Being an older brother?

[fuzzybutt]

Recently my sister and my dad have been talking to me about my brother. He's only 16 but he seems to have the same issues I faced his age just a bit worse. I still face these issues but anyways...

Anxiety, loneliness, trouble talking to people. Now at his age and all through school I was pretty social. More than him. The only thing was that after puberty talking to girls was difficult and I had trouble trusting friends after being betrayed and bullied by people who I thought were my friends. I also almost never hanged out with anyone and still don't but I'm working on that. But even at his age and staying home all day I did chat with my friends online. I've never seen him do that all and he spends a lot of time on the computer too.

Now as an older brother I realize I can listen to him and give him just a bit of advice. But I can't exactly help him completely because even at 22 I still face these issues. I realize we could spend more time together but I feel there's a big age difference between us.

So is there anyone here who's dealt with this? How to be an older brother when you can't help yourself at the moment. When you don't have the same assertion and aggression to get things done in life? When you don't have any experience with life, love, etc?

 

[In a lonely place]

Oh that's great that you are thinking about your brother and how you can help him, those are the sort of feelings that will help you grow as a person. I think talking to him about your experiences and feelings, JUST TALKING to him WILL HELP - both YOU and your brother, even if you don't realise it and even if he doesn't think so either. I am a middle brother, so I see things from both sides, my brothers are 7 years younger than me and 7 years older and 10 yeras older, so I've had that feeling aswell that I can't connect to them.

Just be brave, take a chance, that's the way I think now - if you can be brave enough - you get the rewards.

 

[dannyr22]

Oh that's great that you are thinking about your brother and how you can help him, those are the sort of feelings that will help you grow as a person. I think talking to him about your experiences and feelings, JUST TALKING to him WILL HELP - both YOU and your brother, even if you don't realise it and even if he doesn't think so either. I am a middle brother, so I see things from both sides, my brothers are 7 years younger than me and 7 years older and 10 yeras older, so I've had that feeling aswell that I can't connect to them.

Just be brave, take a chance, that's the way I think now - if you can be brave enough - you get the rewards.

+1

I have 3 younger brothers, even tho I am not the best person to give guidance, I still do my best

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow you guys are so lucky (and come from big families), and what Lonely Place said is true. Most importantly though is that you are family, you care about him and know what he's going through. If there is one person in this world he may listen to more than anyone it is you. Just because he is younger doesn't mean you can't spend time with him.

 

[Stranger]

If your brother is coming home and getting on the computer most days, he's probably bored, or maybe even depressed. 16 years is the perfect age to be involved in sports and extracurricular activities that become way more difficult after the end of high school. What if you helped him join a soccer team, or some club that relates to what he's interested in? Where I live, they take everyone as long as they're in the right age bracket.

 

[fuzzybutt]

Thanks for the responses but I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm not gonna diagnose myself but I'm probably depressed right now. I find it hard everyday to find motivation to work on my art work and other self projects.

I need to find a job. I've applied to 6 places this week so far. Still nothing. All my friends are either at school or working. I would have taken a summer class this summer but it was cancelled. It was the only class I needed. I've been pretty much home all day for the past 2 weeks besides a couple of soccer games one of my friend organizes in the afternoon.

I'd bring my brother along but he isn't fit at all to play. I'm still learning to play too. The other day I made some hilarious mistakes.

Basically my cloudy future is eating away at my mind. I don't exactly know how I can help him if I'm fighting myself all day.

 

[In a lonely place]

I hear you and it sounds like you have enough on your plate dealing with your own life without sorting out your younger brother's aswell.
I find it really hard to focus on myself , I think I am often sidetracked into thinking I can sort other people's problems out, when I have enough with my own life.
I think my mother wanted a saint not a son.
I tried to be a saint, but it didn't work out.
Now I am trying to pick up the pieces of a broken life.

 

[roguewave]

Just spending time with him is a great way to show your love and support. Be careful though, not to bond over problems you both have in common. There's that saying "misery loves company." I'm totally not saying that you or him are feeling miserable but it's easy to fall into the trap of bonding with someone over shared negative emotions and that won't benefit either of you.

 

[ajdass1]

Oh that's great that you are thinking about your brother and how you can help him, those are the sort of feelings that will help you grow as a person. I think talking to him about your experiences and feelings, JUST TALKING to him WILL HELP - both YOU and your brother, even if you don't realise it and even if he doesn't think so either. I am a middle brother, so I see things from both sides, my brothers are 7 years younger than me and 7 years older and 10 yeras older, so I've had that feeling aswell that I can't connect to them.

Just be brave, take a chance, that's the way I think now - if you can be brave enough - you get the rewards.

This. It goes both ways, you know? I'm a younger brother and I have an older sister, and we've helped each other out so much over the years just by talking to each other. It really helped us get through stuff.

 

[fuzzybutt]

Just spending time with him is a great way to show your love and support. Be careful though, not to bond over problems you both have in common. There's that saying "misery loves company." I'm totally not saying that you or him are feeling miserable but it's easy to fall into the trap of bonding with someone over shared negative emotions and that won't benefit either of you.

I swear I learn something new every week. I had that happen to me recently. Bonding with someone who had similar problems. Things didn't go so well.

Well I still haven't talked to him about his issues. I prefer talking to my sister about my issues. My family has a history of distancing themselves especially on my dad's side. But my brother talks to me and we joke around about honeysuckle but not often.

 

[beautifulsorrow]

Really the age does'nt matter I laugh and spend better time with my 9 year old brother than anyone else, even though there's a difference of 7 years between us. I think you'd need to spend more time with your brother before you can help him, maybe ask him about it?