfairy]

Looking over this thread briefly. It sort of interests me, apparently enough so to make a post.
I actually know a few "childfree" people as you call them.
My sister for one. She has no children, does not ever want them, and I know will never have them.
For me, I have not decided either way but I don't think I will ever have the chance to have children anyway because I am too shy when it comes to intimacy.

I think it is a good thing, as the world is overpopulated anyway, and a lot of people have children for the wrong reasons or just by accident.

Also I don't think it is selfish at all. In fact, people who have children, ironically, often do so for selfish reasons I think.

Childfree is the most ''official'' term for it. If you haven't decided yet and not being sure... You're ''a fence sitter'', so you aren't either the one who wants children but also not the one ''childfree'' who doesn't want to have them. If the intimacy wouldn't make you feel shy, would the idea of starting a family with children be still a question to you? Just curious.

I'm childfree because I hate kids and can't stand them. One of the reasons I can't find a date is because so many women have kids. And not just 1 or 2, sometimes it's 4 plus.

I can understand. Why to get something which you hate? Not logical and would just make everyone unhappy. Good for you that you know what you want (or rather what you don't want, lol). Sorry to hear that. :/ I'm sure that there are other childfree women out there! Maybe they're just so well hidden, because of the stigma what we women get if not wanting to have children.

I would not want me as a dad. It would be cruel for me to have children. I couldn't afford to feed them.

I see. If you could afford them and would find a nice partner, would you still want them?