Being Honest: Volume 2 (Long Read)

[Dark_Poet]

Hello again everyone.

I feel like it's time once again to bear who I am.
Lately, life has been very difficult for me. I'm still searching for who I am. However, I don't let it destroy me.

I tried to walk again today.
I freaked out over something silly and had to turn home. At least I tried though! If there is one thing I'm proud of myself for, it's the fact that no matter how tough it gets, I still find the courage to move on.

I haven't cut myself in over 6 months, no more suicide attempts in a very very long time. I've even managed to utter the phrase, "I like myself just a smidge." It has taken me a very very long time to be able to utter such a phrase.

However, even with all these advances, I'm still insanely lonely.
I'm working to correct those steps however.
I'm hoping that when I can make myself walk like I used to, I could try going to the library regularly. Hopefully, a friend can come out of that.

Sometimes I look at this curse and thing of it as a gift.
It helps me to appreciate things more then simply being handed them.
It's the way I look at them at least.

I suppose I should move onto pushing myself.
I've mentioned before that It took me like a decade to admit I even like girls. This is really true. I think now I need something else to confess.

I've mentioned it a little, but I feel its something I should really address. When it comes to talking to females, I'm really clueless about it.
I'd like to be able to compliment someone if I think they're pretty, or perhaps even say something in a flirty manner occasionally to just joke around and be part of the group.

However, I don't want to do so in a bad way.
My problem is, I can't seem to be able to rationalize what's okay and what isn't. So I simply never say anything of that nature, or if I do, I immediately freak out and start apologizing and ripping myself to shreds.

I'm not the kind of guy who wants be demeaning or hurtful to anyone.
I've just never done this kinda stuff. I feel like in order to continue to grow or even be able to date in the future, I have to learn that it's okay to say flirty things when it's appropriate.

I mean, to put this into perspective, I've wanted to cut myself for something I THOUGHT, was demeaning, when it wasn't even flirting!
I kinda need lessons to be honest. I mean like, just lessons on what is okay and fun, versus horrible and demeaning.

I obviously know that walking up to a girl and asking her to take her clothes off is a big no no. I'm not like that anyways, so no problem there.
If I could ask the girls something though, lets say we're having a silly conversation. Should I beat myself up for saying something flirty?

Basically I'm asking for help on how to be a little more... I guess lively would be the word? I'm not really sure. I'd like to be thought of as more then a friend one day, or just capable of flirting.

Just thought I would ask, since if anyone would know proper etiquette when talking to a girl, it would be, well....... girls.

Thank you! (hug)

 

[Ak5]

A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step. Good job DP! You're working on improving, good for you.

You never say any demeaning things, DP. So I'm confident that whatever you say, it'll come from your heart and will be helpful. The best type of training is practice.

You shouldn't beat yourself up for saying something flirty, or something silly. It happens to everyone.

You're making progress, I know you will continue doing so.

 

[Ashariel]

I'm glad you're not self-harming... That is really great progress in itself, and something to feel proud of!

Ugh, I can commiserate about not knowing how to talk to people... Just today I said something that came out really stupid and awkward, and now I feel dumb! But I guess that's how we learn... Just gotta pick yourself up, and keep trying! *hugs*

 

[Barbaloot]

Flirting is in itself not demeaning. As long as it doesn't turn vulgar or highly sexual when the girl is not that kind of girl, I am pretty certain most women will never find it demeaning or offensive - but you'd never say something like that in the first place, so you don't have anything to worry about.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being playful, flirtatious or complimenting the women around you. Besides, most women like being complimented by handsome young gents such as yourself.

What you do is perfectly harmless, you're fine, stop doubting yourself. Or else.