Aversion to sex

[Silvernight]

Now I know I'm going to sound weird at best and dysfunctional at worst, but I have this kind of deep aversion to sex, and I wanted to know if there's anyone at all who feels like it too. To make it clear, I'm a virgin, that is to say, I don't have a first-hand experience. But, obviously, I don't live in the closet and I'm well aware how and what happens during a sexual act, and all the variations. And I just can't help but think it is... quite disgusting. Absolutely no offence to anyone, this is just my perception of it and I understand it must be skewed. But it is what it is. I just find sex disgusting, nothing beautiful about it whatsoever. I feel it might be a problem if I do ever have a boyfriend. For that matter, I never understood the pleasure derived from mouth-to-mouth kissing either, that is just plain unsanitary and unsavoury. Hmm, comments?

 

[Ire]

Actually it's not all that uncommon. I've seen a few people who were asexual.
Consider yourself lucky. I'm still a virgin at age 19 and it often is a cause of depression for me.

 

[Gothmother]

In my teens i used sex as a substitute for the love i craved at home,even though it wasnt all that nice and i didnt nessesarily give a hoot about the person i was with.
Sex when shared with someone you love or care about can be deeply satisfiying on both physical and emotional levels and i wish that i could have met the right person first time instead of just giving it away.
Like sex,the whole kissing thing can be very pleasureable with the right person too.
It can be messy, But it has to be safe.
Im sure your adversion to sex is not as weird as you think it is, but if it realy starts to worry you, go and have a chat with your doctor, as im pretty sure they will put your mind at rest.

((Hug))

 

[Lawrens]

Maybe it's just the lack of sex drive/libido? I think it's quite common for women.

As for sex being disgusting, I kind of see where you're coming from as I think sexual organs are kind of disgusting, acting mostly from sex drive or natural instinct isn't something I considered as beautiful either, depend how you look at it.

 

[Unacceptance]

Are you germaphobic? Does anything at all sound appealing about affection? Maybe you had a bad prior experience? Sounds like this is deeper rooted than just that.

Then again maybe you have it reasoned out...

 

[Silvernight]

Hmm, all very interesting replies.

I do have at least some sex drive, although it does not stop me from seeing sex as disgusting. And I can easily live without it. This in itself does not bother me personally, but I bet it would bother any future partner as people like me are definitely a minority.

Agree with Lawrens about sexual organs, that's pretty much what I mean, and all the secretions.. ahem

Unacceptance, I don't think I'm germaphobic as I don't have any excessive fear of germs. I also haven't had any bad prior experience that I can recall. But yes, I do find things about affection appealing. Depends on how you define affection of course. For instance, I just love being hugged (not that I get much of it), and just be cuddled in general.

For another thing, I'd never use contraceptives, which would make things even more problematic. No, it's not because of some misguided sense of righteousness, I have a very specific reason for avoiding contraceptives.

Funny thing is that when I imagine being with a loved one, sex is the very last thing I would want to do together. That is, I would prefer to avoid it altogether.

Oh, pollen insemination is so much better (and cleaner, too) ;P

 

[Bluey]

Hi Silvernight. Yes sex is disgusting. I once seen this guy on TV ask another guy if sex was dirty. He said only if done properly. The response made me smile.

The thing is when you like someone in that way you may think differently. I mean there are plenty of things I would not do. But if you asked me would I do a certain thing or things when I liked someone in that way I may answer differently.

Just depends on what mood am in and with the girl am with witch is currently no one lol. But to be bold about it sometimes I have really dirty thoughts that are quite disgusting. Then most other times when am not having shell we say a moment lol I would think them same thoughts are quite wrong and disgusting and the thought of it would term me off.

Everyone is different. Just be who you are.

 

[Bluey]

Maybe it's just the lack of sex drive/libido? I think it's quite common for women.

Not just in women. I would say I have a low libido. I do get down a lot so maybe that has something to do with it.

But I would say I am not the most sex crazed mail you would ever meet.

 

[Brian]

I know my brother has absolutely no sex drive or desire for a partner -AT ALL-, and he's 20.

I sort of want to smack him, because at work he actually had a girl secretly wishing that he'd ask her out and he just ignored her completely. That -really- baffles me, because my brother is about as socially dysfunctional as they come (he was homeschooled his whole life and more or less bypassed any and all social activity), goofy as a pet coon, and frankly he looks like he's sick due to his diet and his avoidance of sunlight. People have literally asked before, in private, why my brother is grey. He's barely getting a skin tone now, because college and work makes him go out at least a tiny bit.

Anyway, getting side tracked there. But yeah, some people just have no sex drive for one reason or another. I know a girl who is well past the age she should be interested in guys...and while she has a boyfriend now, she too thinks sex is gross. Just downright disgusting.

A couple articles for thought, even though they don't really sound 100% relevant to your situation:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypoactive_Sexual_Desire_Disorder
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_anorexia

 

[Robin]

I felt just the same as You Silvernight, until i found someone to make love to and noticed how love (in my case; even blind love) can look past the mess going on and instead see it for the pleasure it gives to Your partner. I hate getting my hands sticky. I need to get them washed right away, and i'm a man. Still, i wouldn't only not give a second thought to whether or not i should use my hands to give my partner what she deserves, but i actually like it.

It's sad when our intelligence makes the most beautiful and natural act between us seem like something disgusting. We're just animals after all. I think that You simply need to feel the passion, with the right person, to "learn" to like it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Maybe it's just the lack of sex drive/libido? I think it's quite common for women.

lmao, I almost took you to task for that statement, Lawrens, but decided not to. However it might be best if, in the future, you didn't generalize women in such a way. I for one, love sex. I know a lot of women who do. To say it's quite common for women to lack a sex drive just isn't true. Some yes, the majority, no.

cheers

 

[Lawrens]

Oh no, oops sorry I meant to say it's a disorder that supposedly happens quite often for women, I was searching on google and that's what I got out of it. I don't actually know females that do lol.

Lack of sex drive (lack of libido) is common in women, but quite rare in men. The American Medical Association has estimated that several million US women suffer from what doctors there call 'female sexual arousal disorder' (FSAD).

Sorry, wasn't trying to generalize

Edit: oh I may as well link the page I read that from http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm
and I guess it may also be an exggeration:

However, there seems to be an FSAD bandwagon, driven by doctors who think that nearly half the female population (43 per cent) lack sex drive. Such a high number really doesn’t seem likely.

but I don't know I'm not a doctor D=

 

[Steel]

I guess its a concept that is quite alien to me.. I have always enjoyed sex. I think, like anything, its only a problem if you aren't happy with the way you are.

Back when I was a teenager I did have a friend who professed a similar aversion to sex, for similar reasons, and he remained a virgin until he met someone special when he was in his early twenties... and suddenly found out that sex wasn't at all scary.

Perhaps it is more the fear of the unknown?

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It might also be the medication you're taking..if you're on medication.

Nah....man you just havn't had Steel yet that's all.

 

[Sanal]

I dont know how old are you silvernight but When I was about 11 years old (maybe pretty early or pretty late but thats the normal age kids get to know about it in India) when I came to know what sex is, I felt it as the most disgusting stuff that I have ever heard. But eventually my perception changed and I m like any other human being now, interested in it.
So I think your view wil change gradually.

I guess you are still in your teens so I guess being a virgin at this age is quite normal. I m 22 and still a Virgin

 

[Caesium]

Sex is just two people jumping on top of each other and making weird noises. I think calling it 'making love' is a bit weird. Sure, it's fun, I guess (I wouldn't know for sure, still a virgin), but all it is is the release of hormones in your brain to make you feel good. Nothing more, nothing less.

It's the real love of the person with whom you are with that really matters.

I think whoever decided to connect emotional love and the physical act of reproducing together was a freak.

 

[Steel]

It might also be the medication you're taking..if you're on medication.

Nah....man you just havn't had Steel yet that's all.

Omg, LMAO!!

 

[NeverMore]

Nah I don't there is anything wrong with your perceptions, I don't think sex is disgusting but I definitely don't think it is something pleasant and I always feel real uncomfortable when people talk about it so openly, normally I avoid conversations like that. And french kissing, yea, how can people not consider that disgusting? *shivers*

 

[Unacceptance]

Hmm, all very interesting replies.

I do have at least some sex drive, although it does not stop me from seeing sex as disgusting. And I can easily live without it. This in itself does not bother me personally, but I bet it would bother any future partner as people like me are definitely a minority.

Agree with Lawrens about sexual organs, that's pretty much what I mean, and all the secretions.. ahem

Unacceptance, I don't think I'm germaphobic as I don't have any excessive fear of germs. I also haven't had any bad prior experience that I can recall. But yes, I do find things about affection appealing. Depends on how you define affection of course. For instance, I just love being hugged (not that I get much of it), and just be cuddled in general.

For another thing, I'd never use contraceptives, which would make things even more problematic. No, it's not because of some misguided sense of righteousness, I have a very specific reason for avoiding contraceptives.

Funny thing is that when I imagine being with a loved one, sex is the very last thing I would want to do together. That is, I would prefer to avoid it altogether.

Oh, pollen insemination is so much better (and cleaner, too) ;P

Well then just clone yourself to reproduce, and shack up with a nun, problem solved.

 

[Minus]

It is not extremely uncommon. It seems that most asexuals are asexual either out of a lack of interest, finding sex boring or else they find sex repulsive. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network has a forum dedicated to all aspects of it though the general trend is acceptance. If the idea is change then maybe the first step would be to see a doctor about it to check for any possible medical causes.

Asexual Visibility and Education Network link